AN: Hello my dear readers! *waves* I'm glad you are still here with me on this journey, it means a lot! Anyhow, my apologies for the little delay with the update. I hope the brief wait will be worth it. Before you read on, I thought I should let you know that the chapter you are about to read is a different version of chapter 3. The one that was going to be this chapter will be in the next one. I wrote this whole different chapter for you guys in a matter of a few days! You all were the inspiration for it after many of you had asked me about Edward and Bella's history together. I hope some of you will have a better understanding about their past after reading this. Okay, quickly I want to thank those of you who reviewed the last chapter and for adding this story to your alerts. I truly appreciate it! Alright, I'll let you all get to reading, chat with you more at the end :)

***Disclaimer: You all know it's not mine but Stephenie Meyer's. All characterizations and plot for this fic are mine though! LK, 2013

***My beta is Serenshadow, who helped me tremendously with this chapter, for real! Give her a round of applause for making my words flow nicely. Thank you bb!

***PLEASE READ this warning before you continue reading! This story contains the subject of infidelity. If you are NOT comfortable reading about it, then I am kindly suggesting you exit now! I am NOT forcing you to read this. ***

***This chapter is dedicated to five awesome ladies! SeKoehler, LaPumuckl, XAeyshaX, That'sMzPeachesTYVM and Loopylou992, you ladies are the greatest friends and readers a woman could ask for! Thank you for your endless support!***

If Only

Chapter Three: Remembering The Past

*"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere; they're in each other all along."-Rumi*

**EPOV**

During the remainder of the drive to Bella's, my mind wanders, lost in memories of the past.

Bella and I were high school sweethearts.

We met the middle of my tenth grade year when my family and I moved to Forks, Washington. My parents wanted to ditch the hectic city life for peaceful small town living. I wasn't particularly thrilled with the impact it would have on my teenage life. I loved living in Chicago; I had some great friends there and I was happy. The school I attended wasn't so bad either. Nevertheless, my parents insisted the change of scenery would do wonders for us all.

The moment I arrived in that tiny, rainy town, I hated it. I was certain I would be miserable living there and dreaded my first day at Forks High School. Surprisingly, it went well. I made some new friends, practically everyone in the entire school was curious to meet the "cool, good looking boy" from Chicago. The girls especially competed for my affections. However, there was only one girl who had captured both my eye and my heart.

Bella Swan.

We hit it off instantly and became the best of friends.

Time passed and I started developing strong feelings for her. How could I not? Bella was not only beautiful she was bright, kind, loving and had a great sense of humor. She made me so damn nervous every time I saw her. Whenever she was around my heart would race faster, my palms would sweat and my stomach would do somersaults. I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend, but I was worried that dating would affect our friendship. I had a feeling Bella had the same fears as well. I mean, her friend Angela had hinted at it when I came to her for advice regarding Bella.

The rest of my first year in Forks High went by and then summer arrived. It was one of the most memorable summers in my life. I spent all of my free moments with my friends and with Bella. Then, just like that, it was ruined. I found out Bella was dating the quarterback of the school's football team, Tyler Crowley. I was livid at Crowley for stealing the girl of my dreams and disappointed in Bella for agreeing to date him. I mean, shit, I thought she was into me!

I realized, after dwelling on it, I was angrier with myself. If I had just took a chance, revealed my feelings to Bella and asked her out then she wouldn't have agreed to be that asshole's girlfriend. Thankfully, their relationship was short lived. Bella caught Crowley fucking one of the cheerleaders in the backseat of his truck one day. Bella was devastated and of course, I was there to help mend the pieces of her broken heart after she dumped his sorry ass. Days later, she admitted to me that she was more humiliated over what Tyler did to her than sad and she never really felt anything for him to begin with.

I knew then that she most likely went out with Tyler to make me jealous, in hopes it would push me to make a move. So, I did. I finally gathered up the courage and admitted my feelings for her. She revealed her love for me too and from then on we dated exclusively.

Bella and I were Forks High's super couple. We were intensely in love and always seen together. The last two years of high school were perfect. I was walking on air, until Bella and I received acceptance letters from two different colleges.

We had discussed attending the University of Washington together; I had no idea that Bella had applied to a college in Florida. I didn't know she secretly wanted to move out of dreary Forks and live in sunny Florida with her mother, who moved there years prior after divorcing Bella's father. Apparently, Bella was bored with the small town life and missed her mother dearly. But, she also wanted to stay and be with me.

I was completely broken-hearted that Bella didn't bother to tell me her plans. I naively believed we shared the same dream. I thought we were going to experience college together.

Bella explained the reason she didn't fill me in about her possible move to Florida was that she didn't think she would get an acceptance letter. Yet, she did, and she had a difficult, painful decision to make. And so did I. I earned a full scholarship to attend the U of W, how could I pass up such a fantastic opportunity that was essential to my future? Bella received a full scholarship as well for the University of North Florida. We were utterly torn up over what to do, but in the end, we knew we had to do the right thing for ourselves.

So, I made the decision to give up my scholarship, move to Florida with Bella and go to the University of North Florida with her. I was shocked when Bella didn't approve of my idea. She told me there was no way she would let me give up that scholarship for her. I insisted that I wasn't only making that decision for her but for us, so that we could stay together. We argued and spilled tears over the subject many times and at one point, Bella suggested that she would stay in Washington and attend U of W with me. I was ecstatic over her plan; unfortunately, I couldn't allow her to go through with it.

I knew where she really wanted to be, in Florida. I couldn't be selfish. I loved her so much and though I didn't want us to be states apart, I wanted her to be happy. Therefore, we made the tough decision to attend both schools and have a long-distance relationship.

We wanted to savor that summer together before we parted ways, and we did. Bella and I spent every minute together possible and I treasured it dearly. Then, it was our time to say goodbye. Taking Bella to the airport that day was one of the most gut-wrenching moments of my entire life. I wanted to beg her to stay with me; I didn't want to let her go.

Instead, I watched the woman I love board the plane that would take her away from me.

We made many promises prior to the day she left for Florida. We promised to text and call each other every day. We promised our hearts would only belong to each other's always. So many promises made…

For a while those promises were kept.

Amazingly, we were strong and maintained a long distance relationship throughout the first year of college. We stuck to our word and kept in touch daily. When we had breaks from school, we visited each other as much as we could with the help of our parents who always paid for our flights. We made things work as best as possible. If anything, the distance and absence made our love grow deeper. Let's just say our passion in the bedroom was on fire every time we reunited and having phone sex often helped fulfill our needs.

Sophomore year of college arrived and things started to shift between us. There was less time to keep up with our daily phone calls, thanks to the amount of coursework our schools were throwing at us. We weren't able to visit each other as frequently during holiday vacations. But, somehow we managed. Our love and commitment to one another pulled us through. Or so I foolishly thought. After a while, it seemed I was the only one putting in the effort, keeping in contact with Bella daily. Normally, if she had missed my call, she would return it immediately. At the very least, she would always text me, several times a day even.

Then, all of a sudden, Bella just stopped. No daily texts, no daily phone calls, and she would take a week or more to respond back to me. Something wasn't right; I could feel it. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and thought that maybe she was just busy. I mean, school was kicking my ass too, the classes were becoming more challenging, and I spent most of my days studying in the library. Yet, I tried my hardest to stay in touch with Bella, to keep our relationship alive. So, why wasn't she putting in any effort all of a sudden? I found out my answer one late evening when she called me.

"Hey beautiful," I answered with a huge grin on my face. "What a nice surprise, I was just thinking about-"

I stopped myself short as Bella quietly sniffed into my ear. My heart sank and filled with dread as Bella began to cry.

"Bella? Bella, baby…what's the matter? Did something happen?"

Her silence scared the hell out of me. Anxious, I sat up in the bed and gripped my hair with my hands. "Bella? What's going on?"

She took a few deep breaths before she finally whispered, "I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm…"

She sniffed again and then her voice lowered so much I had to strain to listen. "I'm f-fine."

"Fine? You don't sound fine, Bella. Please tell me what's bothering you."

She exhaled sharply and cleared her throat. "I'm not sure how to say this…I-"

I sighed in frustration and snapped, "Why don't you start by explaining to me why you haven't returned my calls or texts? It's been a week, Bell, I was getting really concerned and-"

"I know, I know. I am so sorry, Eddie. So much has been happening..."

I waited for her to elaborate and when she didn't, I pried, "Such as?"

Bella breathed out and I struggled with keeping my patience in line. I just wish she would fucking tell me what was going on!

A torturous moment later, Bella finally spoke. "Well, I've been doing some thinking, about us."

She was quiet again and I nearly tossed my cell across the room. God, I love her, but shit, she was killing me!

"What about us?" I tried to be hopeful but what Bella said next, squashed those feelings completely.

"I, I met someone."

Come again? Was it just my imagination or did those words spill out of her mouth?

"Wh-what do you mean you met someone...?"

"No, no, Eddie! It's not like that, I swear!" She assured, her voice laced with panic and guilt.

"Then, what the hell is it like, Bella? You just said you met-"

"I know, sorry. That totally came out wrong."

I silently counted to three, trying to placate my nerves and the rapid beating of my heart. "So, then you didn't meet someone?"

I assumed this 'someone' was a guy and I was tempted to take the first available flight out to Florida and beat the shit out of him!

"What I meant was, I, um, have met lots of people recently." Bella muttered and I gritted my teeth together in irritation.

"Bella, baby, you aren't making any sense and I would appreciate it if you would just tell me what's-"

"I need a break, Edward. We need some time to…I need some space."

My anger took over and before I knew it, I was yelling at her, "Space? We already have it, Bell! Thousands of fucking miles of it!"

Her sobs on the other end of the line snapped me out of my heated daze; I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, beautiful. Please, stop crying. We can talk this out, let's work through this."

"No, we can't Eddie!" Bella shouted and then blubbered loudly. "We can't go on like this anymore. I can't do this; the distance is…just too much."

"Don't you think that it is for me too? Every damn day I don't see you, Bella, fucking hurts. But, I keep going and I hold on to my faith in us. I won't throw in the towel, not ever."

"You can't say stuff like that, Edward. Don't." Bella's voice trembled and etched with such sorrow it ripped my heart to shreds.

"Why not? I love you Bella and I'm not giving up on us. And neither should you!"

I felt awful for lashing out at her, but I had to try to knock some sense into her. We made promises. We agreed that no matter how hard things got we would get through it, together. Now, she wanted to throw everything we had away!

"I'm not giving up, Edward. I just need some time to think about us. Please, understand."

I swallowed down a painful lump that emerged in my throat as tears sprung in my eyes. "What is there to think about? How can you expect me to understand? Does this… have to do with that someone you met?"

"No, God no! Eddie, I swear nothing is going on-"

"Then why are you fucking breaking up with me?"

Shit, I didn't mean to sound like a whiny child but I was utterly confused. I didn't understand why she was doing this to me, to us.

"I'm not," Bella murmured gently and sighed. "I just need some distance, for awhile. I'm sorry, so damn sorry. I love you, so much."

I threw my free hand up in midair and groaned. "Then why are you doing this? If you love me so much?"

"Eddie, please. You have no idea how hard this is on me-"

"And you have no idea how much this is killing me, baby! Don't do this."

How was I supposed to let her go? I had to remind myself that this was only temporary and that she would change her mind, she just had to.

We spoke for a few more minutes, shedding more tears as we said our good-byes. Then, I was alone, pissed off, and feeling sorry for myself. As everything fully sank in, I lost it. I practically destroyed my entire bedroom that night until I was spent. Luckily, my roommate and best friend Emmett wasn't around to witness my meltdown.

Hours later when the sun rose and I finally drifted away into unconsciousness, I prayed to God for Bella to find her way back to me.

***IO***

A week came and went and I hadn't heard from Bella. It took every ounce of willpower I possessed to not give her a call. I attempted to distract myself, concentrating on my studies during the day and partying hard with my friends at night. It helped ease my heartache, temporarily. Until late at night when I was in my room lying on my bed and thoughts of Bella haunted me. I missed her, so damn much. I missed kissing her, touching her, making love to her. I wondered if she missed me just the same. Was I on her mind as much as she was on mine? I wasn't sure how much longer I could withstand this break from her.

One day, after class ended, my cell vibrated in my pocket. Curious, I pulled it out and noticed I received one new text message. It was from Bella. I couldn't believe it. I didn't know what to think, I felt a whirlwind of emotions slam at me all at once. She said in the message that she would be in Forks that weekend visiting her father and some of her friends. She wanted to know if I could meet with her so that we could talk. I agreed to meet with her Saturday evening. I tried not stressing about her visit as the days passed. But I couldn't help but wonder what she wanted to discuss. I held on to a glimmer of hope that she still loved me and wanted to get back together with me. It had to work out for us, we were meant to be.

I made the long drive to Forks that weekend and I booked a room at a motel so Bella and I could have some privacy. We talked for several hours, we fought, and we cried. It turned out Bella wanted to make the separation a permanent thing. I couldn't believe it, she asked me for space just so that she break up with me a few days later. I was furious! However, my anger at her didn't last. I was relieved to see her after so long and I naively thought that maybe I could change her mind.

Exhausted, we both settled down on the uncomfortable bed and I held her tightly in my arms. Bella started to cry again and told me how sorry she was for hurting me. I cupped her beautiful face in my hands, looked deep in her eyes, and then kissed her passionately. Perhaps that was stupid of me, but I just had to show her how much I loved her and remind her how good we are for each other. Bella hesitated at first, refusing to kiss me back, but then she surrendered. Things grew heated very quickly and before long, I was making love to her until sunrise.

I had given her my heart and even though it was over between us, she would always have it. I knew that I would always be in hers. We meant too much to each other. Letting Bella go was the most heartbreaking, difficult thing I ever had to do. All I ever desired was her happiness and even though she deeply cared for me, I could tell she was miserable over the last few months. The separation was too overwhelming for her, and for us, to handle. Maybe Bella was right. I was in denial for so long even when the signs were right in front of me. I wished she hadn't given up though, I wished she held on for just a little longer. We only had another year or so of school to complete.

But, it was over, I lost the love of my existence; my world crashed around me.

***IO***

A year and a half later, I graduated from the University of Washington. I was so relieved it was over; the last few months of school were trying. The breakup with Bella had a massive affect on me. Most days I didn't sleep properly, I barely ate, and I shut out the people close to me. I had trouble staying focused on my course work and my grades were declining as a result. No matter how hard I tried not to, I always thought about Bella.

I was excited to start a new chapter of my life and see where destiny would bring me. To my surprise, everything quickly fell into place. I moved in a nice, modern apartment in downtown Seattle before landing a great job at a financial company shortly after. Soon, life became so hectic between working and socializing, Bella was less and less on my mind. From time to time though, I wondered about her. I wondered if she was content, if things were going well for her in Florida.

I found some of those answers one evening when Emmett and I were out at a bar having some beers. Emmett mentioned that he had talked to Alice, one of our friends, the other day and found out that Bella wasn't doing so well. She just barely passed her final year of college and was in a deep state of depression. Apparently, she wasn't happy living in Florida anymore.

Before I thought better of it, I asked Emmett why Bella didn't just move back to Forks to be near her father and friends. Emmett wasn't stupid; he knew exactly why I asked that question. He knew a part of me still held a small hope of being with her again.

Hearing about her struggles, ripped my heart. The urge to call her was strong. For a brief moment, I even considered booking a flight to Florida to be there for her.

Then I reminded myself that she was the one who ended things and I was no longer her knight in shining armor. Unfortunately, I didn't hear any more news about Bella after that night.

Many months passed and things in my life couldn't get any better. All of my hard work had paid off at my job and I earned a promotion. My social life was going great as well, meeting with a certain circle of friends weekly and with my fellow colleagues some evenings after work. As full as my life was, Bella haunted my dreams. I still missed her and I felt lonely all the time.

Sure, I exchanged flirtations with many women and I even invited some of them into my bed. But, that was all. Nothing more, it couldn't be more. I wasn't sure whether I wanted another woman to replace Bella's spot in my heart. Deep down, I knew I had to move on. Any flicker of hope I had about us reuniting had slowly faded.

On one December evening, things took a surprising turn.

My work hosted a holiday party inside the Skyview Restaurant at the Space Needle and the night seemed to be dragging. I had a pleasant enough time at first, until Bella popped in my mind and my mood dampened. As my colleagues were having the time of their lives dancing and drinking, I was sitting all alone at the bar. As I was guzzling down another glass of vodka, a warm, soft hand touched my shoulder.

"Mind if I join you? My feet are killing me." A woman chuckled quietly under her breath and I spun around in my seat to face her.

My eyes landed on a gorgeous, tall blonde-haired woman with striking gray eyes and I was instantly captivated. I offered her a kind smile and gazed down at her feet covered in extremely sexy black heels.

"I can see why you need to put your feet up. What are those, about ten inches?"

The woman laughed again and I liked the way her entire face lit up. "Um, well, you're sort of close. There seven inches."

She plopped down in the stool next to mine and extended out her hand for me to shake. "I'm Irina, Irina Denali."

I flashed a crooked grin and shook her hand. "I'm Edward Cullen, pleasure to meet you."

Irina smiled flirtatiously and winked, "Like wise."

It turned out that Irina was a good friend of one my co-workers and they brought her to the party. As luck would have it, Irina was single and she seemed pleased that I was as well.

We spent the rest of the evening enjoying each other's company. We spoke non-stop for hours, danced, and later made out like horny teenagers in a secluded corridor. It definitely could have led to something more, but I was a gentleman and drove her home.

After sharing a goodnight kiss, we exchanged phone numbers and a week later, Irina and I were dating. I couldn't grasp how things were turning around for me. I had a great career, supportive friends, a loving family, and a wonderful girlfriend. I cared for Irina deeply, I mean, how could I not? Irina was intelligent, beautiful, and ambitious. She was good to me and made me genuinely happy.

Something I hadn't felt in a long, long time. The gaping hole in my chest finally healed and I rarely longed for Bella anymore.

But, fate had other plans, ones that would turn my universe upside down.

I was on my way back to work one spring afternoon after lunch at a nearby diner. The weather was nice that day for a change so I chose to walk to the restaurant instead of driving. I was strolling along the sidewalk, when a pair of familiar brown eyes met mine.

My heart stopped beating for a fraction of a second as I looked at the woman, immediately recognizing her.

It was Bella.

***IO***

A beeping noise forces me back to the present and I realize I'm driving down the street that leads to Bella's home. Hastily, I brake at the stop sign, and pick up my cell, noticing a new text alert from Bella.

B: Hey, are you almost here?

I take a deep breath and quickly text back. I'm real close, beautiful. See you in a minute.

Moments later, my heart races in anticipation as I'm drawn closer to her home.

***IO***

AN: *Peeks out nervously* Still with me? Haa. Well, I admit, I am a bit nervous to read your thoughts about this chapter, due to the response I received for the last one. Some of you expressed your dislike for Edward and many for you expressed it for Bella. And then, there was those of you who were confused and wondered why and how their affair began. You will find that out soon enough! I realized I left you all at a cliffy there just when things were getting interesting, right? lol. Sorry about that. Anyway, if you ask me, I feel sort of bad for Edward, I cant help it. I mean in regards to his past and about what went down between him and Bella. Just remember, when it comes to Bella, there are two sides to every story. Unfortunately for Bella, you all wont be able to read hers. At least not yet. I am thinking once the story is completed, I would like to post some outtakes in her pov. But, Im not sure when I'll have the chance to write it. Hopefully, I'll get to soon. *crosses fingers* So, I know I mentioned there would be lemons in this chapter, sorry there wasn't That's in the next chapter for sure and things will get very interesting from here on out. If you aren't big on angst, you may want to stop reading from here on out, or just prepare yourself!

Alright, that's it for now. As always I thank you very much for taking time out of your busy lives to read my little story and maybe leave me a review too? I do reply to each one, unless you sign in as a guest. Just a reminder that I am on Twitter if you like to follow me, Vampgirl792011 is my username. I have a like page on FB titled Vampgirl79 Fanfiction and also a group on FB with the same name. I would love it if you joined so we can chat about my stories! Oh speaking of, my Turning Page readers, this news is for you: new chapter will be posted soon! Okay, I hope to see you all back in a week. Thanks for reading! Xo, Leslie