Dec. 30th, 1929

It's a joke… my life's a fucking joke. I'm all bad luck, the legendary sucker Tsunade. The only time I EVER have any good luck it just means something worse is coming. It took Nawaki and Dan, but this takes the cake. Actually I take that back, those were worse, but still, least those were mostly personal. Shizune told me to write down my feelings, says it will make me feel better, like she think I don't know she intends to look at this later? Which is why, Mr Napkin, you are going to be used to clean up my puke when I get roaring drunk in a few hours, let's see her read it after that.

So it all started a few days ago, I was actually feeling pretty good, should have KNOW that wasn't going to last. So I'd just finished a job at New Yaki, it was perfect, no blood just looking at some charts and giving my analysis, turns out I caught several complications on some major business man, and I made bank that day. So now I've got all this money, I decide to head on over to the stock market. I knew I'd never managed to make money on it before, but they don't call me "the legendary sucker" for nothing.

I stopped by one of the bars on the way there, must have had a few beers, but I was feeling pretty fine. The I stopped by my broker and made the dumbest choice of my life. He asked if I wanted to use my home as collateral. I asked him what that was about and he said banks were now letting people use there homes value as cash for buying stocks. So I figure what the hell, I wasn't using it anyways, and there was no way I was heading back to Konoha any time soon. Plus the thing was huge; I'd never have a use for it. Then he asked if I wanted to use any others, and like an idiot I also decided to put in my entire family fortune. Finally he asked me if I wanted to go short or long. I figured I'd need to take the money out soon so I said short, when he looked surprised and began to question I got angry so he stopped.

So I went to the apartment I was staying at slept off the drunkedness and hangover, must have been a day or two, donnuh what was in that wine, and now I wish I could find that place again. But I wake up when Shuzune is desperately shaking me awake yelling about how the stock market crashed. So I begin to panic, realizing I left all the savings in there, get dressed quick as I can and run all the way down to a my broker, I think I set the Konoha nin speed record that day.

So I get there, and my broker looks up and goes "Miss Senju, I've been expecting you." He says, acting excessively formal, and a little hostile.

So I get pissed of, figuring he's acting nasty now that I have no money and he can't get any out of me. Like some gamblers I know, polite as an angel when you got coins in your pocket, but the moment you run out, ugly as the Kyubbi himself. So I get pissed off and start yelling, telling him I know how the market works and even if it's worth pennies I know I gotta have something. Then he starts acting all confused. Then I get confused at him getting confused. Finally we start talking, and I find out I'm not broke. Turns out selling "short" means I make money if the stock goes down, how does that even work? He tried explaining, but I never got it. So now I'm rich, maybe the richest woman in fire, with the crash I might even be the richest person in the world, depending on how others fairied.

So it's a big joke. I make money, and now the entire world loses, HAH.

New Yaki Times

5 yen

Dec 30th, 1929

More evidence Senju Heiress knew of crash

By Boh Keju

Further evidence has surfaced on the matter of Tsunade Senju. Not only did she (and several others investors) make money off the stock market crash, but a unnamed source working in her brokers office has revealed an even more dramatic turn.

Not only did Tsunade put a large amount of money on selling short on the day of the crash, but she also invested her entire family fortune and house on the market, as well as withdrawing the entire amount two days later, right before the market made a rally. The extent of her fortune cannot be confirmed, but estimates run in the millions.

The President could not be reached for comment, but Senator Hirotomo had this to say. "The woman obviously caused it. Think about it, who honestly believes that she could have accidently picked the exact day of the crash. Her entire team's a bad seed". Tsunade herself could not be reached for comment.