In the Breakdown

Preface

Bella

It was finally over. Everything would be fine now, not perfect, but at least stable. After all that had happened in the last few months stable sounded like heaven. I just hoped he could forgive me for getting him help. I had known Edward had problems from the start, everyone including his family had warned me as much. It wasn't like I couldn't tell with my own eyes. But none of that had ever mattered to me, even after I had learned just how far those problems reached. From the moment I meet him I was his.

And he had told me he was mine, so as I bounded clumsily up the stairs to the third floor bedroom that was Edward's sanctuary, I knew he would forgive me. Maybe he wasn't even mad at me to begin with. We had discussed getting him help a few times and I knew he had not wanted it, but he had gone so far off the deep end I had panicked. But I pushed all that away. I would talk to Edward, be in his arms again and everything would start to look up. I knew it.

Reaching his room I shoved open the door, looking first to the big bed that dominated the room. It was empty, as was the black leather couch and balcony. I called his name, confused more than anything. Carlisle had just brought Edward home from the hospital, they had arrived just a few minutes before I did. My hope had been to be here to greet Edward, but of course my lug of a truck decided to not start the first few times. But he should have been here. Then I spotted the bathroom door slightly ajar casting a bright sliver of light over the carpet.

I smiled, "Edward," I called his name again, he was probably lounging in the tub like he did. I knocked lightly before opening the door, wondering why he wouldn't answer me.

Red.

When I opened the door all my mind could register was red. Red and white, pale skin and blood.

The utter horror that greeted me, stilled every cell in my body. Stopped my heart. My body turned cold as all my senses focused on the sickeningly red liquid, so vital to life, that stained the white porcelain tub and the pale limp body within. The body of my love.

I screamed.

The sound ripped from my throat and filled the air with absolute heartbreak and soul crushing pain. This could not be real, a sick joke, a dream. Oh please, no... I slammed my eyes shut, I couldn't look anymore. The pain crushed my chest and set everything ablaze with a hot fire that burned everything. A sob broke through my trembling lips and my lungs gasped for air to quench the burn.

Dear God, no!

My eyes snapped open, only to be faced with the same scene; red, white, pale skin, blood, Edward. I couldn't stop the next scream from coming. In the back of my mind I listened to the responding calls and thumping footsteps from downstairs, all on their way to meet the horror that was slowly twisting a knife into my chest. My body went numb. A roaring noise pulsed in my ears cutting off all sound, the strong smell of blood, that always reduced me to nausea, permeated every inch of the bathroom, but at that moment held no affect on me. I wasn't even sure if I was still breathing or not. One thing I could still feel was my own blood, flexing my veins with each aching beat my heart made. Everything was at a distance, my whole being focused on the bath tub. The white monstrosity that held my beloved and his life.

I hadn't realized that my muscles had given up until my knees thudded against the tile. I didn't feel it, just heard the distant thud that sounded as my jean clad knees hit tile. Tears flowed in a relentless stream down my cheeks and choked pained sobs racked my quaking body. I held on to the door frame with all my strength. My tears blurred my vision, but I didn't care. All I could see was Edward, the long bloody gashes that ran from his wrist to his elbow and all the red.

I crawled sobbing over to the edge of the tub and leaned against the cold white side. The ache to be close to him pulled stronger than ever. In front of me his hand dangled lifelessly over the edge. The blood ran rivulets down the pale skin of his long piano fingers, they appeared almost like ribbons adorning his skin. Loosely twined in his hand was a necklace. Without looking twice I knew it was the gift I had given him only a few short weeks ago. It was a necklace with my great grandmother's ring hanging from the silver chain. I had given it to him so he could remember me, so that he could remember I was real. He had cherished it. Now, seeing the necklace clutched lifelessly to him stopped my heart. The burning grew more intense than before and flared with a deadly agony in my shuddering chest. I had to touch him, I needed to feel him one more time.

One last time, my heart ached.

Even in death the pull he had over me was stronger than gravity and I gave into it willingly. I reached a shaking hand out and touched his own, my fingers brushed lightly over the cold skin. I shakily slipped my hand into his, the electric current shot through me as it always did when we touched. I gripped on tightly, squeezing desperately hoping for a response. Nothing.

I didn't realize the others had reached me until I heard screams that rivaled my own. But I didn't turn away from him, I couldn't. I heard Carlisle talking in panicked tones and touching my boy's wrists were the deep gashes carved into his skin. He tried to pull me away, it was useless, I ignored him. Nothing could tear me from Edward, my Edward. No he couldn't be dead. He couldn't leave me.

Carlisle finally gave up and turned his attention back to Edward. He hovered over the tub working frantically, wrapping Edward's wounds in once pristine white towels and checking for a pulse in his neck. Carlisle took a shuddering breath and dropped his hand from Edward's neck, I realized he was crying. I heard him say something about an ambulance. But everything was still at a distance; I was numb.

The pain from seeing Edward's wounds was too much, so I turned my gaze up to his face. His beautiful god-like face. It was so peaceful. His emerald green eyes that danced with light were closed, his soft pale lavender eyelids covering them and his dark eyelashes brushed his skin. His head was tilted slightly to the side away from me and his pink lips were parted with a lock of messy bronze hair curving over his forehead.

He looked like he was sleeping. That was all, just sleeping and he would wake up soon, then we would go to the beach and he would continue teaching me to skip rocks and laugh at my awful attempts. He would smile at me again, that big crooked smile that dazzled me. He would be fine, he just needed to wake up. Just wake up.

I didn't realize I had said that all out loud until I felt arms wrap around me and rock me gently. "No baby, no. He's not going to wake up. Not this time," Esme whispered in my ear. Her voice was shaking and thick with tears. She started pulling me backwards away from the tub and my hand lost its grip on Edward's. The numbness to the world that had surrounded me and my pain, fled and reality slammed into me like a freight train.

No, no! What was she doing, I had to stay with him. I started to struggle, but my muscles felt like jelly and I didn't have full control over their movement. I keep my eyes focused on his face, I had to keep watching him. I couldn't lose him. Not now, not after all he had been through, I loved him. I didn't know what would happen to me if I lost him.

Esme, sobbing, pulled me out of the bathroom. "No, Edward! Esme no... I can't leave him," I shouted at her, the pain making my voice crack on the words. I cried harder, than I thought possible at the thought of losing him. The sobs ravaged my body, stealing my breath. I felt tinier arms surround my waist, under Esme's strong ones. I knew instantly it was Alice. Her tiny pixie face was filled with agony and tears had smeared her make up along her cheeks. She buried her head in my shoulder and sobbed.

That's when I knew it was over. It didn't matter what Carlisle did, or how hard he worked. He was gone. I had lost him.

I love you so much, Edward.

Okay, honestly how was it? This is my first fanfic and I need some opinions. Do I keep writing, or burn my keyboard? Anything I should change. . .or just know about in general. Other than that I hoped you liked it. I hope to have the next chapter up soon.

What I was hearing while writing: Sing For Absolution - Muse; Meet Me At My Window - Jack's Mannequin; Wait and Watch - Straylight Run; Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy