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The following week passed by quickly. I'd developed a routine; Fara wakes me up, I get riding lessons, and then bow and arrow lessons, then spent the rest of the day doing whatever. I spent most of my time with Fara, Ja'ki, or Gar'han. I was making slow progress with Ja'ki but it was progress none the less. Fara and I were gradually becoming attached to the hip. If I wasn't taking lessons from Ja'ki or Gar'han I was with her. Fara proved to the most entertaining of company. She was always full of stories and legends to tell about the history of the Na'vi. Although she was a bit of a gossip, her stories were always promising. Most of my time with Fara was spent beading, swimming, playing with the children Na'vi or simply just walking around aimlessly through the forest listening to one of her stories.
Gar'han was a difficult topic. The only time I spent with him was during my lessons and occasionally during dinner. I wasn't sure how to act around him and it left me feeling awkward. I constantly wanting to ask about his past but I knew it wasn't any of my business. I was just being nosy. A part of me wondered why Gar'han stayed with me instead of going back to his clan. I already knew that he didn't exactly like me, or at least that's what it felt like, so his reasons remained a mystery to me. We had advanced from shooting inanimate targets to shooting live creatures. This proved itself a difficult feat and I felt as though learning how to shoot a melon had been a waste of time. Gar'han however remained patient with me (well, most of the time), but I'd yet to actually kill an animal.
Sometimes, when I was alone, like at night or while I was bathing, I would think back to Helen and Ray. I was positive they were no longer looking for me and presumed me dead. Yet I couldn't stop the hopeful feeling inside me that thought they hadn't given up on me. But I bitterly knew better.
"Jessy," Fara said. Something told me she had called my name more than once.
"I'm sorry what?" I asked, snapping out of my thoughts and looked up to see Fara eyeing me, amused by my lack of attention. It was dinner time and we were sitting in a group of Na'vi eating dinner. Tali sat at my left and Fara at my right, while I picked at my food.
"I asked, how long before you turn eighteen?" she repeated patiently. I hadn't thought about my birthday in a while but now as I thought about it I realized my birthday was in-
"Three weeks," Tali replied before I could answer. My mouth hung open for a moment. She was right. But how? My mind shifted around trying to find an answer. I wanted to tell her she wrong but she wasn't. A smug smile formed on her lips as she noticed my bewildered expression.
I felt a pair of eyes on me and I looked up to see Gar'han watching me curiously.
I quickly closed my mouth, and said calmly, "Yes that s right, three weeks."
"Really!" Fara exclaimed, clearly more excited than me. "Are you going to get a tattoo?"
"No!" I exclaimed, slightly paling at the thought of a needle touching my skin.
"It's traditional," Tali explained, "When we turn eighteen, we get our first tattoo, a dire horse, as a representation of our loyalty to the horse clan." But she noticed my expressions and quickly added, "But we don't expect you to get one, if you don't want to." Well, that's a relief.
"But you should," Fara urged. "You can get it put where ever you want it."
"That's right," Ja'ki interrupted holding up his arm and revealing a tattooed direhorse on his melon sized bicep. "Take notices that as I flex it, the horse trots." He said flexing his muscle proudly. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. What a goof.
Fara however found him amusing and giggled. My eyes quickly flashed over her body. "Where is yours?" I asked.
She blushed and for someone reason glanced at Ja'ki from under her eyelashes. "I have one." OK?
I looked up to see Gar'han stand and leave. For some reason I wanted to follow him. A few moments later Fara stood and stretched.
After letting out a yawn she said, "I'm tired. You?" I noticed that the other Na'vi were beginning to clear out, to go and retire to bed.
I shook my head.
"Well I'm going to sleep, goodnight."
I bid her fair well before rising to walk in the direction Gar'han had left.
I walked through a few tunnels, slightly lost, before emerging from Home Hill and out into the fresh night air. I saw no sign of Gar'han. The bio-luminescent plants danced around me beautifully and bright colors sprouted beneath each footstep I took. I decided not to wonder to far from Home Hill knowing it was most dangerous at night and took to wondering aimlessly while picking small flowers. After a few minutes I decided to go back inside. I wasn't exactly sure why I was here anyways. But I stopped.
I sensed him before I actually heard his voice. "What are you doing out here?" he asked from behind me. He didn't sound angry our happy, just serious as usual. I turned around to see him approaching me slowly. Well, I could ask him the same question.
Instead I held up the small bouquet of flowers in my defense, "Picking flowers." I replied.
He sighed looking down at the flowers. "You should go inside, it's dangerous out here."
I shrugged, stooping down to pluck another flower from the ground. I looked up at his serious face and smiled. "Plants don't grow like this where I'm from." I murmured.
His expression changed slightly to something different. "Do you miss it? Do you miss...them?" His voice took on a bitter edge with the last word.
My eyes shot up to his. I wasn't going to try to explain my relationship with humans. He wouldn't understand, he wouldn't want to. I nodded silently.
"Unbelievable," he muttered.
My teeth gritted. I had to understand his hate for humans. If I had parents and they were murdered by humans, I would probably hate them, too. So I held back my harsh retort and replied calmly, You wouldn't understand."
"If you could right now, would you go back?" he asked, searching my eyes. That was a no-brainer.
"Yes," I whispered, looking guiltily down at my bouquet.
"What about Tali? She believes you're her daughter. But your just using her aren't you?" he hissed. "As soon as you can stand on your own two feet, you re going to sprint back to your humans."
I gasped. He really knew how to make a person feel like shit. I didn't need him to add onto my guilt. I could feel my eyes prickle with tears that threatened to leak. Nooo, please don't cry, please don't cry.
"No! And what does it matter to you! That's my business!" I said pointing at my chest with emphasis. I took a breath to calm myself down. "You don't understand." I repeated turning away from him as traitorous tears slid down my cheeks. Ugh, I hated when I cried. "Put yourself in my position. If you were raised by humans, if they took care of you, nurtured you, wouldn't you care about them? Wouldn't you...love them?" I asked my voice cracking.
"Jessy-" he said softly.
But I cut him off, I wasn't finished. "Remember the machine in the sky I was chasing? I fell from one of those. Before then I'd never set foot in this forest. Before then I'd never even seen a Na'vi before. What would you do? I went for the gun; it was my only chance at surviving. Then the next thing I know I'm waking up surrounded by Na'vi. It all happened so fast! One moment I'm falling from a gunship next I'm on my way to meet my mother. What would you do?" I repeated. I finally caught my breath after my boring monologue. I hoped he hadn't fallen asleep.
My heart stuttered as I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me. "I'm sorry."He whispered softly from behind me, pulling me to his chest. I was frozen for a moment in shock, Gar'han was hugging me? I thought, before slowly turning around in his arms and accepting the embrace.
"I didn't mean to hurt or use anybody," I mumbled. A question was dancing around in my mind that I couldn't ignore. I pulled back to see his face. "Why are you staying here? Why don't you go back to your own clan?" I asked.
He pulled his arms away from me and sighed his face becoming closed off.
"You don't have to tell me if you don t want to."I muttered. Why was I so nosy?
"No, its ok," he said. For a moment he was silent before finally answering my question quietly. "Home Tree has too many memories. I could use a break from it." I could tell he wasn't going to speak anymore on this subject. Was he talking about memories of his parents...or memories of his life mate? Probably both.
I yawned, giving myself away.
"Come on, you should get some rest," he said leading me back into Home Hill.
That night as I drifted off to sleep I thought about the things that I'd discovered about Gar'han today; #1: Gar'han hadn't stayed at Home Hill because of me, but to escape the memories of Home Tree, #2: Gar'han was exactly one head taller than me, #3: Gar'han was a sucker for tears.
I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
The next day I was awoken by Fara, as was our routine, then went to bathe (fully dressed as usual). After my bath I went out in search of Ja'ki for my riding lessons. I spotted Ja'ki outside of Home Hill with a group of other male Na'vi.
"Jessy," he called in greeting with his signature grin stretched across his face as he tossed me a fruit.
"Hey Ja'ki," I greeted before biting into the exotic fruit.
"Today is the day." he said confidently. He was positive that today would be the day that I would be able to ride the horse without falling off. He had more faith then me.
"You said that yesterday," I said being negative.
He let out a whistle and his direhorse came trotting into view. His huge frame climbed gracefully onto it's back then offered me a hand. I took it and the horse beneath us galloped into the forest headed for the grassy land that held the wild direhorses.
When we reached the grassy clearing I hopped off of the direhorse, Ja'ki following suit. Not waiting for Ja'ki's instructions (I'd only heard them a thousand times) I strode to the nearest direhorse. I could tell I'd slightly startled the animal so I placed my palm against its leather skin to calm him...or her.
"Mawey" When I was sure the direhorse was relaxed I leaped onto its back. I connected our queues, no longer disgusted by something so natural.
As usual, the direhorse bucked and jerked against me. I tightened my thighs around it, grinding my teeth and hoping the horse would calm down before I fell off. I fought against the horse; with every jerk it gave, I held tighter and jerked back. But soon my muscles were screaming at me and I fell on the ground.
"Ouch!" I yelped as I skinned my palm in the process of falling. Lying on the ground, I glared at the direhorse's retreating form. And as usual, Ja'ki burst into laughter. I failed to see the amusement any longer. "It's not funny!" I snapped like a child.
"It actually is very funny," he said after he finally caught his breath. "The look on your face every time you fall off is hilarious," he grinned but it fell off his face when he saw I wasn't smiling at all. He sighed, finally becoming serious (It was funny how Gar'han and Ja'ki were total opposites). " Jessy, you need to stop fighting the Pa'li."
"Stop fighting it? What else am I supposed to do when it's jerking around like that?" I asked, bewildered.
"You don't need to fight it. You need to command it." He explained but I still felt confused. "Now let's try again."
The second time I climbed onto the horse and connected our queues it bucked and jerked so I thought about what Ja'ki said. Don't fight it? I clenched my thighs around it, still fighting against it. I closed my eyes and tried to connect my thoughts with the animals. For a moment it fought against me then suddenly I was one with horse.
I could feel that my presence was unwanted. It was a she. My eyes flew open. Wow. The clarity of the connection was mind blowing. I shut my eyes and linked my thoughts with her's.
I command you to obey me!
And just like that, the direhorse calmed down in a second. My eyes flew open once again in amazement. She was listening to me! I had done it! I had tamed her! I craned my neck to see Ja'ki with a grin stretched across his face. I urged the horse forward until we met with Ja'ki.
"I did it!" I exclaimed. "She's listening to me!"
Ja'ki chuckled, "I told you today was the day," he said before letting out a whistle for his own direhorse. He leaped upon his horse then turned to me. "So what are going to name her?"
Ray. No, that was a guy name. "Helen," I grinned, patting the neck of the direhorse...Helen.
Then with a playful twinkle in his eye he declared. "Let's race!" Before taking off. What a cheat!
I let out a playful screeching native call and commanded Helen to take off after Ja'ki. The feeling of riding a direhorse (front seat) was euphoric.
The trees of the forest flashed by in a blur as Helen dashed after Ja'ki. She dodged nimbly through the fauna without a scratch.
It was un-believable. We broke through a clearing of trees and Home Hill was visible. My eyes caught Ja'ki's and I immediately knew that Home Hill was the finish line. I urged Helen faster and suddenly I was head and head with Ja'ki. Ja'ki playfully shoved me, not really trying to push me off, but still setting me kind of off balance. Retaliating, I leaned over to shove him.
It was a mistake. My bad.
I ,not so gracefully, leaned too far and before I knew it, I'd lost my balance and was toppling head first towards the ground. My head connected with the earth (well I guess Pandora) before my body followed. But that was nothing compared to the pain of having my arm trampled underneath the heavy hooves of the direhorse. I let out a cry. That definitely was going to leave a bruise.
My head was pounding as I sat up. Everything was shifting and nothing would stay still. Ja'ki had climbed off his horse and sprinted towards me.
"Jessy!" A voice called in the distance. Was that Gar'han? It was hard to tell because everything sounded muffled, as though I was listening through a wall. But sure enough Gar'han came into view.
"Gar'han! I did it! I learned how to ride..." My voice trailed off as I became dizzier. Even my own voice sounded muffled. I ran my hand over my head, my finger coming back bloody.
Gar'han glared at Ja'ki. "What did you do?"
"Nothing! We were just racing then-" Ja'ki said defensively but was cut off.
"Racing! She just learned to ride and you were racing?" Gar'han shoved Ja'ki irritably out of the way and placed his hands on my head feeling for a lump.
"Yeah, and I won!" I exclaimed proudly. My arm felt numb as Gar'han's nimble fingers probed my head. "Hey Gar'han," I mumbled feeling extremely dizzy.
"What?"
"I can't feel my arm."
His fingers froze on my head, as his attention switched to my numb arm. Suddenly I felt a splitting pain in my arm I looked down to see Gar'han probing it.
"Ouch, stop that!" My muffled voice cried.
"You said you couldn't feel it."
"I can now and it hurts!" I heard another voice approaching. It sounded like Tali but I couldn t be sure.
"Here give her this," Tali's muffled voice said handing him a flask. "It will take away the pain." He brought it to my lips and I swallowed it eagerly.
Almost immediately the pain in my head began to ebb. Just as quickly as the pain was leaving, so was my awareness.
"Should we take her inside?" A voice asked.
"No I want to stay out here... I mumbled hazily. "I want to enjoy the stars." I smiled at the shining lights that blurred my vision.
"Jessy...it's day time," Gar'han voice said before I was knocked out.
When I woke up it was dark out, besides the moons that lit the sky and the bio luminescent plants that were scattered all over Pandora. I guessed I'd slept all through the day and into the night. My head was resting against something soft and warm.
Warm? My eyes flew open. Gar'han's soft snore was what kept me yelping in surprise. I was practically on top of him. My body was molded against his; my arm was latched over his chest and my leg draped over his abdomen while my head rested comfortably on his chest. The position was beyond too intimate to be considered casual, especially with all the skin to skin contact.
I quickly jerked away before he could wake up and think I was trying to rape him. That had been the closest I'd ever been to a male. Ever.
Suddenly noticing my arm felt funny, I looked down to see it was neatly wrapped and placed in a sling. Oh yeah...I remembered my race with Ja'ki that had ended badly. I tried sitting up but my head and my body were not working on the same accord and my head fell back to the ground with a thump.
My attention changed from my inability to sit up right to Gar'han's breathing which had increased. He turned on his side and his arm fanned out searching for something. It landed on me. Was he awake? I yelped as he pulled me closer until there was no space between us and wrapped his arm around my waist as though I was teddy-bear. He sighed contentedly before his breathing became even and he was once again snoring softly.
He probably thought I was his deceased life mate.
I'd remained frozen but then I reluctantly melted into his arms, choosing to enjoy the comfort.
Closing my eyes, I decided I'd deal with repercussions later and fell back to sleep.
"Jessy!" a voice whispered. My eyes flew open to see Tali leaning over me.
I grumbled before turning on my back to go back to sleep. Suddenly I noticed the space beside me was empty. I sat up suddenly; not a good idea. I was immediately attacked by a wave of staggering dizziness.
I felt a firm hand on my shoulder that kept me from standing up. "Here, drink this," Tali said, bringing the flask to my lips. I took a few swallows and the dizziness began to fade.
I yawned and stretched as I peered around me. We were still outside but now it was day time. I must have been out for a while. My stomach let out an obnoxious growl and Tali gave me a fruit to eat.
"You were really knocked out," Tali noted, with a smile playing on her lips as the tribal tattoo on the side of her face gleamed in the sunlight. It wasn't until now that I noticed the tattoo was actually a direhorse.
I nodded, "I must have hit my head pretty hard," I murmured as I rubbed my finger over a sore spot on my head and winced.
"Here let me see it," she said, bringing her hand to my scalp. She reached her other hand into a pouch on her hip and pulled out some type of herb. After applying the ointment she placed it back into her bag. Almost instantly, the sore on my head felt icy and eventually numb so that the pain was gone.
I smiled appreciatively at Tali, "Thank you."
"It's no problem," she said shrugging it off. As she sat down next to me. "You were being a bit reckless yesterday," she remarked.
I smiled, "Just having some fun."
Her eyes flashed down to my smile, "Yes, with Ja'ki," She said misinterpreting my smile.
The smile was immediately gone. "Tali-" I began but she cut me off.
"You still don't believe you re my daughter," she said disappointedly, but then her eyes turned firm. "But you will eventually."
The way she said it made my heart squeeze a little bit. How could she have so much faith in me? I didn't know how to get it through her head that I wasn't her daughter. I felt like yelling at her I'm not your daughter! But I knew she still would stay stubborn.
And once again the seed of guilt sprouted in my stomach. What was she going to do when I left in three months? Gar'han voice rang in my ears.
What about Tali? She believes you re her daughter. Your just using her aren t you?
Gar'han was right though, as much as I wanted to deny it. I was using Tali. I was using her belief that I was her daughter against her to help me.
I looked up at her trusting eyes.
I wasn't her daughter.
I stood up suddenly. I felt like I needed to go somewhere. Anywhere. Just to be alone for a little bit.
"Jessy?" Tali asked uncertainly, as she noticed my sudden indecision.
"I need to be alone for little bit," I mumbled suddenly taking off. "I'll be right back." I called over my shoulder.
The last thing I saw was Tail s bewildered expression before I took off in a sprint into the forest.
I can't run away from the guilt forever.
"Jessy!" Gar han s voice called.
My back rested against the bark of a tree as my head settled against my knees. I'd probably been in this same position for the past half hour stuck in indecision. The right thing to do would be to cut things off with Tali and leave now before she became too attached to me. However, I wasn't ready to trek through Pandora alone. I could ride a direhorse, and shoot a bow and arrow at an inanimate object, but in true danger, that wouldn't be enough.
"Jessy," Gar'han called once again until he was standing over me. "Are you crazy! Do you know how dangerous it is out here alone?" He rattled.
I looked up. "Gar'han you were right. I am using Tali," I whispered. "I have to leave. I'm not her daughter, I don't belong here."
"I told you I was sorry about what I said, I didn't mean it-"
"But you were right. I need to leave," I said firmly as I stood up.
For a moment Gar'han stared at me. As though he was thinking or considering something. Finally he said, "Do you want to find out if you re really Tail s daughter?"
"I already know I'm not! I don't have parents! I don't have a mo-"
"But I know a way that you could find out for sure...I'm talking about solid proof" he said interrupting me. I furrowed my brow. I knew the Na'vi didn't have a record keeper, so what was he talking about? Not waiting for a response, he let out a call for his direhorse.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"You're coming," he said lifting me onto the direhorse as though I weighed two pounds, carefully avoiding touching my injured arm.
"Ok, so where are we going?" I repeated looking down at him confused.
He sprung onto the direhorse and settled in behind me, attaching the neural queue.
"Utral Aymokriy," he answered before taking off into the forest.
A/N: Utral Aymokriy is the Tree of Voices if anybody forgot. Thanks for reading this far and please leave me a review to let me know what you think.