Roman moved to sit on the edge of the bed, eyes downcast and facing away from his lover. He clenched his fists, hoping Seth wouldn't be able to see his hands shaking. He could feel a small lump forming in his throat as he tried to prepare the words he wanted to say, but finding himself almost speechless. God, why was this so hard? It should have been simple; tell Seth he wanted to be with him and if Seth didn't want that then, frankly, it was over. He couldn't stand it anymore. He tried acting like it didn't bother him but honestly a small part of his heart broke every time he watched his lover walk away. It was an odd thing, Roman thought, to be so completely in love with someone that you'd never even been on a date with. But Seth, he wasn't like any of the girls Roman had been with. He wasn't gay, he'd never looked another mans' way except Seth's, but there was just something about Seth Rollins that made his stomach flutter, his heart swell and his cock hard. He couldn't explain it. There was no other man in the world Roman found sexually attractive, but he felt almost drawn to Seth. Seth was like his addiction, and honestly he wanted more. Why was it so easy to imagine all these cheesy things in his mind, but every time he opened his mouth his throat constricted? In his head he could say everything he wanted, but trying to form the words was the hardest thing in the world to do. But as he felt the bed dip, his lover kneeling behind him, naked skin pressed against his back and wrapping strong arms around his frame, he knew he had to get the words out somehow. It was now or never. And Roman couldn't stand the thought of waiting forever to have Seth.
"Rome? What's wrong? Why are you being so quiet?" Seth's voice shook as he spoke, he was honestly terrified. He'd convinced himself on the way over here that Roman was going to call it off, tell him he'd found a girl who could do it better or something. And now, it seemed as though that was about to become a reality. He'd never seen Roman turn away from him, never seen him this quiet after they'd had sex. Usually Roman tried convincing him to join him in the shower before he got dressed and headed back to his room with Dean, leaving Roman to sleep alone. But now, he was sat turned away from Seth, who could see the tension in his shoulders as he sat alarmingly quiet and Seth was convinced this was it. This was the end. And for a moment he swore his heart stopped.
"Roman please, tell me what's going on. I can't stand this silence." as much as it was going to kill him Seth needed this over and done with now. Dragging it out was making things so much worse. The suspense was killing him on honestly he wished Roman would just rip his heart out now so he could go back to his room and lick his wounds. Dean wouldn't ask, he'd just hold him while he cried, like best friends do. Of course he'd have to convince Dean to leave Roman alone and not go on some mad revenge mission but he was sure Dean would listen to reason.
The silence was deafening while he waited for his lover to speak, and Seth didn't know how much longer he could wait. Roman was trying so hard to find the words he needed, but it was almost impossible. He knew Seth was probably scared, he could hear the shaking in his voice as he spoke, begging Roman to tell him what was wrong. But how did he tell Seth he needed him without sounding too cling? How did he tell Seth he loved him without sound desperate? But as he tried desperately to think of his words, a small broken voice whispered in his ear and Roman swore he could hear his heart shatter above the silence that followed.
"Please don't leave me. I need you."
He could feel the tears soaking into his skin as Seth pressed his face into Roman's neck, his arms tightening around Romans' bulky frame. His breath deepened, his body shaking at the words. Fuck he screwed this up, he wanted to tell Seth he loved him, that he needed him, that he wanted more than just a casual fuck every other night, but instead his silence had told Seth he wanted to end this... thing they had and if he could have smacked himself he would have.
He turned gently, wrapping his arms around Seth's tiny frame and pulling the younger man into his lap, holding him tightly as the tears fell quicker. Not a single word was spoken but having Roman hold him close was enough to calm him down, and after a short while the tears came to a stop. But he was so fucking confused. If Roman wanted nothing to do with him why the fuck was he holding him, trying to make sure he was okay? Seth had never been more confused in his life.
"Roman what the fuck is going on? I'm so damn confused. Please, please just tell me what's going on; I don't think I can take much more of this silence. I need to know."
The look in Seth's eyes when he finally lifted his head to look at Roman was all the older man needed to know Seth was hurt and confused, and that killed him. Fuck this had gone completely wrong. In his head he'd imagined himself coming out with some big, smooth speech about how he felt and Seth threw himself into Roman's arms, told him he wanted to be with him and then they had more sex. But now, Seth was looking at him, tear stained face still utterly confused and he was very much lost for words.
"Look, I have no idea what I'm supposed to say, honestly I should have planned this out, I knew exactly what I wanted to say yesterday but then that didn't happen and now I've forgotten the speech I had planned out and I'm rambling and really, I'm not good at this whole thing because I've never had to do this before and-"
"Roman. You're rambling. Calm down." Seth cut him off abruptly, and Roman was glad for that because he didn't know how long it would have taken him to shut up on his own accord. How did people do this? He'd seen plenty of films - not by his choice mind you - in which the main character came out with a bunch of bullshit that made the woman cry and fall in love with them. Why couldn't this be one of those moments? Seth had already told him he needed him, so why was he still so damn nervous? Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth again, praying that this time he said something right.
"Look, Seth. This is hard for me, I've never had to do this before and honestly, I'm terrified. I'm terrified that you needing me isn't the same as me needing you, because I do need you. You're the one person I can talk to about anything; you're the one person I feel comfortable with no matter what. When we're together I'm happier than ever, and when you're apart from me all I do is think about you. I've never felt like this for anyone before, let alone a guy and it fucking terrifies me to know that for the first time in my life I feel so completely dependent on someone. And seeing you with her kills me. I want that, I want to hold hands with you in the street, kiss you in front of everyone. I want to take you out, show you off, and make you happy. But what I don't want is to have to say goodbye every other night. Watching you walk away from me hurts, because the truth is, I love you Seth."
Honestly, Roman didn't know where the fuck all that came from, and as cheesy as it was every part of it was true. He waited for an answer, for Seth to say something, fucking anything. His heart stopped beating, scared Seth was going to walk away. Because if he walked away this time he knew Seth was never coming back. But instead of saying something, Seth looked at him. He looked deep into Romans' eyes, almost as if he was searching for something.
"You're a complete dick head."
Out of all the responses Roman had pictured that wasn't one of them. But when Seth smiled and moved forward, pressing his lips softly into Romans' as he laughed and wrapped his arms around his 'boyfriends' neck, Roman decided this response was probably the best one.
SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA
Roman smiled as he looked down at his boyfriend, who was stood playing with the zipper on his vest as they waited for Deans' match to finish. They were watching from back stage, agreeing not to interfere since it was a title match - he was booked to win against Dolph anyway so they had no reason to be out there. But instead of actually watching the match Seth had taken to playing with his vest, smiling as he slid the zipper down and back up again, seemingly impressed with himself for not catching the material of the shirt underneath in the teeth of the zipper. He hated wearing the shirt underneath his vest but he had to in case Big Show or Sheamus decided to rip his vest open - Vince had told them he had no problem with he and Seth being together as long as they kept it Pg on screen, and since Seth had taken to leaving bite marks and scratches on his chest it seemed like the best option. He couldn't believe it, two months ago their relationship had taken a turn for the more serious, and now here they were, snuggling backstage, out in the open. He found it amusing when they told everyone they were together, nobody bat an eyelid. It was like everyone expected it to happen sooner or later. Either that or Dean couldn't keep him mouth shut. When he and Seth first announced their relationship Dean had taken his aside and given him the 'hurt him they'll never find your body speech'. Roman found it adorable but managed to keep a straight face during the speech. It was nice that Seth had someone who cared about him so deeply he'd risk threatening someone who could crush him easily just to make sure Seth didn't get hurt. The only person who had been pissed was Seth's girlfriend, but a quick visit from one crazy divas champion but an end to her determination to win Seth back over. It was nice being friends with crazy people sometimes.
He wrapped his arms around Seth, who finally let go of his vest, smiling up at him as he wrapped his arms around Romans' neck and pressed his body that little bit closer to his lovers. They barely noticed anything happening around them until a backstage hand shouted them, motioning them to get in position; Deans' match was almost over. Laughing Seth unwrapped his arms from around Roman, grabbing his hand instead and dragging him along as he ran towards their place of entrance, smiling the whole way. Roman followed, choosing to ignore the divas backstage that giggled and 'awed' every time they saw the two holding hands. What was it with divas and gay guys? They were almost obsessed with his and Seth's relationship, honestly sometimes they were worse than fangirls, and Roman couldn't count how many times the divas had caught the two of them making out and insisted they should stay and watch 'to make sure nobody comes in and bothers them'. But it was kinda nice to have the divas support them - most of the guys in the locker room had no problem with them being together but you always got the odd one or two who thought it was 'disgusting' and 'gross' and 'unnatural'. Of course, they'd never dare say any of that and risk facing the wrath of almost the entire divas locker room.