Alex woke with a start when she felt the body lying on top of her move. The two of them were sitting on the floor as they had been for hours, Alex sitting up against the couch, holding Olivia in her lap. They had fallen asleep that way, well, Alex had fallen asleep, Olivia had more passed out. Alex had watched her sleep, clinging to her like she was a doll, holding her tight as if her embrace could keep her Olivia anchored and safe.

She never heard the words she needed to here. The babbled words Olivia had managed hadn't made sense, only pieces of a story that were jumbled up in Olivia's drunken mind. Olivia's head was heavy on her shoulder and her sobs had taken away her breath. Alex felt the tears running down her own face as she held Olivia tight.

Her eyes opened in time to see Olivia crawling away from her, barely making it to the trash can by Alex's desk before vomiting. Alex crawled after her, wrapping her arms around Olivia's back, holding her hair off her face. Olivia's whole body shook, her arms giving out as her retching stopped, her whole body collapsing into the floor.

Alex sighed. She hated to see Olivia in this position. Sure it was her own damn fault for getting so damn drunk to begin with—but why Olivia got drunk was still a mystery. Something she felt she could have prevented. Maybe if she had been better, been more vigilant, had tried harder, this drinking could be something that she could stop. She knew it was stupid to believe it, but she felt like if only Olivia would talk to her, just believe in her enough, that she could actually help make this better. But there they were, stuck the same way they had been, the communication between them boiling down to the simple words that Alex had already known. Something bad had happened to Olivia at Sealview. The only thing she could think of to do was be supportive.

"Come on, sweetheart," Alex said, urging her up, "let's get you to bed."

Olivia groaned but pushed herself up slowly and steadied herself as Alex helped her to her feet.

"You okay?" Alex said, holding her as she swayed unsteadily. Olivia nodded, her face looking a sickly green color. "You sure?" Alex asked, and before Olivia could answer, she pushed Alex away and ran down the hall, throwing the bathroom door shut and locking it behind her. Alex could hear her inside, the sounds of Olivia's gagging filling her ears and as she tried to pull the doorknob open to help her. But again, there she was, stuck hopelessly in another metaphor. She pressed herself up against the door, listening for signs of life, pounding with her fist, desperate for contact, "Come on, Liv, let me in, sweetheart."

"Alex, just go." Olivia groaned from inside.

"Come on Olivia, I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine, Alex." Olivia answered, her breath coming in heavy gasps.

"Please Liv, let me help you."

"Alex, please?" Olivia whined at her. "Just go."

Alex let her head fall against the door. What to do, what to do? Willing herself not to cry, she took a deep breath. "Okay, Liv. Love you." She said, with the strongest voice she could manage. "I'm right out here if you need me," she added, knowing, of course, that Olivia would not need her.

XXX

"Well what did she say?" Hugh asked Alex, who sat at her desk rubbing her temples. A throbbing headache was becoming her constant companion—her worrying about Olivia eating at her as it became as natural to her as breathing. After Olivia had sent her away again that morning, she had called Hugh—desperate for another opinion, any opinion that could explain Olivia's elusive behavior. She needed any opinion that didn't lead her to the conclusion that she had already drawn herself. A conclusion that was too damn terrifying for words.

"Something bad happened." Alex sighed.

"Well that could be anything." He said, with a shrug. He watched Alex with a wary eye. He didn't like the way she looked—her eyes were red and bloodshot, her whole posture was defeated. It wasn't like her. He had known her before he knew himself. He had seen her in lust and in love before, but he had never seen her break like this over anyone.

"I know that, Hugh." Alex said. "God damn it, I wish she's just talk to me," Alex said, feeling the tears threatening her eyes. She was determined to stop crying—to stop feeling so weak and helpless about this whole thing. She was a strong and independent woman. If anyone could help Olivia, she could. So why was it that watching Olivia the night before, drunk and broken on the floor in front of her, chattering and sobbing had left her without even a concept of what to do to help? The image in her mind made her swallow hard, a nauseous feeling settling in her stomach.

"Well, what happened exactly?"

"God, I don't even know." Alex groaned. She sat back in her chair, taking a deep steadying breath. "I told you already," Alex said, wiping at the corners of her eyes, trying to push back the tears. "I woke up and I found her. She was drunk; she didn't want me to touch her. She just kept telling me that something bad had happened at Seal view, but she wouldn't say what. She just kind of passed out on me."

"And this morning?"

Alex frowned at him. "She was hung over, Hugh. I have no idea how much she drank but talking to her about Sealview while threw up this morning seemed like poor taste. Not to mention that she didn't want much to do with me this morning either."

"No, I can see that. That's consequences. Maybe she didn't want you to see hers." Hugh said, leaning back into her couch. "Wasn't her mom some kind of raging alcoholic?"

"She drank. Liv doesn't like to talk about it." Alex said, quietly.

"Did she drink like this before, Alex?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I mean, she drank, we all drank, but she's never been like this. She's depressed Hugh. She's so depressed. It's painful to watch."

"You know that stuff's genetic."

"You're supposed to be helping," Alex said, shooting him a look. "She's not an alcoholic."

"Put your claws back in," Hugh said, "Just making a point."

"She's not an alcoholic." Alex said again.

"All right, what about that guy she works with?"

"Stabler?"

"Yeah, tall, dark, and brooding. He still married?" Hugh smiled, making her grin in spite of herself.

"He has six kids. Not gay and you're committed." She reminded him.

"Window shopping," Hugh smiled.

"You're such a man whore." She mumbled and he laughed his face straightening as hers did. "I don't know if she talks to him. She talks about Elliot. You know Hugh; I pulled that damn DD-5. I've read it a hundred times. I've read her statement and Fin's statement. I've seen pictures of the whole scene and nothing that happened down there explains why she flinches when I try to touch her," she said, feeling the tears running down her face.

"Maybe there's something that's not in the report."

"I know there is." She sighed, slamming her fist onto her desk in frustration. "When she came home from there, and those bruises, she, she was hurt. There were bruises all over her, I understood, but Hugh, she won't let me touch her, at all." She said, emphasizing the last two words to highlight the unspoken meaning she didn't want to directly relay. "When we, when we," she stuttered, Hugh nodding his head for her to continue, "she pushes my hands away. God, Hugh, she was there investigating a rape. What the hell am I supposed to think when we're together and she doesn't want me to touch her."

"You're jumping to conclusions." He said, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Tell me that they're irrational!" She yelled at him.

"Al, come here," Hugh said, patting the couch. He watched as, covering her face to hide her tears, she pulled herself around the desk and collapsed next to him. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and let the tears stream down her face. "It's going to be okay, hon." He said, letting his fingers run over her head.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to him, "I'm sorry I'm like this."

"You don't have to apologize, Alex. Call her, set up a date for tonight. Talk to her. Maybe when she's sober, it'll go better."

"Maybe," she said her eyes foggy and distant as she tried to piece together what the hell was happening to her.