iReturn to Ridgeway

Carly Shay felt a warmth against her face, the likes of which she had never known. The heat filled her ears, the fog finally lifting.

"Carls…"

She squealed in sleepy protest.

"Hmmmmpf!"

She tried to pull away, only to find it painful, her entire body tacky with residual moisture from the night before.

"Carls…"

Carly whined, a sleepy spoiled brat.

"Carls… We have school. Time to get up…" Sam prodded.

"Hmmmmpf!" Carly fussed again.

Having had enough of this, Sam Puckett took matters into her own hands. She craned her head close to Carly's and promptly nipped at her ear lobe, just hard enough to make her point.

"Sam! Oww!" Carly Shay was now fully awake.

"Well, you sorta taste like bacon, Carls…" she teased. "Delicious coconut bacon…"

"Coconut bacon? Really? Do you even HEAR yourself?" She berated Sam inside her head.

"Tick, tick, tick, Carls…"

"Fine!" Carly whined melodramatically.

Carly Shay threw off her covers, swung her legs off the bed, and stomped off for the bathroom, behaving, all the while, like a petulant five-year-old. She wanted no part of Ridgeway High School today. No Algebra. No Spanish Class. No Homework. All she wanted was to lay here, naked, warm and safe in her own bed. In Sam's arms. Sam Puckett, for her part, wanted nothing more than to walk the halls, Carly by her side, and subconsciously gloat at landing the girl every male on campus wanted.

Sam was, at this point, still living out of an overnight bag that now found use as a doorstop. A week since she had left home, she knew she'd have to do a wash, though it wasn't imperative just yet. In Sam Puckett's world, there weren't simply two grades of laundry – clean or dirty – She had many subtle levels. She made her way from the bed to where her disheveled overnight bag lay and picked through it for something resembling an outfit fit for public consumption.

Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Less Dirty. Fairly Clean. Reasonable.

Sam dressed in a matter of minutes, foregoing a bra, which she felt pointless, and a pair of socks, which she planned to steal from Carly. She was just pulling on a Cuttlefish t-shirt when Carly stepped from the bathroom, her hair wet and dripping, clad in her bathrobe.

"Good Morning, my love…" she sang, wrapping Sam into an embrace. Oh, the wonders a hot shower could do for one's disposition.

Carly drew Sam in and kissed her square on the lips.

"I love you, my little bacony hobo!" She tousled Sam's hair. "You really could use a good brushing…"

Sam cocked her head and crinkled her nose.

"You saying I'm a dog, Shay?" she spat, playfully.

Carly giggled.

"Of course not… Just that you could get all tangle-y, and then your little Cupcake couldn't play with your hair while you sleep, now, could she?" Carly gave Sam boo-boo lips. Sam was a sucker for the boo-boo lips.

Sam melted, if just for a second.

"Carls… School. We… or rather you have to get ready."

Carly gripped Sam by the shoulders, looked deep into her eyes, and blew a loud, wet raspberry at her. 'Straight A' Carly Shay was developing a rather loud personality. Sam had to dole out some Tough Love.

"Listen here, PRINCESS… Play time is over. School now. Fun later. Deal?"

Carly's shoulders slumped. She spoke in a weak voice, crestfallen.

"I was only trying to be cute…"

"You don't have to try, Cupcake. It's in your genes. Speaking of, wear the ones I like." She shot back a mirthful grin.

Carly laughed. She headed for her dresser, picking over various wardrobe options, before settling on Sam's favorite pair of black skinny jeans along with a navy blue blouse. She decided it would be easier to simply wear the same bra Sam had prematurely discarded the night before, presuming it hadn't been swallowed up by the black hole beneath her bed.

"Cupcake?"

"Uh huh…"

"Socks?"

Without thinking, Carly pulled open her sock drawer, selected two pairs of socks, and lazily tossed one in Sam's direction.

"So, is this how our relationship is going to be? When you don't want to do the laundry, you'll just raid my closet?"

"That's pretty much how it works now, so, I figure, if it ain't broke, don't fix it…"

Sam Puckett was such a smart-ass. And Carly Shay loved her for it.

A SHORT WHILE LATER…

Carly and Sam walked into Ridgeway High together, hand in hand. They had done this countless times before, of course, but only recently had it become scandalous. Carly felt as though she should have stitched a bright crimson "L" on all of her clothing. Ignoring the catcalls and crude comments, she held Sam's hand. She held her head up high, secure in who she was. Reaching her locker, she found the one person, aside from Sam, that she actually cared to see today, president of the Ridgeway High A/V Club and iCarly technical producer, Freddie Benson. She smiled at him.

"Fredduccini!" Sam barked at him, a smile crossing her face.

He nodded.

"Ladies…"

"Hey, Freddie…" Carly spoke in a demure voice, wanting to focus on Sam and Freddie, ignoring the controlled chaos around them. "I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. I hope you understand. Family drama and all…"

"Family Drama," she thought. "Yeah, that's what it's called when you out yourself on the internet and your homophobic Air Force colonel father attempts to beat you in a room full of witnesses…"

" 'sCool." Though he would never be Carly Shay's second husband, Freddie Benson would always love her. He smiled.

"Hey, Freddie?" Carly asked, as she finished packing her books.

"Yeah?"

"What do you say to the Groovy Smoothie tonight after school? There's somebody I'd really like you to meet…"

Carly knew that this is what needed to be done. Not only would it help Freddie feel less awkward around her and Sam, given the events of the past week, it would also provide Sam with a few laughs, which, was perhaps Carly's deeper motivation. She would handle everything.

"So… Groovy Smoothie at 4:30?"

"It's a date."

Immediately, Freddie wished he hadn't said it. He was waiting for a comment from Sam, or a punch, or a smack upside the head... He wasn't sure which mood she was in today. Strangely, it didn't come. What did, Freddie found even stranger still.

"The lady said 4:30, Fredward. Don't be late." She gave him her mock intimidating face. The fact was that Freddie Benson was quite intimidated. He agreed that he'd be there, said his goodbyes, and headed to class.

Sam leaned in close to Carly, sneaking a kiss before heading to homeroom.

"Love you, Cupcake."

"Love you too. I'll be in in just a minute."

"Cool, I'll stall for you."

Carly pulled Sam in for a brief hug before heading down the hall to the ladies room. If what she had in mind was to work, she'd need to keep both Freddie and her Ham Lover in the dark. It was only for a little while, anyway.

THAT AFTERNOON, AT THE GROOVY SMOOTHIE…

Carly and Sam had arrived at the Groovy Smoothie at four o' clock that afternoon, going directly there after school, purposely avoiding Freddie.

"Carls, this is totally nuts! Why didn't you tell me you were going to do this?"

"But I did tell you, Honey…"

"Yeah, like five minutes before we walked in here!"

"So?"

Sam bowed her head because she knew she'd lost. The girls spent the intervening twenty-five minutes making small talk and getting lost in each others' eyes.

"Hey ladies," Freddie tried his best not to look out of place.

"Cop a squat, Fredbag…"

"Sam! Be nice! He is our friend…"

Freddie took no offense and pulled out a chair, skillfully positioning himself in-between Carly and Sam, the line judge in their tennis match of puppy love.

"Okay, so what gives? You said there's somebody you wanted to introduce me to?"

"Well…," Carly began, her face flushing, "technically… Freddie, I'd like you to meet…"

"AGAIN!" Sam coughed.

"…for the first time…" Carly continued, trying her best to look cool, before Sam interrupted her again.

"My sister, Melanie."

Sam motioned to the counter, where a pretty blonde sat, her back to them.

"Yo! Get over here, Sweet Cheeks!" Sam shouted. She was incredibly uncouth. It was vintage Sam.

The girl spun around in her chair, still holding a Berry Blast smoothie. She had flushed a bright shade of red, but she was, unmistakably, Sam Puckett's identical twin.

Freddie gaped. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Wha… Oh. My. God. Twi—Twins? TWINS?"

He wanted to sink into his chair and die.

Melanie found this adorable.

"Hi, Freddie! I'm Melan-…" She paused. "Well, I guess you remember who I am…"

The initial shock over, Freddie politely excused himself, more focused on Melanie than his friends.

"Carls, you realize if this doesn't fall completely off the rails, I'm going to be related to that nub."

It took a moment for the enormity of that statement to fully hit Sam. She looked as though she would scream. Carly could only smile. She began to sing quietly to herself.

"…Matchmaker, matchmaker…"

"…Make me a match…"

"…Find me a find…"

"…Catch me a catch…"