I knew the moment I met Jennifer Jareau that I would fall in love with her. She was smart and classy without coming off like a snob. She actually got my dry sense of humor...something that very few people were able to understand. She was dedicated to her job, but she hadn't let it consume her. She was still a loving, caring human being. Add the fact that she was the most gorgeous woman I'd ever laid eyes on, and she was perfect.

Well, almost perfect.

JJ and I were friends immediately. She had this way of making me feel like I was a part of the team when I felt like everyone else hated me. If it weren't for her (and later Derek), I probably wouldn't have made it as long in the BAU as I have. We started spending almost all of our time together. Even when she was dating the lunkhead of the week, she'd find time for me. She kept saying there was nothing that could keep her away from her Emily time.

If we were in hotels working on a case, she'd come to my room and talk to me. We'd just talk about anything and everything: the case, relationships (well, her relationships), family...seriously, anything that popped into our heads, we could say to each other. The only thing that I couldn't tell her was that I was slowly but surely falling in love with her. Besides that, we kept nothing from each other.

That is, until, Will came into the picture.

That damn case in New Orleans. I think about it almost every day. I feel like that was the moment I lost JJ. Well, not at first. I knew she was dating him after the case, but I didn't say anything. I'd hoped that she would tell me herself. I was supposedly her best friend after all, but she never said anything. It really bothered me that she was keeping such a big secret from me, but every time I'd start to get mad, I'd remind myself that I'd kept my love for her a secret, and that was just as big...if not bigger.

I knew she was straight, and I didn't want to lose her, so I started to pull away...just a little bit. We'd always been really affectionate around each other. We'd hold each other's hands through hard times, or give one another reassuring hugs that I let last just a little bit longer than normal. After I totally fell for her, though, I stopped doing that. Sure, we'd hug, but it wasn't quite the same. I had to pull back to keep my feelings in check. JJ was straight, and nothing was going to change that.

When we saw Will again, he was practically drooling over JJ. Sure, I'd known that they were together, but he looked like a love-stricken puppy. I shouldn't judge. I'm sure I looked the same way around her, but I couldn't help but hate him. Still, I didn't want to interfere with JJ's happiness, so I pushed them together. Why I thought that was a good idea, I'll never know. She looked at me for a split second before she ran out after him and I could've sworn I saw something in her eyes...something telling me to stop her from what she was about to do. I shrugged the feeling off as soon as I saw them kiss. It was probably wishful thinking on my part.

That's really when I lost JJ. We barely spent any time outside of work together. Hugs had stopped completely. She never called unless it was for work. I'd get excited every time I head my phone ring, only to be disappointed when it was my mom to nag at me or Derek trying to convince me to be his wing man. Things were getting really pathetic.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the silence between us, and I couldn't take holding my feelings in. I had to tell her. If that ended our friendship, so be it. As I figured it, it couldn't last much longer in this shape anyway. I drove to her house, knowing Will was in New Orleans, to tell her how I felt. I knocked on the door, and I could tell she was surprised when she saw me standing there.

"Emily? What're you doing here?" she asked.

Seeing her there, actually standing in front of me, I started to lose my nerve. "Um...I'm sorry, I just wanted to talk to you, but if this is a bad time-"

"No!" she cut me off. "Don't go. I'm glad to see you." She looked me in the eye, and I could tell there was something on her mind. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was something there. "Do you wanna come in? I can make coffee."

"No, that's okay," I said. "I mean, yeah, I'd like to come in, but you don't have to make anything. I'll be okay." I stepped inside.

"Um, okay. Just make yourself comfortable," she said. I wanted to pace around the room. Pacing always made me feel better, but I knew I'd look crazy, so I sat on the couch. She sat next to me. I immediately felt how close she was, and I scooted away a little bit. I looked up and saw a hurt look on JJ's face.

"Hey," I said, scooting closer again. "Sorry, I just...I just haven't had anyone in my bubble for a while." I forced a laugh.

She looked at the ground. "Em, I don't want you to think I'm not happy to see you. I really am happy, but what's this about? You don't usually just stop by like this."

"I used to..." I mumbled under my breath. Unfortunately, she heard me.

"Yeah, I know, but you haven't for a while, so what's up?"

I started to panic. I didn't know what to say. "I...um...we...well...what happened to us, Jay?"

She looked at the ground, at back at me. "What do you mean?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Are you serious? We used to be practically attached at the hip, and now we barely talk. The last time you called me off hours was a month ago, and that was to ask me about paperwork."

"I just haven't had that much time on my hands, you know? I mean, with Will and everything."

"Yeah, I know, but it's not like you have to spend every second of every day with him. We could still have time for us."

"Emily, we see each other every day. I like spending time with people outside of work. Will gives me that. And he loves me."

Something struck me as off when she said that. "He loves you?" I asked.

"Yeah. In fact, he's transferring out here to live with me."

Something was DEFINITELY wrong with the way she said that. Was she sad? Did she want him to stay in New Orleans?

"JJ...do you love him?" I asked.

"I...I care for him a lot. He's everything I've always wanted. He's loving, and loyal, and he'll do almost anything to make me happy."

"Okay, those are all good things...but do you love him?"

She looked at the ground. "I...I want to."

I wanted to dance for joy and cry for her at the same time. "Why? There are plenty of other people out there. I'm sure there's someone else out there. Someone you could actually love."

I saw a tear roll down JJ's cheek, and I wanted so badly to wipe it away, but I didn't want to be too forward. "He's...I don't know...easy? He's stable, and reliable, and I know he won't break my heart. I just...I don't love him, but I have to try. Maybe, in time, I'll grow to love him."

"You can't force yourself to love him, JJ."

"I know, but-" she stopped. "About six months after we started dating,he told me that I was the one for him, and I, being my stupid self, promised that I would never leave him. I know that sounds stupid, but I just can't break that promise. If I did, it would destroy his whole world. I can't break his heart. It would hurt him too much."

"JJ, you're too kind for your own good sometimes."

She smiled at me and wiped the tears from her face. "Besides, no one else is going to love me like that."

That was the part of JJ that I never quite understood. On the surface, she was this uber-confident, blonde-haired, blue-eyed bombshell. On the inside, though, all she saw was a person unworthy of all the attention she got from guys...unworthy of affection and deep friendships...unworthy of love.

I couldn't let her think that anymore.

"Someone else does love you like that. In fact, I'd be willing to wager this person loves you more than he possibly could." Yeah, I didn't think much of Will or his love.

JJ just laughed a little bit and hugged me. "It's really sweet what you're trying to do, but unless you can tell me who, I ain't buying it."

I took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"It's me, JJ."

JJ pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "What?

"It's me. I...I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time." I leaned in and gave her a quick but soft kiss. God, I wanted it to go on so much longer than that, but I didn't want to force myself on her. "Please don't hate me."

JJ just sat there looking shocked. I could tell she wanted to say something, but the words weren't coming, so I took this as my cue to leave. I stood up, but I felt her grab my wrist and pull me back onto the couch. Before I could react, she was kissing me. It only took me a split second to respond. Her lips were amazing. I couldn't believe that this was really happening. She was really kissing me. Was I dreaming?

It wasn't long before I felt her tongue run along my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth to let her in. Our mouths fit together so perfectly. They moved together in sync like we'd been doing this for years. We spent the rest of the night discovering each other. I felt JJ's body under mine, writhing in pleasure as she called out my name for the first time that night, and I knew the feeling would become an addiction...

And now here I was...a year later, sitting in my apartment, crying so hard I could barely breathe. I was shaking by she time I'd cried all the tears out of my body. I just sat on the floor, holding myself and shaking back and forth for God knows how long. It took my cell phone ringing to knock me somewhat back to my senses. I got up and flipped it open.

"Prentiss," I managed to get out.

"Hey," came the voice on the other side. "Are you alright? You haven't been answering your phone all night."

It was Morgan. He'd become my confidante after JJ and I had stopped talking. He'd become even more important after JJ and I got involved with each other.

"Em, is something up?" he asked after getting no response. "Should I be seriously worried?"

"She..." I couldn't quite say the words. I didn't want to cry anymore, but I could feel the tears coming.

"She? She who? What's going on?" I didn't say anything, but Morgan seemed to catch on. "Wait...is this about JJ?"

That did it, I started to cry again.

"She said that she couldn't do this anymore. It isn't fair to Will," I said between sobs.

"You hold on right there, Prentiss. I'll be right over."

"You don't have to do that Morgan," I said. "I'll be fine."

"No arguing. I'll be over soon. You just sit tight."

He hung up the phone. I knew it wouldn't be long. When Derek Morgan had somewhere to be in a hurry, he'd move heaven and earth to get there. It was only about a half an hour before I heard a knock on the door. I opened it, and was immediately engulfed in a hug.

"I'm sorry it took me so long," he said. "I was out with Garcia, and I had to drop her off at Kevin's on the way here."

"It's okay. I'm just glad to see you."

I told him everything that had happened that night. I just let all of my pent up emotions spill out, and he just sat there and listened. When I was finally done, he spoke up.

"Wow. That's...wow. I don't know what to say to that. I'm so sorry, Em." We were sitting on my couch by now, and he was trying to hold me and calm me down, but it wasn't really working. I'd at least stopped crying.

"I just can't believe it's over," I said. I looked him in the eye. "I know it's stupid, but a part of me always thought she'd choose me in the end. My head kept telling me that I should be realistic and know she would stay with him, but I couldn't shake it. I really thought we'd end up happy together."

"I know, sweetie. I know, but maybe this is a good thing. This has been tearing you up inside. Maybe you can finally move on."

"I don't wanna move on. Morgan. She's the only person I ever see myself feeling this way about. She's my everything."

"I know you're hurting. Hell, I would be too if I were you, but you have to believe that you'll move on. You have to, or this is going to rip you apart."

"I know," I said. I sat there, leaning against Morgan for a while longer, but eventually, I felt how tired I was. "I'm gonna try to sleep."

"You know, I can stay here, if you want," he said.

"No, it's okay. You've done enough. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for coming here like this."

"Don't mention it," he said, giving me one more hug. "You call me any time, and I'll be here faster than you can blink."

"Thanks, Morgan."

"Anytime," he said, walking out the door. I crawled into bed, not caring that I was still fully dressed. It didn't take long for me to drift off to sleep.

That night, I dreamed of nothing but JJ. The way she kissed me, the way she made me feel, and the way she left me that night.