She thought her life was over – but fate gave her another chance, in a world of magic. Now, running around Hogwarts with James Potter and his friends, she's about to make choices that will change the future in ways she never thought possible…

Marauder's Phase

CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN

After The Funeral

The next day I got out of a Ministry car, and walked quickly across the grass toward the cemetery, my shoes making no noise on the grass, my black dress billowing in the light breeze.

Standing at the gates ahead of me were a throng of people, including Ministry representatives and friends.

Wearing black suits and looking especially sombre were James, Sirius and Remus.

I approached them, pausing briefly to take the hand of Nymphadora Tonks, who was wearing a black dress also and looking very upset. She'd known and liked Remus' parents.

We stood by the three boys, and none of us spoke.

There was nothing to say.

***

If only tears could bring you back to me, if only love could find a way…what I would do, what I would give, if you, return to me, someday, somehow, some way…if my tears could bring you back…to me…

***

I was trying not to pay attention during the funeral, fiddling with a paperclip in one hand and holding Tonks' hand with the other. James, Sirius and Remus were pall bearers. Lily and Peter had surprised us by showing up, and Peter was a pall bearer too, along with Reginald, Ted Tonks, a man I didn't know, and Peter's father (who was so old that, he too, looked as if he might drop dead at any given moment during the procession). Lily and I sat side-by-side, and then walked with Tonks, to where the Lupins were going to be buried. I hadn't cried once but, as I looked at Remus Lupin, the floodgates open, and I began to sob quietly. No matter what, I still blamed myself.

Millions of white rose petals floated down from the sky, curtesy of someone's wand, and settled themselves on the final resting places of Remus' parents.

***

Said I'll thank you, I'll always thank you, more than you would know, than I could ever show. And I love you, I'll always love you, there's nothing I won't do to say these words to you, that you will live forever…

***

When the funeral was over, we all went back to Remus' house for the wake. Remus hadn't been there since his parents had died – Ted and Dromeda Tonks had been taking care of it for him.

In the bathroom, I discovered that my makeup had run. At least I had been wearing sunglasses (like everybody else) so nobody knew. I washed my face and dried it, and went out into the hall, running into Sirius.

"Come on," He said, quietly taking my hand and leading me upstairs, to where the others were in Remus' room.

Remus was holding something in his hands.

"She wanted you to have this," He told me, as I came in with Sirius. "My Mum…she really liked you…here…I'm not sure what it is exactly…" And he held out the box to me, which was small and fit in the palm of my hand. It had to be some sort of jewellery. There was a note attached to it.

--

Dearest Emma, it read.

If you are reading this, then I am no longer here. No matter if it is just after I write this, or many years down the track, I always found you to be a beautiful and lovely young lady. My Remus spoke of you often, and very highly. He cherishes your friendship above all others – it has been so difficult for him to make friends, due to the nature of his condition and, as I am sure you can understand, he had all but given up hope of ever finding his soul mate. I gulped. Nothing would make me happier, as I write this, than to see you and Remus wedded, to be unified by a Marriage Bond, and raising a beautiful family. I know that this would make my Remus very happy. Enclosed is a gift to help you achieve this status.

--

With shaking hands, I opened the box, and found two plain gold bands, probably goblin-made and very, very old.

--

These belonged to myself and Remus' father, and to his parents, their parents, and their parents' parents before that.

--

I flinched, and closed the box with a snap.

Feeling everyone's eyes on me, I said quickly: "Be back in a tick…don't break down without me…" I turned and hightailed it into the hall, down the stairs three at a time, and into the kitchen. Most of the guests were in the living room or dining room, so I was free to make a cup of green tea by myself.

I stood in the kitchen, sipping my tea and staring at the rings.

Remus' mother…her dying wish was for me and Remus to get married…

Did I want to?

Absolutely!

But…Sirius…and Tonks and the unborn Teddy…

But…

"I don't get it!" I cried softly, tears falling and splashing into my tea cup. "What is the right thing to do!?" I finished my tea, tears and all, and washed the cup by hand.

Suddenly, there was the loud crack of someone Apparating into the living room, and gasps.

I ran into the living room, hearing my friends running downstairs, and found Bob and an unfamiliar – yet familiar – woman standing in the midst of people. Bob was dressed in black but the woman, who was old and had a face like a toad, was dressed all in pink, looking out of place…

Dolores Jane Umbridge.

So, you can forgive me if I was a little rude to her, especially when she said, loudly: "I must insist that this little gathering is broken up, as I must speak with the girl whose fault it is you're all here." Then she gave a little shriek as a book flew out of the bookcase and narrowly avoided hitting her in the face (at least eight people claimed responsibility for this later on).

"If you want to speak to Emma," Sirius said, glaring at Umbridge. "Then you speak to all of us." He, James, Remus, Peter and Lily had come to stand by my side. Nymphadora Tonks slipped out of the crowd and hurried to my side, sliding her hand into mine and giving me a reassuring smile. Today her hair was long and black.

Umbridge looked a little surprised, and then she gave a shrill little laugh. "Oh, forgive me, but I was under the impression that Miss. Pax worked for us, not the other way around."

"I work for nobody, Dolores Umbridge," I said icily, standing up straight, and tucking the jewellery box and letter from Remus' Mum into my dress pocket, next to my wand. "And, for the record, anything we discuss will be repeated to my friends regardless. So save yourself the hassle, me the breath, and let us go into the kitchen so that these people can continue respecting their deceased friends. Please."

"Well," Umbridge narrowed her eyes ever so slightly. "This is just…"

"Dolores," Bob said uncomfortably. He looked like a saint next to her. "It's best…to not push these children…please…"

She looked at him, then back at us. Sirius had placed his hands on my shoulders, and Tonks still had her hand slipped through mine. Lily's cheeks had turned the same colour as her hair.

Nobody spoke.

Then Umbridge smiled a smile that did not reach her eyes. "Yes, of course. Well, let us go to the kitchen then."

***

It was a credit to us all that we refrained from pouring our boiling hot tea all over Dolores Umbridge. She was every bit as horrible as she'd seemed in the books, and my only relief was that she and Bob left an hour later.

I stared down at the list in my hands, for the fifth time.

"There are seven and a half weeks left until term begins again," I said. "And there's not a continent they're not sending me to, to weed out Death Eaters. How convenient for them!"

Sirius was barely suppressing his anger. James' hands were shaking.

"When do I get time to live?" I asked. "I've had enough of Death Eaters…and now I'm expected to…still, I'm not complaining. It's for the 'greater good'." I sarcastically mimicked Umbridge. "I'll be 'helping the Ministry to fight against this oppression'."

"We're coming with you, Emma." Lily said quietly, but I heard her.

"Oh no you're not!" I replied.

"You can't stop us from coming with you." James reminded me.

"Oh yes I can!" I said, standing up, crumpling the pink parchment in my hands. "I'm not bringing you with me! This is my mission!"

"You don't have to listen to what that Umbridge woman says!" Sirius said angrily, from his place atop the kitchen counter.

"I'm not listening to her," I said, just as angrily. "I'm listening to myself! And I'm saying you're not going!"

"We're going." Remus said simply. "Whether you like it or not."

"I'm not letting my best friend go and do something like this all by herself." Lily added.

I shoved the pink parchment into my pocket angrily. "No." I said.

"Yes." Sirius disagreed.

"W-we're with y-you." Peter stammered.

Tonks nodded in agreement.

I lost it. "There is no way in hell, no way in heaven, no way in this wide open world! No way you're ending up in any of those three places!" I shouted. "Moony, your parents are dead because of me! How the hell do you think I'd feel if it was one of you whose funeral I had to go to!? All I ever seem to do is get people killed! First my brother, then Louis, and now Moony's parents! I can't handle it anymore!" I turned, ran, and pushed open the kitchen door leading outside. I hit the ground at a run on all-fours, my white wolf body running into the afternoon, toward the pine woods.

***

No One's P.O.V:

As soon as Lily saw Emma transform into a wolf, she gasped. "I knew it, oh God I just knew it!"

Sirius leapt from the kitchen counter, and had transformed into the big black dog even before he'd crossed the threshold. He ran from the house, following Emma into the woods, and Lily just stared after them.

"What brother?" James whispered, standing close to Lily and holding her hand.

Lily sighed. "I don't know. She mentioned him once – her twin brother – but she wouldn't tell me anything more about him. Just that…it was her fault that he died…"

James frowned slightly. "No…it wasn't…it wasn't…her…"

Lily, Peter and Remus looked mystified.

***

I ran until I reached the ocean, and stopped, sitting on a cliff overlooking the waves. I howled once, mournfully, focusing all of my sorrow into that one, drawn out sound.

Then I just sat, and stared at the late afternoon sun, and the dangerously crashing waves. They held no serenity, no peace, for me.

Presently, I heard footfall behind me, but didn't turn around, as a large black shape came up beside me, and nudged me with his nose.

I turned to look at the huge black dog, who was bigger than me even though I was a wolf.

He tilted his head to one side, looking at me with quizzical eyes, and I sighed.

Both of us transformed in unison, finding ourselves kneeling side-by-side on the grass together. The sunlight reflected off of Sirius' skin, making him look as if he had a tan.

I mentioned this, keeping my eyes glued on the horizon.

"I could get one," He said quietly, gazing in the same direction as me. "In California, or Perth – somewhere sunny."

I sighed. Those were two of the places mentioned on Umbridge's list. "You guys are really dead set on coming with me, aren't you?"

"Yup." He nodded.

We sat in silence for a few more minutes, neither of us moving or saying a word.

Then I asked him: "What do you want to know, Sirius Black?"

"Your brother," He said immediately, and a lump formed in my throat. "Emma Pax, please tell me about your brother." I finally turned to gaze at him. His eyes were pleading. "I want to know." He whispered.

I closed my eyes. I had never told anyone but Lillyana about this. This was going to be hard. "My brother was my twin, although he was born first. I don't remember his name, and my family never spoke of him after he died. We were three…" I opened my eyes and, although I was looking out at the present ocean, my mind was far away. In front of my eyes was a screen, playing the events of the day that had changed my life forever. My family's faces, always in the shadows. "My brother and I were fooling around by the water, playing on the cliff…a cliff just like this one…we were only kids, but my brother was always very brave, and I was very reckless. I was always getting us into trouble. I went too close…my brother pulled me back…but he fell in…they never recovered his body, and my parents forever blamed me for his death – not by mentioning it, but from the way I was treated. Second rate to my older sister, Samantha, and forever made to feel guilty for every little thing that ever went wrong…they used to hurt me. My sister would hit me, and my parents abused me. I used to come to school with scars on my arms, and everyone jumped to conclusions. I was an outcast. And it was all my fault…if only…he hadn't died…" The image before my eyes blurred, and that's when I realised that I was crying. Hard. Tears were streaming down my face, unhindered, and I tried to wipe them away but more fell. I missed my brother so much, I had never told anyone but my very closest friend about this.

Sirius' face was a mixture of anger and disbelief, and then he took me in his arms, dragging me over to him, and he held me. I buried my face in his chest and just cried and cried, ashamed but, at the same time, relieved to finally be showing some emotion like this.

"It's not your fault," Sirius said, after awhile. "Your parents and sister…I swear, if I ever meet them…" He trailed off. "Em…you were only a kid."

I looked up at him, my eyes still wet with tears.

"You couldn't have done anything," He told me gently. I had never heard Sirius be so serious. "The deaths were…coincidental. They just happened to happen when you were around…this does not make them your fault."

"I don't want anything to happen to you," I whispered. "You…and the others…I don't want you to die…" Just thinking about the future made me feel sick. "Not in…that way…not accident…or murder…especially not murder…" I shut my eyes tightly, trying not to imagine it…what I knew was going to happen.

Now would be a perfect time to tell him about Peter's betrayal…

But before I could, something silver stepped out of the trees, and we both looked at it.

It was silver doe.

"Is it okay if we come and find you now?" It asked, in Lily Evans' voice. "We have chips…"

Sirius and I looked at each other, the upset feeling I'd had before was dissolving, as if Lily's Patronus was calming me.

"Chips." Sirius said, his face brightening. "I could go for some chips."

"They'd better have fish, too." I said, as Lily's Patronus turned and trotted off into the forest. "Or else they'll be swimming with them." I joked.

Sirius smiled, as we settled ourselves down onto the grass and he put his arm across my shoulders.

"Is that why you're so scared of the water?" He asked me.

I bristled. "I am not scared of the water," I said indignantly. "I just never learnt how to swim, that's all!"

"Want me to teach you?" Sirius asked me.

I blinked. "You'd do that? For me?"

"Em, you don't know what went through my mind the day Bellatrix tried to drown you," He said, a little roughly. I could sense how much he hated his cousin. "I…I'll do everything I can…everything in my power…to ensure that it never happens again…"

I leaned my head on his shoulder. "If it will set your mind at rest…"

"It will." He said firmly.

I nodded. "Then I'll let you teach me…once we get to Perth."

Sirius looked at me, startled, and then a huge grin lit up his handsome face. "You serious?" He asked me.

I grinned. "No, you are."

He laughed. "That's the Emma I know…and love." And he leaned down, his lips an inch from mine.

My breath quickened.

"Ahem?" Came a voice from behind us and, startled, we looked up to see James, Peter, Lily and Remus, standing at the entrance to the pine forest. Lily and Peter were holding a picnic basket, and Lily carried a picnic blanket in her arms. James was the one who had spoken. "Is this a private party or can anyone join?" He asked, coming over to us.

"Invite only," Sirius said, with a straight face, as we stood up to allow room for the picnic blanket. "Same as Em's world-wide tour. She just handed out five of them."

Lily gasped. "She said we could come?" She looked at me. "We can come?" She confirmed.

I nodded. "Just promise me you'll be careful." I told them.

Lily threw her arms around me. "Oh Em, of course I will! We all will!"

I hugged her back. "Where's Tonks…uh, Nymphadora?" I asked, as we settled ourselves onto the picnic blanket.

"She and her parents went home," Remus said, making it sound as if 'home' didn't mean right next door to his place. "But I sent a Patronus to let her know you were okay. She's worried about you."

I smiled at him. "Good…I mean, it's good that you sent her the Patronus and all…" But, even as I said it, my heart was breaking.