Hey. CHECK OOUT MY STORY 'DIFFERENT AND DEFEATED'! I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT BECAUSE NO ONE HAS ACTUALLY FOLLOWED IT OR ANYTHING AND IM SCARED ITS BAD.

DO IT. I DARE YOU.

Previously:

"I didn't know you were trying" the persons voice sounds familiar, sweet and gentle, I look up. I gasp loudly as I see who's at the door.

"I'm so glad you're here" The person pulls me into a hug and I sob into their shirt, of everything dark in my life, a little bit of light just filtered through.

Chapter 19

Tris' POV

I pull away and look into his sea green eyes that fill with concern. I realise now that my face is probably tear stained and ugly because I didn't put make up on. You're supposed to like four, the angel part of thoughts pipes up, Mmhm, so what? He's not here right now, my devil part says. I sigh in frustration.

"Are you okay Bea?" he says, his whole face filled with so much concern that I immediately start crying again. He picks me up bridal style and carries me inside onto the couch after shutting the door with his foot.

"Ry, Ryan, nothings okay" I sob out, pulling him down onto the couch next to me.

"Let it out, Bea" he pulls me into a hug and I sob freely into his shoulder. A few minutes later has me explaining my parents death and Caleb's coma.

"I am so sorry. You don't deserve this" I look into his eyes and know he feels my pain with me. I smile sadly at him, seeing I should go see Caleb soon, "Let me get changed and then come to see Caleb with me?". He nods his head and I race to my room. Maybe, just maybe if he hears another familiar voice he might wake up, you know, someone who he actually likes voice.

I pull on some jeans and grab a grey sweat shirt. Good enough. I leave my hair the way it is and wash my face. I pull on some black flats and walk downstairs to meet Ryan. He smiles when I near him.

"Lets go, my car" he says more of a statement then a question and grabs my hand leading me outside.

We get in the car and he starts driving towards the hospital,

"How have you been Ryan?" I ask at the same time as he asks, "Did you read my note?".

I nod my head and he says "Good", about my question or if I read it, I have no clue.

"Bea, I meant what I said in that note" I look down and frown. Touchy subject, especially since I think Tobias is my boyfriend, although I'm pretty sure he never asked and I am angry at him for not visiting me and for sucking Shauna's face and for doing everything thing to me. Ugh.

"You deserve someone better too" he looks at me and smiles sadly,

"I don't want anyone better" he whispers, getting to the point. I think carefully of what to say but can't think of anything. He looks at me quickly before turning back to the road.

"I love you Beatrice. It isn't a secret. I always want to be with you" he says softly then pulls into the parking lot, I check the time trying to avoid the subject, it reads 3:40 we can't even go in yet.

"Ryan" I say quietly looking into his eyes, "I don't kn-" he shuts me off by kissing me, he tastes like salt water. He picks my up from my seat after magically undoing my seat belt and then pulls me into his lap, only breaking the kiss to breath. I feel tingly and find myself kissing him back. That's right, you little rebel, my devil mind says while my angel mind slaps my devil. I don't stop, because it feels so good.

His arms wrap around me while mine snake up his neck and into his beautiful blonde hair, tugging at it as our lips move against each other passionately. His move to my waist and he pushes me off him.

"I don't want you to do this if you're going to regret it Beatrice" he says breathless. I smile at him, "I'm not going to regret this at all". We resume kissing but break apart seconds later. I look at the clock 3:48.

"Lets start going in" I open the door and he carries me out, putting me down and grabbing my hand. I smile at him as we start to walk in. I shouldn't have done that, I think to myself emotions running through my head like crazy, here I am, my parents dead and I'm enjoying myself. Plus I basically already have a boyfriend! My angel mind agrees with me while my devil pipes up, You want to do it again though because Ryan makes you feel different. Tobias makes you feel like that, but again so does Ryan, its just convenient that Ryan is here. You're in deep shit. I can't help but agree. Oh, and theres Zeke too. I start hating my self for mentioning that to myself.

As we reach the door to Caleb's room I drop Ryan's hand. My friends are here.

Christina runs up to me and hugs me tightly, the rest of the girls do the same, all the boys are there except for Tobias, of course he never came. Asshole.

"Four went to the bathroom" Marlene suggests but I stare daggers at nothing. Uriah walks up to Ryan, "Hey man. How are ya?"

"I'm alright, why are you guys here?" Ryan replies, expecting Uriah to answer, but as always Christina does.

"Well we've been trying to call Tris for the past half hour and she hasn't picked up and we knew about the incident and we came running here, hoping she was with Caleb, but we couldn't get in" she says smiling. I glare at her happy attitude and everyone elses.

"Apparently you guys didn't visit her this morning?" Ryan says with a you-think-you-can-be-called-her-friend?-look.

"No, we didn't because she would have wanted space" none of the people in front of us said it and I turn around to find Tobias about 50 metres down the hall. Are we really that loud? I did want someone actually.

"She was literally drowning her sorrows in junk food. Because none of her friends were their to comfort her" Ryan sends a death stare towards the girls and I grab his arm pulling him to look at me.

"You may be right but don't be mean to them" I say to him. Just then at that moment I feel someone wrap his arms around me,

"Hey babe" the voice whispers. Tobias. I squirm out of his grip and he looks hurt. Suck it up asshole. The truth was I didn't truly have a reason to be angry with him, I am just a bit … .. ruined right now. I ignore his glares to Ryan and hope Ryan does too. Uriah walks up to me and starts talking to me

"You should have called me" he whispers hugging me tightly.

"I was going too. You were on my list of people who I could stand" he laughs at this and pulls back to goofily smile at me.

"And who was on the list that you couldn't?" he asks, still laughing.

"Tobias definitely" I whisper. He laughs and shakes his head at me. He pulls back and starts talking to Ryan, I immediately imagine them as best friends, it makes me laugh. I look around and see Tobias talking to Shauna and the girls. Of course its Shauna, he was sucking her face off the other night.

I instantly feel bad when I remember I pretty much did the same thing as him but with Zeke, and I enjoyed it. Uriah is talking with Ryan and as I thought they are acting as best friends. I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to face Zeke. He pulls me in for a hug and I laugh into his chest, "everything is turning to shit".

"Not everything" he whispers and hugs me tighter. I make him release me and I walk into Caleb's room.

I walk straight over to him and grab his hand as the doctor walks in,

"His chances for waking are 65% now, he's improving" 65%. I really hope he does wake up. I smile gratefully at the doctor and he leaves as Tobias, Ryan and Zeke walk in. I find myself thinking abouthow I've kissed them all in the last two days. I slightly shudder and notice that Tobias noticed.

"You okay Tris?" he asks,

"Just thought of three things" I say back to him as I turn my attention to Caleb. Wake up!

"What were they?" he asks and sits next to me, putting his hand on my back. I almost flinch at the touch, three guys my mind whispers.

"It's nothing" I say shrugging him off. He gives me a disbelieving stare but doesn't press. Thank God. I need to talk to Marlene and Chris later. Or maybe Uriah. Yeah Uriah.

Ryan walks over to me as Zeke sits on the end of Caleb's bed. He undo's my hair from its bun and starts braiding it to the side. I can feel the anger vibrate off of Tobias. Boys. Uriah walks in with the girls and I almost run over to him hoping he can get me away from this mess. I don't move.

A few hours later of me talking to the eight awake people and the one sleeping boy its time to go.

"Hey Ryan, I'll just get a ride with-" I start, I laugh inside as I see Tobias hopeful look, "Uriah. I need to talk to him" I watch the boys hopeful expressions and they all fall, except for Uriahs which laughs after looking at the other guys.

"I need somewhere to stay tonight" Ryan presses, I sigh hoping one of the boys isn't a complete dickhead.

"Follow Zeke home, I'll meet you there later" Uriah says. I glance at him gratefully and give each boy a quick hug and kiss on the cheek and each girl a tight hug before walking off with Uriah

We get into Uriah's car and he starts driving towards my house. We sit in silence until we get there. After settling in back inside he speaks,

"Spill". I breathe in deeply and prepare to confess.

"Okay. So you know how I kissed Zeke at T or D? Well I liked it and got angry when he had to kiss his girlfriend! Who is one of my best friends! And it didn't help that Tobias seemed to really enjoy sucking on Shauna's face and then today when Ryan came over he confessed his love to me on his way to the hospital and before I could reply he pulled me onto his lap and kissed me! And I enjoyed that too and I don't know! I get so angry when Tobias touches me, or when I think about all the shit he put me through when Zeke and Ryan didn't and I just want to punch his smirking face. And I get so annoyed at myself for-I don't know if you would call it cheating because I don't think he asked me out- on Tobias, and when I pass Zeke I just really want to kiss him because I enjoyed it!"

Uriah looks at me, his eyes widening. I sigh, "I'm such a slut".

"You're not you just have to choose" I shake my head, its not that easy.

"Help me please Uri" he sighs but nods his head, deep in thought.

"So-"

IM SERIOUSLY SO ANNOYED WITH THIS STORY. ITS A BUNCH OF SHIT. ANYWAY. I don't know what to do! Like I could have Zeke/Tris or Fourtris or Ryan/Tris and I don't know what to choose, like if I end up having Four/tris it's okay for Zeke cos he has Shauna, but what about RYAN? DEAR GOD PLEASE HELP ME.

I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID LAST CHAPTER BECAUSE IN THE TIME INBETWEEN WRITING I TOTALLY FORGOT AN IDEA I HAD AND LORDY I WAS NOT EXCITED.

READ AND REVIEW I REALLY NEED HELP.