The girls discover their latest scheme backfired; Brian and Justin continue to struggle with their emotions.
A Few Minutes Later...
Jennifer couldn't help smiling at the goofy grins on both of her granddaughters' faces; their joy over pulling off their plan was contagious, despite her trepidation. "Girls, you need to eat before everything gets cold," she chided them, noticing they were much too occupied with whispering amongst themselves to eat what Emmett had so painstakingly prepared for them. "What are you whispering about now?" she asked them curiously; it wasn't as if she didn't already know what their plans had been.
She HAD noticed with a little concern that the basement had been noticeably quiet for the past several minutes, ever since her son had determined what the girls were up to; she didn't know if that was a good or a bad sign, though, since the thick, insulated walls of the lower level kept most conversations muffled or even totally blocked from anyone's hearing. She had to give her son credit, though, for the 'I'm injured' ploy earlier; he could have won an Oscar for that performance, but the girls had seen right through it.
Katie grinned from her place at the other side of the dining room table. "We're just trying to figure out what's going on down there. It's been awfully quiet," she answered as if she had been reading Jennifer's mind. Kaylee nodded beside her in agreement, her smile a mirror image of her sister's.
"I think it's because they're too BUSY to 'talk' right now," Kaylee chirped as the two sisters broke out into giggles.
Jennifer sighed at their youthful exuberance as she sobered somewhat, reminding them softly, "Remember what I told you. You can't necessarily hear what's going on down there, and as much as I might like to agree with you girls, they have a lot to work out yet. I hardly think some small talk is going to resolve everything."
Kaylee, ever the more romantic one, replied, "Well, I don't think they're talking right now at all. I think they're kissing." She sighed wistfully. "Did you see the way they were looking at each other earlier?" She could see it in both their eyes whenever they didn't realize she was looking at them. Both of them had already admitted that they still loved each other, so a heartfelt smooch would be a natural progression of that emotion in her opinion. One kiss - one kiss, and that would remind them just how much they cared and how much they had shared - STILL shared. In her mind, that would go a long way toward them working everything out, because it conveyed the deepest of feelings. She smiled dreamily, imagining her two fathers gazing into each other's eyes before they drifted closed and their lips sweetly came together...
Jennifer smiled over at her sympathetically, wishing it could be that easy. "Honey, it's not always like in the movies," she told her regretfully.
Just then her granddaughter's daydreaming was interrrupted by the sound of a loud, harsh knocking coming from down the hallway. Two sets of eyes got big as saucers as they heard the familiar, authoritative sound of their father calling out to them.
"Girls! It's your Dad! I need you to open this door NOW, young ladies!"
Jennifer's heart dropped as both girls' faces fell; this was definitely not a promising sign...She sighed as she pushed back from the table and walked over toward the hallway.
"Grandma..." Two voices pleaded desperately in unison, anxiety written all over their faces.
She shook her head firmly. "I have to see what's going on," she told them sympathetically. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she walked out and down the hallway toward the basement.
"Katie! Kaylee! I'm NOT kidding here - I need this damn door opened NOW!" Brian shouted through the door as he continued to pound on it with his fist; the basement was suddenly feeling more and more like a tomb to him, a smothering, emotion-riddled crypt of quicksand. He couldn't get out of there fast enough now as he tried a different tactic when he still did not receive a response. "I know you're out there, Jennifer! Come and open this goddamn door!"
Jennifer bit her lower lip apprehensively as she approached the door, knowing this was not some inconsequential game they were playing now. It was obvious that Brian was highly agitated. Why had she agreed to this latest bout of manipulation on the girls' part in the first place? She already knew why; it was because she was secretly hoping it would succeed this time, too - it had to, they were quickly running out of options now - but obviously from the impatient sound of Brian's voice something had turned sour between them.
"I'm here, Brian," she told him as she flipped the deadbolt to disengage it and turned the knob to open the door. As she did so, she was met by a pair of dark, stormy eyes and a weary-looking expression. Her fears were immediately confirmed by the look on Brian's face as well as the conspicuous absence of her son. "What's going on?" she asked anxiously.
Brian sighed heavily at finally being freed, feeling like a diver coming back up for air as he grasped the narrow, wooden railing and urgently informed her, "Justin needs your help. He DID fall earlier."
Jennifer's eyes widened with instant worry as she craned her head around Brian to search for her son, her unease over Brian being angry with her temporarily forgotten. "My God! I thought he was kidding before! Where is he? Is he okay? Did he hit his head?" That was always a vital concern, considering her son's previous medical background.
Brian shook his head quickly to reassure her, his own thoughts chiefly centered on his ex-partner's welfare, despite everything else going on. "No, not his head," he told her as she sighed in relief. "But he missed a step and fell down and hurt his ankle. I don't think it's broken, but I'm pretty sure he won't be able to walk on it for a while." He cocked his head toward the far corner where the recreation room was located, unable to keep his thoughts from briefly dwelling on what had happened between the two of them earlier - how it had felt to finally kiss Justin again, to hold him, to smell him, to...
"He's in there," he told her abruptly as he took a deep breath and forced himself not to think about any more of it. "I bandaged it as best I can, but he's going to need your help getting back up the steps." He averted his gaze from her as he added more softly, the pain evident in his voice, "He doesn't want my help any longer." He stepped out onto the landing as he bypassed her and turned to go, but he was thwarted by Jennifer's hand on his arm.
"Brian?" Jennifer didn't know what to ask first - she was anxious to go see her son, but her mind was swimming with all sorts of questions she wanted answers to. Her eyes bored into his, asking him all sorts of things silently as he shook his head sadly at her.
"Not now," he replied, surprisingly with no hint of anger or resentment in his voice. "I can't talk about it; don't ask me. Just...go help him, okay?" He let a breath out between his lips, his face reflecting both resignation as well as grim acceptance. "I've done what I can; the rest is up to him."
Jennifer nodded, somehow knowing they weren't talking about her son's ankle injury now. She locked gazes with him, wanting desperately to say more, to ask more, to tell him how sorry she was about a lot of things, until Brian gently pulled away from her and turned to leave, his normally stoic demeanor gone and his shoulders drooping wearily.
"Justin..." Jennifer whispered sorrowfully as she watched Brian go, her heart going out to him over his look of dejection. "What have you done?" she murmured as she quickly but carefully rushed down the steps, not having any idea what she would find. She turned right and headed toward the segregated room, stopping at the open doorway and quickly honing in on her son who was perched long ways on the couch, his left leg bent slightly as he propped his injured ankle up with a flat pillow lying underneath. The cuff of his pants was in tatters - no doubt so his leg could be tended to - and he was awkwardly sitting up with his head in his hands, his elbows propped up on his knees. He looked up as he heard his mother approach, the hope in his eyes that Brian was returning quickly disappearing as he realized who it was. After his and Brian's discussion a little while ago, he had been highly annoyed at first, even resentful, but as he had spent a little more time thinking about it, his anger had turned more into a need to continue his conversation with Brian; their departure had left him feeling oddly empty and even more confused. Apparently, however, Brian didn't feel the same way at the moment.
Jennifer briefly noted the highly romantic scene that Emmett had created for her son and Brian as her eyes swept around the room, noticing the muted lighted, soft music, and the makeshift dinner table before her eyes focused once more on her son. She just had time to notice the hopeful look in his eyes be effectively extinguished as he realized it was her instead of Brian before he greeted her, his voice strained and ragged.
"Well, at least Brian kept ONE promise to me," He told her. "He must have been more convincing to you than I was."
Jennifer sighed guiltily as she walked into the room further, not having been sure of what reaction she would get from her son. She carefully sat down on the edge of the couch near his feet. "I'm sorry, Justin; we really thought you were kidding earlier." She gently pulled the torn flaps of Justin's pant leg apart to look at his injury. "Brian told me what happened just now. Does it hurt a lot? He didn't think you had broken it at least."
Justin gritted his teeth; since Brian had bandaged it a while ago, his immobile ankle had become more stiff and painful. Lips pressed tightly together, he curtly rasped out, "Just help me get upstairs." He was in no mood to rehash his and Brian's discussion with his mother or even discuss her involvement in this scheme, even though he was still quite perturbed by her interference - again. She had to have known what the girls were doing, and despite his firm admonition that she stop trying to play matchmaker for them, apparently his wishes had been completely disregarded once more.
Jennifer nodded, biting her lip as she stood up and watched her son gingerly turn so he was sitting up with his back to the couch; he winced as he placed his foot just barely on the floor and steeled himself to rise. "Justin..."
"Mom, I do NOT want to talk about me and Brian right now," he warned her curtly as he held onto the rolled-up arm of the couch and slowly rose to hop up on his good foot, purposely keeping weight off the other. He didn't even want to think about how painful it would be when he did bear weight on it.
Jennifer moved to place her arm around her son's waist for support as he did the same around hers. "Just take it slow," she coached him.
"Mom..." Justin didn't know which one made him more aggravated at the moment, the fact that she was treating him like a five-year-old, or the fact that she couldn't seem to stay out of his affairs. Okay - poor choice of words there...
She turned her head to stare nervously into his troubled, blue eyes. "Yes?" she whispered.
Justin sighed; he needed to talk to her, but he was just too damn spent - physically as well as emotionally - to even venture there at the moment. He shook his head in dismissal. "Nothing. Never mind - let's just get going, okay?" He didn't want to spend one second longer than he had to in this 'cozy, little hideaway' that had been created for him and his ex-partner.
His mother nodded, secretly relieved that at least for the moment she was spared any reprimand that she felt sure would arise later. Slowly then, with her support, Justin began to hobble toward the door.
A Few Minutes Earlier...
Brian stood near his previous place of confinement, attempting to collect his thoughts and trying to decide exactly what to do. He had just gotten through making it clear to Justin that he was done being his whipping boy; that despite his love for him which had never wavered, he could not and would not continue to apologize for something that, for fuck's sake, happened a decade ago. But as he stood there he thought to himself, what now? In the past several days he felt like his world had taken a 180° turn, and he wasn't used to feeling like his life was out of control like he felt it was now. The discovery that both girls were aware of each other and had switched places, along with traveling to Chicago to see Justin again, had turned what he thought was an 'acceptable' life completely topsy-turvy and had made all the deep emotions he had been trying to suppress come back with a roaring vengeance. And just being near Justin again, touching him, hearing his voice again, and worse, kissing him had made all sorts of possibilities spring to mind...
No...don't go there, he scolded himself. Nothing has changed...He blew out a breath and rubbed his face with his hand. What a fucked up situation! he decided. And it wasn't likely to improve anytime soon, either...
He caught a slight movement out of the corner of his eye as two identical heads peeked at him from the dining room archway. He shook his head as they quickly disappeared back out of sight, knowing then what he needed to do first. Not fast enough, girls...
Walking down the hallway and shortly arriving at the entrance to the dining room, he stood just outside the archway, noticing Kaylee and Katie studiously surveying their dinner plates as they picked at their food silently, their attention so seemingly focused on their meal that they appeared not to notice his arrival. He wasn't fooled for one second, however.
Blowing out a soft breath between his lips, he walked in and quietly sat down across from them, noticing the remains of someone's half-finished dinner in front of him, undoubtedly Jennifer's meal that had been interrupted by him earlier.
He stared over at his two girls, both of their heads still down and remarkably silent as they pushed their food around on their plates; he noticed that neither one of them were actually taking any bites of it now, and he knew that this type of 'meat and potatoes' meal wasn't the healthiest of foods, but it was still one of Katie's favorites; the fact that she wasn't really eating it was very telling. He wasn't sure how much time they had before Justin and Jennifer came back up from the basement, but he knew he definitely needed to talk to both of them. He had thought he would be furious with them over their treachery, but he found that as he gazed over at them he couldn't generate sufficient ire to stay that way. He understood why they had done what they did, and he could even empathize with them, but it was time to put a stop to it. Enough was enough. No matter how much they wanted a reunion between him and Justin, there was only one person now who could make that happen.
"Let's go outside," he quietly said to them at last. "We need to talk, girls."
Katie slowly raised her gaze to stare into her father's, afraid of what she might see now that their trickery had been discovered and things had apparently not gone the way they had hoped. His face, however, while solemn, was otherwise unreadable as to his current mood. "Is...Is Daddy okay?" she asked him anxiously as Kaylee, too, lifted her eyes to stare over at her father, the concern evident in her face.
"Yeah, he'll be okay, "he hastened to assure both of them. "He hurt his ankle and he's a little scraped up, but I don't think he broke any bones. He's just a little bruised in places. Your grandmother is down there helping him now, though. He'll be fine." At least physically, he couldn't help thinking to himself. Both of them were emotional wrecks at the moment. He pushed back from the table to rise. "Come on," he urged them, knowing the two girls weren't very hungry; he surmised they were just as upset by what had happened as he was, but he still needed to make some things very clear to them. "We need to have a heart-to-heart talk - without your father around. Get moving, girls," he pressed when they hesitated.
Kaylee and Katie looked at each other before Katie took the lead, nodding at her sister as encouragement before they both stood up. Silently they followed their father out the room to the hallway and then over to the sliding glass doors and soon joined him outside at the nearest, round patio table. Using the remote attached to the pole of their shade umbrella, he pressed a button to turn the outdoor Tiki lights on, the twinkling orbs bathing the now dark exterior in tiny balls of soft yellow light.
Brian leaned his head back against the patio chair's fabric headrest, closing his eyes briefly as he pondered just what to tell his young daughters that wouldn't break their hearts any more than they already were. While both of them had grown up relatively happy and in stable households, he knew he was powerless now to give them the one gift that they most fervently desired. If only he had a magic potion to do just that...
"I think you know what I'm going to discuss with you," he began slowly as he opened his eyes and, clasping his hands in front of him, gazed over at his two nervous daughters, his two, beautiful, manipulative, but well-intentioned daughters. "What you did tonight was not acceptable, girls. You were told to stop orchestrating these schemes to get your father and me back together, and you did it anyway. And you got your grandmother involved again to boot."
Both girls' eyes began to fill with tears of sadness and bitter frustration, as well as fear that they had disappointed someone they both loved deeply. "We just wanted you back together, Dad," Katie finally spoke up, her voice barely above a whisper.
Brian had to strain to hear her above all the nocturnal sounds around them; somewhere off in the distance he heard a mournful-sounding train whistle as he told them, "I know you did; that you still do. But I need you to promise me, girls, that you will NOT interfere any longer in my and your father's relationship. We discussed it tonight - that's what you wanted us to do and we did. Now you both need to step back and let us handle it."
Kaylee bit her lip, trying hard not to point out that it was debatable just how 'adult' her fathers were being. She was afraid to ask, but found that she had to anyway. "What happened, Dad?" Both girls held their breath as they waited for a reply, knowing it was probably not going to be the response that they wanted; otherwise, the expression on their father's face would be much more hopeful.
Brian played with the remote in his hands, inexplicably unwilling - or unable - to meet their gaze. He just couldn't bear at the moment to see the crushed look on their faces when he told them what had happened.
"We talked," he began tentatively. He wasn't willing to tell them about the kiss; that would remain private between the two of them. "We talked about what happened before to drive us apart, and we talked about the two of you. How we both want the best for you, and how we will make sure that you both see each other as much as possible; and how your father and I will be in both of your lives constantly. Things will change regarding that going forward, I promise you." He paused for a moment before he added, "And I'm sure you both know how much we love you."
Katie exchanged a worried look with her sister, both silently focusing on what their father wasn't saying. Kaylee nodded at her sister in a silent plea as Katie spoke up. "Dad, what aren't you telling us?"
Brian finally lifted his eyes to meet his daughters'. Other than perpetuating the biggest deception of them all - that they had a twin sister neither knew about - he had taken great pains never to tell a lie to them, and he wasn't about to start now. "I...I told your father that I felt I had been punished enough for what I had done, and if he couldn't find a way to forgive me, then..." His voice trailed off as he found it hard to continue.
"Dad?" Kaylee prodded softly, her eyes filling with tears of dread. Somehow she knew what was coming, but she knew she had to know for sure anyway.
Brian took a deep breath before he finished, "...then I told him that we were done as far as any reconciliation was concerned. I still love him," he told them quickly, "But the ball is in his court now, Princess." He wasn't sure, but he had a good idea from the look on her face that it was his more tenderhearted daughter he was talking to now.
"But surely..."
"Kaylee," he gently chided her, noting that she didn't correct him. "It's my decision - and your father's. You have to leave it alone, and let US figure it out. I think you and Katie have made it abundantly clear how you feel and what you want to happen. And just for the record, that's what I want, too. But the older you get, the more you will come to realize that you can't always have what you want. Your father has a lot of thinking to do - and so do I. But you have to promise me - both of you - that you will no longer interfere and let US take care of it. Understood?"
The two girls stared over at their father glumly, their disapproval and sadness abundantly clear. Their father's voice left no question that he would not back down on his expectations - or his mandate.
"Kaylee? Katie? I want your word. Promise me."
"But..." Katie tried one more time on behalf of the two of them.
Brian huffed slightly; now he had no doubt which was which, leading him to another matter. "No, that's it, Katie. And while we're on this subject, there's no point anymore in the two of you trying to fool your father any longer; I think all that's done is just get all of us into more trouble." He looked over at Kaylee to address her directly. "The jig is up, girls; starting tomorrow, I want you to start dressing - and acting - the way that you should. No more of this you can't tell us apart business. And if you don't come clean, I will tell your father how he can tell the difference." Once he and Justin had gotten everything aired out earlier, he found that he no longer wanted to be a part of any more subterfuge. From now on, everything - good or bad - would be out in the open between them.
Brian fucking hated the look of defeat on his girls' faces, but he knew this was the right thing to do; the ONLY thing to do. Being deceptive had caused way too many problems already. "Girls?"
Katie sighed deeply as she reached for her sister's hand and gripped it tightly for support, seeking as well as giving strength. Somehow she knew it was coming to this, but she had still hoped that she was wrong. "Yeah, Dad," she finally told him, her voice breaking as she spoke; in contrast to her sister, though, her eyes were still dry. "We promise."
Brian nodded. "Kaylee? You, too?"
Kaylee sniffled as she squeezed her sister's hand even harder, almost like a vise. There has to be another way, she silently pleaded, feeling all hope disappearing now. "You love each other so much," she managed to insist softly; a couple of tears slowly trickled down her cheeks, escaping as she unsuccessfully tried to blink back her tears of sorrow.
"It'll be okay," Katie soothed her from her place beside her. But even SHE wasn't sure of that; not now, anyway. For once she didn't feel very much in control at all.
Kaylee swallowed the lump in her throat and sniffled once more before finally she nodded in acquiescence. "I promise," she finally managed to choke out feebly, but her heart was definitely not in it.
Brian stood up and walked around the table to kneel down between the girls' two chairs so he was closer to eye level with them. Placing one hand on each of their shoulders, he whispered, "I know this isn't what you wanted to happen. But this is the way it needs to be handled. If it's meant to happen, it will. But if it does, it will be because both your father and I want it, okay?" Seeing the twin looks of despair on both their faces as they turned their heads sideways to look up at him, their faces so reminiscent of Justin's, he felt the urge to offer them at least a small glimmer of hope.
"I haven't given up on us yet," he told them quietly. "But the rules have changed. They HAD to change. Your father and I can't move on unless he decides to let go of what happened and forgives me." He sighed. "He can be very stubborn," he conceded.
Kaylee actually harrumphed at that statement, knowing all too well how true that was. She nodded, recalling how her father always insists on knowing every place she goes whenever she's spending the night with one of her friends, and how he needs almost a play-by-play description of her every move while she's gone, even when her friend's mother comes to the door to pick her up. And he had demonstrated his inflexibility when he had persuaded her to go to Camp Pineland, even though she had been quite hesitant about the idea at first. Of course, if he hadn't insisted, though, she would have never been reunited with her sister, so perhaps his stubbornness wasn't all bad at times. Now, however, was NOT a good time for her father to be carrying on with that particular tradition.
Brian smiled wryly at her look of exasperation. "I guess I don't have to tell YOU that, huh?"
Kaylee actually managed just the hint of a smile herself as she shook her head. "No," she whispered.
Brian nodded, adequately satisfied that the girls would keep their word. He was suddenly at a loss, though, as to what to do now. The thought of encountering Justin again inside the house was somewhat unnerving after their discussion downstairs, but by the same token he wasn't going to shy away from him, either, just to make things easier on both of them...
He was spared having to make any decision at all about it, though, as he heard one of the glass doors sliding open from a few feet away. His pulse sped up at the thought it might be Justin before he lifted his gaze to peer over at Jennifer standing in the doorway; her stiff body language indicated her anxiety as she placed one hand across her body to grasp her opposite wrist and peered over at Brian wearily. He made a cursory look around, not seeing his ex-partner anywhere nearby as he asked softly, "How is he?"
"He's in quite a bit of pain," she told him. "I think it's stiffened up since the fall. I gave him some more Advil, but he's still hurting quite a bit." Jennifer noticed the sad looks on her granddaughters' tear-stained faces, and knew that Brian must have given them some discouraging news. They probably knew more about what was going on than SHE did, in fact; Justin had clammed up tighter than Teflon on a new frying pan after they had managed to get upstairs, refusing to say anything more about what had happened between the two of them.
Brian nodded. "Where is he?" He actually had felt guilty abandoning Justin alone downstairs to wait for Jennifer to take care of him, but he just couldn't stay there anymore; not now.
"I helped him up the steps; he's lying down on the couch in the study."
"We want to see him," Katie decided as she and Kaylee began to spring up from their seats.
"Girls, no," Jennifer told them quickly, holding her left hand up like a school crossing guard. "I don't think now's a good time. Let him rest for a while, okay?" The girls looked disappointed, but both glumly nodded and sat back down as Jennifer informed Brian, "I think I need to take him to an urgent care center; he needs to have some x-rays done and have that ankle looked at to make sure nothing's broken." She crooked the left side of her lips upward as she informed him, "He's not too crazy about the idea, though; but I'm going to insist anyway - mother's prerogative."
Yep - stubborn, all right...Brian nodded as he glanced over at Kaylee and Katie. "The girls can both stay here with me tonight if you want." He glanced over at Kaylee - at least the one he thought was Kaylee. "That okay with you, Princess?"
She nodded, torn between wanting to see her biological father to make sure he's all right, and not wanting to be separated from her sister. "Can I see him before you leave, though?" she pressed.
"Me, too," Katie piped up, needing to know how he was okay, too.
Jennifer and Brian locked gazes as she finally gave a brief nod of acceptance; apparently Brian wasn't having too much trouble telling the girls apart. She nodded in agreement and smiled at them tenderly. "Come on," she told them as she held out her hand.
As they hurried over to her and she placed her hands on either girls' shoulders to lead them back inside, Brian held back, rubbing his hand over his face uncertainly. He, too, wanted to go to Justin - to see for himself how he was doing and to reiterate to him how much he still loved him and how he wanted everything to work out. But his own stubborn pride held him back, along with his conviction that it was time for a little 'tough love,' so instead he just sat there at the patio table, listening to the almost deafening sound of the crickets nearby; they weren't quite loud enough, though, to drown out his own thoughts.
Justin squirmed on the leather couch, but every time he even slightly moved his injured ankle, a fresh stab of pain shot up through his leg. Grimacing at the result, he looked up as he saw his mother coming back in with both daughters. As he gazed into their troubled faces, full of sorrow and worry, his previous ire at them for tricking him and Brian quickly evaporated as they came rushing up to him.
"Daddy," Kaylee cried out tearfully as she reached over to tightly hug his neck from her place next to the couch, careful not to nudge his injured foot. "Daddy, I'm so sorry we got you hurt." She pulled back to look at her father contritely, the tears temporarily blinding her sight. At the time she and her sister had concocted their scheme, she never thought their father would wind up being physically hurt. Now, as she looked at him lying there on the couch in obvious discomfort, however, she was overcome with guilt and remorse.
Katie walked up behind her, her lips pursed tightly together. I'm not going to cry like Kaylee is, she told herself firmly, but she was having a hard time keeping that bargain with herself. All the events from the past few days - all the frustration, disappointment, and sorrow -quickly bubbled up inside of her as well, and despite her best intentions, the tears began to flow unbidden down her cheeks, too.
Shit, Justin thought, feeling terrible. The worst thing he could imagine was seeing both of his girls crying and knowing he was the cause of it. It wasn't their fault that he had taken a misstep on the stairs, and it wasn't their fault that he and Brian's relationship was so fucked up at the moment. He wrapped his right hand around Kaylee's back as he motioned toward Katie with his other. "Come here," he whispered to them as he pulled both girls to his chest. "It's all right," he reassured them softly. "It's all going to be okay. This was none of your fault." He could feel the wetness against his shirt as two, identical, blond heads snuggled deeper into his embrace for solace. He wasn't sure at that moment which of them was receiving the most comfort - him or his daughters - but it was during times like this, when he had both daughters with him, that he could finally begin to start feeling whole again. How had he managed all this time to go without having BOTH of his daughters in his life? They were still little girls, even now, although the passage of time had relentlessly marched on since he and Brian had separated. One thing he knew for sure, though - no matter how much older they were, they didn't deserve to be handed such an adult dilemma. He vowed silently that no matter what the future held for him and Brian, he would not subject them to any more trauma than they had already experienced.
He pulled back slightly as the girls lifted their heads to stare into his eyes, both girls' faces red and splotchy from where they had been crying. Temporarily forgetting the throbbing pain in his ankle, he reached up to place one hand on each of the girls' cheeks to softly wipe their tears away. "Everything will work out somehow," he told them. "You'll see."
Kaylee sniffed to try and compose herself; she felt like she must have cried a million tears tonight. "How, Daddy?" she cried out doubtfully, feeling like their world was falling completely apart. She and Katie had had such hopes that what they did would make a difference and result in both of their fathers reuniting again so they could be one, big, happy family. Now it appeared from what their father had told them earlier that it wasn't going to happen - ever. "How?" she cried again. She wiped her face with the back of her sleeve as she sputtered, "You...and Dad..." She couldn't finish the thought; it was just too painful.
Justin swallowed hard as he looked at one daughter and then the other. "I don't know just yet, Honey," he told both of them. "I can't promise you that everything will work out exactly the way that you both hope it will. But I DO know that your father and I won't keep the two of you apart any more. You will always be able to keep in touch no matter what happens between the two of us." He groaned as pain flared up again in his ankle as he shifted slightly.
"Sweetheart, you need to get that ankle looked at," Jennifer interrupted him as the girls reluctantly pulled back further to stand beside him, their faces still etched with concern. "Can you walk to the car if I help you? Brian has offered to watch the girls while we're gone," she told him.
How convenient, Justin couldn't help musing silently, unable to stop wondering if there was more to his 'altruistic' offer than what it appeared to be on the surface.
Just then, Brian appeared in the doorway, unsure if he should even be there but unable to stay away any longer. He had overheard what Justin had just told the girls; it had all sounded so final, so irrefutable, so unchangeable. As his eyes glanced over to meet his ex-partner's, he thought he saw just the flicker of remorse and sadness there before the mask promptly dropped back down and Justin looked away, returning his attention back to his mother.
Justin sighed. "Mom, I told you. I do NOT want to see a doctor! I just need to get some rest, that's all." Something told him if he stayed HERE that rest would be a very elusive commodity, however; there was no way he was staying here tonight. "Just...Just help me up and out to the car, so I can go back home and lie down." There was no way he was staying at Britin, not after what happened downstairs. Even if he and Brian stayed in separate wings on on different floors, it still wouldn't be far enough away for his comfort.
Brian inexplicably felt sad, hearing Justin referring to his mother's condo as "home" and not Britin, even though he knew Justin hadn't called Britin home in years.
To his ex-partner's consternation, however, his mother decided to put her foot down as she replied instead, "Justin...I won't take no for an answer; I don't care how old you are now! I'm still your mother, and I'm saying you need to listen to reason and have that ankle checked out. I'm not suggesting you need to go to the hospital," she reassured him, knowing how much he abhorred them, especially after the bashing. "I'm just saying that you need to visit the urgent care clinic to make sure nothing else needs to be done for it, that's all. It's obvious that it's really bothering you."
"Mom..."
Brian huffed in exasperation as he walked up to the small group, deciding he was going to have to buttress Jen's side of their argument. "Justin, quit being such a twat and just do what your mother asks."
"I am NOT being a twat," was the fiery retort as Justin glared up at him. "Besides, this is between me and my mother, not you. So can you kindly butt the hell out?"
Brian smirked. "Sorry, no can do, Sunshine," he told him as he approached even closer.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!" Justin growled in protest a few seconds later as Brian bent down and promptly scooped him up carefully in his arms, holding him under the thighs against his torso. Justin pressed his hands, palms down, on Brian's chest and pushed fiercely against him, finding the muscles under his touch even more firm than how he had remembered them; he attempted to disengage from his ex-partner's embrace, but Brian stood firm, pulling his body even more tightly against his. "Let me down, Brian!" he snapped as he flailed his good leg out in an attempt to be dislodged; he inadvertently moved his injured leg slightly in the process, though, and wound up groaning involuntarily as yet another flash of pain rose up from his ankle. He couldn't believe that Brian was pulling this stunt yet again, and it infuriated him, as well as made him feel powerless and vulnerable as he seethed inside.
"I'm taking you out to the car," Brian told him curtly, ignoring his vehement objection. "And you are going to do exactly what your widdle Mommy tells you to do!" He glanced over at their two girls who were watching them with avid interest before he added, "Now stop acting like you're the same age as your daughters and get over yourself, Justin!"
Justin blew out an indignant breath, insulted at the insinuation that he was a child; gazing into the defiant, no-nonsense look in Brian's eyes, though, he knew he wasn't going to win this battle. Huffing out an angry hiss of resignation, he finally slid his hands up tentatively to curl his fingers over Brian's shoulder blades for balance as he lifted his gaze to peer into the darkened eyes. He could feel Brian's hands practically searing into his skin through his jeans and he flushed at the feeling, embarrassed over how much this man could still affect him as he cursed his body's predictable reaction to him. It brought back so many wondrous moments before when Brian had held him in his arms after they used to make love, and despite his current predicament he couldn't help thinking how much he had missed that feeling.
Jennifer couldn't help holding back a slight smile at her son's grudging acceptance to Brian's demand as she exchanged a secret look with her granddaughters. Obviously Brian still evoked the same sort of influence on her son that he always did. Perhaps hope wasn't lost yet after all...
Justin fumed, feeling both disgusted as well as mortified as Brian cradled him against his chest. If he didn't know better, he'd say that Brian had stretched some thin piece of nylon cord across the top step earlier, just so he would trip and fall down the stairs and he would have an excuse to do this. But even with all their difficulties lately, he knew that Brian would never do something like that. They had been through much too much in the past, and he knew that Brian would always protect him, even in their current situation.
"It seems I have no choice," he finally told him as a pair of unyielding, hazel eyes bored into his. As a smug-looking Brian began to steadily walk toward the doorway and out into the hall, Justin twisted his neck around to look at his daughters. "I'll be back tomorrow to get you," he vowed. He had to address it to both of them, since he still couldn't figure out which was which. "You sure you want to stay?"
To his surprise, ONE of the girls answered him directly now. "Yeah, Daddy...I want to stay with Dad and Katie."
His mouth gaped open as he stared back at the one he knew was Kaylee now; what had changed all of a sudden? Before he had a chance to find out, though, Brian turned and headed determinedly down the hall toward the front door. "Get the door, will you, Jen?" he asked Justin's mother as he waited briefly by the front door for her; there was no way he was going to let go of Justin now.
She nodded as she skirted around them to open the door. "I'll be right out," she told Brian as she turned to address the girls. Justin threw her a sort of look that said can you be any more transparent? before Brian turned and carried him out toward Jen's car that was still parked in the driveway.
Jennifer turned around to address her granddaughters, who had been raptly following every step of their fathers' movements. "I'll probably leave your father back at the condo tomorrow when I come and pick you up," she told Kaylee. "Whether it's broken or not, I imagine he'll need to stay off it for a while."
Kaylee bit her lip and nodded, torn between wanting to make sure her father was okay, and not wanting to be separated from her sister for any longer than necessary. Right now, with things as bleak as they appeared, they needed each other more than ever. "Grandma, if you need to be around to take care of Daddy, couldn't Dad just bring us in with him to work tomorrow instead like he did before?"
Jennifer eyed her thoughtfully. "I guess that would work," she decided as she glanced toward the door. "I'll have to check with both of them first, though, to make sure it's all right with them. Just swear to me that the two of you will NOT be trying to come up with any more schemes behind their backs to get them back together in the meantime, okay?"
Both girls placed their hands behind their backs and crossed their fingers at the same time as they looked at each other and nodded before solemnly promising them, "We promise."
"Damn it, Justin; quit squirming, will you?" Brian groused as his ex-partner continued to try and break free of his grasp. "I have to open the passenger door." Just feeling a certain blond's bubble butt shuffling back and forth in his arms was making him go crazy.
Justin huffed. "Well, put me DOWN, then! I can open the fucking door myself; it's my ankle, Brian, not my damn arm!"
"Shit, Justin! I ought to just drop you right on your tight little ass!" Brian retorted, clearly fed up with his ex-partner's antics and lack of gratitude. "Don't tempt me," he warned him as Justin once more pushed against his chest, more than ready to be freed from the confines of Brian's embrace. Being held firmly against Brian's body - to be able to feel him, to smell him, to just be anywhere near him - continued to make his heart pound and his body react in ways that he didn't want it to. Just a few more minutes longer, in fact, and Brian would know exactly HOW strongly it was affecting him; it would be all too painfully obvious.
Brian gazed into the beautiful, defiant face as his own face moved closer, his eyes lowering to take in the dusky, rose colored lips. He couldn't stop himself; it was like some sort of entrancing spell...God, the man was too damn intoxicating, he thought to himself; he couldn't let another opportunity pass him by. Who knew if he would ever receive another one?
Justin's eyes narrowed in wariness. "Don't you dare, Brian," he warned, his eyes widening in realization. But he couldn't engender the sharp edge to his words that he wanted them to convey; it was just too impossible with that face, that wondrous, glorious face of the man who both infuriated him as well as captivated him, moving toward his at such a close range. His heart began to pound even harder, and his hands all of a sudden began to feel clammy...
"Sorry," Brian replied softly, feeling his emotions laid bare as Justin's eyes instinctively drifted shut in anticipation almost against his will - and his common sense. "But I just can't help it..."
Time seemed to stop as Brian's eyes, too, fluttered closed just before their lips touched again, tentatively at first but then with more fervor. Come on, Justin, he silently urged his ex-lover as he pressed his lips harder against his. Remember...Remember what we meant to each other...For one brief, glorious moment, he was given what he wanted as Justin's lips opened slightly to accommodate his silent plea and his tongue joyously slid inside, but just as quickly he was abruptly rebuffed as Justin pushed even harder against him and soundly broke off their kiss, this time succeeding in Brian reluctantly releasing him to lower him to the ground; strangely, though, he didn't feel triumph when it happened, but a definable, distinct loss in its place.
He didn't have much time to contemplate that fact as his injured foot touched the blacktop and he gasped at the contact. He quickly elevated his leg up off the pavement and leaned against the car's passenger door for support as he yanked the door open, his harsh breathing a clear indication of his physical discomfort. Somehow that pain didn't seem as piercing as the emotional trauma he was feeling at the moment, however. Would he ever be able to be around Brian without his emotions running rampant and his thoughts in utter turmoil?
Brian folded his hands across his chest in disgust as he watched his stubborn ex-partner hop on one leg before he managed somewhat awkwardly to enter the passenger side of the car and sit down. He heard Justin groan as he did so. Serves you right, you pigheaded, little shit, he muttered silently, but he took no joy in the thought.
It had taken Justin several seconds before he could put both legs into the vehicle, but finally he was completely inside, his own arms crossed over his chest in an almost exact imitation of Brian's. He stared out through the windshield, his lips pressed tightly together as he stared straight ahead in a blatant but totally unsuccessful attempt to ignore Brian. What was keeping his mother? Despite Britin sitting on several acres, right now he felt like he was in the most cramped space on earth next to his formidable ex-partner. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Brian knelt down next to him beside the car.
"Why did you do that?" Justin asked him curtly. "I thought we had agreed..."
"We agreed on nothing," Brian told him abruptly. "You told me what you wanted - or didn't want - and I told you what I needed. The only thing we agreed upon was working together to change the custody agreement for the girls."
Justin finally turned to look over at Brian, whose face was shadowed by the darkness of night; only the overhead light in the car, along with the glow from inside the house, illuminated his face as he asked him point blank, "Why did you kiss me?"
Brian rubbed his hand over his face, taking a moment to ponder that question. Because you're my fatal disease, the sickness I can never recover from...He finally settled for turning to look directly into Justin's eyes and simply admitting, "You know why. Because I told you before. I still love you, damn it. Just because we aren't together doesn't mean that I've stopped feeling that way. I can't turn my feelings off like some fucking light bulb, despite what you might think."
"And you think that kissing me will resolve everything, Brian?" You kissed me? In front of everybody? came unbidden to his mind from another place and time as he firmly tamped it back down into a deeper recess of his brain.
Brian sighed heavily; he was so weary of their battling. "Justin, why does everything have to be psychoanalyzed? It was one kiss...one kiss that you wanted as much as I did. Just like you wanted the other one before; admit it."
Justin averted his gaze back to the car's windshield, unwilling to admit that Brian was right. He had wanted it; both times. He never could resist this man, not since the moment they had met. When he had left with Ethan that night so long ago, it was the hardest thing he had ever done, and it felt like he couldn't breathe again, not until he and Brian had finally been reunited. This time, though, sex wasn't going to fix all their problems; in fact, it had been the cause of their difficulties to begin with. He mustn't let that escape his memory. There wasn't much chance of that happening anytime soon, though.
"I'm admitting nothing," he told Brian at last as he heard him softly scoff at his statement. He shrugged nonchalantly. "Like you said, it was just a kiss."
"Keep saying that, Justin, if it makes it easier for you," Brian vowed.
Justin rolled his eyes, prepared to issue some sort of snappy comeback, but he was interrupted by his mother.
"Brian?" Jennifer called out softly from inside the doorway, sensing she was disturbing something between the two of them but not sure exactly what; she could see Brian kneeling down next to the open passenger door. "The girls are asking if you can bring them back into town tomorrow morning instead of my coming back out. Would that be okay with you? I can either pick them up at Kinnetik or the diner, or you can drop them off at my condo on the way in."
"Justin?" he asked his ex-partner softly. At least when it came to the girls they could maintain a semblance of a civil truce. "Okay by you? Actually, I can work from home here for the next couple of days so you can recuperate. I can bring them back into town sometime later this week, if you want." He wished Justin would just stay there, too, but between their previous discussion downstairs and his injury, he knew that was wishful thinking.
Justin took a deep breath and let it out before he came to a decision. He and Brian may be having problems still, but he never doubted his ex-partner's love for both daughters and the assurance that he would take good care of them. "Yeah...Okay. But I want the chance to spend some more time with both of them, too, before I head back home."
"That's fine, Jennifer," Brian called back to Justin's mother in response. "But give us a few more minutes, okay?" He waited until she nodded and turned to go back into the house before he turned his attention back to Justin in the car. He didn't like the sound of that last statement; to him, they still had too much to resolve yet, and the thought of Justin returning soon to Chicago - to his previous life - filled him with a sense of doomed finality. "When do you think that will be?" he asked cautiously.
Justin shrugged; he winced once more as a slight movement of his foot on his part caused another jolt of pain to flare up. He turned to look at Brian as he told him, "Depends upon how long it takes to work out the custody agreement for the girls."
"Only that?" Brian pressed him quietly, his eyes piercing into Justin's.
Justin shook his head sadly as he averted his gaze, unwilling to answer the unspoken question; he had moved beyond anger to more of a mentally exhausted state now. "Brian...Let's just drop it, okay?"
Brian gazed over at the beautiful, tired face for several seconds before he nodded in agreement. "Fine, I'll drop it; for now. Besides, like I told you, Justin, it's your decision where we go from here. I've told you where I stand and I've done all that I can do."
"No, you haven't," Justin told him, the pain still evident in his voice. "You still haven't given me a good enough reason why you did what you did. I think I deserve one, don't you? Or we never CAN move on like you said. Telling me that you don't know the reason isn't good enough, Brian. I need an explanation for my own peace of mind...and I suspect so do YOU."
Brian shook his head in frustration and stood up, tired of going around and around in an endless circle. "Get your ankle looked at and get some rest," he said softly as Jennifer walked back out with the two girls in tow. "Say goodbye to your father, girls," he told them as they approached. "I'll...I'll be inside when you're finished." Without another look at his partner, he turned and walked back toward the house, needing at least a few moments alone to gather his thoughts before his daughters came back in.
Perhaps Justin was right, he silently conceded as he entered the study and poured himself a shot of beam, collapsing promptly into one of the dark leather, overstuffed chairs sitting at both ends of the couch. They were both looking for the same answer, actually. He had skipped around the question long enough in his own mind, ever since it had happened, like a circle without an end. He knew Justin was right; he hadn't done what he had for no reason. No one did anything without a stimulus involved, whether it was material or psychological.
But the true reason continued to elude him, perplex him, even now. He had lost track of how many times he had asked that same question to himself, over and over again. Why would he throw away what he had for something like that? Deep inside he had to know the real reason, didn't he? He must; no one did anything without a type of motivation, good or bad. Until he could figure it out for himself, he had no way of explaining it to Justin. Perhaps the biggest challenge, though, would be finding not only a way for his ex-partner to forgive him, but also a way for him to forgive himself. Until that happened, he knew they would be continued to be mired in the same trap - unable to go backward but also unable to move forward. Downing the rest of his drink in one gulp, he placed it down on the glass coffee table, knowing he needed to do something that he had never been comfortable doing before - he needed to talk it out with someone who could help him sort out this mess he was in before he missed his one, last chance of being reunited with the man he still deeply loved.
He heard the car door close outside and knew he only had a few minutes before the girls would be returning. Reaching inside his pocket, he pulled out his cellphone number and dialed a one-number listing. He was grateful that the other end was answered after a couple of rings.
Taking a deep breath, he said, "Hey, Mikey...It's your favorite superhero. Rage needs some rescuing."
A/N: Thanks to my beta, Boriqua522. I appreciate all the effort and time you put forth for me, my friend.:)