iSacrifice for Sam

Carly Shay held hard and fast to Sam, even though she had vanquished the darkness. She pressed her own body into her partner's, desperately urging them to fit together as best she could. Her delicate curves slid gently into the contours of her love's back.

"There we go…" she thought, sleepily. She was in that no man's land between sleep and awake. Sam Puckett was her elusive drug, and she needed another fix. She wound a blonde curl reflexively in her fingers. More than ever, Carly wanted to be exactly what Sam thought she already was: her perfect little Cupcake. Carly Shay hated the truth of the matter. She was nothing more than a filthy, little liar.

It was true. That's what she was. She was a liar, and although she had sworn she would never keep something from Sam, she knew that she had to. The truth – at least now – would crush her. She had reason upon reason – Seventeen of them, in fact, all the same, to keep quiet. They were all sealed in fat number ten envelopes in the one place Carly knew they would be safe. They were all hidden underneath that which Sam loved, but could never give a name.

The entire Big Ten. Half the Pac Ten. Virginia. Florida State. They all had two things in common. They had all given her the same gift. She would be given a full ride. It had all come at the same cost – a life without Sam Puckett. That choice was no choice at all. She knew what she needed to do. Once it was all done, she would confide in the only person she could, aside from Sam. She would tell Melanie where to find the evidence, what to do with it, and then, God willing, they would never speak of it again. Of course, she would tell Sam in time, but she simply couldn't bear the thought of her knowing the whole truth now. If she did, she would send Carly away. She would sentence Carly to a term of four years hard labor in Corvallis or Charlottesville, Tallahassee, Madison, or Ann Arbor. Four years in solitary confinement, without as much as a conjugal visit. Sam would put Carly's dreams, aspirations, and goals ahead of her own happiness. She always had and Carly knew that she always would. That was her Ham Lover, in a nutshell. It was selfless, committed, and endearing. This time, however, Carly couldn't have it. Her heart wouldn't allow it. Was it acceptable to be deceitful in the name of love? She didn't know, but she knew that she would soon find out – her soul would allow her only one option.

It was five thirty in the morning, and though she had slept for ninety blissful minutes, it felt as though that too had been a dream.

"I love you, Sam Puckett…" she whispered. "Forgive me; I know not what I do…"

Except that too was a lie. She was acutely aware of what she needed to do. How could Sam ever love or trust her? Her perfect, precious Cupcake had kept so many things hidden that she no longer knew what was true – save for one perfect, shining, incorruptible truth. The only real truth was the depth of her love for Sam, which facilitated the need for her lies in the first place.

She dipped her lips to the tender flesh of Sam's neck, kissing her as sweetly and gently as she dared. She had already woken her once tonight with her manic raving. This was particularly sad because, unlike Sam's years-long duel with the Soup Monster, the cause of her own night terrors was no mystery. They were much, much more pedestrian than that. They were, quite simply, Carly Shay punishing Carly Shay.

The fact of the matter was that this was all put into motion months ago. On her eighteenth birthday, she had been given access to her college fund. The long-mythical fund, endowed with birthday money, other gifts, as well as her portion of her mother's life insurance, was meant to provide not only for her education, but also her future security. It would do all that and more.

Carly knew, in her heart of hearts, that 'her future security' could mean only one thing. Her future would be secure only in the arms of Sam Puckett, whose essence would fill her lungs with forbidden bacony goodness from now until forever. Why was this so hard?

The Heart wants what The Heart wants.

She no longer gave a damn. The emotional self-flagellation had taken its toll. She no longer wanted to over-think it or be forced to choose between the lesser of Who the Hell Cares. Now, all she needed was so agonizingly close that her entire body ached in response. For now, all she needed was Sam. She nestled her head into the soft flesh of Sam's back, allowing sleep to overtake her. It would be short-lived anyway.

Carly Shay slept like the dead. She had now been asleep for the past three hours. She was exhausted, but she felt relieved. Her demons seemed to have gone away, slain by Sam's warm embrace hours earlier. The morning was beautiful by Seattle's standards, the sun cutting a swath across her bed, into Sam's face. It reminded her of a hymn she had heard in church with her grandparents as a little girl, reminding her that every day of her life – every day she would spend with Sam – was a blessing. That sealed her decision. She knew what needed to be done. It would be over and done with as soon as she and Sam weren't joined at the hip, although, at the moment, she adored the fact that they were. She felt Sam stir slightly, shaking the cobwebs from her mind. She whined, stretched, and reoriented herself, like a cat in the sunlight.

Carly couldn't resist. She shifted, rolling over, pinning Sam Puckett beneath her. Her knee was directly between Sam's thighs. Sam was startled awake. She stared up at her Cupcake with expansive ice blue eyes. She stammered.

"Good Morning, my Love…"

"Carls… What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Carly laughed.

Sam gaped. She could only manage a slack-jawed 'deer in the headlights' look.

Sam babbled incoherently, as though she simply couldn't figure out what to say.

"Just returning the favor from the other night, My Love…" she said, breathlessly.

Carly lowered her face to Sam's and kissed her. It was more forceful than Sam was used to.

"Carls…" It was all Sam could manage.

The more she'd gotten used to it, the more Carly had learned to love every subtle difference between Sam's body and her own. Chief among these was the muscle tone Sam usually kept hidden. Carly kissed her way along Sam's collarbone, down the base of her neck, and across the sinewy bands of muscle that comprised her chest and stomach. She was a woman on a mission and would not be denied. She now knew from experience just what to do.

"Carls…" Sam Puckett could barely breathe.

Sam felt like she would lose her mind. She had done a great many things in her life, but she had never gotten high. She had never needed to. Carly Shay was her high. At the moment, she was overdosing. Carly Shay was causing her to come apart at the seams. Forgetting exactly where Carly was, she rolled onto her hip, burying her face into Carly's pillow. She screamed.

Carly, like Sam, was out of breath. She knew Sam wouldn't be much for conversation at this point, but she knew she had to say something. She didn't know if she needed to joke, be serious, or what she needed to say, but she knew she couldn't simply leave things as they were.

She rolled off of Sam, getting into a much more comfortable position, and looked her in the eye. Sam beamed back at her, flushed.

"Carls, What in the hell possessed you to…"

Carly told her the God's-honest truth.

"Couldn't help it. Now, we'd better get up, get dressed, and get going. We wouldn't want Spencer to come up here, checking on us, would we?"

Her tone was playful. Of course they wouldn't want that.

Sam leaned in close, kissing Carly flush in the center of her forehead.

"You're Amazing, Cupcake."

"You have no idea…" she thought to herself. Sam was going to kill her.

Carly stifled a chuckle as Sam untangled herself from the bed sheets, making her way to the bathroom. Carly knew she'd now have at least a half hour to kill before starting her day in earnest. She lay back in bed for a few minutes, regaining her composure before reaching for her laptop. She powered it up, and opened the web browser. She had never seen — let alone spent – this amount of money in her entire life. She had no qualms about it at all. There was no hesitation. Sam Puckett was worth every single penny.