SailorStar9: Nya? Chapter 28 goes up and only one review!

Kakashi: -snort- NO Sensei don't touch me there!

SailorStar9:... Ooookay...(BOOT TO THE NADS NO JUTSU)

Kakashi: GUAAAARRRGGGGHHHH! [(Noise he makes in the Japanese ultimate ninja games when you beat him) curls up holding crotch] Gai so help me if you did that top challenge me again I'm gonna-!

SailorStar9: (Grins down at Kakashi) S'up bitch?

Kakashi: (pales) oh no...nonononononono! You aren't real! You're a hallucination! A genjutsu! (Molds chakra as SailorStar9's ominous laughter fills the room) KAI! KAI! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! KAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Disclaimers: I own nothing, well except the pairing.

Chapter 29: Italy's Guardian Angel

Interesting. Hernandez mused as Misaki dodged another two mid-fielders. I didn't think Japan has a player like that.

"Tsubasa." Misaki made his pass.

On the bench…

"Amazing." Even Misugi was awed. "They work so well together."

"Of course." Genzo remarked. "5years apart had no effect on them."

"And that's why they're called the 'Golden Combo'." Ami quipped.

On the field…

Both Tsubasa and Misaki headed straight for the goalpost.

"Let's go surround them." Hernandez gave the order.

"They're here." Misaki declared, seeing Tsubasa and Hyuuga marked. "Now… it's the time for the dual." With that, he broke through the Italian's defense line.

Hernandez ran out to intercept when Misaki made a skillful pass to Tsubasa.

Tsubasa readied his trademark 'Overhead Kick' when he saw Hernandez coming for him and made a last second 'Overhead Pass' to Misaki.

Misaki dived for the header, Hernandez moving in to intercept when Misaki made a header pass to Tsubasa, enabling Tsubasa to pull the equalizer shot with a header.

On the bench…

"Now the pace changes." Mikami nodded.

"If Hernandez is the perfect goalkeeper, then Tsubasa and Misaki are about to make the perfect shot." Genzo stated.

On the field…

"We must do the 451 system." Hernandez told the team. "The forward is Talutelli. Make a fast attack. Don't give those two any chance. Let's finish this once and for all."

Alright, Takeshi. Hyuuga nodded once Sawada stole the ball, both Tsubasa and Misaki having being marked.

"If Tsubasa and Misaki are the Nankatsu 'Golden Combo', then Hyuuga and I are Toho's 'Golden Combo'." Sawada stated. "Hyuuga." He passed the ball over.

"Here goes." Hyuuga caught the pass. "Concentrate on the mid-field and even the score. So we have to win."

"Hyuuga." Tsubasa ducked past his opponents, catching Hyuuga's pass.

Tsubasa and Misaki are surrounded. Hyuuga mused once Tsubasa was tripped over. Less people on me. The chance will come. And then I'll make the decision.

"It can't go on like this." Jito cursed.

"Let's go too." Ryo suggested.

"Wait." Matsuyama objected. "We must be patient or we'll make more trouble. We can't break our balance now."

"It can't end here." Tsubasa stole the ball, just as Misaki dodged his opponents, receiving Tsubasa's centering pass and fired his shot, only to have Hernandez save the ball.

"Right, counter!" Hernandez kicked the ball out.

"It's correct not to play the hero, Matsuyama." Ryo noted.

"First, you must guard." Matsuyama recited from memory.

"Show them how it feels to be rejected." Soda added.

"Wakashimazu, we're counting on you." Ryo stated, the four defenders dashing off.

"There's one more point." Wakashimazu knocked the incoming ball off. "We still have a chance."

"We have to win this game." Tsubasa promised, receiving the pass. "Misaki, here goes."

"Okay." Misaki nodded, the 'Golden Combo' restarting their passes.

Bastard, I want a goal. Tsubasa hissed, Misaki having been tripped by one of the mid-fielders. We need to get a goal. I want to win. And pulled free of his attacker's grip. Kicking the ball high into the air, he bypassed the last defender and made his 'Overhead Kick' in mid-air.

Hernandez reacted, slapping the ball aside. How can we lose to a country that has no soccer tradition? We're Italy, the kingdom of soccer.

Not yet. Tsubasa continued his charge. Not until it's the end. I'll keep making shots, Hernandez. "Take this, Hernandez." He caught the reflected ball and made another shot.

Hernandez managed to block out the ball.

I'll pay that back, Italy. Hyuuga swore, dashing for the deflected ball. For humiliating us, I'll make the last shot.

"Hyuuga." Tsubasa turned.

"It'll be the same, no matter how you do it." Hernandez was confident. My hand… he felt a flash of pain from his hand. "I'll stop it. I still have my wrist."

The practice I did on the black ball that coach gave me. Hyuuga recalled his training with the lead ball. We must win. "Take that. This is my new 'Tiger Shot'." And fired his upgraded shot, scoring the goal, the sheer force shredding Hernandez's glove and exposing his fingers.

Just then, the whistle sounded, signaling the end of the match.

"Hyuuga." Tsubasa beamed as he and Misaki ran over to the forward.

"Alright, we won." Misaki declared.

On the bench…

"Guess he completed it." Ami noted. "Definitely going to need a radar gun to measure that shot's velocity."

"Coach, we did it." Misugi remarked.

"You guys did it." Mikami corrected.

On the field…

"Nice shot, Hyuuga." Tsubasa stated. "What an amazing shot."

"Tsubasa, after playing with Italy today, I realized that there are many people that I want to beat." Hyuuga confessed. "I've always tried to catch up to you. My goal was to defeat you. But now, my goal is even higher. I've found a bigger goal. With the #9 uniform, I'll work to become the best ace striker in the world."

"Hyuuga, let's surprise the world with our soccer." Tsubasa nodded.

"But first," Ryo started.

"We must win this competition." Matsuyama finished.

"Tsubasa Oozora." Hernandez stated, approaching the Japan team. "I admit it. I lost."

"Hernandez, let's play again one day." Both team captain exchanging a handshake.

"I'm sorry about the practice game." Hernandez apologized. "Bye." He bade the Japan team farewell.

The next day…

"Now that's France." Tsubasa noted, the team arriving to the stadium to watch the match. "The passion."

"Because it's a game between five countries." Misaki added. "To them, soccer is more than a sport."

"It's unlike Japan." Ryo remarked.

"Here, Tsubasa." Genzo called, him and Misugi waving the team over. "Germany defeated Canada, 4 to 0." He reported. "Schneider made his first attack of the game."

"Schneider, huh?" Tsubasa echoed.

"What about Uruguay vs. Belgium?" Misaki inquired.

"Completely one-sided." Ami replied.

"3 to 1." Misugi supplied. "Uruguay won. Ramon Victorino made all three goals."

"Amazing." Ryo gaped. "Two players made 3 points in one day."

"We won't lose either." Hyuuga promised.

"The players are entering the field." Mikami hushed the team.

"He looks like a movie star." Ryo remarked as Elle Sid Pierre led the France team into the field.

"Crap, fan-girls." Ami winced at the squealing. "I knew I should have brought ear-plugs."

"Amazing." Tsubasa was awed as Pierre's skillful dodging. "What a beautiful dribble. Nothing was done in excess."

"He's the artist of the field." Misaki supplied.

"Artist of the field…" Tsubasa echoed.

"But Pierre, I'm not going to lose to you." Misaki swore.

On the field…

Tsubasa Oozora and Taro Misaki are in the audience, watching. Pierre approached the English goalpost. It's not the time to make a shot. And he passed the ball over to Brabo, who then fired his shot, the ball missing the goal bar.

It was not long before England scored the first goal.

In the stands…

"Amazing…" Tsubasa shook in anticipation, Louis Napoleon having made the equalizing shot minutes after he was switched onto the field.

"What is it, Tsubasa?" Ryo wondered. "You're shaking."

"That's amazing." Tsubasa stood up. "The world is so big. All these great players. We can't just sit here. It's the world. Come on."

Omake

Hinky!

Naruto was rummaging through the remains of Tsunade's office after the destruction of Konoha, hoping to find a scroll with some kind of super-powerful technique to take out Pein and the Akatsuki.

He had found one huge scroll that looked promising, but it turned out that was just her bar tab.

(The scroll with her gambling debts was so massive it had had begun to generate its own gravitational field, and had to be stored within a special containment jutsu.)

"Damn, it's dark in here," Naruto said to himself. "Hey! Maybe this lamp will help."

He never got a chance to find out. As he started to rub the lamp, there was a bright flash -

And then the lights went out.

Tragically, he never noticed the stamp on the bottom of the lamp: If found, please return to Deus X. Machina.

Looking down at his shockingly small body, Naruto's mind was working fast.

"Wait a minute," he thought. "These are the clothes I wore when I was twelve…"

"I'm in a 12-year old boy's pants…"

"Holy shit!" he cried "I've turned into Orochimaru!"

Okay; maybe not that fast.

Eventually figuring out what must have happened -however improbable it might seem- Naruto recognized the great opportunity that had befallen him.

"Whoo-hoo!" he cheered. "I can get into the movies for half-price!"

Finally coming to the conclusion that he could use this 2nd chance to prevent many of the terrible catastrophes that had occurred in Konoha, Naruto began to strategize.

Suddenly, he noticed the date on his Word-a-Day calendar. (He had given up on that crazy thing on January 3rd. "'Didactic'? What is that, some kind of joke?")

"Sasuke," he remembered with alarm. "I have to get to the Uchiha compound right away!"

"I am going to make so much fun of him!" he thought gleefully. "Who's the 'crybaby' now, Asshole?"

At last realizing that he would need help to effect the kind of changes that were necessary to forestall the destruction of his hometown and the deaths of everyone he knew-slash-loved -and remembering that he would be a target walking anywhere as he was- Naruto came up with a plan to get to the Sandaime undetected.

He would use henge to transform into a small insect -a Blue bottle fly (Calliphora vicina), to be precise- and fly to the Hokage Tower.

He had to say it - sometimes he was so smart, it was scary.

He made several attempts, but found it to be surprisingly difficult.

To transform into an insect 1/ 5,579,186.15 his size.

Finally, he made the connection:

Of course! It was all due to his untrained, 12-year old body. It was one of those 'chakra control' deals.

Of course. That was the reason.

With this new insight, Naruto was soon able to compensate for his disability and successfully complete the technique.

Adjusting easily to the 360 degree vision of his new compound eyes, Naruto fluttered his wings, and flew swiftly to the window of his apartment.

There was a flash of orange.

And a flash of pink.

And then Gamatatsu, seated at the windowsill, was happily crunching on a tasty mid-afternoon snack.

"Mmmm, meaty," he thought, just as he dispelled.

SailorStar9: Bend it, don't break it. That's the secret.

I've actually seen this premise used in more than a couple of stories recently, so I thought I'd do an omake on it.

That's right: Naruto (so they say) is able to henge into an insect.

1/ 5,579,186.15 his size (±).

And fly.

That technique has now officially replaced the kawarimi as the most ridiculously overpowered / underrated technique in fandom. It pretty much obviates 99 percent of all other ninja techniques.

Why bother learning those tricky S-rank jutsu, when this E-rank can allow you to fly right up to the target -avoiding your enemies- sting them in the eye with some kind of poison, and then fly away undetected?

The perfect crime.

Mass, Volume, Physical Laws? All irrelevant in the Narutoverse. (The Laws of Attraction doubly so, it seems.) They just get in the way of god-like effects (which is supposed to be the reason we consider them 'god-like').

I don't expect it to be real - just reasonable (or at least, well-reasoned), within the framework of the story.

For the sake of the storyline, I can accept that some people in this Naruto-world can generate a force called 'chakra'; which they can, in turn, use to generate a number of powerful effects. That's one of the defining characteristics of this Naruto-world, after all.

And maybe I'm somewhat willing to accept the premise that Naruto has a 'special' version of the henge.

Maybe you can even convince me that he somehow uses his vast chakra reserves (or something) to compensate for the larger mass when he wants to transform into something/someone bigger than himself.

Maybe.

But shrinking his mass to the size of an insect?

He would be denser than uranium. (Not that he isn't, already.)

And flying?

Can he henge into a working handgun, also? A laptop? A car?

Hey, wait a minute -

A talking car, named Kit?

Holy Shit! Naruto is Knight Rider!