A/N: Argh, finally. I've had this chapter finished for two days, and have just not had the damn chance to come home and type it up (Yes, I really do write everything by hand first). Sigh... It's here now, and I'm home again and work was wonderfully quiet today and I managed to get nine pages of chapter 6 written in my notebook, so depending on time etc. it could be here tomorrow. This is by far my most hated chapter yet, but I felt it was necessary. I'm sorry if it sucks xD

Chapter 5 – I'm Livin' in Shame

Rachel couldn't wait any longer. She had to see Quinn's face. As quietly as she could, she moved around the chairs and sat down. Quinn's eyes were closed in concentration and a tear was steadily tracking down her pale cheek. Rachel thought that she might be looking at an angel. The cross that Quinn wore around her neck glinted in the low lighting of the room.

Rachel wasn't wasting any time worrying that she was attracted to another girl. After all, she did have two gay dads. She knew there was little point in stressing out about it, no matter how out of the blue it seemed to be, because she knew herself, and that meant that she knew there was no use in trying to fight it. Once she set her sights on something, she would not give up until she got it. The only worry she did have was that this was super-mean, super-straight, super-Christian, super-pregnant, ex-Cheerio, not-so-ex-tormentor, Quinn Celeste Fabray. But that did not mean that Rachel would give up without trying. Rachel was always one to rise to a challenge.

Quinn was still singing, her voice breaking with sadness more often now, but she still carried on doggedly.

"Catch me a cannonball

And now take me on down the line,

My bag is sinking low,

I believe it's about that time

To get in touch with Fannie,

You know she's the one

Who sent me here with her regards

For everyone, yeah,"

Quinn's eyes were squeezed tightly closed now, trying to hold it together as more tears were beginning to escape and she swayed gently to the music. Rachel had stopped breathing, she was so enthralled. Quinn opened her mouth to belt out the final chorus.

"Put the weight on-" She broke off, unable to finish the last word as her chest heaved in an uncontrollable sob. Rachel stood to move forwards to Quinn, to comfort her or something, but at that moment the tearful blonde opened her eyes and looked straight at an incredibly guilty Rachel Berry. As soon as Quinn's eyes had opened, she had remembered she really shouldn't be here listening to her.

Immediately Quinn's defences flew back into place and her eyes turned cold and her mouth was set in a thin, straight line. Her voice cut through the tension-filled air like a knife.

"Stalker much, Boy-Hips?" Her face was flushing red now, embarrassed that anyone had seen her in such a vulnerable state, not to mention the fact that she was singing about it. She felt like such a cliché. It was like something out of a bad musical.

She stared defiantly at Rachel, her chin raised, daring her to say something.

"Quinn, that was unbelievable," Rachel said quietly. Quinn did not reply. She was fighting off more tears, and she angrily wiped her face.

"I knew you could sing, but that was... something else. It was beautiful,"

"... Thank you," The blonde replied at last. Her voice was hushed, and tinged with sadness. Rachel stepped forwards as if to hug her, but stopped herself.

"You should sing that for glee."

"No." Was Quinn's instant reply. Rachel winced at her sudden harsh tone.

"No," Quinn repeated, more softly this time, "That was... That was just for me. No one was meant to see it. You weren't meant to see it."

"But-"

"No buts, Berry. I mean it."
"Okay, but really, it was incredible. You should – though it's hard for me to say – you should go for a solo at some point, Quinn. You're-" Rachel stopped herself again. She had been about to say 'You're beautiful' but decided that this really was not the time to run her mouth like she usually would, and certainly not the time to let Quinn know about her very newfound feelings.

"Your voice is beautiful," She said instead.

A long silence stretched out and Quinn wanted to say 'thank you' again but feared that if she opened her mouth she really would cry.

"Do you – do you want to... talk about it?" Rachel questioned cautiously, her eyes wide and imploring and all of Quinn's walls came crashing down again.

It was Rachel's fault, thought the blonde as the tears started. The stupid dwarf girl was being so nice to her. Again. When all Quinn had ever done was be mean to her, and for no reason. The guilt pooled in her stomach and she felt sick. A sob wracked her body and then Rachel was holding her tightly in her arms, even though she was so much smaller than Quinn.

"Back off, Berry." Quinn said, but there was no real malice in her voice. Rachel said nothing, and pulled the other girl closer to her instead, rubbing her back in what she hoped was a soothing manner. Quinn let out a shuddering breath and relaxed a little, but she was still to return the embrace.

"It's okay to feel, you know," Rachel whispered. Upon hearing this, Quinn's barriers relented and she really gave into her emotions. She unashamedly wrapped her arms around Rachel's neck and buried her face into the small brunette's shoulder.

Rachel reached up to stroke Quinn's hair gently and quietly crooned sympathetic sounds into her ear, all the while holding her as tightly as she could without hurting her. Her face was pressed uncomfortably into Quinn's shoulder as she was far shorter than the blonde, and the baby bump meant she was sort of leaning over at a funny angle, and Quinn's hair was sort of tickling her nose and some of it was kind of in her mouth but Rachel didn't care because oh God Quinn smelt fantastic. And felt it. Despite the awkward angle, Rachel knew that they just sort of... fitted together well. The only reason they were locked together so uncomfortably was because of Quinn's vice-like grip on her. Rachel was valiantly fighting a losing battle to hold back on kissing Quinn. That would definitely not help the situation. In the slightest. She did, however, take the liberty of snuggling into Quinn's neck.

"It's okay, just let it all out..." She breathed into Quinn's ear. Quinn sniffled.

"I-I just want m-my Daddy back," She cried. Rachel closed her eyes, her heart breaking for the taller girl. She knew Quinn's situation, and of course she sympathised, but she certainly couldn't empathise. Quinn was stuttering again.

"Shh, shh, it's okay," She soothed, continuing stroking the hair that cascaded down Quinn's back.

"N-n-no, it's not okay. I fucked everything up." Rachel was shocked by the language but bit back on reprimanding her that that was no way for a young lady – a young Christian lady, no less – to speak. Quinn didn't even seem to be aware she had even said it. Either that or she really didn't care anymore.

"It's okay. Everyone makes mistakes," Rachel said, desperate to comfort her.

"This is one monumentally huge, stupid mistake. Surrounded by countless others. I can't-I can't-" She sucked in a breath when she couldn't continue; "I can never fix this. I'll go to hell, and I'm just a silly little g-girl and I j-just want a home and my f-friends . Why did I even sleep with Puck? I d-didn't even love him and I had no reason to do it other than m-my stupid insecurities!"

The blonde's tears had soaked completely through Rachel's top and she tried to push away the concern that Quinn may well have just left snot and tears on her favourite animal sweater.

"Quinn, baby, sit down, alright? I can't breathe." Rachel's eyes widened in fear as she realised she had let slip 'baby' and she'd only realised her attraction to the girl a mere twenty minutes ago. Quinn didn't seem to pick up on it, thankfully. Or if she did, she put it down to a maternal instinct kicking in. Which was what Rachel was trying to convince herself of, too.

Quinn's grip on Rachel was loosening gradually, and eventually they were stood opposite each other, slightly in the others' personal space. Neither were able to let their eyes meet. Both were definitely aware that something had changed between them. Enemies did not cry on each others' shoulders. A tentative friendship was blossoming.

Rachel grew tired of the awkward silence, knowing Quinn would not be the first one to break it, so she reached for her hand and pulled her to sit on a chair. Then she dragged another chair and arranged it closely next to the occupied one. She sat down on it and looked at Quinn, who was staring blankly at her, mouth slightly agape. Don't kiss her, don't kiss her, don't kiss her, Rachel's mind chanted. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, chanted Quinn's. She blinked and straightened her back a little. She composed herself as she looked at Rachel who was mouthing something repeatedly and gazing intently at her lips.

"Um..." Quinn said, just because she had to say something, no matter how useless the 'something' was. Rachel snapped out of whatever trance she had been in at the uttering from Quinn and flushed a little and Quinn frowned.

"Oh." She said. "I'm sorry I cried on your sweater. I think I ruined it, but that's not such a bad thing, I guess," Quinn grimaced as soon as she shut her mouth. She hadn't meant to say the last part, but evidently she could never be just nice to Rachel. The brunette flushed darker and blinked rapidly.

"I'm going to ignore that last part and just focus on the apology." Quinn smiled a little.

"Sorry, force of habit. I'm working on it..." She answered meekly.

"Well, it's nice to know you're trying," Rachel said, unsure as to whether she meant it or not. It was hard to imagine Quinn ever being nice. Well, she had been nice, once upon a time. Before Quinn joined the Cheerios, before they were in high school, even. But Rachel found it hard to imagine anything of the younger, sweeter Quinn to still be in there underneath her cold exterior. There had been a time when they were almost friends before...

Rachel was shaken from her thoughts when Quinn laughed softly, her hands on her belly.

"What? What is it?" Rachel asked, confused.

"Chill out, RuP- um. Chill out... it's just the baby kicking. Do you want to feel?" Quinn blurted. What the hell? 'Do you want to feel?' Quinn thought wildly, realising her slip-up too late. Rachel's dark eyes lit up and she grinned, nodding wildly. She bit her lip as her hands reached out and made contact. She frowned.

"I can't feel anything," She sighed, disappointedly.

"Here," Quinn took Rachel's hands in her own and moved them. She had started this, whether she meant to or not, so she may as well roll with it.

"Oh!" The brunette exclaimed excitedly, "I can feel it, Quinn! Wow..." Quinn smiled. It was hard not to smile when her little girl was letting her know she was there, but it was also hard not to smile when Rachel was looking so happy. She hadn't seen Rachel smile like that since their sectionals victory.

"What does it feel like for you?" Rachel whispered, her eyes shining as she grew bolder with her hands. She dropped to her knees in front of the pregnant girl and moved her hands in slow, gentle circles. Quinn shut her eyes, leaning back in her chair. No one had ever done this with her before. No one had shown an interest. Not even Finn, when they were still together. This was something that she was meant to experience, someone adoringly feeling the little life inside of her and appreciating it. Everyone else looked at her and thought: Pregnant. Rachel was now seeing her for what she really was. Pregnant with a baby girl, who was very much a person and not just a thing. Not just a round shape in her belly. Not just a taboo subject. Quinn shrugged in reply to Rachel's question.

"It's... I don't know. I can't really describe it. It just feels." Quinn said. She spoke in a warm tone, and as Rachel looked at her she thought she had never seen Quinn look so at peace. She really was glowing. Then Rachel realised what she was doing and removed her hands. This was far too intimate.

Quinn sighed when Rachel's warm fingers retracted, and she opened her eyes to see Rachel gulping nervously.

"Are you o-" She began,

"Quinn, I would like to extend an offer of dinner at my house tonight. I can cook for you – bacon, even, if you're going to be um... craving for it, again. I-I mean, of course you don't have to come, b-but if you like, the offer is there and-"

"Berry." Quinn said firmly. Rachel paled, knowing rejection was imminent. There was a pause as Rachel collected herself.

"You don't want to. That's okay. I should have known better than to assume that you would want anything to do with me, even after out intimate little... whatever that was. I mean you're Quinn Fabray for goodness' sake," Rachel babbled, talking mostly to remind herself that she was stupid, stupid, stupid, "of course you don't want anything to do with me..." Rachel trailed off helplessly to find Quinn smirking. Rachel's stomach sank, knowing she'd really stepped in it now.

"Jeez, talk about jumping to conclusions. I was just trying to get you to stop talking for a second so I could actually answer you," Quinn threw her hands in the air in exasperation.

"Oh." Rachel said for what felt like the hundredth time since she had entered the room.

"My answer is yes."

"Really?" Questioned Rachel reproachfully.

"I said yes already, didn't I?"

"Yes, I just wasn't sure I could believe it."

"Neither can I," Quinn agreed with a raised eyebrow, "But it looks like it's bacon at the Berrys' again tonight."