A/N: Justin arrives at Britin and has to confront his memories; the girls enlist help in their dinner scheme.
Justin absently fingered the delicate, twisted metal bracelet on his wrist as he watched the familiar terrain between Pittsburgh and West Virginia fly by. Why he had agreed to go back to Britin for dinner with Brian and his daughters was beyond him. Oh, he knew that he and his ex-partner would have to come to grips with occasionally seeing each other for the sake of their daughters, especially if they succeeded in changing the custody agreement, but did it have to take place at their old home? Why hadn't he just insisted that they meet back at his mother's condo instead? He glanced down at the adornment on his left wrist and wondered what had possessed him to keep wearing it after all this time. It had been a gift from Brian commemorating their first Christmas together after the girls had been born; the two strands of pewter and gold that were twined together were meant to not only symbolize their young twins, but Brian said in an uncharacteristically sentimental statement at the time that it also signified how they were two soul mates that were meant to always be together.
He sighed very plaintively at that thought, a gesture so quiet that the sound went unnoticed by his mother who was in the driver's seat; apparently always didn't last as long as it used to. He supposed he should take the damn thing off before they reached Britin to avoid any invariable comments about it or at the very least one elegantly-arched eyebrow lifted in unspoken question, but if he did it now he knew his mother would notice what he was doing and wonder about it. He had never explained the significance of it, merely telling her it was something he 'had picked up' for himself several years ago, and he didn't want to delve into the background surrounding it now. Instead, he turned once more to gaze out the window, his mind a jumble of mixed emotions, emotions that threatened to overwhelm him the closer he got to his old home - the home he had once shared so happily with Brian and their two daughters. The home that he had dared to think he might spend a lifetime of happiness in.
Jennifer glanced over at her son, biting her lip and fretting over her pending involvement in yet another scheme orchestrated by two young daughters who fervently wanted to bring their two fathers back together. She silently prayed that if her involvement were revealed her son would understand and forgive her for yet another intrusion into his life. Justin's inexplicable quietness hadn't escaped her notice, but she certainly understood it; it had been a long time since he had traveled back home and she could sense his nervousness and anxiety. She breathed in a tense breath between her lips and let it out before quietly saying with a reassurance that belied her inner turmoil, "Just a few more minutes, Honey."
Justin nodded mutely, his head still turned toward the window. He knew all too well how much longer it would take to get to Britin; God knows he had traversed that same path countless times before. What exactly would happen this time, though, once he got there? His mother had told him she wanted to leave a little earlier than necessary to account for any rush-hour traffic around Pittsburgh; they had made it out to West Virginia in record time, no doubt beating Brian there. Perhaps it was just as well, though; it was going to be strange enough coming to grips with his old home, much less seeing Brian and the girls back there. At least he would have a little bit of time to calm his nerves down and get used to the idea before they showed up.
Approximately ten minutes later, Jennifer slowed to turn into the long, curved driveway as Justin finally turned his head to gaze at the home he thought he might never see again. His breathing involuntarily quickened at the sight; even after more than a decade, the home was much like it had been before, only some of the pine trees surrounding the estate were much larger than he had remembered them. As he continued to stare at the residence, just as he feared it would so many memories began to instantly flow to the surface:
Brian, crouched down in a catcher's stance in the driveway, clapping his hands and smiling in warm delight as Katie, who always seemed to be the daredevil of the two even at an early age, toddled slowly and uncertainly toward her father's outstretched arms as she began her first, unsteady walk on two feet, Justin walking closely behind her, ready to catch her if she started to fall on the hard pavement...
Two little girls, cheeks frosty and rosy from being in the crisp, winter air, squealing in joy as he and Brian clasped one girl firmly around the waist and accompanied them on two, hard-plastic, red toboggans as they slid down one of the gently-sloping side hills of their property. It would always be at least an hour before both girls would tire of this thrill, long after he and Brian had admittedly grown bone-weary and stiff from constantly pulling their precious cargo back up the hill to start all over again, but neither man would quit until their daughters had at least been happily worn out and ready to go inside for hot chocolate with mini marshmallows...
Kaylee tromping around the backyard in toy high heels, applying 'fake' lipstick to her lips from a hard, red plastic tube, giggling and throwing kisses to him and Brian as she whipped the ends of a bright pink feather boa dramatically around her neck festooned with not-so-precious jewels from her much-beloved jewelry case that she carried around her wrist like a Louis Vuitton handbag. Even then, Kaylee liked fashion so much that Brian always went around calling her his own little 'fashion diva' and questioning just whose genes she had been born with...
Brian and him carrying one twin each in a papoose-like knapsack on their backs as they took day hikes up into the low-lying, wooded mountains around their home, a wooden child's wagon pulled along behind him that carried all the accoutrements needed for a picnic - and some lovemaking while the twins slept later - held snugly in its bed. While they sipped wine from plastic goblets and fed each other 'ridiculously-romantic' crackers and brie and an occasional juicy, red grape, the twins would happily munch on their own picnic lunch, sitting on a separate, red-and-white checked blanket with miniature tea cups, plates, and saucers from their toy dishes. Even now it made Justin smile to think about how grown up they seemed to think they were as they took a fake drink of their tea from their plastic white cups decorated with dainty, pink roses while their little, chubby, pinkie fingers curled up just like an English lady's would. At that age they couldn't quite formulate a lot of words yet, but their smiles, shining, happy eyes and bubbly conversation that sometimes only THEY could understand had told him all he and Brian had needed to know, and he could still remember how happy, how fucking happy, he and Brian had been; how happy they had ALL been...
Only after Jennifer had stopped the car and turned it off did Justin's mind revert back to the present - the stark reality of what was now, not what was then. He sighed once more and forced down the tears that threatened to fall as his mother turned to gaze over at him in what looked suspiciously like sympathy - or even worse, pity.
"I'm all right, Mom," he said a little more curtly than he meant to in response to her unspoken question. He bit his lip momentarily as he admitted, "It...it just brings back a lot of memories to be here, that's all."
Jennifer nodded, her own heart aching at the look on her son's face. It was obvious that the memories rising to the surface at that moment were painful; there was no way Justin could avoid it. She knew that her son and Brian had been very happy here - every time she had come out to visit them, the joy they shared was written all over both their faces. During that time, Justin had almost glowed from the contentment and fulfillment he felt. It was a time she wished that could have gone on forever for her son's sake, but it had been over far too soon, just like the fading beauty of a rose in the fall. "I know," she told him softly. "But it has to be done, Justin. If the girls are to see each other regularly, you will have to confront your memories - and your feelings for Brian."
Justin bit his lip, a little aggravated but knowing his mother was right. It would be HIS responsibility to work things out with Brian, though, whatever path they may choose to walk - not his mother's or his daughters'. "Mom, I'm all grown up now and I can take care of myself. Please let me do this my way, okay?"
She pursed her lips together before nodding in agreement, too worried to tell him that she had already committed herself to being involved once more, unknown to him. She vowed, though, that it would be the LAST time; she loved her granddaughters tremendously, but Justin was right - when it came to matters of the heart, and especially the unique relationship and, yes, the love that still remained between him and Brian - her son was an adult and would have to work through his feelings for his ex-partner himself.
"Want to go in?" she asked as she came to a stop and turned the car off. She unlatched her seatbelt and opened the driver's side door to peer over at her son, who seemed to be hesitating before he let out a deep breath and finally nodded. As she emerged from the car, the sweet scent of numerous perennials blooming profusely around the grounds surrounded her and she couldn't help smiling at the marvelous fragrance. "Smell all of those flowers," she marveled. "So incredible."
Justin's eyes watered again as he closed the passenger car door and stood there dwarfed by the obscenely large Tudor home, a big, emotional lump forming in his throat as he re-memorized every line and angle of the residence again. He had spent many days here with their two girls while Brian was at work, planting bulbs all around the perimeter of the house in hopes of being rewarded with a vibrant blanket of color later. At the time, both girls had loved to dig their pink little fingernails into the rich soil, not so much concerned with planting bulbs that eventually would produce such a diversity of colors and smells, but more to luxuriate in the feel of the dense, wet material under their fingers. They always did love to feel things - the gooier, slimier, stickier and dirtier the better, whether it was finger paints, caramel topping, wet sand at the beach, or rich, black, muddy soil, emitting giggles of glee whenever he dug down with a trowel and came up with a slippery, wriggly worm at the end; Katie especially had no qualms about picking up the struggling critters, holding them up to examine them closely before setting them back down with surprising gentleness so they could escape - but not before she had named each one of them, though, to Justin's amusement. Of course, often he couldn't figure out just what they had been named, but it didn't matter; it was funny as hell just the same.
Brian always acted like it drove him crazy, though, whenever he was met in the driveway with a couple of smudged, soiled little tomboys at the end of the day, but he always knew that his partner's look of disdain was just an act. If Brian really detested them being that way, he would never have been so willing to crouch down in his latest Armani suit and scoop each of them up into his arms to receive several slobbery, wet kisses on his mouth and cheeks or allow them to wrap their soiled clothing around his body and dirty hands around his neck to hug him as he pulled them closer and smiled down so tenderly at them. No, Brian loved them deeply for ALL their qualities...He still did. That had never been in question.
He noticed now that his and his daughters' efforts to successfully plant so many perennials had been successful beyond his wildest dreams; everywhere you looked there were all shapes, colors and sizes of flowers: orange and burgundy Tiger Lilies, Lazy Susans, large, white Shasta daisies, Carnations in shades of whites, pinks, and reds, bright yellow poppies, and so many others as far as the eye could see, each one lovingly and meticulously planted by a father and his two young daughters so long ago. Back then things had seemed so easy, so wonderful...So permanent. In a way, it seemed like yesterday, but in another way it seemed like a lifetime ago.
"Yes," Justin murmured at last, sucking in a ragged breath and smelling the fragrant scents. "It's very beautiful." Justin slowly walked over to stand next to his mother, who placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "The girls and I planted all of these...before..." He found that he couldn't finish the sentence for some reason, merely choosing to let it drop that way he ended it as his voice trailed off into silence. He took in a deep breath before saying, "If you don't mind, I'd like to take a walk around the grounds before Brian and the girls get here; I have a lot of thinking to do."
Jennifer nodded sympathetically, actually breathing a sigh of relief because she could go inside and pretend that she was starting dinner, just like she had promised she would for the girls. She actually wasn't sure WHAT would greet her inside; only that they had promised her they would take care of the dinner issue themselves, how she had no idea. At least it would save her the dilemma of having to explain to Justin what was going on; she could merely pretend that she had found all the incidentals inside and had started the dinner herself. "Sure, Honey," she told him softly with a smile and a slight nod. "I understand. You go ahead." She wrapped her hand around her son's upper arm and pulled him briefly to her body for a hug before she let him go, watching him slowly walk toward the side of the house, lost in thought. She observed him pause in front of a large rosebush, an explosion of large, blush-colored blooms with just a hint of pink in the middle. He leaned down to gingerly cup one of the spectacular flowers with his hand and inhale the magnificent scent - a delicate-type fragrance that she could smell even from several feet away - before he turned and, with hands clasped behind his back, slowly wandered toward the corner of the house. Soon he was out of sight as she reached inside the pocket of her cream-colored, linen pants and retrieved her key that Brian had let her keep.
She quietly opened the door and closed it, immediately smelling a wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen. Obviously someone had already prepared dinner for them, but how? She placed her handbag down on the foyer table as she walked down the hallway toward the back of the house, hearing the quiet banging of pots and pans now. She knew Brian wasn't home yet; she had received a text message from Katie about ten minutes ago, telling her that she, her sister, and her father were running a little late and were just now getting ready to leave Kinnetik. So it couldn't be them. Brian didn't really have a cook, either; there was a woman who came down from Pittsburgh every Sunday to drop off frozen, gourmet meals for the coming week so Brian merely had to warm them up, fix a quick salad, and some bread for a nutritious meal for him and his daughter. But he didn't have an actual cook, feeling it was an unnecessary expense. So who was in the kitchen, then?
As she came to the doorway, however, the answer was immediately clear. Their 'cook,' dressed in bright green leather-like pants and wearing a sheer, black, long-sleeved shirt, was swaying his hips to some upbeat tune on a pair of headphones as he hummed along with the music, unaware that he was being secretly observed with amusement at the moment. A long, wooden spoon was in his hand as he poured what appeared to be some sort of gravy over a large chunk of meat nestled inside a large, oval-sized Dutch oven sitting on top of one of the gourmet stove's six burners.
"Emmett," Jennifer called out as she walked closer, not wanting to scare him. The volume was apparently set quite high, because the man didn't turn around to acknowledge her. Raising her voice a little more, she called his name once again, but her overtures were ignored.
Quietly walking up to within a foot or two of him, she reached over and lightly tapped Emmett on the right shoulder from behind. As soon as her hand made contact, Emmett jumped at least a foot off the ground and came within a hair of dropping the spoon on the floor; only his quick reflexes and good, old-fashioned Southern luck allowed him to drop the spoon haphazardly into the pan as it made a splash, splattering some brown drops of gravy on his face and chest, along with a couple of spots on the front of his shirt.
"Shit!" he shrieked as he pulled his headphones off and placed them on his shoulders, turning around to confront his visitor; he quickly reached for a wet cloth he had lying nearby and began to dab at the gravy that thankfully wasn't quite hot enough to burn his skin. "You scared me to DEATH, Sugar! I thought it was Brian coming home early!" He looked around frantically, his heart still pounding from the scare he had received. "Where's my Tide-to-Go pen?" He asked unexpectedly as he spied the miniature tube lying nearby. "Gay boy's best product in a tube, next to lube anyway," he cracked as he quickly tugged at his top and began to dab where the gravy had landed on his shirt.
As usual whenever Jennifer encountered her son's friend, she had to stifle a laugh at his antics. Emmett was near and dear to her heart by now, always having treated Justin with both admiration and respect, but Emmett had certainly not changed much over the years. Oh, he was a little more filled out (read: slightly paunchier) than before, having stopped going to the gym on such a frequent basis now that the old gang had dispersed some time ago, but he was still the same over-the-top, flamboyant, no-holds-barred man he always had been. But he was also fiercely loyal to his friends, and the first to lend a hand when needed, though, so she wasn't totally surprised by his presence here.
"How did you get in here?" she asked curiously.
Emmett smiled as he laid the stain pen down and reached over to retrieve a single key hanging from a Soccer Ball key ring that was lying nearby on the counter. "Katie told me where to find the extra key," he told her as he twirled it around his finger. "I drove out here and parked down the street and walked the rest of the way. Believe you me, too, Honey - apparently they don't see a lot of men walking down the street in the latest fashion; I had mouths open as wide as the Grand Canyon staring at me when they drove by."
Jennifer laughed at that description; she had no doubt that Emmett made quite the featured attraction. "I can imagine," she told him as Emmett grinned back at her. She sobered somewhat as she told him, "You know Justin's here with me," she advised him. "What if he had come in just now?"
"I would have said it was fabulous to see him again, and told him that Brian had asked me to help out with dinner," he explained. "But I'm glad he didn't come in with you so I don't have to make up an excuse; I never WAS good at withholding the truth from that boy. Where IS he, anyway?" He wanted fervently to see his old friend again, but this particular task was much more important. As much as he retained ambivalent feelings toward Brian Kinney, he still never hesitated to do his part when true love was at stake, and two little girls had pleaded with him over the phone to help reunite their fathers again. He always HAD had a hard time saying no to blue-eyed blondes that batted their eyelashes at him, anyway, and two against one? Well, that was just damn unfair...
"He decided to take a quick walk around outside before he came in," she told him as he nodded. She took a whiff of what was on the stove nearby. "Mmmm," she murmured with an appreciative smile, despite her nervousness over the evening's events. "That smells heavenly. What is it?"
Emmett beamed at her, his eyes twinkling. "It's my Aunt Lula's Angus Beef Brisket with Garlic Mashed Potatoes and Caramelized Onions - or as I like to call it, Sex in a Pot. Last time I served this to Calvin, he said to me, 'Baby, that brisket brings out the brown in your eyes' and my eyes aren't even brown! What was he thinking? Believe me, though; one whiff of THIS stuff and the boys will have some other type of meat in mind." At Jennifer's red face, he hastily added, "Oops! Forget I said that; don't worry - it tastes damn good, too."
Jennifer smiled a little self-consciously, still not quite comfortable with such blatant references to sex. "I'm sure it is," she told him. She frowned. "I still don't understand what the girls' plan is, though, do you? I mean, it's just dinner with Brian, the girls and me."
"Is it?" was the mysterious reply as Emmett winked at her. "I'd better head out before a certain fly enters the spider's web. I'm running late already. If you get a chance, tell the girls that I've got everything handled, okay? The rest is up to them now. I'm going to slip out the side garage door while I still have the chance."
Jennifer shook her head in confusion, not understanding what was going on at all; perhaps it was better that she didn't know, though... "Yeah, of course, Emmett, I'll tell them. Be careful," she warned him as he turned to leave. "Justin's still out there and Brian and the girls should be here any minute." Emmett nodded in understanding and grinned before, with a quick pirouette on his heels and a gentle admonition to put the dinner back into the oven to keep it warm, he hurried over to the door that connected the kitchen with the three-car garage and with a quick wave of his hand, disappeared from sight.
Jennifer sighed; this whole evening was getting stranger and stranger by the minute. Turning back to the meal, she reached over to retrieve the glass dome to the heavy pot and, putting it back on top, she grabbed a couple of oven mitts and placed the dinner back into the low-temperature oven. Having been in the house on numerous occasions before and being familiar with where everything was, she then turned her attention to opening up the top cupboard over the sink and began to set the table in the adjacent dining room, anything to keep her mind preoccupied.
A few minutes later, she heard one of the metal garage doors being opened and then the sound of car doors slamming. It didn't take long for the door from the garage to the kitchen to be flung open and one of the girls to come rushing in.
"Grandma!" her granddaughter cried out as Kaylee - or Katie, she didn't know which - came running up to her and pulled her into a fierce hug. "I'm so glad to see you!" Her sister followed close on her heels as Jennifer noticed both were wearing similar clothing, recognizing them both as outfits of Katie's. As she looked at how identical they looked - from their type of clothing to their hairstyle and even the lip gloss they were wearing - she realized why Justin had been having so much trouble figuring out which girl was which; she couldn't tell, either.
She glanced up as Brian came in behind them, carrying his leather laptop bag which he deposited down on the small desk located by the garage door. "Jennifer," he greeted her with a nod as he removed his suit jacket and draped it over the desk's chair. She could see him looking around curiously and instantly knew what - or who - he was looking for. She watched as his face fell, no doubt thinking that Justin had backed out at the last minute. "He's here," he reassured him. "You didn't see him outside?" she asked.
Brian frowned, his heart beginning to beat again at her response. "Outside?"
She nodded her head. "He said he wanted to take a walk around the grounds, so I thought you might have seen him when you pulled up."
Brian shook his head, wondering why Justin was outside but enormously relieved that he hadn't changed his mind about having dinner with them. He was nervous as hell, though; this wasn't just a dinner with his ex-partner's mother and their two daughters. He was convinced this might be his last chance to get through to Justin, his last chance to make him listen to reason - to listen to his heart.
"No, I didn't see him," he told her as both girls wound their arms around their grandmother and Jennifer pulled them close. "How was he? I mean, what was his mood?" He couldn't help wondering; he was craving any hint as to how Justin would react tonight to his wish for them to hash everything out and move beyond it. He wanted so much more than just a civil discourse on how to handle the custody of their daughters, although that was certainly a priority. He wanted some time alone with Justin, some time to try and make him understand that his love for him had never disappeared.
Both girls peered up at her as she responded quietly, "He has a lot on his mind, Brian; he was pretty quiet on the way out. He...This house; it's hard for him to be here again."
Brian nodded; he could certainly understand what Justin might be going through. Just the thought of his ex-partner finally being back at Britin brought a lot of memories surging back up for him, too; a lot of GOOD ones for sure, but some painful ones as well...He gazed over at the source of why so many memories had been happy ones, though; of that he would be forever grateful and it helped to keep his spirits up and his hopes alive.
"It does for all of us," he told Jennifer honestly. He sighed. "I think I might know where he is. I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?" He gazed into his daughters' faces and gave them a reassuring smile. "You two can stay here and help your grandmother out with dinner."
Wanting to go with their father, but also knowing they needed some time to talk to their grandmother, both girls reluctantly nodded in agreement as Brian walked over to the double French doors leading out to the backyard and opened them up to walk outside. Jennifer waited for him to close the doors behind him before she said, "I'm glad we have some time alone, girls. Maybe NOW you can tell me what in the world you're both up to so I know what to expect. I already know that Emmett's involved with this, by the way, because I caught him here in the kitchen earlier. Don't worry," she hastened to reassure them as she noticed a look of panic appear in her granddaughters' eyes. "Neither one of them knows he was here; he sneaked out of the house through the garage while your father was walking around the grounds and he was gone before you got here."
Katie huffed out a breath of disbelief. "Em was supposed to get here two HOURS ago!" she exclaimed. "He could have spoiled the whole thing!" Katie and Kaylee looked over at each other in relief that he hadn't been detected as they let go of their grandmother. Kaylee nodded back at her in a silent type of communication in response to her sister's unspoken question as Katie instantly understood. "Okay, Grandma," she said as her eyes lit up with a sort of conspiratorial glow. "Here's what we have in mind."
Brian walked steadfastly along the curved, meandering, stone path behind the house that traveled from the back of the residence to the stables a couple of hundred feet away; over the years what was once just a dirt field trail worn down by time and situated behind the grassy backyard had been transformed into a shady garden spot with the help of a team of professional landscapers. It had always been Justin's dream to change the open, untouched area into a spot for mediation and reflection, and thanks in part to his attempt to honor his ex-partner's wishes the pathway was barely recognizable now from what it used to be. There had been numerous shade trees planted along the way that were now mature and elegantly curved, providing plentiful shade, along with several perennial bushes and flowers, a koi pond teeming with large, plump goldfish and lily pads that served as launching points for the bullfrogs that loved to laze on top of them, and a couple of stone benches and three marble sculptures along the route that had been custom designed from photos he had used of Kaylee and Katie when they were younger. One depicted them as two little girls walking hand in hand together, another one of Katie on her first swing, her face glowing with delight and her hair flying in the wind, and another one of Kaylee standing with her arms outstretched like they both used to do whenever one of them wanted either him or Justin to pick them up and give them a 'raspberry;' slang they always used with the girls to mean a wet, slobbery kiss that the girls always excelled in giving and something which they both loved to receive. Brian knew that it always turned him into a big mound of emotional mush every time it happened, especially when either girl would nuzzle their face into his neck and whisper "I love you" to him. Even now, just the memory filled him with both happiness as well as longing for what used to be and could never be recovered again. Perhaps, though, if things would only go right, he, Justin, and the girls could start making some new memories...
Brian expected to see Justin sitting on one of the stone benches, no doubt lost in thought just like HE was. But to his mild surprise, he wasn't. In his mind, then, that left only one more possibility where he might be. Walking further, he rounded the corner of the walkway that at last revealed the stables at the other end and knew he had been right: he could see into the open doors of the structure and his heart skipped a beat as he spied Justin standing near Cerus' stall, stroking the side of the horse's neck as he looked up into the horse's eyes. As he got closer, he could hear Cerus' telltale, soft neighing, indicating the horse knew exactly who Justin was. Justin always had been the horses' favorite; BOTH horses. It had always been a running joke between them that he had garnered their affection so strongly. Justin always used to tease him that HE had taken over as 'chief stud' now as he liked to call it. At least as far as the horses went, Brian had been forced to agree with him. It might have had to do with the fact that Justin spoiled them terribly during the day when he was at work with grooming and indulgences such as sugar cubes and apples, among other things. But in a way he thought it might have more to do with the soothing tone of his voice as he spoke to them, just like he was doing now as he murmured words of greeting to the smaller of the two horses. He could see Eton in the stall next to them, his head leaning toward the two of them as if straining to get the same treatment.
"Don't worry," he could hear Justin telling Eton with a soft chuckle. "I haven't forgotten you." He watched, transfixed, as Justin reached inside his pocket and took out a cube of sugar and held it out in his hand, palm up, as he leaned over to place it under the other horse's lips. Brian heard his ex-partner giggle as the horse's lips tickled his skin, just like he always did before, and Brian couldn't take his eyes away from the scene. It was surreal seeing his ex-partner back where he used to be, acting precisely the same way he always did when he came out to the stables. Except now their little girls weren't so little anymore, and Justin wasn't the young, blond twink he used to be. He was a beautiful, mature man now, more self-assured, more physically defined and more elegant in a way. One thing was the same, though - the sight of him still made Brian's pulse quicken with desire and his heart pound in anticipation. He swallowed hard as he walked closer to the open barn, wondering how to approach Justin. He was finding himself at a loss all of a sudden, feeling oddly awkward and unsure of himself. It was a feeling he wasn't used to experiencing; it only seemed to happen when this man was involved.
Justin heard just enough of a soft snap of a twig to know he suddenly wasn't alone; he knew before he even turned around who it would be, but his heart began to pound anyway. As he turned slightly to see Brian standing about ten feet away, he bit his lip nervously, inwardly cursing his body's reaction to him. He was wearing a dark blue, almost black silky type of dress shirt with a black-and-silver pinstriped tie loosely hanging around his neck; the shirt had been unbuttoned a few buttons, exposing the "V" of Brian's bronzed skin, still tight and smooth like he remembered. A pair of what was no doubt custom-fit, tailored black slacks strained against Brian's legs as he stood there gazing back at him with a sort of inscrutable look on his face. His expression was definitely hard to read; thoughtful, yes, and intense, but beyond that he couldn't see behind the visage or the eyes gazing into his to know what he was truly feeling. If it was anything like his own feelings at the moment, however, he knew the same memories were probably all bubbling back to the surface just like his were. He couldn't help thinking once more as he stared over at him how magnificently Brian had aged; despite the horrid man who had been his father, apparently Brian had inherited the type of genes that made him age gracefully, because he was still stunning and oh-so-handsome.
"Your mother told me you had gone for a walk around the grounds," Brian told Justin softly. One side of his mouth turned upward into a slight smile as he added, "I thought I might find you out here; or else sitting on one of the benches." As he continued to once again drink in the sight of his partner, standing there like he always used to do, he longed to walk over and sweep him up into his arms, to murmur words of both regret as well as hope that they could finally put everything behind him, but the rigid stance of his former lover stopped him. Justin had his arms hugged across his chest, almost as if he were trying to keep his heart from escaping as Brian locked stares with him. He thought he saw the flicker of something else flash across the blue eyes before the veil of protection dropped back down firmly into place.
Justin, however, was currently anything but sure of himself; as he stood there, it was all he could do not to run over and plaster his lips against Brian's, to feel the touch of his arms again, to smell his unique, masculine scent that always made him wild with desire for him. To his consternation but not his surprise, those feelings had not abated after all these years; if anything, the separation from his former partner had made it more pronounced. But the strongest of his emotions presently - his damn, stubborn, righteous pride - wouldn't allow him to act on his true feelings, so he remained locked in place, firmly kept at what he thought was a safe distance from his ex-lover. WAS there such a thing as a 'safe distance,' though, when Brian was involved? Somehow he knew that he was only lying to himself if he thought that were true.
"The walkway..." he began as Brian stared back at him studiously, waiting for him to respond. "When did you do that?" he asked curiously as he shuffled nervously side to side on his feet; he jumped slightly as he felt Cerus nuzzling his neck unexpectedly, no doubt looking for some more treats. "Not now, Boy," he chided the horse as it whinnied in reaction. He moved just far enough away from the animal so he couldn't repeat the ticklish action. "That's it for now."
Brian had to smile over at him at his reaction, remembering so many times that had happened before, and Justin found himself returning the smile just a bit as he heard his ex-partner tell him softly, "I did it the spring after you left."
Justin furrowed his brow. "Why?"
Brian shrugged, feeling unexpectedly like he was being probed under a microscope as the blue eyes gazed back at him intently. "You wanted it done," he answered by way of quiet explanation. "And I promised you I would," he added in a whisper, realizing how odd that sounded under the circumstances. "Did you see the sculptures?" Justin hadn't thought of including that part in the initial plans, but somehow he knew he would still like them, at least he hoped so. The ironic part was that he didn't know if Justin would ever see them, though.
The left side of Justin's mouth curled up into a tender smile as he thought back to his first glimpse of them; his heart had stopped in his throat as he had recognized his daughters and what Brian had done in his absence. "Yes, of course," he admitted, his eyes locked on Brian's in a show of appreciation. "I...I was surprised to see them. I never expected that. That's probably my favorite part, actually."
Brian nodded, noticing the grudging respect for what he had done in his ex-lover's voice. "I thought you would like them."
Justin frowned. "You didn't even know I would ever see them," he pointed out.
"No," Brian admitted quietly. "But I hoped you would - one day."
Justin pondered that statement silently as he turned his gaze away, unable to look at Brian any longer for fear he would realize his fortitude was quickly slipping away the longer he stayed in his presence. All the memories he had tried so hard to keep inside, to lock away to a colder part of his heart, were quickly beginning to surface again and he found that he was powerless to avoid it, unable to tamp them down like he wanted. And just when he thought he had perhaps gotten them under control again, the man would go and do something like finishing the meditation garden he had dreamed of completing and he would totally throw him off balance again. All he knew at that moment was that he had to get away from there, away from Brian, and somehow manage to survive one evening with him. Just one evening, and then he could go back to his mom's and not have to deal with the memories any more.
"The girls with you?" he asked Brian finally as he turned his gaze back to peer over at his ex-partner, finding Brian still looking over at him silently; he apparently hadn't moved one inch from his spot near the stable doors. Brian nodded in confirmation, his face partly in shadow as the long rays of the sun began to recede into the horizon.
Justin nodded back at him. "Well, I'm sure they're wondering where we are and dinner's probably getting cold; we'd better get back to the house, then."
Where it's safer, Justin? Brian couldn't help asking mutely. Was it safer for Justin, though, or for HIM? He reckoned that nowhere was far enough to be 'safe,' not if the feelings coursing through him were any indication. To his satisfaction, though, he had a feeling that Justin's emotions weren't exactly under control at the moment, either. Justin might be trying to hide that fact, but he knew he was right just the same.
He held out his hand toward the walkway. "After you, Sunshine," he told his ex-partner politely, standing to one side of the doors expectantly.
"I know the way," Justin told him stiffly, secretly afraid to walk any closer. Besides, he knew Brian was simply taunting him, daring him and he wasn't going to rise to the bait.
"I would hope so," Brian quipped. "You don't look feeble just yet." He pursed his lips together into a challenge, knowing his stubborn ex-partner would be unable to resist. "You're afraid," he told him accusingly. "You can't handle being close to me, can you?" There...He knew THAT would do it...He found out that he didn't have long to wait at all.
"I'm not afraid," Justin retorted promptly just like Brian knew he would. "Don't flatter yourself."
"Then let's go; you said yourself that dinner's getting cold." Brian continued to hold his hand out like he was some asinine tour guide until Justin huffed in resigned irritation and began to walk toward him, toward the only way out of the stables, but also toward distinct danger.
The closer he got to Brian, the more his heart began to pound; he could feel his face beginning to flush with heat as he strove to keep his gaze steady and sure. Inside, however, his stomach was doing somersaults, nervous knots coiling around his body like tightly wound serpents...
Just as he thought he had managed to successfully call Brian's bluff and ignore him (at least as best he could), he felt a muscular arm grab him around the waist a couple of seconds later as his body was thrown flush against his ex-partner's; he instinctively brought his hands up to Brian's chest to try and steady himself, noting with a little surprise that Brian's heart was beating just as rapidly as his own. "Let me go, Brian!" he growled as he began to push his palms against Brian's chest in an attempt to free himself. But it was no use; both arms were now securely bound around his waist and linked behind his back like a steel trap. "This is ridiculous! Stop this shit right now!"
"Stop what?" was the husky reply as Brian's eyes bored into his; Justin's hands immediately stilled and he found himself frozen to the spot as he gazed into the hazel orbs, unable to blink his own eyes or even breathe. He could feel Brian's warm breath on his face as he spoke; unable to give away what he knew must be written all over his face, he turned his head in an unsuccessful attempt to avoid looking at Brian, but that merely gave his ex-lover an opportunity to lean in and nuzzle the pale flesh of his exposed neck that he was so conveniently offering. He gasped at the sensation of Brian's lips on his skin, soft, probing, and warm, oh so warm and oh so familiar, even after all these years. God...No...Please...
"Justin..." The voice was soft, alluring, full of need, full of want, full of longing. It was obvious that he was having the same effect on Brian, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't give in to what his body was so desperately wanting him to take and go down that path again.
Justin began to struggle anew. "Brian, I said stop it," he repeated firmly as he pushed again on the rock-hard chest. He could feel the beginnings of arousal between them, which made time critical; just one more minute in this man's arms and he would do whatever the fuck Brian wanted him to do, principles and pride be damned. So he thought of the only possible way that he could hope to take control of the situation. "Is this your tactic now? Are you going to force yourself on me? Is that how it's going to be? I thought you had more class than that, Brian."
The effect was akin to throwing water in Brian's face as he instantly let go of Justin and stood back, his face red and awash with anger and hurt. His voice was hard-edged as he responded, "I don't have to force myself on anyone, Mr. Taylor. Have it your way. Let's go." He leaned against one of the weathered, wooden doors as he folded his arms across his chest and glared over at him.
Justin forced his breathing to slow down as he nodded, feeling unexpectedly guilty and remorseful over his actions, but unable or unwilling to take back what he had done. He felt Brian's heated stare as he passed by him and emerged out into the quickly-cooling dusk; it felt comforting against his heated, sweaty skin. Just as he had gotten about ten feet away, however, he heard Brian clearly say behind him, "Don't kid yourself, Justin; I wouldn't have had to force you to do anything."
Justin paused for a moment, his back to Brian, realizing how true that statement was, before he let out a tense breath and proceeded on down the walkway toward the house, his ex-partner following along at a safe distance behind him.
A/N: I will have another update to this story in the next day or so; I decided to break it up into two parts so I could post this segment faster. Next up is the dinner! **Thanks as always to boriqua522 for being my beta and for watching my back - you're awesome, my dear.:)**