Back home with their other father, the twins realize it's not so easy to impersonate each other. Justin contemplates whether to accept Alex's marriage proposal while Brian thinks about what might have been.
Chicago – Justin's Apartment
As her father headed toward the kitchen, Katie walked upstairs to check out what would be her new digs for the indefinite future. Kaylee had filled her in somewhat on what life was like at the brownstone, but as she walked down the hallway toward the far end where her sister's room was situated, she stopped in shock as she came to the last room on the right and realized without a doubt that it had to be her sister's room. "Holy shit. You have got to be kidding," she muttered as she proceeded inside and laid her suitcase down on the white, wicker canopy bed. Her mouth hung open as she sat down next to it on the mattress and craned her neck around in an attempt to come to grips with where she would be sleeping; the entire room reminded her of a fairytale on steroids. It was decorated in shades of pastels like a large, melting carton of rainbow sherbet: mint green, pale yellow, and lavender purple. The bed was bedecked with a lacy, white canopy overtop and a matching chenille bedspread with all sorts of stuffed animals lying against the headboard; on the wall were whimsical, winged fairy characters similar to Tinkerbell flitting around some puffy clouds. A matching white wicker vanity with a large, oval-shaped mirror was pushed up against the opposite wall with a makeup case lying on top that would rival the cosmetic counter at Macy's, and wispy, white eyelet curtains were held back with rainbow-colored sashes that let in an enormous amount of light through the tall, narrow windows that faced out onto the street below.
She peered over at all the beady-eyed animals staring at her from the bed accusingly and shook her head. How did her sister ever sleep with all this going on in her room? She sighed in resignation before her eyes fell upon one of the several paintings hanging on the other walls; the cutesy aspect of the room was quickly forgotten as she stood up and slowly walked over to the nearest work, lifting her hand to gently touch the oil portrait of her sister. She stood frozen in place, mesmerized by the strong brush strokes and the vibrant colors staring back at her. The work was so lifelike; it appeared to be Kaylee when she was around three or four. She was sitting in a chair, her hands in her lap and her long wavy hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. She was wearing a pastel pink dress with white puffed sleeves and a white ribbon sash; she had a matching, white patent leather purse clutched in one hand and was wearing shiny, white shoes. It appeared to be some sort of Easter outfit from the looks of it; a fluffy, white rabbit was peeking out of a rattan basket lying at her feet on the polished, hardwood floor.
It was almost like looking at a mirror when she was the same age, she thought, except that she wouldn't have been caught dead wearing what her sister was wearing. At that age she would have likely been in a pair of comfortable, faded blue jeans and a plain, no-nonsense sweater. The obvious talent that had been needed to produce the portrait, though, was astonishing in its detail and accuracy. It was almost as if her sister had come to life for her as she stared in amazement at it, realizing instantly who must have painted it. She gazed at it for several seconds, silently hoping that one day her skill would rival her father's, because this piece was incredible. She spent a considerable amount of time walking from one painting to the other in the room, marveling at the wonderful ability her father had to evoke emotions in his works. He had painted impressionist-type paintings using darker shades of the same color scheme her sister seemed to love, along with another portrait of her and Kaylee's grandmother, Jennifer, when she was quite a bit younger. She smiled as she stopped to examine it, recognizing some of herself in her grandmother's face and smile. The painting of her grandmother appeared to have been done in a residence of some kind; she was sitting on a rather non-descript looking beige couch in what seemed to be a living room. She could see some white, built-in bookcases behind her filled with books and knick-knacks and an occasional framed photo that seemed to show her grandmother and her father. She also saw what appeared to be a separate photo of a man who resembled her biological father, only older. She surmised it must be her grandfather. She had been told by her grandmother that the two of them were divorced and never really spoke to each other. The photos in the painting her father had done were so small by comparison, though, that she couldn't be sure.
The last painting that she examined, however, the one that was located near the windows, took her breath away because she instantly recognized the subject matter: Britin. It appeared to have been painted in mid-spring because she readily identified the two large, blooming magnolia trees that stood tall and majestic now near the front of the house. In this painting, however, they were quite a bit smaller than they were now, along with some of the holly bushes and trees that her father had painted in the piece. Apparently this was painted quite a long time ago, then, probably when her two fathers were still together and happy. She swallowed hard at the thought, sorrow filling her heart over all the years she and her father – and her sister – had been apart from each other now and over what might have been if things had been different. Her sister had told her she remembered very little of her early life there. Did Kaylee not realize what this painting depicted? She resolved to ask her later when she had the chance. She wondered fleetingly how her sister was doing at Britin. It certainly had to be a major change of pace over this residence.
"Hey," she heard her father say unexpectedly behind her; she hurriedly wiped away the moisture from her eyes as she turned around and observed him standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with a loving smile on his face. She couldn't help returning his smile, still feeling like she was living in a dream as he said, "I was wondering what you were up to. You ready to eat?"
She nodded as her father walked up to her and frowned as he looked more closely into her face.
"Kaylee? Are you all right? You look like you've been crying." Justin was still not convinced that she hadn't experienced some emotional trauma during her bout with the bully at camp. Normally Kaylee would be quite open about her feelings and whether something was bothering her, but it seemed since he had picked her up in Michigan she had been unusually reticent about speaking up.
Katie shook her head and smiled at him wistfully. "I'm fine, Daddy," she assured him, wanting so badly to ask him about the painting of her home, but afraid to for fear it might give too much away. She knew she had to come up with a reason why she was so emotional, though, one that he would buy. "I'm…I'm just glad to be home, that's all," she finally decided to say, knowing she was repeating the same, lame mantra from earlier but unable to come up with anything else at the moment.
Justin eyed her intently. "You sure that's all it is, Honey? That other girl didn't hurt you?" he quizzed again, his voice taking on a sharper tone at the thought.
She shook her head at him before impulsively moving into his arms as he wrapped them around her slim body; she sighed in contentment as she rested her palms against his chest, feeling his heart beating strongly under her touch. Even though it had been years since she had been with him, this seemed so natural, so wonderful and comfortable as she relished in the feeling of him holding her again.
Justin frowned, still wondering what was going on as he held her tightly. Kaylee could certainly be emotional at times, but there was something different about her that he couldn't quite figure out. It was almost as if she were looking at him for the first time, at everything for the first time. She never really gave much thought to what he had painted for her so long ago, for example; in fact, lately she had been grousing about having her Easter portrait still hanging up, saying it was embarrassing to be seen in her 'prissy little outfit' (as she often put it) when friends came to visit. Instead, she had been pressuring him to have it relegated to her bedroom closet, pushing to have some poster of a teenage boy singer she currently had a crush on be put in its place instead. Justin knew times changed and he could understand her wishes, he supposed, but he still hated to let go of any part of her past; it was almost as if she were growing up way too fast for him. The way Kaylee had been standing next to the painting he had composed of Britin, however, almost seemed like she had been looking at it anew.
Father and daughter finally broke apart enough for Justin to gaze down into his daughter's eyes that reminded him so much of his own; her eyes were still glistening from the tears earlier as he said, "Kaylee, I need you to be straight with me and then I promise to drop the subject. Did that Sandra girl do something to hurt you at camp? You know you can tell me, Honey."
Katie shook her head as she raised one of her hands to place it on Justin's cheek, marveling at the softness there. She couldn't help thinking how beautiful a face he had; where her other father's face was strong and masculine in its profile, her biological father's was more curved. His features were perfectly proportional to each other, from his full lips up to his petite nose and then the blue eyes framed with golden eyelashes. There could never be any doubt that this was her biological father, the one who had helped to give her life. She swallowed before affirming, "No, Daddy. I'm fine. It's nothing. It's just nice to be back home."
Justin stared down into her eyes for a moment before he nodded, deciding it was time to move on to something else. "I'm glad you're back home, too, Kaylee. I've got some lunch fixed for us – let's go eat, okay?"
She nodded with a smile as Justin slid his arm around her shoulder and they walked out into the hallway to proceed downstairs. Katie was secretly glad that Kaylee had sketched out a primitive floorplan of the brownstone so she didn't have to guess where each of the rooms were as she and her father reached the landing and she turned confidently to the right toward the kitchen.
She quietly studied the eat-in kitchen as they arrived, noting the stainless steel appliances and the extra-large, professional model stove. Kaylee had told her that their biological father loved to cook and experiment with new recipes; the six-burner stove and brass pot carrousel hanging over the granite-topped kitchen island was clear evidence of that. She took a seat at the rectangular, oak kitchen table as Justin walked over to scoop out what appeared to be some sort of soup from a large pot on the stove into a couple of royal blue, ceramic bowls. She watched as he pulled down the oven door and retrieved a baking pan from the top shelf, placing the hot dish down on a large potholder on the counter next to the stove.
He turned to smile at her as he advised, "In honor of your return back home, I made your favorite soup and hoagie sandwich."
Katie bit her lip; what exactly was her 'favorite soup and sandwich?' That was one area she and Kaylee hadn't been able to discuss in much detail before they had to part. Fortunately, she didn't have to say much as she watched her father place one of the sandwiches on a matching, blue plate and carry both items over to her place at the table, putting them down in front of her with a flourish. "Here you go, Honey – one portabella hoagie on a whole wheat bun, toasted, and some of my homemade broccoli and cheese soup. I had some frozen from the last batch I made, so all I had to do was heat it up again."
Justin turned to walk back toward the stove to retrieve his meal as Katie wrinkled her nose in disgust. What in the world was a portabella anyway? While her father's back was turned to her, she carefully lifted the top of the hoagie bun to examine the contents further. Whatever it was, it was almost a black color and looked slimy, almost like a cow's tongue – that is, if she had ever seen one cooked. There appeared to be a slice of some sort of melted white cheese on top, along with green and red strips of bell pepper. She hastily placed the hoagie bun back on top as she saw her father returning with his bowl and sandwich to take a place next to her. Forcing a smile of what she hoped looked like gratitude toward him, she lifted her soup spoon and tentatively dipped it into the thick creaminess. Secretly she detested broccoli in any way, shape, or form and she could literally feel her stomach roiling at the thought of having to eat it, but she felt like she was a rabbit caught in a trap and had no choice; how could she refuse her 'favorite meal?'
Justin took a sip of his soup, narrowing his brow as he watched Kaylee idly swirling her soup spoon in her bowl. "Kaylee, is the soup too hot?" Normally she would be attacking both the soup and the sandwich with gusto; every time he fixed this meal she had it completely consumed in no time. He lifted a spoonful to his mouth and tentatively took just a small sip to test the temperature. "It's just right, Honey," he told her as he nodded his encouragement. "Go ahead and dig in before it has a chance to cool off. I know how much you hate cold soup."
Katie knew there was no easy way out of her dilemma; after hardly having anything to eat all day, she couldn't very well tell her father she wasn't hungry, especially when this was supposed to be her favorite meal, and yet it was probably the most disgusting-looking food she had ever seen. Where was a good pizza when you needed it? Silently, she vowed to quiz her sister later on exactly what a portabella was as she nodded and picked up her hoagie, staring at it warily as if it were some sort of road kill. She noticed her father holding a spoonful of soup in front of his face, peering at her expectantly as she nodded back at him and plastered what she hoped was an appreciative smile on her face. Opening her mouth, she bit down tentatively on the edge of the hoagie bun, hoping she would snare only a miniscule amount of the portabella and a large portion of bread.
She cautiously chewed it in her mouth, deciding the substance was similar to some eggplant she had eaten once at an Italian restaurant – it was the same texture and consistency and had a somewhat smoky flavor but wasn't solid like a piece of meat. She forced herself not to think about it as she swallowed the bite and then looked down to pick up her soup spoon, hoping her father wouldn't notice her reaction to the abhorrent substance. She raised the spoon to her parted lips and took a small taste. She was relieved that at least the abundance of cheddar cheese helped to partially smother the cardboard taste of the finely-cut broccoli and made it more palatable; it was the same sort of soup that her Grandma Debbie had tried to serve her once at the diner. At least with her grandmother, though, you could be honest if you didn't like something and that would be the end of it. In this particular situation, she didn't dare let on to her father that she could barely stand it.
She lifted her gaze to smile over at her father as she pushed herself to dig into more of her meal. After a few minutes, though, she just couldn't eat any more without holding back her gag reflex. She placed her soup spoon back in her bowl and pushed her plate a few inches away as she looked over at her father and said, "I can't eat any more right now, Daddy. I guess I'm still adjusting to being back home." She knew that sounded like a stupid explanation, but it was the best she could come up with.
Justin peered over at her curiously, not sure what to make of his daughter's behavior. Kaylee had been acting weird ever since they had left Michigan, and this just added to his concern. He couldn't quite put a finger on what was going on, but there was definitely something amiss. "You're not feeling sick, are you?"
She shook her head firmly. "No, no. I'm fine. Really."
Justin scrutinized her for a few moments before he finally nodded. "Okay, then." He smiled as a sudden thought occurred to him. "I know what you might like, Honey! Why don't you go take a bubble bath? I'm sure after being at that camp you'd love to have a nice, hot bath and relax." Kaylee loved to soak in the tub for at least half an hour while she read one of her favorite fantasy novels; he often kidded her that she produced enough bubbles in the tub to just float away, but she loved to do it anyway.
Katie looked over at her father in shock. A bubble bath? Yuck. That was so…girly. "Uh…Yeah, that sounds nice, Daddy," she responded half-heartedly as she pushed her chair back from the table and picked up her dishes to carry them over to the sink, realizing she had no idea where the garbage was. She sighed softly, understanding once more that this was going to be much more difficult to pull off then either of them had realized. You'd better get your act together, Katherine Elizabeth, she chided herself, or you're going to blow it. Taking a deep breath, she smiled as she turned around to tell her father, "Thanks for lunch, Daddy. It was great." She walked over to place her hands on her father's shoulders from behind as she leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be upstairs taking my bath."
He nodded and turned his head to smile at her fondly as he watched her walk out of the kitchen and head down the hallway toward the stairs. He noticed that Dali and Picasso were still lying low; they hadn't been seen since he had brought Kaylee home a few hours ago. The whole thing was damned peculiar, he couldn't help thinking. None of this was making sense at all. Perhaps Kaylee was right, though; maybe it was all attributable to the changes she had made to her appearance and to her bad experience at the camp. He supposed it was possible that she just needed a day or two to get back into the swing of things.
Sighing in puzzlement, he finished eating his soup and sandwich before pushing back from the table and carrying his dishes over to the sink.
Katie scowled at the fluffy, white terry robe hanging on the back of Kaylee's closet door. The piece of clothing even had a large "K" written in pink, flowing script on the left breast pocket. "No way," she muttered as she opened the drawer of the matching wicker dresser and fished around for some suitable apparel to wear. It seemed that everything in her sister's closet and dresser was either pink, yellow, green, or purple; there wasn't a decent navy blue, gray, forest green, or maroon in the bunch. Fortunately – or unfortunately, depending upon how you looked at it – she and her sister wore the same size clothing, so appropriating her sister's apparel while she was living at the brownstone wouldn't be an issue. Being able to live with her sister's fashion sense, though, was an entirely different matter.
She finally located a fairly innocuous pair of dark-blue thermal type pants and a pin-striped, blue, long-sleeved t-shirt stuck in the back of the closet as she walked back over to the dresser to locate some undergarments, rolling her eyes as she fished out a lacy pair of panties. "God help us," she growled as she gathered up her change of clothing and proceeded over to the attached bathroom.
Twenty Minutes Later
Clad in the lounging-type pants and the tee-shirt, Katie padded barefoot down the hallway and descended the stairs in search of her father. She stood momentarily on the landing below a few seconds later, listening to the soft sounds of piano music filtering out of what appeared to be where the living room was located. Quietly treading toward the sound, she paused mesmerized in the doorway to observe her father sitting in front of a highly-polished, black piano, playing a song while he softly sang along with the music. She frowned as a memory came flooding back to her from a long time ago when she had heard him singing the same song to her as a sort of lullaby whenever they were fussy, although she had no idea her father could play the piano, too:
When you're weary
Feeling small
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all
I'm on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you
I'll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Sail on Silver Girl,
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Justin sighed as he stilled his hands on top of the keys, feeling the coolness under his touch. He had no idea why he had chosen to play that song tonight; it normally brought back both good and bittersweet memories for him of a time long ago, and this was no exception. He turned as he sensed his daughter approaching him out of the corner of his eye and smiled a little wistfully at her. He scooted over as she sat down next to him on the piano bench. Katie was dying to compliment her father on how well he played, but she couldn't say anything for fear she would give herself away. Instead, she smiled up at him as he reached over and took her hand. "That was always one of my favorite songs."
She nodded as she relished her father holding her hand in his. It was a different touch from her other father's stronger, more firmer clasp, but just like with her other father she found it to be both comforting as well as soothing. "Mine, too," she whispered back sincerely, thankful that it had brought back some distant memories of her own. She had only been reunited with her biological father for a short time, and she was already missing her other father and her horses at Britin terribly, but she wouldn't have missed this chance for anything.
She looked into his eyes, noticing what appeared to be melancholy or worry there. "What's wrong, Daddy?" she asked.
Justin smiled at her fondly. "Nothing, Honey," he told her, not wanting to dredge up painful memories that could not be changed. "I guess I'm just a little tired from the trip myself."
She bit her lip at the mention of her father's 'trip,' bringing to mind something weighing on her mind. "Daddy, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, Kaylee. What is it?"
"I heard Alex talking to you earlier about a decision. What was he talking about?"
Justin winced inwardly; he suspected this topic was going to come up soon. He was trying hard to accurately gauge how his daughter felt about Alex, and how Alex felt about her. It was important to him that Kaylee be receptive to a life with Alex if he was going to even consider accepting his proposal. He released her hand as he slid off the bench and said, "Let's go over and sit on the couch so we can talk."
Uh, oh, Katie couldn't help thinking. This doesn't sound good. Had her father told her the whole story before regarding his little trek up north? Maybe they DID get married and he was trying to ease her into the idea. She warily stood up and nodded as she followed her father over to the dark brown leather couch and sat next to him, her thigh touching his almost in validation that she was, indeed, sitting next to the father she hadn't seen in so long. Was their opportunity to get to know each other better – and her and her sister's most desired wish to reunite both of their fathers once more – about to go down in flames?
Justin reached over and placed a hand on his child's knee as he decided it was time to be completely honest with her about his trip with Alex. "Kaylee, you know Alex and I have been seeing each other for a few years now," he began quietly as he stared into his daughter's blue eyes.
Katie licked her lips nervously, not liking how this discussion was heading as she simply nodded, choosing to let her father try and explain before she jumped to all sorts of unpleasant conclusions.
"Well, what I told you earlier was true, Honey. Alex and I did fly up to Canada for a short vacation while you were at camp, and it was beautiful up there." It was, Justin thought, but of course Alex hadn't been merely interested in exploring the scenery or the art museums with him. If he had been, this conversation with his daughter wouldn't be taking place, at least not yet. He suspected at some point, though, it would have had to be addressed anyway.
"Daddy, you didn't…?" Katie couldn't even voice the word aloud. If her father did marry that…that jerk, all of her and her sister's plans would be promptly blown to bits before they even got started.
"Didn't what, Honey?" Justin pressed as he noticed his daughter's face unexpectedly clouding over.
Katie inhaled a deep breath and let it out before she asked almost accusingly, "Daddy, you and that man didn't get married up there, did you?" God, please don't tell me that…
"No, Kaylee," Justin told her quietly, noticing his daughter emitting what suspiciously sounded like a sigh of relief as he answered her. "We didn't get married. But we almost did."
Katie huffed out indignantly, "What do you mean, you almost did?"
"Kaylee…" He squeezed her upper leg briefly as he explained, "Alex did ask me to marry him while we were there. But I didn't give him an answer – at least not yet."
Shit. That was almost as bad as her father going through with it. "What do you mean, not yet, Daddy?"
Justin eyed his daughter curiously; Kaylee and Alex had never been what he would call 'buddy-buddy,' but they had still seemed to enjoy a civil enough relationship. His daughter almost sounded downright hostile at the moment, though. "What I mean is that I told Alex I wouldn't give him an answer either way until I talked to you first and found out how you felt about the idea. Alex is a good man, Kaylee, and we have a lot in common. He treats me well and respects my work. He's a responsible, decent man." Why did that sound like he was trying to convince himself more than his daughter, though?
"Daddy…"
"Listen to me, Honey. I know if we got married that it would take some compromise for all of us – living in the same household together, becoming adjusted to each other's schedules, and having to get used to each other's differences; plus Alex has never really been around children before. Being an only child, he never even had any nieces and nephews to interact with."
Katie couldn't believe where this conversation seemed to be heading. Was her father out of his mind? "Surely you're not thinking of actually going through with it?" she cried in dismay, her eyes filling with tears of dread. "You can't DO that!"
Justin's eyebrows rose in surprise; his daughter could be emotional at times, but this was over the top, even for her. Her face was scrunched up almost in pain as he peered into her troubled eyes. "Kaylee Marie, calm down!" he chided her firmly, surprised at her vehement tone of voice. "What has gotten into you? You've never acted this way before about Alex. I thought you were okay with me seeing him. Surely this shouldn't be such a surprise by now."
Katie angrily wiped some tears away from her eyes as she looked her father directly in the face and pointedly asked, "Do you love him, Daddy?"
"What?"
"I said – do…you…love…him? Do you love him like you loved Dad?"
Justin's heart skipped a beat at the reference to Brian, the pain muted somewhat but still raw and not completely healed, even now. "Kaylee…" He wasn't comfortable the way their conversation was heading, but he soon realized his daughter wasn't going to let it simply drop when he noticed her stubborn reaction.
Eyes flashing the same way his did whenever he was perturbed at something, she persisted, "I said, do you LOVE him? Does he make your heart do somersaults and do you smile at him the way you smiled at Dad? Do you think about him all the time and feel the same sort of excitement that you felt when you were with Dad?" She noticed her father's face pale a little as he glanced down at his hands that were clasped tightly in his lap. "Answer me, Daddy!"
Justin stood up abruptly in aggravation and turned his back away from his daughter to walk over to the tall bank of windows that overlooked the street below, now shrouded with the twilight-gray tint of impending dusk, her candid words cutting straight to his heart as he stared unfocused into space, his troubled face reflecting back at him in the window. It was a face mixed with turmoil and confusion. How did he feel about Alex? Did he experience the same flare of passion and deep emotion that he had felt with Brian? Did Alex make his entire body reverberate with eagerness merely at the thought of being with him again or at the sound of his voice? Did they make love the way he and Brian had, with unfettered passion and wild abandon at times or sweet, almost aching tenderness the next? Did he constantly think about him whenever they were apart, anxiously anticipating the next time they could be together again? Did his touch generate the same feelings Brian had invoked in him, a sense that their union had been fated from the first moment they had met and that it would last forever? He sighed as his shoulders sagged in realization and he rubbed one hand over his face in tiredness. No, he didn't. He knew that no one would ever make him feel the way that Brian had, and yet they hadn't managed to make it work, either, despite their deep feelings for each other.
Was he holding his former partner up as an impossible standard, though? Was he even giving Alex a fair chance? Yes, it wasn't nearly as sexually exciting as the times when he and Brian had been together; the two of them always seemed to know instinctively how to derive the utmost pleasure from each other. Certainly the sex had been incredible and incomparable to anyone else. But when he and Alex were together, they did enjoy each other's company. Alex had always made him feel special and seemed to accept the fact that he needed to put his daughter's welfare ahead of him at times. He knew Alex didn't exactly welcome the moments when he had to decline doing something with him, but he felt the man grudgingly understood why he had to do it. He could do a lot worse than Alex. God, I'm so confused, he suddenly thought as he turned around at last to face his daughter who was still sitting quietly on the couch, staring over at him as she waited for him to answer her.
"You want an honest answer, Kaylee? Is that it?" he asked, his voice rising slightly in irritation that his daughter was dredging up painful emotions in him, ones that he had tried hard to push into a neglected corner of his heart. "Okay, I'll give you an honest answer," he responded, more curtly than he had intended. "No; Alex doesn't make me feel the same way that your father did, and I suppose I will never love him the way that I loved your father." He placed his left hand behind his neck and rubbed it, feeling a distinctive layer of tenseness settling there. "I don't think anyone will ever make me feel that way again," he admitted softly.
Katie shook her head in disbelief; loved as in past tense? To her, it was so obvious that her father still loved her Dad; why did everything have to be so complicated, then? The more she heard, the more she didn't understand any of this. "I don't get it," she flatly told him. "I can tell that you still love Dad. You sound like you the two of you had a love that only comes in a lifetime. Why won't the two of you try to work things out between you, then?"
Justin sighed as he walked over and sat down next to her again on the couch, angling his body toward hers as he took her hand in his. "It's not that easy, Kaylee. Life isn't a fairy tale. It's real and it can be painful." He looked down at their clasped hands as he added softly, "Sometimes things are just not meant to be, Sweetheart. Sometimes even when people DO love each other, it's still not enough to fix what is broken."
At that moment, Katie wished she had her sister to lean on, to find out exactly what she had been told by her father before, and to know how to properly respond to that statement. Perhaps it was better that she didn't know what had been said before, though, because somehow she had the feeling that Kaylee wouldn't be as blunt as she was about to be. Well, to hell with subterfuge – even if it meant blowing her cover, she wasn't about to let her father settle for second best and give up forever the best thing that had ever happened to him.
"That's a cop out, Daddy," she said angrily as Justin's eyes widened at her brusque tone of voice. "I never thought my own father would be somebody who would give up so easily."
"Kaylee, you need to drop this," he warned her harshly, feeling vulnerable as well as unprepared for this side of his normally soft-spoken daughter as she dredged up a topic he wasn't prepared to discuss. What exactly had happened to her up at that camp? It was almost as if a totally different person had come back with him. "I don't want to talk about your other father. End of discussion."
Katie snatched her hand away in anger and crossed her arms over her chest, her face red. "No, Daddy, it's not the end! You loved him – enough to have me! I happen to think you STILL love him, too, whether you want to admit it or not! What happened to the two of you to tear you apart? And why are so mad at me for bringing this up? I'm his daughter, too! I have a right to know what happened, don't I?"
Justin sighed, wondering how a relatively simple discussion about their future with Alex had evolved instead into a long, drawn-out rambling about him and Brian. He had to admit - Kaylee was right; she was getting old enough now that she did deserve some sort of explanation. He wished he could also tell her that she had a twin sister being raised by her other father, a child that Justin longed to see as much as Kaylee longed to see Brian. For the umpteenth time, he wished he could go back in time and refuse that damned custody agreement. By legal rights, Brian wasn't even entitled to keep one of their daughters. But at the time he had felt that sperm donor or no sperm donor, both of them were just as much parents of their twin daughters as any biological, hetero couple would have been. It hadn't mattered to him whether Kaylee and Katie had shared Brian's blood or not; to him, they would always be both of their daughters equally, and despite what had happened he was sure that Brian felt his other daughter's loss just as profoundly as he did. He probably regretted their stupid custody agreement now, too, but what's done was done. Legally they could not reveal the other girl's existence until they were of legal age.
"Daddy, please…"
He lifted his regret-filled eyes to look at his daughter and knew it was time to tell her something. "Kaylee, your father broke a promise to be a long time ago. He did something that he never should have done, something that he couldn't take back. It hurt me. It hurt me a lot. It came down to an issue of trust, and I felt like I couldn't trust him anymore." He stared into her sorrowful eyes as he smiled at her gently. "And yes, if you must know, Honey, I guess I do still love him in a way. I'll always love him. He was my first love and that's always very special to someone. You'll even experience that yourself one day. But that doesn't mean there won't be others you love in different ways like I love Alex. He's different from your father, but he has a lot of special qualities, too."
Katie shook her head, unable to accept that her father would settle for someone like him, not when he could still be with her other father. She refused to believe that her Daddy could be happy with anyone else. "I guess it's lonely not having someone to love," she said to him softly, trying hard to understand. Her heart ached at the thought that her sweet, beautiful father would be alone, but this just felt wrong.
He swallowed the lump in his throat over her concern as he corrected her, "But I do have someone to love, Honey. You. I've loved you since the moment I first set eyes on you in the hospital and you looked up at me all pink and wrinkly." He smiled at her as she peered back at him through her tears. "I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen – and I still feel that way. I think about how blessed I am to have you every day, Kaylee."
"But it's not the same, is it?" she responded softly.
Justin gazed at her intently for a few seconds before he shook his head slightly and admitted, "No, it's not. But it's like I said, Honey. There're different kinds of love. I have a love for you – a deep kind of love. And I love your mother as a very special friend for helping to bring you into the world because I can't imagine my life without you in it. And there's my own mother, your Grandma Jen, and your Aunt Molly." He took a breath before he added, "And I've grown to love Alex, too; it's just a different kind of love than what I felt for your father."
Katie's heart broke a little at her father's admission, knowing he must have been lonely all those years without her Dad. If it had been anything like how she had longed to see him, she could certainly understand how that felt. But she couldn't help thinking he was making a big mistake; she just knew it. "You mean what you feel for my other father."
"Maybe," Justin told her with candor. "But that doesn't mean I can't have a good life with Alex, too; that we both can't have a good life with him." He bit his lip pensively as he told her, "I told him I wouldn't do anything or make any decision without your input. I want you to realize, Kaylee. The decision will ultimately be mine, but I care about what you think because I won't be the only one affected by this. As your father, though, I have to do what I think is best for both of us."
She looked into her father's kind-looking blue eyes that mirrored her own so precisely and knew she should give him the easy way out, tell him that he should do whatever he thought would make him happy, and that she would abide by whatever decision he would make and support it. But she knew in her gut that he would not be happy with that other man, that shyster, that hypocritical person who Kaylee warned her about. Even if she hadn't filled her in beforehand, she just knew this man was bad news – she could sense it. She took a deep breath as she replied quietly, "You mentioned trust, Daddy. That Dad did something that made you feel like you couldn't trust him anymore."
Justin nodded sorrowfully, wondering where his daughter was heading with this line of thought.
"Well, I don't trust Alex, Daddy."
Justin frowned. "Why?"
She struggled to answer his question, not familiar enough with the other man yet to be too specific. Something told her, though, that it wouldn't be long before she had some ammunition to use against him, especially after she told Kaylee later tonight what was going on; she couldn't wait to see how her sister's first day in Pittsburgh had went and to tell her they needed to ramp up their game plan on reuniting their fathers before it was too late. She shrugged. "There's just something about his attitude," she struggled to explain. "It's just a feeling I have. He doesn't like me." That makes two of us, you jerk, she couldn't help thinking to herself.
"That's not true, Kaylee," Justin insisted. "Why would you say that? He's never said anything to me to make me think he doesn't like you." Silently, however, he wondered. His daughter normally was very intuitive about other people; while Alex had never said anything derisive or derogatory about Kaylee to his face, did she perhaps realize something that he didn't? If there was any chance that she was correct, he owed it both to her and to himself not to jump into anything rashly. That was even more reason, too, why he was glad he hadn't gone along with Alex's unexpected proposal up in Canada and married him right away.
"I can't explain it," she told him. "But don't rush into anything, Daddy. Please."
Justin studied his daughter's face, still feeling like there was something different about her. It was more than just her attitude; there was something else there. He shook his head slightly; perhaps he was just tired after their long flight today as he had indicated to Kaylee earlier and once he had some more rest things would appear back to normal. He smiled over at her reassuringly. "I won't," he told her. "This is much too important to rush into. I'm going to give it a lot of thought first, trust me."
Katie breathed out a huge sigh of relief and nodded her head. "Good." At least for now she and her sister had some more time to put their plan into motion. She was confident that once both of their fathers saw each other again, there would be no doubt just who loved whom and a certain designing architect would be out of her father's life for good.
Justin nodded before he gave his daughter's hand a brief squeeze and stood up. "Well, if you will excuse me, Honey, I have a painting I need to get back to. I promised to have it done within the week and that trip to Canada has set my schedule way off."
"Can I watch you paint, Daddy?" Katie asked impulsively, yearning desperately to see her father's talent in action and needing to better understand where her own ability had come from. Although her other father was very intelligent as well as creative when it came to inventing slogans for his clients, and ran the most successful ad agency in the entire state of Pennsylvania, the poor man didn't have an artistic bone in his body when it came to freeform design. He always left those tasks up to his art department.
Justin looked at her in amusement. "You want to come and watch? You haven't asked to do that in years, not since you found out you couldn't draw anything better than a stick figure," he teased her.
Katie sighed inwardly; this ruse was becoming harder and harder to maintain – she wished Kaylee had mentioned that fact since her sister knew how much she loved to paint herself. She realized it had to be out of character for her sister to be so interested in her father's work, but she longed so badly to see him paint she couldn't help it. Scrabbling for a plausible explanation, she decided to take a flippant approach. Smiling, she shrugged as she said, "I guess I was hoping maybe you'd rub off on me eventually."
Justin chuckled softly, not bothering to question why his daughter was suddenly interested in keeping him company in his studio; perhaps she was still a little spooked over her unpleasant experience at camp. "Very well, Georgia O'Keeffe, you're welcome to come join me then." At his daughter's quizzical expression, he explained, "She was a famous painter. Maybe we can try channeling her spirit to help you out."
She grinned at him as she stood to join him. Together they walked out of the living room and back upstairs toward her father's in-home studio, Justin's arm lightly around her shoulder.
Several Hours Earlier – Allegheny Airport
Kaylee had managed to hold her tongue for the most part on the way back home to Pittsburgh in her father's company jet, dying of curiosity but hoping that some of the surroundings would look familiar once they arrived but becoming disappointed to find that they did not. She supposed she shouldn't have been surprised; after all, she had been quite young the last time she had set foot here. On the way home she had limited herself to mainly small talk with her father, not wanting to delve too deeply just yet into more ticklish matters until they were comfortably back at home. As she opened the door to her father's royal blue, Lexus sports car and slid into the passenger side, however, the quiet permeating the inside was palpable as her father placed her luggage in the backseat before getting in and shutting the driver's door to start up the car. Within minutes, they had exited the parking lot and were winging their way back to a place she hadn't been to in years – Britin; the only home where the four of them had lived together – happily, if her distant, vague memories were any indication. She desperately hoped that eventually it would be the site of many more new, happy memories.
Brian glanced over at his daughter, whose head was turned away from as she looked silently out the window. Katie had not been very talkative on the plane, which was unusual for her. Normally she was quite vocal about her experiences, especially when it involved being some place she had never been to before. This time, however, except for occasional small talk about what the weather was like in Pittsburgh or wanting to see her Grandma Jen again soon, his child had preoccupied herself on the plane in pretty much the same way she was doing now in the car – gazing out at the clouds floating by, occasionally leaning her head back in the seat and closing her eyes as she listened to some music on her I-Pod. He was still a little concerned that something more had happened to her at the camp then he was being told, but for now he decided not to pressure her too much. He would give her a little time to get back home first and get safely ensconsed in familiar surroundings before he decided whether to press her further.
As they drove into West Virginia and on toward Britin, Kaylee couldn't help noticing how different the terrain was for it to be so close to Pittsburgh; the farther they drove, the more open and bucolic it became. Soon the subdivision houses that dotted the Pennsylvania landscape gave way to gently rolling hills, grazing cattle, and multitudes of barns and country homes, an occasional rusty metal silo stuck out in the middle of nowhere. It wasn't too different from the scenery near the camp in Michigan, except it wasn't nearly as wooded. Here, there were more fields of crops than thick thatches of woods. It seemed like the last type of place she would have pictured her father living in because Katie had told her about his success as an ad agency CEO; she would have expected him, then, to be living in the midst of big-city life.
But she could definitely picture her biological father living in this sort of setting. In fact, now that his career was firmly in place he often mentioned how much he would love to one day own a residence with a little more breathing room to escape to. He often pointed out to her that that was one of the benefits of being an artist – not only did he get to do what he loved for a living, but he could literally choose to paint anywhere around the world and still maintain his stature as a successful artist. She pressed her face against the cool glass of the passenger window, gazing at the herds of cows, sheep and horses dotting the numerous fields. Safely secured from the majestic horses grazing placidly nearby, she felt awe-inspired by their beauty and strength as she admired their sleek appearance. She knew Katie and her father had horses at Britin, and as an animal lover she was excited about seeing them, but they still scared her to death. She had gotten up close to some at the Illinois State Fair one year when her father had taken her, and she had been astounded by how tall they were and how big just their heads were. When they turned to study her with those large, oval-shaped brown eyes, she had instinctively backed away from them, both mesmerized as well as frightened by how massive they were. Katie had told her how she and her father often went riding together on the grounds, and she had no idea even how to mount a horse, much less travel on one. She didn't know how she was going to pull off impersonating her sister around them, then. What would she do if her father wanted to go riding now? She bit her lip in apprehension and let out a soft sigh, an action which did not go unnoticed by Brian.
"Katie?" Brian called to her as she turned her head to look at him. "Did you hear me?"
Had her father asked her something? "I'm sorry, Dad," she replied sheepishly. "Did you say something to me?"
Brian frowned, still not able to figure out what was going on. "Yeah, Princess, I was asking what you wanted to eat for lunch. We didn't exactly get to stuff ourselves on the way home." Even in his own jet, their so-called 'lunch' has consisted of an apple and a sub sandwich with a drink since he had given his pilot little advance notice that he would be needing to use it. He had taken one look at the carb-laden, white bread sandwich that had been hastily scrounged up for them and had managed only a few bites of it as well as the mushy, overripe apple that accompanied it, noticing that his daughter hadn't eaten much of it, either. As a result, she had to be as hungry as he was. "We can stop at McCallum's on the way home and get your usual steak hoagie and thick-cut fries. Would you like that?"
Kaylee wrinkled her nose at the thought of eating all that fried food before she could remember who she was supposed to be portraying. "Eww…My stomach couldn't handle all that greasy, fatty food," was out of her mouth before she could help it. She knew by the shocked look of surprise on her father's face that she had made a major blunder and she secretly berated herself for slipping up. How was she going to load up on all that fattening, greasy junk food while she was pretending to be her sister, though? Just the thought made her nauseous, but she had to figure out a way to do it, at least temporarily. There was too much riding on her and her sister being able to carry this out. She hastily backtracked as she added, "What I mean is – my stomach's been kind of upset all day. I don't think I should eat something like that right now, as much as I'd like to."
Brian narrowed his eyes and glanced over at his daughter, seeing the same sort of look he sometimes saw in the faces of his clients when they were saying one thing and meaning another. He just wasn't used to seeing it on Katie, however; normally, she had no problem with speaking her mind whether he liked it or not. This time, though, her attempt at an explanation seemed to sound a little lame. Once more he had this odd feeling that something wasn't quite right, but she had assured him earlier that the bullying incidents at the camp hadn't affected her that much. He turned his attention back to the road, noticing the sign for the diner coming up. He sighed, deciding that perhaps he was making too much of the whole thing; after all, his daughter was about to go through puberty and become a teenager, a period he wasn't quite looking forward to; he had no experience dealing with a teenage, hormone-driven girl, but he was going to have to deal with it anyway. Maybe this was the start of it. "Okay, then," he told her as he turned right at the next stop sign; they were in what constituted the small town that lay a few miles away from their home.
Really, it wasn't much of a town at all – merely a couple of gas stations, a drug store, a small grocery, and two tiny restaurants – a mom and pop diner and the deli that he and Justin had frequented so often when they were together. At first he had avoided going back to McCallum's; it simply brought back too many bittersweet memories. But eventually Katie had asked about the place as they had driven by it and he had finally stopped in one day when she was in third grade, finding himself being greeted profusely as soon as he had entered by the owner, Maggie, who had remembered him after all that time. He supposed he shouldn't have been too surprised, seeing as how he had stopped in there at least once a week on the way home to pick up Justin's favorite meal of a double steakburger, onion rings, and a chocolate milkshake. In fact, she had asked about Justin in an awkward moment that day, and he had had to tell her that they were no longer together, finding a lump appear in his throat that felt like a knife had sliced through it. Katie had enjoyed her meal that day immensely, however, and they had shared a pleasant time together, which had helped ease his sadness somewhat. Ever since that time, they had made a habit of stopping in regularly. It was a bright spot in his week and helped to take some of the day-to-day stress away from running the biggest, most successful advertising firm in the state. He knew some day that "Daddy's Little Girl" would turn into a young woman who might change into someone who found it embarrassing to be seen with her father all the time instead of with her friends, so for now he was relishing their special time together.
He slowed down as they approached the deli; as usual the parking lot was full of local customers who knew how good Maggie's cooking was. "Last chance, Katie," he murmured as he glanced over at her. "Sure you don't want me to pick up your favorites? You can always heat them up later."
Kaylee shook her head. "No, Dad. I'm sure I can find something at the house later if I want, right?" Of course except for Katie's rudimentary, hastily-scrawled sketch of Britin, she really had no idea what she was literally walking into; she knew, though, that it was bound to be a lot bigger than her brownstone was and probably well-equipped.
Brian nodded, still a little surprised that his daughter would pass up the chance to imbibe in her favorite meal; Katie definitely took after her biological father when it came to her appetite. She could pretty much eat whatever and as much as she liked and never seemed to gain a pound. True, she did engage in a lot of physical activity – riding the horses with him, playing soccer and swimming in Britin's pool, to name a few – but he suspected that even if she didn't she would still be slim. He remembered how Justin never seemed too concerned with keeping up with him in the physical activity department, at least outside the bedroom. The only time he had participated earnestly in any heavy physical exertion was when he had prepared for the Liberty Ride. He swallowed hard as he thought about the missed opportunity they had had to ride together. As much as he had pretended at the time that he loathed the idea of camping out 'under the stars' as Justin had put, secretly he had been conjuring up all sorts of delicious thoughts about what other types of 'riding' they could do when they weren't rolling down the highway on their bicycles. The entire event had taken a dramatic wrong turn, though, when Justin had been called to California and he had made a point of proving to everyone that he was back to full health after his cancer, an action that had backfired when he had fallen off his bike and broken his collarbone.
The cancer had caused him to reassess his priorities at the time; it had made him rethink what – and who – was important to him: his son and Justin. Little did he know at the time, however, just how much his life would change. He never thought, for instance, that both his son as well as his lover would move away from him eventually, or that he would wind up with the wonderful daughter that was presently sitting next to him in the car. Thank God for Katie, he thought, while at the same time he mourned the loss of his partner as well as his other daughter. "Okay, Princess," he told her now. "We'll just go on home then."
She sighed imperceptibly in relief as she nodded and turned her gaze back to the window, trying hard for something to jog her memory of her previous life here, but it was all unfamiliar to her. Would she feel the same way about Britin once she returned there, too?
She had her answer approximately ten minutes later as her father turned right into a long, curving driveway heading up to a large, Tudor-style mansion. She bit back the gasp that threatened to escape her lips as she instantly recognized the setting, not because she remembered it from her childhood but because she knew it was the same house that was in her painting in the bedroom back home. She had asked her father about it before, wanting to know what it was, but he had always told her it was just a 'special house' he had seen in his travels and he had wanted to paint a copy of it. She had no idea it was actually the house that she and her sister had been raised in, the house she was about to re-enter for the first time in several years. Her mouth hung open in amazement as they drove closer to the looming structure and her father pressed an overhead button on the visor to open the three-car garage located at the side of the house to advance inside. Her heart pounded in anticipation as he slowed the car to a stop and turned the motor off, the heavy garage door clanging shut soon afterward behind them.
Brian turned to smile at her. "Back home, safe and sound," he said tenderly as he sighed, glad to have his daughter back where she belonged. He had missed Katie more than he would have imagined; who would have thought years ago that Brian Kinney would wind up being a responsible, caring father who actually enjoyed spending time with his daughter? He never would have imagined it, and he knew no one else who had known him would have ever believed it, either. Of course, that had been before Justin had appeared and turned his world upside down – in a good way. He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, wishing just for a moment that things could be like they were before – before he fucked up so royally. This was the way his life was now, though, and he had a daughter to take care of. Turning to look at her, he curled one side of his mouth upward at her fondly, noticing she appeared to be a little weary. "I'll get your suitcase; I'm sure you're tired after the trip. Why don't you go on in the house and I'll be right behind you?"
Kaylee nodded as she opened the door and walked around the car toward the interior entrance to the house. Turning the knob, she eagerly opened the door and was amazed at the breadth of the commercial-sized kitchen that greeted her. There were stainless-steel appliances and a large, pewter-colored pots and pans carrousel hanging directly about the six-burner stove. Her biological father would have been perfectly at home here, she realized, noticing a lot of similarities between this setup and the one she and her other father had back at the brownstone. Was it merely a coincidence? She remembered how her father had completely remodeled their kitchen shortly after they had moved there. It was incredible how much this kitchen resembled theirs, but then again, perhaps she shouldn't be surprised. Now that she could finally see where she had first grown up, she realized where her father had gotten his inspiration from regarding the changes to their own home.
Slowly looking around to try and familiarize herself again with her living arrangements, she could hear the door opening as she turned to see her father toting in her suitcase – or actually, Katie's suitcase. He walked up to her with a soft smile and asked, "Still not up to eating yet? I could heat something up in the microwave for us if you want."
She shook her head, dying to do some more exploring instead. "No, Dad. I don't want anything right now. If it's okay, I think I'll just head up to my room and lie down for a little while."
He stared into her eyes for a moment, trying to figure out if she really was okay before he nodded. "Sure. I need to check some emails anyway and make sure there aren't any emergencies I need to take care of. I'll be in the library if you need me, okay?"
She nodded as he placed her suitcase down next to her and turned to walk down the hallway toward the end of the house where Katie had told her the library was located. She had advised her that it was their father's favorite room in the house. Katie didn't exactly know why – it wasn't really an office, just a rather somber-looking, wood-paneled room with high, narrow windows flanking a majestic, wood-burning fireplace and dotted with massive, leather furniture – but she did know that their father spent an inordinate amount of time in there either working on his laptop or merely sitting in one of the overstuffed chairs, lost in thought as he gazed at a fire that was typically blazing in the fireplace. She had told her that she didn't even think her father usually realized when she was there – it was typically when she crept downstairs late at night for a drink of bottled water or simply because she couldn't sleep and wanted to sit in front of the windows on one of the bench seats and draw by the light of an old-fashioned floor lamp situated nearby until she became drowsy. Whenever she found him in there, though, she usually didn't disturb him – he just seemed like he was far away in some other place and time.
Observing her father walking toward the room now, Kaylee picked up her suitcase and quietly followed a few feet behind, eventually pausing by the doorway as she arrived at the study. She watched as, sure enough, her father poured himself a drink from a glass decanter into a short, stout glass and walked over to sit in the closest chair near the fireplace, which was presently cold and unlit, a thick layer of ashes gathered underneath the metal grid as evidence of several previous fires.
She frowned as she looked around the room, feeling an odd sense of déjà vu; it did feel familiar somehow, but not in a foreboding sort of way. It actually felt nurturing and comfortable to her. She could almost picture her two fathers in here together, sitting side by side on the dark-brown leather couch, their shoulders touching as they quietly sat there talking softly and holding hands in front of the firelight; she and her sister played congenially with some blocks on a sage-green, plush area rug located at their feet. Was that wishful thinking on her part, though, or had it really happened? From what Katie had told her, it didn't sound like she and her father spent a lot of time in here now. Was that just because she had gotten older and simply outgrown 'playtime' or had it been by design on their father's part because it dredged up memories he would rather forget? She knew the answer wouldn't be readily forthcoming as she quietly studied the rest of the room, her father's back angled away from her as, instead of checking in with the office as he had indicated he would be doing, he sat there quietly, occasionally sipping from his glass as he stared off into space, lost in thought.
Her eyes fell upon a large painting hanging on top of the mantle several feet away and she sucked in her breath, instantly knowing who the artist was. She walked a few steps into the study to try and examine it better in the soft glow of a table lamp located to the side of the couch and found that she couldn't take her eyes off it – it was a flowing swirl of dark purples, maroons, and navy blue, dramatic, strong brush strokes applied in all different directions. Even without an untrained eye – oddly enough she unfortunately didn't have an artistic bone in her body – she could still sense a certain passion and drama in the piece. It drew her eye toward the outside of the frame as the lines became less defined and softer, almost as if they were traveling away into infinity. She squinted her eyes from a few feet away to peer down at the lower right-hand corner and smiled, instantly recognizing her father's initials scrawled there in his familiar, flowing script. Her eyes misted over just a little as she thought about him. She had only been away from her biological father for a few days now, but she missed him terribly. She wondered what was happening in Chicago, and how her sister was coping. Her homesickness, though, was eased by the fact that Katie was with him and that eventually, hopefully everything would turn out fine once they were able to reunite their fathers together again. The fact that her father couldn't bear to part with this reminder of her biological father, too, filled her with a sense of optimism that he hadn't given up on that dream, either.
Brian turned his attention back to the present as he heard a soft sound nearby; once more he had been daydreaming about Justin. That wasn't surprising, though; normally when he was sitting in here, his thoughts invariably turned toward the day he had proposed to his partner and they had tenderly made love for hours in front of the fireplace. That night had been one of the most exquisite ones in his life, and their sex then had been tempered by what they had just been through and what they had almost lost. They had fallen asleep in each other's arms afterward, exhausted, waiting until morning to resume a much more frantic pace in the shower, in the kitchen, in the living room, hell, everywhere in the house as they had become familiar with what would be their new home eventually. They had been so happy that day, so full of anticipation and eagerness over starting a new leg of their relationship's journey, one that had threatened to be lost. Their future had been so filled with promise back then. But that was a long time ago, though, and there was no going back now; he had seen to that, hadn't he?
He sighed as he looked over and realized Katie was standing nearby, wondering when she had even entered the room. His daughter looked almost apologetic as she stood there near his favorite painting of Justin's. It was one of his ex-partner's larger pieces that he had drawn; he had given it to Brian as a birthday present a few years before the girls had been born, replacing the horrendous, brass-colored sconces that had previously stood to either side of the fireplace mantel. He had lost count of how many times he had sat in this same chair, staring at the painting. At times it made him feel despair over how something so right had managed to go so terribly wrong; other times he felt oddly comforted to still have a piece of Justin with him. Of course, the beautiful young daughter currently looking at him was the best remembrance of his partner he could ever have. He didn't know what he would do without her, but he thanked his lucky stars every day that she was a part of his life.
He peered over at her curiously; it seemed her daughter was continuing with her odd behavior today. He could have sworn she had just told him she was going upstairs to lie down. "Did you need something, Princess?"
Kaylee shook her head as she slowly walked up to her father and sat down across from him on the couch, dropping her suitcase down on the cushion beside her. She took a moment to once more study her handsome father. She had only been with him again for a very short period of time, but she didn't feel awkward around him; the silence wasn't uncomfortable or disconcerting. She didn't quite understand why, because he was so different than her biological father – more moody, more complex, more introspective – but nevertheless she felt at ease with him. Enough to ask him some tough questions.
She tilted her head over toward the mantle. "Daddy's painting. Why do you keep it hanging over there?"
Brian's eyes widened; that had come out of left field. "Why do you ask?" he asked, his voice a little sharper than normal. It was almost as if his daughter had read his mind when it came to what – or who – he had been thinking about. He had made no secret as to who had painted the piece that had hung over the mantel for years now, but on the other hand the two of them hadn't discussed it in length, either. Why now, then?
Kaylee stared back at him unflinchingly. "I'm just wondering why you would keep that hanging over there if you and Daddy aren't together anymore."
Normally unflappable and glib in any situation, for once Brian found himself sputtering a little as he answered, "Uh…Well…Why wouldn't I? It's still a nice piece no matter who painted it, and it's a valuable asset now." Shit; that sounded lame even to him, he thought, as his daughter looked back at him unconvinced.
"You keep it there because you still love him," she told him flatly. "You come in here so you can think about him, so you can remember the happy times." And despite her somewhat hazy memory of when she and her sister were younger, she could somehow tell. They were happy times – very happy times.
"Katie…" Brian had no idea why his headstrong daughter was bringing this up again. Hadn't they just discussed this very same thing on the way up to camp? "I told you before, it's so hard to explain…"
"Dad...You and Daddy were happy once." It wasn't a question, but a statement.
Brian couldn't help the nostalgic smile that slowly appeared on his face as all sorts of memories flooded his mind. "Yeah," he admitted as he stared over at the large, dramatic painting. "We were." He turned to look into her face to clarify, "We all were."
Kaylee blinked, trying to keep the tears back that were threatening to roll down her cheeks. "We could be again," she insisted softly, her voice coming out as almost a plea.
Brian frowned, at a loss as to why his daughter kept mentioning Justin; twice now within the past couple of weeks. It seemed his daughter was coming of age where she was more and more intrigued as well as troubled over what had happened. He had read that in cases of separation between parents – albeit traditionally hetero ones – often the children were the ones who felt responsible, who carried around a load of guilt over what they perceived to be their fault that their parents had split up. Were his daughter's pre-adolescent hormones kicking in and causing her to feel responsibility for what had happened? Was that why she seemed so intent lately on getting to the bottom of what had occurred? In any case, he needed to straighten her out right now and ease her mind without getting too specific about the cause. He wanted to be honest with Katie, but at her age there was a limit as to how much he could share with her. He didn't want to get her hopes up falsely, either, as much as he might want to change what had happened.
"Katie…What happened had nothing to do with you," he assured her, having to bite his tongue before he divulged she had a sister who was probably going through the same thing with Justin. He took a deep breath before he added softly, "I…I made a mistake – a big mistake. I went back on a promise I made to your father. He forgave me for what I did, because that's the way he always was, but he wasn't able to move past it and overlook it so we could stay together." He blew out some air between his lips before he added, "That doesn't mean that when we were still together, we didn't love each other and didn't have a lot of happy times together, because we did." He placed his glass down on the side table with a heavy clunk as he reached to intertwine his fingers with hers. "That also doesn't mean that we could be a family again, Katie. Too much time has passed now, and we have all moved on with our lives." Of course, Brian knew that was a half-truth; yes, he had managed to survive without Justin – his company continued to grow more and more profitable every year, his daughter was growing up to be an independent, capable young woman, and he kept himself busy at work and at home. Katie kept him on his toes, which was exactly what he needed to avoid dwelling on the 'might have beens' that often popped up whenever something or someone reminded him of his previous life with his partner. To anyone looking in from the outside, he would appear to be the same confident, assertive, no-holds-barred man he had always been.
But if someone were to dig deeper, they would see the fine cracks around the surface, the spark that had gone out of his life when Justin had left, the inability he had now to allow anyone else's heart to pierce his, except for his daughter anyway. Debbie knew – she had always been able to see through him almost as well as Justin had – and Jennifer and Daphne no doubt realized he wasn't the same person he had been before Justin and his daughters had come along.
Michael? Well, he and Michael still kept in touch, but he lived in West Virginia now – at Britin – and since Ben's death Michael had submerged himself into his comic book store and had leaned more on Hunter than on him when he needed consolation. They stayed in touch, they called each other frequently, but their discussions were never the more complex, heart-wrenching, probing ones that they had engaged in before. Too much had changed since he and Justin had split up, and he had Katie to worry about now. His work and friends were still important to him, but his priorities had changed dramatically. His main priority was the young girl staring back so intently at him now, still not understanding in her own simple way why things couldn't be the way they had been before.
"You still love him." Again, the words uttered were a statement, not a query.
Brian sighed. He wouldn't lie to her. "Yes, Katie, I told you before. I still love your father. But sometimes love isn't enough, Chiquitita." He dropped her hand to rub it restlessly through his hair. "Look, I really need to check in with Cynthia. I'm sure you're tired from your trip; why don't you go on upstairs and we can talk about this some other time, okay?" Truthfully, he didn't know what else to say to her. He wasn't about to go into the sordid details of exactly what he had done to break him and Justin up; she was way too young to understand and he didn't want to rehash the painful details again anyway. Someday, though, he knew he would have to be more specific, but he didn't see a need to burden his young daughter with it just yet.
Kaylee bit her lip; she was tempted to push her father more about it, but on the other hand she was anxious to explore the rest of the house and then talk to her sister in private about what was going on back home before they made any more moves. She rose from her seat, then, and nodded. "Okay, Dad," she told her father as she reached down to pick up her suitcase. "I'll see you later."
Brian nodded, relieved that he had dodged the bullet for the time being. "I'll be up in a little while, and I'll bring you a little something to eat in case you get hungry, okay?"
She nodded back at him as, impulsively, she leaned down and took hold of his upper arms long enough to bestow a brief kiss on his cheek. He curled his lips under and smiled up at her tenderly as she turned and wheeled her suitcase out of the room, leaving Brian once more with his thoughts. He stole one more lingering gaze over at Justin's painting before he reached over to grab his cellphone to check his messages, the seeds of perplexity and confusion beginning to sprout but not yet put into focus.
Chicago – Justin's Brownstone Loft – 10:55 p.m.
From her place at a long, padded window seat, Katie constantly darted her eyes from her sketchpad to the street below, fascinated by the play of light and shadow on the vehicles, buildings, and landscaping shrouded in the inky darkness of night and illuminated only by the glow of the streetlamps hanging from the telephone poles. Having lived her entire life out in the country where there were more cows than residents, she found the hustle and bustle outside the window fascinating. Even at this late hour, vehicles of all types were driving by frequently – cars, SUVs, delivery trucks, and taxis to name a few – and it appeared that most of the home's occupants were still awake by the amount of lights shining behind the curtain-shrouded windows.
Normally in late evening Katie would be sitting cross-legged in bed doing her sketching, listening to some music on her I-Pod as she used the power of her pencil and paper to record the sights and sounds from the day's events. Today was no exception except she was sitting lengthwise in the window seat instead, her back against one of Kaylee's white, wooden bookcases and her pad propped up on her knees as her hand flew across the paper, sure and strong. When Katie was absorbed in her sketching, it was almost as if someone else had taken possession of her body; she was in her own little bubble. She bit her lower lip in concentration as finally she placed the last couple of pencil strokes on the paper and leaned her head back to peer down at the sketch she had drawn that depicted the street below.
She smiled in satisfaction, happy that it appeared so lifelike. She enjoyed drawing these types of scenes, but what she really enjoyed sketching were candid black and white drawings of people. How she longed to do that with her biological father as the subject! Being able to draw him in the flesh would be so much more exciting than having to use the photo she had found; there was just something about having an animated, breathing and living subject to inspire her to do her best, and since seeing him again she found that she couldn't take her eyes off him. But she daren't divulge her talent to her father, at least not yet. Hopefully in the future once she and her sister could bring their family back together, she would be able to fulfill her wish to draw him – maybe even draw both of her fathers reunited again, happy and still in love with each other.
She sighed; that was a wonderful vision, but first they had a number of hurdles to cross, most of all Alex the Arrogant Architect. She couldn't wait to talk to Kaylee to glean some more information about how to combat that man's penchant for meddling in their lives. It concerned her, too, that her father actually seemed to be seriously considering marrying the jerk. Stopping that from happening had to be their top priority for now, because if that man somehow convinced her father to get married it would be a disaster on so many levels.
Looking over at her sister's bedside table clock that was shaped in the round design of a pink and green flower, she noticed with alarm that it was 11:00 already. Hastily scrambling to pick up her cellphone that she had placed by her feet on the bench, she flipped it open and hurriedly dialed her own cell number, having switched phones with her sister before they departed. The phone had barely begun to ring when it was promptly answered with her sister's worried voice.
"Thank God!" Kaylee cried softly from her place in her sister's bedroom. She was lounging in an overstuffed, navy-blue chaise lounge located in a corner of Katie's room at Britin; she had immediately latched onto the oversized piece of furniture as her favorite as soon as she had set foot in Katie's high-ceilinged room. As she sat there with her legs crossed at the ankles, she still couldn't get over the difference between her sister's room and hers back home. The ceilings in Katie's room must be at least twelve-feet tall, with an impressive, wood-carved fireplace mantel sitting square in the middle of the back wall, scattered with numerous framed drawings of all sizes that contained what had to be her sister's sketches. She was secretly envious of how her sister had obviously been the one to inherit their father's artistic talent, wondering how as twins she hadn't at least picked up some of the same skill. But as her father often pointed out to her, the only way she could paint was with one of those tacky paint-by-number sets, and she hated getting her fingers smeared with paint anyway and especially getting stains all over her clothes.
She glanced around the room as she talked to her sister, noting the room was full of sports equipment in one corner; there was a type of portable, wooden dance floor set up in another corner facing a television with a game system on top, and a huge, walk-in closet that hosted a number of rather Spartan-looking sports clothes in simple, dark colors. She was presently clad in some sort of fleecy, maroon-colored, two-piece sleep suit that she had found in one of Katie's dresser drawers. It was certainly a change from the thin, pastel-colored cotton thermal top and bottom she normally wore at home to sleep in, but it felt comfortable enough. Besides, she knew she was playing a part at the moment and she had to pretend she was someone that she wasn't. She suspected it was going to be hard enough impersonating her sister's life without drawing attention to her distaste over her sister's fashion sense.
"Kaylee? Are you listening to me?"
Kaylee blinked as she realized she had zoned out. She rushed to reassure her sister, "Yeah, yeah, I'm listening. How did it go today?"
She heard her sister sigh. "I screwed up a couple of times," Katie admitted. "This is not going to be as easy as we thought it was going to be."
Kaylee bit her lip apprehensively as she quipped, "Who thought it was going to be easy? What happened? He doesn't know already, does he?"
"No, of course he doesn't!" her sister retorted softly, not wanting to speak too loudly for fear her father somehow would hear her, even though she had the door firmly shut. "He has no idea," she assured her.
"Then what happened?" Kaylee pressed.
Katie snorted. "In honor of your homecoming, our father decided to serve you your favorite meal."
Kaylee smiled; that sounded so much like him. "My portabella hoagie and broccoli and cheese soup? I would die for some of that right now!"
"Well, I almost died when he tried to serve it to me!" Katie huffed back. "What exactly IS a 'portabella,' anyway?"
Kaylee giggled, having eaten it so many times she knew it well. "It's a mushroom, silly," she told her sister. "It tastes great!"
"Well, it looked like blackened cow tongue and the bite I had tasted like charcoaled rubber," Kaylee groused. "My stomach could only handle a few bites of it and the soup before I had to tell our father I couldn't eat any more of it."
Kaylee's eyes widened in alarm. "Katie! How could you DO that? I LOVE that sandwich and soup! You have to play along or he's going to find out!"
"Don't get all spazzed out on me, Kaylee," her sister chided her. "I handled it; I just told Daddy that I was tired from the trip, and he seemed to buy it easily enough." She rolled her eyes, even though she knew her sister couldn't see her. "He suggested I go take a bubble bath to relax. Puh-leeeezz."
"I love bubble baths!" her sister replied defensively. "The more bubbles the better."
"Well, I beg to differ," Katie retorted. "I hate wasting time lying in a tub and getting all wrinkled up like some prune! Thank goodness you have a separate shower in your bathroom."
"Just don't let Daddy know," Kaylee warned her, still feeling slightly insulted. "I never take showers. At least you have the choice there," she pointed out. "All you have here are shower stalls as big as the size of one of our bedrooms back home."
Katie had to smile at that statement. "Yeah, they are huge, aren't they? For some reason Dad always liked showers. We never have had any bathtubs. He told me when I was younger he used to put me in the sink in one of those baby bathtubs to give me a bath."
"Well, that just points out how careful we're going to have to be," Kaylee replied. "We'll have to remember everything we told each other. Anything else happen?"
Katie smiled at an earlier remembrance. "Yeah. You didn't tell me that Daddy could play the piano. He was singing a song I actually remembered from when I was a baby. I had forgotten what a wonderful singing voice he has."
Kaylee shrieked, managing to keep her voice down despite her excitement. "Was he singing Bridge Over Troubled Waters again?" she asked hopefully.
Katie frowned. "Yeah, how did you know? It wasn't exactly a happy song the way he was singing it, by the way, so why are YOU so excited about it?"
"Because," her sister said triumphantly, "don't you see? I think he plays that when he's thinking about Dad! Why else would he be playing a song that he used to sing to us when we were young? And that would explain why he sounded a little sad, too; he still misses him!"
"Maybe he just likes to play it," Katie ventured, not quite convinced of her sister's belief, but then again, she knew this father better than she did; that's why they had switched in the first place. Could she be right?
"No," Kaylee told her adamantly, unable to keep the eagerness out of her voice. "I'm telling you, he's still in love with Dad; I know it!"
"Well, don't get all excited just yet, because I got news for you, sister; he told me that Alex the Asshole had proposed to him while they were up in Canada!"
Kaylee's euphoria evaporated as she said, "Oh, no! He…They didn't…?"
"No," was the reassuring reply as Kaylee's heart began to pound. "They didn't get married up there; but it sounds like it wasn't for lack of trying on the boyfriend's part. He's waiting for an answer, but Daddy told me he didn't want to give him one until he talked to me – or should I say you – first."
"Shit," Kaylee muttered uncharacteristically, but she figured now wasn't a time to worry about being 'ladylike.' "I hope you set him straight on what a mistake that would be."
Katie idly fingered the top of her spiral sketchpad as she replied, "I certainly tried; but he's not totally against the idea, Kaylee. He's still thinking about it. At least I persuaded him not to make any hasty decisions. Hopefully that'll give us enough time for both of our Dads to realize they still love each other and belong together before that scuzzball manages to worm his way into our lives and messes everything up."
Kaylee sighed apprehensively. "I hope so," she replied. "But I don't trust him as far as I could spit at him. Look, you knew how to take care of Sandra up at camp; you're going to have to do the same with Alex before it's too late. We need some more time."
"And how do you suggest I do that, Kaylee?" Katie prompted her sister.
"I don't know! Think of something!" she hissed desperately. "Make the man's life miserable! Make it hard for him and Daddy to be together! You've got to try, Katie!"
Katie blew out a pregnant breath as she nodded, knowing her sister was right. "Okay, okay, I'll stick to him like wood on glue and watch his every move when he's around Daddy until I can think of something. And if you think of anything about him that might help send him packing, shoot me a text, okay?"
"Okay," Kaylee agreed. "Listen, I'd better go before too long; we can't take the chance that Dad will hear me talking to you. I'm going to try and see if he will let me ride in with him to work tomorrow so I can visit with Grandma Jen. I'm sure she'll have some ideas what we can do to get our dads back together, too; after all, it was her idea to begin with."
"Good idea," Katie told her approvingly. "Tell Grandma I said hello and to wish us luck; I think we may need it."
"I will," her sister assured her. "And give Picasso and Dali a hug and kiss for me. I miss them," she admitted wistfully. "They usually sleep with me at night, at least until I fall asleep. But I leave the door open a crack because they like to spend most of the night prowling around the apartment; are they doing okay, though?"
Katie snorted. "I wouldn't really know; I doubt that they'll even come to bed with me tonight. It seems they can tell the difference between you and me. They took one look at me as soon as we walked in the door and began to hiss at me and arch their backs before they ran off and hid! They don't want anything to do with me. You should have seen me trying to explain that to Daddy earlier."
"No!" Kaylee cried, not even thinking that would have been an issue; her cats normally tried to make friends with everyone, and to have them shy away from her sister who was trying to pass herself off as her could be a, pardon the pun, cat-astrophe. This was no laughing matter, though. "What did you do?"
"Give me a little credit, Kaylee!" Katie retorted. "I told Daddy they probably didn't recognize me because of the new haircut. Fathers are so easily duped," she said almost proudly.
"Don't let him fool you," Kaylee told her sternly. "He's no dummy; you'd better be careful or he will figure out something's going on before you know it. He's very smart; Grandma Jen told me he got really high test scores at school. He could have gone to any college he wanted to back then, but he decided to go to art school instead."
"That's where I want to go, too," Katie told her softly. That was her hope eventually that she could follow in her father's footsteps and be a successful artist just like he was. "Okay, I'll be careful," she replied. "What about you? Any slip-ups today with Dad?"
Kaylee sighed. "About the same as you; he tried to stop at some deli in town to get me a steak hoagie, onion rings, and chocolate shake on the way home since we didn't eat much on his jet."
"You mean McCallum's? Oh, my God! I would DIE for that right now! You turned him down?" Katie's stomach was growling due to not eating anything since her father had tried to fix her dinner earlier; perhaps before she went to bed she could at least wander down to the kitchen and see what sort of food she could scrounge up. "Do you have any junk food at all in this place?" she lamented. "Or is it all bean sprouts and mushrooms?"
Kaylee snorted. "Are you kidding? I may eat healthy, but Daddy doesn't. Trust me, you won't have any trouble finding what you want down in the kitchen, but for heaven's sake don't let him see you eating it or he'll know something's wrong! I NEVER eat that crap!"
"Hey, watch it!" Katie growled. "I happen to like that crap as you put it!"
Kaylee sighed, looking over at the clock and noticing how late it was getting. "Look, I really do have to go," she told her sister again. "Want to talk again same time tomorrow?"
"Yeah," Katie replied, hearing what she thought were footsteps coming down the hall. She still had her light on because she had been sketching, so she knew her father would know she was still up if he passed by her door. "I'd better go, too, I think Daddy's coming and I have to hide my sketchbook."
"Your sketchbook?" Kaylee cried. "You can't draw, remember? What are you even doing with that? Hide it!"
"I will; give me a little credit!" Katie huffed out indignantly as she hastily pushed the sketchbook under the bench seat cushion; did her sister think she was that stupid? She knew that she was probably taking a chance having it, but she couldn't bear to part with her prized possession. "It's hidden now, don't worry!"
"For God's sake, Katie! You should have kept it in my, I mean, your suitcase! You can't let him see you with that or it will all be over before we've even begun!"
The footsteps were getting closer as she hastily replied, "Don't you think I know that? Now I have to go, Kaylee," she whispered urgently. "Same time tomorrow!" She had just enough time to flip the phone closed and push it under the edge of the cushion next to her sketchpad before there was a soft knock on her bedroom door and her father poked his head in slightly to smile over at her. "Everything okay, Honey?" he asked softly as he walked further inside and stood facing her from a few feet away.
She nodded with a return smile of her own; her father was wearing only a pair of loose-fitting, sage-green pajama bottoms with a mint-green pinstripe running through them and was barefooted; she couldn't help thinking how different he looked from her darker, taller father but he was still beautiful in his own way nonetheless.
"I'm fine," she told him as he walked up to her; she swung her legs around so he could sit next to him on the bench seat as she added, "I was just about to go to bed."
Justin nodded. "Me, too. It's been a really long day." He reached over to lightly ruffle her short hair affectionately. "I'm still surprised you cut all your hair off, you know, but it's growing on me," he joked as she grinned back at him. His face sobered into a tender expression as he admitted, "I'm so glad you're home, Sweetheart. I'm sorry that experience turned out to be such a bad one for you."
She shook her head before saying, "It wasn't all bad, Daddy." She stared into her father's eyes as she smiled tenderly back at him and stated, "Some parts of it were really, really good, in fact."
He nodded. "Good; I'm glad to hear that." He groaned softly as he stood up and stretched backward to release some of the stiff muscles in his back before peering down at her; his time spend in front of the canvas he was working on had begun to take its toll on him. "Well, I'll say goodnight, then. I'm sure you'll sleep a lot better in your own bed now." He glanced around briefly before asking, "Have you seen the cats? They're normally already on the bed by now, waiting for you to join them."
She shook her head, still a little apprehensive that 'her' own cats apparently didn't want anything to do with her; it did make it hard to explain the reason why. "I haven't seen them. I'm sure they'll come around soon, though," she added, trying to sound more confident than she felt. What if she was wrong? What if they continued to avoid her? Wouldn't that look suspicious? She sighed softly; she would just have to cross that bridge when she came to it. In the meantime, she had a certain arrogant boyfriend that she had to work on, and she would start on it first thing tomorrow. She wouldn't rest until that man was out of father's life and the real person he loved was back in it
Justin nodded as he lightly curled one hand around his daughter's neck and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. "Sweet dreams, Honey," he whispered with a smile as she nodded and watched him turn around to leave.
"Daddy?"
Justin turned around and raised his eyebrows in question. "Yeah, Kaylee?"
"I'm glad to be home again, too. Would you keep my door open a crack in case the cats want to come in later?" She figured it was worth a shot. Who knew? Maybe they would eventually take a liking to her after all. "Oh…and I love you," she added softly, almost embarrassed at the show of affection. She had only been with her father again for less than a day now, and she still had a lot of questions that needed to be answered, but she knew the way she felt about him was not in question.
Justin smiled at her; those precious words were always a balm to his soul. "I love you too, Honey. Good night." He quietly turned then and walked out of her room, quietly closing her door until it was only slightly ajar, his footsteps softly echoing as he disappeared down the hall toward his own room.
Katie sat there for a moment longer until she scooted off the bench seat and padded over to the canopy bed, pulling the covers back and picking up all the stuffed, beady-eyed animals staring back at her to place them on a mint-colored glider rocker nearby. That is, all except one. Sliding in under the cool covers, she reached over next to her and grabbed the lone animal remaining on the adjacent pillow. Why she had narrowed her choice down to a rather shabby-looking, worn, brown bear with a round tag around its neck with the name Gus etched on it she didn't know, but as she clutched it to her chest she found it brought her an unexpected feeling of comfort as she slowly drifted off to sleep.
Thanks to Boriqua522 for checking this over for me.:)