AN: Hi sweeties! Finally, another If Only update! I bet the wait seemed forever, right? LOL. Anyhow, sorry for the short delay. I would have posted this on Wednesday and that would have been exactly a week since I posted chapter one. However, after glancing at this chapter, and checking the word count, I realized it was too short and vague. Thankfully, my brain stormed up some ideas and I threw in a different beginning to the chapter to make it longer :) Anyhow, hope the small wait will be worth it! I am a little nervous about this chapter. Okay, quickly, before you all read on, I just wanted to thank those of you who reviewed the first chapter, adding this fic to your favorites, following it, and for giving it a chance! I was so overwhelmed by the response to the first chapter alone. Thank you! Alright, let's get going here. I'll chat with you more at the end :)
***Disclaimer: All things Twilight are the brilliant Stephenie Meyer's, I am eternally grateful she allows us to have fun with her characters!
***My beta is the fantastic Serenshadow! She deserves love from all of you too because she make my words flow real pretty :) Thank you babes so very much for everything!
***PLEASE READ this warning before you continue reading! This story contains the subject of infidelity. If you are NOT comfortable reading about it, then I am kindly suggesting you exit now! I am NOT forcing you to read this. ***
If Only
Chapter Two: Temptation
*"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it." -Oscar Wilde*
**EPOV**
12:25 p.m.
My cell rings incessantly just as I'm about to take another bite of my sandwich. Annoyed, I drop my lunch down in the container and pick up the phone off the desk. I steal a glance at the name and picture flashing on the screen and smile half-heartedly.
"Hey Iri," I greet, staring at the open file on my laptop screen.
"Hi handsome," My girlfriend's cheerful voice fills my ear. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"
I hear the roaring of an engine on her end of the line. Hmm, I wonder where Irina is heading. Maybe she is going to grab a bite to eat or heading back to her job after her lunch break.
I spin around in my seat and gaze out the window, watching as light sheets of rain hit the glass. "No, not at all. Your timing is perfect, I need a distraction."
It's been a long ass day already and I'm only half way through it. Five-thirty can't arrive soon enough.
"Oh baby, what's the matter? Are you having a rough day?"
I chuckle humorlessly, lean back against the chair, and rub my forehead gently. Damn, I feel a headache coming; better take some ibuprofen for it soon. "Yeah, you can say that. It's been non-stop since I walked in the door this morning."
"Sorry to hear that," Irina sounds bored but then quickly her voice perks up. "But, on the bright side Ed, tonight will take your mind off things. I can't wait!"
She clears her throat purposely and her tone grows stern. "You do remember our plans for this evening, don't you? The reservations are set, right?"
What reservations? Oh, shit, tonight! I completely forgot! A couple of weeks ago, I made reservations for us to dine at the SkyCity Restaurant, Irina's favorite, for this evening. I'm treating her to a special night out on the town in honor of her earning a big promotion at her job. It's my way of congratulating her and making it up to her. She deserves a wonderful time out for working her ass off and for being a good, faithful girlfriend.
I want to try harder being the man she's worthy of. However, unfortunately, I'll never be that man, because I'm a lying, unfaithful bastard. I shake my head fiercely and stare at the picture of us sitting on top of my desk. I can do this and I will. This evening will be about Irina and her happiness.
"Edward?" Irina's anxious, raised voice breaks me out of my thoughts.
"Yes, of course I remember, Iri. How could I forget? Tonight is your special night. The reservation is for a party of two at 8:30." I try sounding enthusiastic but fail miserably.
Fortunately, Irina didn't seem to notice.
"Oh, perfect! Thank you Ed so much! I'm really looking forward to it. I mean, when was the last time you and I had a date night?"
"Far too long." I lower my head and shake it remorsefully.
"Exactly, this is just what we need babe."
I swallow hard, struggling to ignore the burning ache in my chest. She is over the moon about our plans, so I have to make sure our night will be a memorable one for her. I won't let her down.
Changing the subject, I ask, "It sounds like you're out and about. Are you heading somewhere to eat?"
"Actually, I just finished having lunch with the girls and now I'm heading to the mall to pick out something special to wear for tonight."
She just had to say that, didn't she? I don't want her making such a fuss over this dinner; it makes me feel even more guilty and shitty than I already do.
Faking a smile, I assure her, "Iri, that isn't necessary. You have plenty of lovely things to wear. You don't have to go through the trouble to buy-"
Irina's giggle's cut me short and she tsks under her breath. "Oh Eddie, you know me better than that. Appearance is everything to me. I want to look sensational for you."
I roll my eyes and suppress a groan. Though Irina has her good qualities, she also has some flaws as well; such as being obsessed with her looks. She spends more time prepping in the bathroom than most women and has a wardrobe that takes up an entire closet. Irina wasn't always this way though.
"Honey," I say and turn on the charm by complementing, "You always look sensational."
Irina sighs softly and murmurs, "Oh, Ed, flattery may get you somewhere later tonight."
I cringe over her suggestive comment and a surge of worry and shame hits me. It has been quite awhile since we had sex. Well, I did promise I would make this an incredible evening for her. No, we're only going to have dinner and maybe go dancing afterwards. God, I am such a fucking asshole for thinking of ways to get out of having sex with my girlfriend.
I clear my throat and mutter, "I sure hope it does, honey. Well, Iri, sorry to cut this short but I still have a ton of work to do-"
"No problem, I understand. I just arrived at the mall anyway. You will finish work on time, right?"
The hopefulness in her voice makes my heart sink. Sadly, over the years, she's grown used to the long hours I spend in the office.
"I will, don't worry. I won't let you down, Irina."
Oh, the irony of what I said.
I already have let her down, countless times before, she just isn't aware of it.
***IO***
A moment later, I'm off the phone and chewing down the rest of my lunch. Once I finish, I try reading the rest of a report I started before taking my break. Ten minutes pass and my eyes grow weary. I rub them roughly with the back of my hands, forcing myself to wake up. Then I glance at my cell that's lying right beside my laptop. Slowly, I pick it up and navigate the menu. My finger touches the icon labeled Private: For Work and I wait for it to open. I click again; choose the file titled B and I smile as several images and a few video files pop up on the screen.
With my heart trapped in my throat, I choose the first photo and stare at it longingly. God, she is breathtaking. Her pretty, kind brown eyes look back at me as I lightly caress her face on the screen with my fingertips. I will never forget the day I took this picture. It was during our trip together to the Florida Keys in Spring Break of 2005. We were in our sophomore year of college and attending separate schools. Maintaining a long distance relationship was difficult and heart breaking at times but it made us stronger, for a while.
Until we fell apart.
I swallow thickly, forcing back the wetness that's stinging the corners of my eyes. Solemnly, I click off the photo and then hastily scroll through the rest of the album. A video file catches my eye and I touch the icon, opening it. My chest then tightens and my heart rapidly pounds as the movie starts to play.
"Hey baby," I say to Bella from behind the camera. "What ride are we heading to next?"
Oh, I remember this like it happened yesterday. I took this movie of Bella and me when we visited Disney World years ago. We, along with many of our fellow Forks High School classmates, went there for vacation after graduation. The mini trip was a present that the parents all chipped in on for us completing high school.
Bella turns around and grins happily at me. "We're going on 'It's a Small World'! I can't wait, this ride sounds so adorable!"
I hear myself snorting from behind the camera and it rattles a bit as I'm trying to keep up with Bella. "Adorable? What's so adorable about a bunch of creepy ass dolls singing?"
Shaking her head in disapproval, Bella playfully swats my arm. "They're not creepy, Cullen. They're cute! Come on, it'll be fun. Hey, you may even like it."
I laugh and the camera suddenly zooms in on her shapely, long legs. "Oh I doubt it, Bell. The only way it would be fun for me is if you cop a feel when no one is looking."
Bella rolls her eyes and frowns in disgust. "Spoken like a true, horny 18 year old boy."
"Well, I am a horny 18 year old, but I'm certainly not a boy." I shot back suggestively, then spin the camera around and I find myself looking at a younger version of me.
"Take my word for it ladies and gents, this beautiful girl of mine just can't control herself when she's alone with me."
I point the camera to Bella again and she's glaring at me heatedly with her hands on her hips. Christ, she's fucking sexy when she's irritated!
"That's it, movie is over, Cullen!" She saunters towards me and attempts to snatch the camera off my hands. "You lost your privileges to use this."
I chuckle uproariously and tease her with the camera, pretending to hand it back to her, only to take it away.
I press the stop button just as the movie nearly ends. I can't…I just can't bring myself to watch anymore. The memories are too much.
I sigh deeply, exit the 'Bella' album, and then open my saved incoming text messages. I find the most recent one she sent me about three weeks ago and begin reading our conversation.
B: Hey Cullen, just dropping you a text to let you know how much I miss you. Xo, B
EC: Hi beautiful, I was just thinking about you! Well, as always. Anyway, I miss you too, very much. How's things?
B: Aww, its great being missed ;) And I'm okay, same 'ol, same 'ol. You know working, more working and staying busy, lol.
EC: Yeah, I hear you. That's my routine as well. I wish I had more free time on my hands so that I can see your beautiful face.
B: I wish we could see each other more often too. I miss you like crazy, all the time.
EC: So do I baby, so do I.
B: I always think about us, about you. I think about the way you kiss me and about how your hands feel on my body.
EC: Bella, baby... God, I miss being with you. I miss being buried deep inside you.
B: Me too, Eddie. I'm all alone right now and wishing you were here with me. I need you.
I pull my eyes away from the screen and suck in a deep breath. Shit, I'm becoming aroused from reading these! I have to stop. I can't think about her, not today. The urge to shoot Bella a text is beyond tempting so I need to get back to work and keep busy for the remainder of the afternoon.
All of a sudden, a loud knocking makes me flinch and I glare at my office door in agitation.
"Come in!" I bellow in a clipped tone.
The door opens halfway and my assistant Heidi timidly peeks her head in. "Mr. Cullen, the staff meeting is about to start in five minutes."
Dammit, that's right! The meeting, it totally slipped my mind. Yeah, all because of a certain brown-haired woman you're obsessed with!
I inhale sharply and nod my head. "Ah, great, thank you Heidi. I'll be right there."
I give her a polite, gracious smile and she blushes, and then grins back. "You're welcome, Mr. Cullen."
She shuts the door quietly and I run my hands through my hair in frustration. Well, I do need a distraction.
Hastily, I stand up, readjust my necktie, and walk towards the door, leaving thoughts of Bella Swan-Biers behind.
***IO***
6:45 p.m.
Buzz, buzz!
My phone is vibrating repeatedly inside my pants pocket as I'm driving through the hectic streets of downtown Seattle.
It's her calling… I just know it.
Buzz, buzz!
Goddamn her! I can't do this with her, not tonight. I shouldn't answer it. I refuse to.
Yeah, that's what you said the last time. You always answer every time she calls and you always drop everything when she demands to see you.
Every time.
Well, not this time.
Buzz, buzz!
Fuck, why did the light just have to turn red? It will only tempt me to…
No, don't you dare answer it!
My hands tremble and my heart hammers against my chest as I pull my phone out. I stare at her picture for a good long minute and debate whether to take the call.
You know you want to. Answer it!
My heart beats faster as I press the key for speakerphone and then hit accept. "Hi beautiful." I greet anxiously and place the cell down on the center console. "What a nice surprise to hear from-"
"Hey," she interrupts in an urgent breathless voice. "Where are you? Are you still at work?"
"Well, hello to you too."
As usual, she's straight to the point. She knows what she wants after all…me.
I clear my throat; press hard on the gas and the car motions rapidly ahead. "I just left the office, actually. I'm on Pike Street and heading home, why?"
Why did I even ask her that? I already know why she called.
"I need you to come over, now."
God, her voice is so fucking beautiful!
No, no, no! I have to stick to my guns this time. I have to say no this time, that's it.
"I can't. I have to be home tonight. I made plans with her-"
"For what time?" She sounds indifferent. I can't stand the way she treats our relationship sometimes as if we're a damn business transaction.
"Eight-thirty. Listen, I really can't stop by tonight. Or the next time you ask, or-"
She chuckles, her soft voice vibrating my ear and sending a pleasant shiver down my spine.
I can't allow her to get to me. I won't give in!
"That's what you said the last time and the time before."
Why that smug, irritating brat! She's right though.
"Well, I mean it this time, Bella. I'm not coming over. I won't let her down."
God, I sound pathetic. I am pathetic and a no good, lying piece of shit!
She scoffs and I envision those pretty lips of hers smirking on the other end of the line.
"It isn't like you haven't disappointed her before. Stop thinking and just act. Give in. I'm waiting for you." She murmurs in such a sensual tone, I instantly harden.
Fuck, why does she do this to me? Why do I fucking let her?
You love her, irrevocably, that's why. And she loves you just as much.
Yes, she does. However, not enough to choose me and leave him. That's all I ever wanted. If she told me tomorrow, she was finally ready to be with me, I would take her in a heartbeat without thinking twice.
A tinge of remorse strikes my heart and I shove those feelings aside. I can't think about Irina right now. If I do, I'll end the call and head straight home to her, as I should.
One more time, I try to refuse Bella's very tempting invite. "Sorry to break it to you but you'll be waiting all night, because I'm not coming."
I turn the car around and drive on the street that leads directly to her place. Shit, I'm such a fucking weak idiot!
"Yes, you will. You always do."
Dammit, once again she's right. I just can't stay away, it's impossible.
Like a moth to a flame.
"Bella, no, I can't-"
"I'll see you soon." She purrs and then the line disconnects.
...
***IO***
AN: *Ducks behind my office chair* Yeah, I know...Oh Edward, Edward. *shakes head* I am sure you weren't expecting this after reading chapter one. So, I am curious...how many of you feel sorry for him now? I did warn you all, haa. Even though it's wrong, very wrong, what him and Bella are doing, all I can say is they love each other. Some of you might understand a bit more once more is revealed in other chapters. Some of you may not understand and that's okay. But, please just go easy on me, alright? There will be no hard feelings from me if you choose to move on and no longer want to read this. I hope though, the majority of you will stick with me and these two on their emotional journey! So, anyhow, *takes a deep breath* I have a question, do you all enjoy sexy times? Of course you do, hee. Guess what, the next chapter will have some!
Okay, no more spoilers out of me :)
Alright, that is it for now. Thanks so much for reading! Chapter 3 is all ready, I swear! Its edited and ready to post. But, I am going to give it a week. My plan is to hopefully post weekly with this story since its just about completed. So...hope to see you all back in a few days! Till then, reviews are love! And if you like, you can chat with me about my fics on Twitter, Im Vampgirl792011 on there. I'm on FB under Vampgirl79 Fanfiction, its a fan page. And I also have a group titled Vampgirl79 Fanfiction. Till next time lovelies, XO, Leslie