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REMINISCENCE

CHAPTER 4

KAI'S REASON

KAI'S POV

Last night was like a dream. No. it was a nightmare. I don't know what came to my mind and I did those things. I hurt her. I promised to never hurt her, to protect her… but what did I do?

"Please… Don't do this…"

Why didn't I listen to her?

Please…

Why?

Don't do this…

WHY!

I wanted to punch myself. She never did anything wrong. She was just being friendly… too friendly… now I remember why I did it.

Luhan.

When they are together, her smile was different…

She never looks at me that way before…

I know she loves me. I always know how much she cares for me but… she looks happier with him.

They look good together.

He can protect her more than I can.

I close my eyes and recall the times we shared together. The first time I saw her, the time we became friends, the time I confess to her, the time we are officially a couple… it was the most amazing moment of my life… but I have to put them in the past now.

I let her go.

I set her free.

I will still continue to look after her. I will never regret being with her. She was the girl I ever felt this way. She was the most caring and loving person I knew… and I know she is in good hands. Luhan, I admit I don't like him at first; he was very different and uncanny. When he played soccer with us, then that was the time when I felt that he was normal. He was just like us.

"Is there somebody else?"

I know he is different. Especially now that I even saw it myself, of how his hair changed it colour… of how his feel change… he was just like us now. So Hee is safe with him now, I'm sure she's well taken care of.

I looked at the table and saw So Hee's photo in it. I took it and caress it. This is the only thing I can do when I miss her, because I have to take responsibilities to my decisions.

Suddenly, someone started knocking at the door. God, it was only 5 in the morning! Who could it be? Half asleep, I stood up and walked towards the door, when I opened it, my face was stunned.

"Can we talk?"

I don't know what to say to her. Earlier I was looking at her photo and now she was right here. She was right in front of me. God, I missed her. I wanted to hug her right now but I know better.

"Kai… Say something… please, let's talk."

I almost forgot the situation. I moved to the side signalling her that she can come in and she gave a short "thanks" out of courtesy.

I don't need to tell her where the living room was because she's been here a lot of times already. I went straight to the kitchen and to prepare something to drink. When he reached the living room, So Hee was sitting at the sofa while holding a pink bear.

"I never thought you'll be keeping him" So Hee said and smiled.

"Why wouldn't I?" The pink bear she was holding right now was her birthday gift for me. I never thought that someone would ever give me one all my life. That makes me love her more. She was very unique.

"What did you name it?"

"Mr. Hee"

At that she laughed. Her laugh was music to my ears. I don't know why she has this effect on me. But still, it's over between us.

"What do you want to talk about? "After I asked her that, her smile faded and she looked at me straight into the eyes.

"What happened to us?"

I expected this. But why can't I answer? I looked the other way. I don't want to see her cry, especially because of me.

"This is for the best."

"The best? How can it be for the best if it hurts me so much?"

She stood up and hugged me. It took every strength I have not to hug her back. I choose this. I have to stick to it.

"Kai… please make me understand… do you hate me?"

I will never hate you.

"Am I not attractive for you anymore?"

You're the most beautiful girl for me.

"Is there somebody else?"

Nobody can ever replace you.

"Kai! Please tell me! Why did we have to end this way?" she is now sobbing. "Why?"

I have to tell her something… I have to make her understand that it's for her own happiness. I held her face and wiped her tears by my thumb. I kissed her forehead and lean mine to hers.

"Please don't make this harder for me…" I'm in the verge of crying now but I have to be strong. For her.

"Then make me understand"

I gentle pushed her away from me. If this continues, I will want to take her back. I have to think of a reason to make her understand. But what? What will I tell her?

"Is this what you really wanted?"

I was stunned. She was now wiping her tears on her own.

Did I ever want this?

No.

"It's for the best."

"Will this separation make you happy?"

No.

It will kill me.

"Yes."

Then she looked at me and smiled. It was not the most sincere she can offer but it was reassuring.

"Then, I guess I can't do anything anymore…" she drew nearer to me, tiptoed and kissed my forehead. "Ending our relationship doesn't mean that we are ending our friendship too, I want us to still be the same, okay?"

Right now I wanted to cry. I can't breathe. I choose this path so I shouldn't have any regrets.

"Okay." Was my only reply.

"So… I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked. I can still hear the shaking of her voice.

"Sure."

I sounded so cold. She waved good bye and started walking towards the door. I can only watch her back as she walked away.

Away.

I'm sure things will never be the same again. After this day, there will be no more late night calls, Friday dates… late night movies… she's gone now, there's no more us.

No more WE.

There is only ME.

The door opened and she went out. Before she fully close the door, she looked at me and said, "Luhan will be attending school again tomorrow, you want to help making a welcome gift for him?"

"I would be glad to help."

She smiled and bid her goodbyes. She will be okay. Luhan will take good care of her. The door closed. It was really over. I walk towards my room to get some sleep. I want to forget, if that's even possible. When I'm already lying in the mattress, I closed my eyes and the tears that I was holding for too long fell. I never cried. I don't have enough reason to do so but right now, I have all the reasons to act this way, to feel this way. It seems like the other half of me was gone, I feel lost.

I wipe my tears and sit up. I have to be strong. One day I'll move on, one day I'll forget the pain… but I will never want to forget her.

She was the reason I smile.

She was the reason I study well.

She was the reason why I can I give up my own happiness.

She was the reason I wanted to live my life simply…

She was the reason…

I LOVED.

SUHO'S POV

I was busy finishing my report when my phone rang. I immediately run to my bed and look at the caller ID. It was the Dean. I urgently press the 'answer' key.

"Hello Sir?"

"I want you to be early tomorrow, we have a new student and I want you to help then newbie with some requirements."

"New student? But it was already in the middle of the school year, is that possible?"

"I know that but looking at her records, there won't be any problems. She was very smart and her family migrates a lot so I guess her admittance is reasonable."

I scratch my head because of confusion. He's the Dean so I guess all I can do now is agree.

"Okay Sir, just send her form to my email so I could check on it."

"Thank you Suho; you really are a responsible president."

"My pleasure Sir."

The Dean hung up so I went back to my computer and continued tying. After a minute, I received a message in my Email and I hastily opened it.

To: STUDENT PRESIDENT

From: MR. HAN SOO YOUNG

Hello Suho, I want you to help our new student to comply all the requirements of her transfer. I attached her form so that you won't have a hard time. Good Day.

I clicked the 'attach file' and choose download. After a few minutes, the form was successfully downloaded so I clicked 'open'.

I read the said form and was impressed by her records. Her grades are very high and her lowest score in the exam was 99, the mistake was a blank. No wonder the Dean made a haste decision of qualifying her, she was over qualified actually. I was excited in meeting her. I think she will have a lot of stories to share, not just that, after seeing her picture; I can't wait to really meet her tomorrow! She was the most perfect example of beauty and brains.

After I finished the report, I turned off the PC and walked towards my bed. My phone rang again.

One Message Received.

It was from Lay. I opened the message to check what he wanted to say.

From: Lay

Be early tomorrow. We will prepare a welcome back present for Luhan.

Tell the others.

I almost forgot. Luhan was still in the hospital. That incident in the warehouse was really surprising. He was something and I don't know what he was but I know that he is kind so I don't have any problems with him. I guess tomorrow will be a busy day for me. I think I'll have a welcome back present for an old friend and a welcome present for the new student.

I hope tomorrow will be a very nice day…

END OF CHAPTER 4