Lily and Holden rushed into the hospital looking for Luke. They found him in a bed in the emergency room, crying for Reid and Noah.
"Oh honey, what's going on?" asked Lily in fear.
"Reid died tonight," cried Luke. "He went to Bay City to get a heart for Chris and he got hit by a train."
"I'm so sorry, Luke," said Holden. "Is that why you are here in a bed?"
"Partly. Noah came down to the emergency room to check on me."
"What, is he crazy?" Lily was horrified. "The emergency room is the last place he should be."
"That's what Bob said," Luke replied to Lily. "We got into an argument and he collapsed. They had to perform CPR on him to get his heart started again." Luke stopped because he was crying again.
"Shit." Holden cursed under his breath.
"And...And when Bob said that his trip down here could kill him, I collapsed." Luke started laughing. Lily and Holden looked at Luke like he was crazy. "Sorry, we had Bob running around catching us. I don't know what's so funny about that but it is."
"Laugh or cry," said Lily shaking her head.
"Oh God, I can't believe this. I could lose both the men I love today." Tears started rolling down his face again.
Lily and Holden pulled Luke into a combined hug. They both looked at each other and said "Both?"
Luke was finally coming to terms with reality that was his life at the moment. "I'm so confused. How can I love and want to be with two men?"
"What?" asked Lily quickly.
"Reid and Noah," replied Luke. "I was starting to fall for Reid but I'm falling back in love with Noah."
"Luke, you were never really out of love with Noah. Your hurt and anger just clouded it." Holden was trying to be honest with his son.
"Your father is right, Luke," Lily echoed Holden's words. "I love your father with all my heart but a part of me always seemed to love Damian too." The thought of what she said made her sick. It made Holden sick too but he knew it was true.
"I could feel him when they were trying to bring him back."
"What?" asked Holden.
"His spirit or something touched me on the shoulder. I could feel his love for me. He was at peace but he came back. I felt a woman, too, I think."
Lily and Holden looked at each other in wonder and then at Luke.
Bob walked into the room. "Your tests came back and all you need is to rest. If you want, we can leave you here for a couple of hours, or until we need the room?" asked Bob.
"I think that's best," replied Holden.
"What's happening with Noah?" asked Holden.
"His body went into shock and stopped his heart. We were able to get it going but it's going to make things worse for him. This will drain even more of his strength. He's already back into his room. He's going to have to stay here for at least a few days. I pray that he didn't catch anything while down here. I have a nurse getting me a list of all infectious ailments that have come through the emergency room for the last twenty-four hours, to be safe."
"How's Chris' surgery going?" asked Lily.
"It should take another hour or so. Nothing unexpected has happened yet, so that's good."
Lily and Holden offered their well wishes for Chris.
Bob looked out the door and saw doctors standing there.
"Ah, my replacements are here." Bob headed towards the door. "I'm betting it will be quiet in here for the rest of the night now that the doctors are here."
"You try to get some rest," said Lily.
"I still have Chris to worry about but I'll try after I fill them in." Bob walked out the door.
-P-
Luke left the hospital three hours later and only after he had his dad check on Noah but the nurses on the floor wouldn't let anyone in the room. Noah was just too weak to see any visitors. The next day, Noah was still too weak to see anyone. He spent most of the day sleeping. It was three days later before anyone could visit Noah and then they had to be dressed in gowns, gloves and a mask, to try to keep out any germs.
Luke walked into Noah's room in his gown and mask. He almost cried when he saw Noah. He looked so weak and pale. He stayed in the room with Noah for about fifteen minutes before he left. Noah slept through the visit but Luke was trying to keep it together. As soon as he left the room, his legs gave out as he fell to the floor and broke down in tears. He knew some of what was a happening to Noah was his fault.
A few days later, Bob called Lucinda and asked her to come to his office. When she got there, Bob and Joe were waiting for her.
"What's wrong?"
"Noah's white blood count is growing again," replied Joe.
"Damn."
"If it continues to rise, we will need to do a bone marrow transplant but in his weakened state, it would be dangerous."
Bob echoed Joe's words. "We are doing everything we can to build up his strength."
-P-
Over the next few days, more and more of Noah's strength returned but his blood count was getting slowly worse. Noah asked for Casey to bring his camera to him and he made a video will, just in case he didn't make it.
Luke was a frequent visitor to see Noah but he only stayed a few minutes each time. Neither Luke nor Noah talked about what happened in the emergency room. They started talking about a bone marrow transplant when Noah started to object.
"Luke, I can't take Ethan's marrow," Noah said in a weak voice.
"Why not Noah?" asked Luke.
"He's so young, Luke. He's so kind and loving and he will be in pain because of me. I can't hurt him like that. I've hurt enough people," Noah started to cry.
"Don't cry, Noah… How do you think he will feel if you die?" Luke asked with a little anger in his voice.
"But..."
"How do you think I'll feel if you die or my family or our friends? Luke began to cry. "Please Noah, I love you. I can't lose you too."
Luke's words jolted Noah out of his latest flow of tears. "Is this your idea of a sick joke?" Noah asked angrily.
Luke was taken aback by Noah's question. "Huh?"
"How can you say this to me after just telling me you loved Reid and that you didn't want me?" Noah started crying again. "You did this to me once before. You said we would try to work things out and then I saw you kissing him."
"I've never stopped loving you, Noah." Luke tried to sound calm. "I need to resolve my feelings about him dying, but that doesn't solve any of our problems. We still have major issues."
"So you aren't saying this to try to convince me to take Ethan's marrow?"
"No, I'm not saying this just to get you to take Ethan's marrow. I do love you and I always will."
"You said you loved me. That's all I need for now." Noah reached out to touch Luke's latex covered hand, intertwining their fingers.
They both stared at each other, not knowing what next to say.
"Luke, I have a question for you and you have to promise not to get mad at me." Noah warned him.
"Yes, I promise."
"I'll hold you to that because this question will be tough." Noah warned again.
"Oh boy." laughed Luke, wondering what Noah was going to ask.
"You say you love me. Can you give me all of you right now this minute?"
"You know I can't, Noah. Reid just died. It's too soon." Luke's voice was filled with regret at the words he just uttered.
"I know." Noah said, knowing what Luke was going to say.
"Then why did you ask?" Luke asked wondering what the question was all about.
"Do you remember when we broke up?"
"Yes."
"It may be for different reasons, but the feelings you have now are the same feelings I had back then."
"I'm not sure I follow." Luke was confused.
"My whole life changed when I went blind, just like yours did when Reid died. I know it's not even close to being the same situation but the outcome is the same. It's sheer chaos in your life. Nothing what you felt yesterday is what you feel today. What you're feeling right now is what I felt when I was blind."
"But that's not even close to being the same, Noah."
"I acknowledged that but the feeling of hopelessness and loss is similar. Losing my eyesight threw my whole life into a tailspin. I kept thinking that nothing would ever be the same. I had to relearn how to live and function in this world and that scared the hell out of me, just like you will need to relearn to live your life and function without Reid being in it."
"I feel like my whole life has stopped and rebooted." Luke said with astonishment. He did understand what Noah was trying to say.
"Exactly. I never meant to hurt you Luke. I just didn't know how not to. If I start pressuring you to get back together or help you grieve, you would get mad at me, just as I got mad at you."
Luke started to tear up comparing how he was feeling now to how Noah must have been feeling then. "I get it now. I'm sorry, Noah."
"There is nothing to be sorry for, Luke."
"I feel there is."
"We are going to help each other out when we need it but we will respect when we need to handle things on our own."
"How did you get so smart?" Luke's face broke into a wide grin as Noah's hand took Luke's.
"I'm not, I'm just learning from all the smart people around me."
"I'm not sure I am one of those people, Noah."
"I think you are, as long as you don't mix it with fear or jealousy."
Luke thought about Noah's words and was amazed at how much Noah had grown and how his thoughts rang true. "You have really learned a lot, haven't you?"
"Yes, I have. I need you to do something for me."
"What?"
"I would like you to look at my videos while I'm in undergoing radiation and bone marrow transplant. I think they will explain a lot to you." Noah was nervous. He was opening his life like never before to a family who had accepted him and loved him unconditionally. Noah was also petrified that the videos were his only legacy because there was always a chance that treatment might fail.
"Wait, that means..."
"Yes, Luke, I'll use Ethan's marrow but you have to watch these videos."
"I take it that they won't be easy to watch." Luke already figured out the answer.
"No, they won't be easy. Watch them with Lucinda and your parents. Lucinda's watched them all."
"Okay, I will do that."
Noah, happy with what just happened, drifted off to sleep. Luke stayed for a few more minutes before he walked out and notified Bob and Joe that Noah's decided to do the bone marrow transplant. He also called his family.