Brittany inhaled deeply and finally started to speak."When I agreed to this—this teaching thing—I never thought that I would fall for one of my students. It never crossed my mind because… it's not supposed to happen. When I met you, I could tell there was something about you. You weren't the typical high schooler and I was drawn to you. I let you in but I knew if I let myself get too close, it would only end badly for both of us. So I tried to push you away. I figured that if we both stayed away from each other, our feelings would disappear. So I tried to stay away from you. They didn't for me, my feelings, they didn't change. You were always on my mind. I was constantly wondering about you, wanting to call you, to talk to you, to kiss you, but I forced myself to be stiff; to turn into a stranger hoping that at least they would disappear for you. However, they did not. Now here you are, in front of me, asking me if I have feelings for you. And I do. After the past week of trying to push them out of my head, they're here and they're stronger than ever. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I know this is different—for both of us, and I don't really know where to go from here. Should we give this a try?"
"I really want to. It's unknown to me. I-I don't know how to be with a girl. I don't want to keep a relationship a secret. But I know that if I was ever to do that for someone, it would be you."
She let out a breath and smiled. That was all I needed, there wasn't any more words that needed to be said. We were able to let out all of our feelings. It was all on the table now. I looked at the clock. I needed to be at the pool in a little.
"Do you have to go?"
"Yeah, I have practice."
"Can I call you tonight?"
"Please do."
I went to practice with such a heavy weight lifted from my shoulder. I killed it during the intense ab session that we had before jumping in the pool. I just felt great.
When we got out of the pool, Quinn said, "You know Santana? Usually, you're pissing me off because you're being an idiot but today you're pissing me off because you're so happy today."
"Oh, Quinn. Just when I thought I would get through a day without a snarky comment from you."
"Whatever. But tomorrow, work on your head position, it was a little low today."
Despite the fact that tensions have become really high since the whole Homecoming debacle, we never failed to push each other. We both knew that if we pushed each other, it would subsequently cause both of us to be faster. We fed off each other's swims and both got better from each other.
That night, Brittany called me at about 9:30. We didn't hang up until midnight, when I told her that we both needed to go to sleep; we both had school and all.
The next few weeks went by and finally Colby and Brooke both noticed how happy I had become. When they questioned why, I just told them that "my life was finally coming together and this is the first time in awhile that I've ever felt truly happy."
One afternoon, we had an early dismissal at school and I was about to work a swimming clinic for several up-and-coming young swimmers before practice that afternoon. I was able to stop at home for just about a half hour beforehand. I was really surprised when I saw my mom at home, eating a salad.
"Hola Ma, what are you doing home?"
"Interrogated for being in my own home by my own daughter?" She teased.
I just laughed and took a bite of her salad, and then it dawned on me; first quarter conferences. My mom always made it to conferences. It was definitely one of the "perfect Lopez kids" things. This was the perfect time to check up and make sure that her kids were upholding the family name.
"I took the afternoon and evening off for you and Ellie's conferences. Are you going to be able to come with?"
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about it. We have an afternoon swim clinic that I volunteered to do with some of the other swimmers."
"That's fine, mija. Oh, something came in the mail for you today." She pointed to the side of the counter where mail usually sat.
I walked through and thumbed through the mail until I saw what she was talking about. It was a huge packet from Brooklyn-Hale University; my acceptance letter. I wasn't expecting an acceptance letter this early, they did have rolling admissions but it was still a very pleasant surprise. I opened it and read it out loud. "Dear Santana: Congratulations! I am delighted to inform you that you have been accepted for admission to Brooklyn-Hale University for the 2013 Fall Semester." I stopped reading and smiled at my mom.
"Santana, that is fantastic. This one has a 19% acceptance rate? Like Virginia."
"Well, it's actually lower than UVA. And recruited there the first week of school and I just loved it but I wasn't sure I would get in."
"I knew you would," my mom said. "Why have you only gotten one letter do far?"
"BHU has rolling admissions and I did their application first. I just finished some of the others."
"Do you have to be accepted to sign your Letter of Intent for swimming?"
"No. You just have to be accepted sometime within the year…" I said trailing off.
My mom got up and put a hand on my shoulder. "I know this is been a really tough decision for you but maybe this is a sign."
I looked at her and smiled. "Maybe." I didn't know if she was just saying that because BHU was closer than any of the other colleges of just because she really thought that, either way, it got the gears in my head turning.
"I'm proud of you. You need to get going. I'll see you when you get home tonight and I'll make a good, homemade dinner tonight."
"I love you, Ma. I'll be home for dinner," I said, giving her a hug.
After the clinic and practice, I got into the car and texted Brittany telling her that I hoped conferences were going well. I drove home and my house was so aromatic. My mom made tamales, Spanish rice, and grilled vegetables. My mom's hands weren't only great on the surgical table but also in the kitchen, her food was the best. Sadly, my dad wasn't coming home soon so it was just the girls for dinner.
"How did conferences go?" I asked, filling my plate.
"Ellie's went well, but yours…. Didn't go so well."
"Que?!" I said 'what' in Spanish, being surprised.
"Just kidding." My mom grinned. "They went great. Your teachers spoke very highly of you, especially your English teacher."
"Mrs. Hansen?" I asked.
Ellie interrupted, "No, the other one, I think it's your student teacher. She said her name was Miss. Prince or something."
"Pierce, Miss. Pierce. She's the student teacher from LU."
"Yeah, her, she's really nice. And she's, like, really pretty. Do you like her?" Ellie asked.
I suppressed a chuckle. "Yeah, I do, I think she's going to be a really great teacher! What did she say about me, Ma?"
"Oh, she just said that your writing was really great, your attention to detail in the novels was 'astonishing,' and that you were an all around great girl. She said you were bright and had a great future ahead of you."
I was so happy. I knew that Brittany wasn't sucking up to my mom, it's not like there was any way that my mom would know. She really thought of me like that and that meant the world to me.
I took a shower after dinner was over. Brooke called and said there was going to be a party at Jenna's house and she wanted to go together. She told me that Puck would probably be there. I told her it was fine, I could deal with it. It wasn't a big deal anymore and I felt nothing for him, especially because of Brittany. I told her that I'd pick up her and Colby in a little. I wasn't really in the mood for drinks anyway. Too much on my mind I guess. I changed into something kind of cute and put some necessities in my purse. I looked back at my phone as I was heading downstairs and saw there was a text form Brittany Hi Santana, conferences went well. I saw your mom and sister! They're very nice. I'm so worn out.
I went to downstairs and told my mom where I was going. She told me to be home "at a reasonable time" or to call her if I was just going to stay the night somewhere. I went off to get my friends and we went over to Jenna's house. I told her that my mom talked about her at dinner and that she was sweet for saying that. I hung out and talked with everyone at the party and mostly texted Brittany.
"Ohh, who are you texting?!" Brooke asked, slightly tipsy.
"Oh, no one really. Just a swimming friend," I hated lying to people but it's obviously what had to be done.
"Hmmmm. That sounds interesting, is it a BOY?!"
"Ahh, no. It's just a friend from the Junior National team. We're just talking about signing and stuff." I felt bad lying but I couldn't tell her and she wouldn't remember this conversation anyway.
"….Oh. You were probably talking about that 50, 100, 400 stuff that I don't understand. Well me and Colby were thinking about setting you up with someone sometimeeee, okay?!"
"Oh, you guys don't have to.. I'm not really looking for anyone right now."
"Well, we'll see about that, I'm going to go get another drinkkkk!"
"Don't drink too much; we don't want a repeat of the last time…" I called after her. Brooke had ended up taking off all her clothes and losing them.
"You're so considerate, mom."
I smiled and left her and went into the sun room at the house. There wasn't anyone in there and it was cozy, even at night, so I lay down on the couch. I was pretty exhausted. I was trying to rationalize my new relationship with Brittany; trying to figure out what it meant about myself. Am I gay? This wasn't the first time that I'd had these thoughts though. It was always in the back of my mind but I never let it deviate. I always had Puck or some other guy. Woman, they're gorgeous and they're kind and they're sweet. All this time that I've spent trying to avoid thinking about this was all flooding back to my head; all the times where I would try not to stare at girls at swim meets, all the times where I'd try to tell myself not to feeling anything when I saw gay people on TV or in movies; all the times where I'd wonder if I was lying to myself just to get through. This is more than just dating a woman, this is my whole life.
And then there was Brittany. What happens after Brittany completes her student teaching? I would hope we would still be together by then. I couldn't picture myself with anyone but her right now but I was barely even out to myself. How do I tell my parents? My friends? I hadn't talked to Brittany about any of this yet, there wasn't really any time to yet. It was imperative that I did, I felt so small, and I felt like I would never be able to do all of this on my own. I texted her all through the night while staying in that living room just thinking about everything. I soon ended up falling asleep on the couch. I felt someone waking me up about an hour later.
"Santana, Santana? Wake up. Do you want to spend the night at my house?" I heard Colby's voice.
"Uhh, yeah. Sure. Let me text me mom." I got out my phone and we made our way to my car.
I woke up in the guest bedroom of Colby's house when the sun attacked my face through the window. I felt pretty tired; it was only 8:30. I wasn't very good at sleeping in too late, much to my dismay, probably because of years and years of early practice. Brooke shook beside me and woke up with a quite roar.
"OHMYGOSH. My head feels like little men stomping around in it." I got up and got her some Tylenol and water from the bathroom.
"You're the best, Santana, what would I do without you?"
"You'd have chronic migraines from hangovers and no ride home from parties."
She laughed and got up. Colby woke up not too long after and I made them pancakes and bacon for breakfast. We ate and laughed and talked until their hangover was alleviated.
I said goodbye and left around 10, I was really anxious to see Brittany. I got home and checked my phone. My mom and dad were going to be home for dinner but Ellie went away for the day with friends to drive into a bigger city to go shopping and eat. I had the house to myself for the afternoon. I called Brittany and told her she could come over. She was skeptical at first but I assured her that no one would be home for a pretty long time. I gave her my address and she said she'd be over as soon as she could.
Meanwhile, I changed into jeans and a shirt and I looked around the house and straightened up a few things. I made sure Ellie's cat's litter box was clean and then chilled with the TV on, messing around on my phone. I was getting into an intense rerun of The Kardashians heard the doorbell ring. I immediately was catapulted out of my trance and shut off the TV. I knew who it was but I was still excited to… see who it was. I opened the door and she was standing there. She was wearing jeans and a t shirt and holding a bouquet flowers.
"I, uhh, I like flowers," she said, all cutely. She handed the flowers to me and I invited her in. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I led her to the kitchen to find a vase for the flowers.
"Oh, crap, your car. It should probably be in the garage—People go by my driveway all the time. If you want, just give me your keys, I can go park it in there."
"Alright," she handed me her keys and headed towards the door, "I'll just, umm, mingle."
I laughed and said, "You're so cute."
I got into her bug and smiled when I saw the wallet-sized senior picture that I had given her on the right side of her speedometer. I parked her car right next to mine in the garage and hurried inside.
"So… do you want a tour of the Lopez residence?"
"I would love one," she said, grabbing my hand.
She awed at the pictures of a younger Santana and commented on the décor of the house, she thought the house was great and very nice. I led her upstairs and showed her Ellie's room, our bathroom, and lastly, my room.
"So this is your room? This is where you sleep." She sat down on my bed.
"Yupp, that's usually what happens when I come up here." I winked at her and sat down next to her. "I'm really glad you came here today."
I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Finally, she cupped my cheek and kissed me. I loved the way her lips were so soft and seemed to fit perfectly with mine. I felt her tongue slip into my mouth and our tongues intertwined. It was like they were dancing. Brittany grabbed my waist and swung me down on the bed. We kept kissing for a while longer. I was getting so hot. I pulled back and she held me in her arms. I felt so comfortable. I arranged myself so we were face-to-face but I was still in her arms.
"I have to ask you something," I told her.
"Yeah? Anything."
"Are you gay?"
"Um, I don't know. I don't want to sound like everyone else but I'm not really into labels. I dated one of my best guy friends a little over a year ago but it never amounted to much, we were better as friends. My longer relationships tend to have been with women. It's not saying I won't end up with a guy in the end, but if we're speaking form past experiences then probably not." She smiled with a shrug. "I just, follow my heart. It tells me what to do."
"You're so comfortable with this, Brittany. It's so easy for you to talk about this."
"It has to be, you know, it's part of my life. I honestly think that you fall in love with a person, not a gender. If it wasn't "normal" to be straight, how many people would date people of the same sex?"
"That actually makes a lot of sense… I've never really thought of it that way. When did you know? When did you tell your parents?"
"I knew since middle school that I wasn't completely straight, even though I had a boyfriend. Well, a "boyfriend," as much as you can say when you're 13. I told my parents right before my junior year of high school. It was hard for them at first, as it is with most parents, especially since they realized that some of my 'friends' who stayed the night were actually girlfriends." I chuckled. "I know, pretty scandalous and clever for a high-schooler. My parents wondered if they did something wrong, questioned it because I 'didn't look like a lesbian'. I called them out of their stereotypical opinions and they finally got over it and decided to accept me for who I am."
"What about your friends?"
She ran her fingers through her hair back and exhaled lightly. "In high school, I was a cheerleader and a dancer and I was pretty popular. I don't want to sound overweening or anything. I didn't really have to "come out" though, everyone just seemed to find out. My dance friends realized I wasn't completely straight long before. Apparently from the way I described female dancers after we watched rehearsals, ballets, or recitals. None of my friends really judged me though. I mean, of course I ran into some idiots but that'll happen anywhere. I helped a few of them come to terms with their own sexuality and that was really great. What are you going to do?"
"I don't really know, Brittany. It's so confusing. I know that I love being with you so much. I never really felt this way with any other guy. I've thought about what it would be like... to be with a girl, you know? It's always just been this lingering thought. I also don't know what to do with my parents. It's just; the Lopez kids have to be perfect. Having a gay daughter would ruin everything they worked for."
"Why? Because gay people can't have perfect lives?"
"No, not at all, it's because my parents can be really close-minded and traditional. And they're super Catholic. We go to church every Sunday. When I was at Olympic Trials last summer, we found a church to go to in Omaha that we had to leave early from to make my heat."
She chuckled. "God doesn't hate gay people, in my opinion. I know that's not what the church says, especially the Catholic Church. Just think about it. I mean, I still go to church, probably not as much as you but I still believe." She exhaled gently. "I'm not going to push you to do anything, obviously. And also, considering we still have to keep this a secret, at least for now. But when the time comes and you decide to tell them, I'll be there for you, through it all."
I smiled and kissed her.
"Speaking of, when do you stop student teaching?"
"My last day is December 7th."
"And then what happens to us?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there because truthfully, I don't know. All I know is that I want to be with you."
"I want to be with you, too. It's all new to me but I'm willing to work for it."
She agreed.
"When do you have to leave?"
"Well, I have to teach at the studio 4 and then I have rehearsal afterwards."
"Hmm, rehearsal for what?"
"I can't tell you." Britt said with a grin. "You'll see soon, I promise. And you'll be very, very happy."
"Nooo, tell me Britt!"
"I can't." she made a hand gesture of zipping her lips and throwing away the keys.
"Dork," I said, pushing her shoulder. "Are you hungry?"
"Oh, I'm just famished," she mocked me.
"You remember that?"
"I've probably played every moment with you over in my head at least 3 million times, each."
"Oh, jeez, I thought I was the only one who did that, let's go make something! I love cooking!"
"Is your cooking as good as your essay writing?"
"Maybe even better!"
I got up and we went downstairs. I figured I would make some kind of Spanish dish for her. I started cooking and she was sitting on a stool across from me, we were just talking. Her phone buzzed and she checked it. Her brow furrowed and she texted back.
"What's up? Do you need to go?"
"Nooo. It's just a friend; she's a little stressed and wanted to know if I was free."
"You should help her."
"No, I want to be with you, I see her all the time. It's just Shae."
I frowned; I didn't want to be the girlfriend who took someone away from all their friends.
"Tell you what, I'm going to put my phone on silent and eat this amazing lunch that my girlfriend is cooking for me and if she's still freaking out after that then I'll go see what's up, deal?"
I loved that she called me her girlfriend. It made my heart thump."Deal."
"By the way, you're super hot when you cook. You look all determined and whatnot."
"Stop, you're making me blush."
I finished making lunch and we ate. Brittany had never eaten it before but she said she loved it and I knew she would have told me if she really didn't. She even insisted to take all the dishes we used, rinse them, and put them into the dishwasher. I dreaded telling her she should check her phone.
"Shit." Brittany usually didn't curse so I assumed it was a big deal. She explained, "I better go, she called me 5 times and texted me 10."
"Isn't Shae like your best friend?" I asked.
A smile surfaced across her face. "Yeah. We were roommates in college my freshman year. Then we got that apartment for the next two years and then she became the president of her sorority this year. I had a really rough year a couple years ago and I couldn't have gotten through it without her. She's literally been with me through everything. She even knows about you. She's usually really level headed but she can get super stressed; especially with all this Greek stuff that she's into."
"She sounds really nice, Britt. I don't want you to go, but you should go and help her."
Brittany called her and she was going to meet up with her at The Lima Bean in 15 minutes. I reluctantly walked her to her car in the garage and opened her door for her. She sat down and I closed the door and turned to walk away. She honked her horn and put her arms up. I turned around, grinned, and walked back.
She opened her door and said, "You think you're so funny, Santana Lopez. Kiss me now."
I leaned down and kissed her. It was so sweet, she was so sweet. I thanked her again for the flowers and told her to call or text me after her "rehearsal." Then I watched her pull out of the garage and out of my driveway.
Weeks went by routinely and predictably. I found out at a Halloween party that Puck and Quinn had started dating and I could honestly care less. Before I knew it, high school swimming started up. It was only the second week of practice and it was already kicking my butt. We had a morning and an afternoon swim practice with dryland conditioning on the weekends. Dryland is non-water cardio and weight training. The schedule changes when meets start happening but I basically had all my weekends booked until the end of the season. It was a crazy schedule but nothing that I hadn't done before. Finding time to hang out with Brittany around both or our schedules was getting hard but we found the time. I just remembered that I was able to find time to hang out with Puck almost all the time for the past two years, Brittany wasn't any different. Actually, she was. She was even more important.
I signed my Letter of Intent with Brooklyn-Hale University. After a lot of thought, it turned out that my mom was right and that BHU was the place for me. I honestly fell in love with the school, the campus, the team, everything about BHU. It is also such a prestigious school to be at. BHU has consistently dominated its conference in swimming and placed in the top 10 nationally. With the coach there, I believe that it had potential to become the top swimming school in the country in a few years. And it's not too incredibly far from home so coming back was not too much of a hassle. In the back of my mind though, I wondered if I chose BHU partly because it's still in Ohio and not across the country because of Brittany. I would never tell her that, at least not now, I don't even know if that was true but why would it cross my mind?
Along side of me at the signing ceremony was a few other athletes, Quinn included. Quinn decided to sign with Tennessee which was out of BHU's conference so we would only be competing against each other on the national level. We were both happy with our decisions. I know that Quinn's going to excel wherever she chooses to swim. I'm just very relieved it wasn't near me.
One morning after a particularly rough swim set, the whole team was in the swim locker room getting ready for school. I had just got out of the shower and went towards my locker. I was usually one the last ones there; I enjoyed my long showers and found a few teammates who were already getting dressed for school. We were just lounging around, getting ready, and talking; like usual. I checked my phone and saw a message from Brittany; she always sent something sweet, corny, funny, or all of the above. I always looked forward to it while I was swimming; it made my day, even the corny ones. This morning she sent me a picture of her and Lord Tubbington cuddling on her bed and the message Meow gorgeous. Have a purrfect day ^_^ . It was so cheesy but I couldn't help but laugh out loud.
Leah, who was one of my best friends since we started swimming together on the club team since elementary school said, "Every day, you check your phone after practice and laugh and smile to yourself like a dork, care to share?"
I laughed again. The other girls were nodding. This has been happening a lot lately; people have noticed the affect Brittany had on me. "I'm just in a really great place right now. You know?"
"Like how?" Leah asked.
"Like, you'll know soon. Maybe…" I said with a wink.
"Well, I won't try to coax it out of you—this time—but I'm on to you."
"—And then he just, urghh, it was so amazing. I've never had it like that in my whole life. And he was so sweet afterwards; he took me out froyo because I was craving it." A voice was talking from a row of lockers beside us. It was Quinn talking too loudly about her and Puck.
Another teammate said "Wow, Quinn, you're so lucky to have a boyfriend like him."
"Yeah, I am. At dinner, he also said that I was the best he's ever had, too."
I was already heated. I clenched my jaw hard. Leah put a hand on my shoulder and tried to calm me down. She could tell that Quinn was getting to me. She said, "Santana, don't, she's not worth it. She's just trying to get to you."
"Was that your first time with him since…?" Another girl trailed off in a question.
"Yeah, since Homecoming," Quinn said. I felt Leah's grip stiffen on my shoulder. "We wanted to wait to make sure it was the real thing. Obviously, we've done everything else. He said that it was refreshing to have someone knew and fresh, you know? Like he said she was getting boring and predictable." After a few seconds she said louder, "Didja hear that, Lopez?!"
I didn't care that Leah's death grip was still on me. I forced myself out of it, got up, and walked into the center row where I met Quinn there.
"You are such a bitch, Quinn," I snapped. "I really hope you are enjoying my sloppy seconds, but I'm sure you are used to it by now." That got to her. Most of the meets that mattered the most, big national or regional championships and state meets, I would almost always beat her if we were in the same event. Last year, at state finals, we both broke the state record in the 100 back but I broke it by .13 seconds more than she did, landing her another second place finish.
"I think you're just jealous that he obviously chose me over you when he did not even think twice when I asked him to jump in my pants the night of the Homecoming game."
I raised my arm up to slap her and she said, "Careful, Santana. We wouldn't want to tarnish your perfect record now, would we?"
Leah walked in front of us and pushed me aside. I looked back and saw her with that stupid sly grin on her face. I finished getting ready as quickly as possible, threw my hair in some kind of bun, put my stuff in my locker for afternoon practice, and left. Leah walked out behind me and called my name. I turned around briefly and kept walking. I felt bad for ignoring her but I didn't want her to see me like this. She followed me down the hallways from the pool to my school locker and as soon as we got there, I was able to pull myself together. She gave me a hug and told me that it was going to be alright.
My first class of the day was Econ, Leah and I had it together but I told her I wanted to take a long way to class, we had like 5 minutes after the morning bell. I made it seem like we were going randomly but I steered us toward the English hallway. We walked by Mrs. Hansen's classroom and I caught Brittany's eye. I gave her a look and she knew that there was probably something up.
By lunch, everyone had heard what had happened this morning. Colby and Brooke were grilling me about it. I told them the truth about what had happened. I couldn't wait for English though; it was really what I looked for the whole day. Mrs. Hansen gave a grammar packet and told us to do the packet or read from the current novel we were reading. This was the best opportunity to ask Brittany a "question."
"Hey, Miss. Pierce, I have a question on one of these."
She walked towards me. I pointed to this one and she leaned down closer to my paper and whispered, "What's wrong?"
"Practice this morning. I had a huge fight with…" I pointed behind me towards Quinn with my eyes.
"Do you have practice after school?"
"Yeah, until 530."
"Come over afterwards."
"I have a lot of homework, though."
"Just bring it with, no problem." Then she said, "and that's why the comma goes there instead of a semi colon," a little louder with a wink towards me, she was so sneaky.
"Thanks, Miss. Pierce."
At afternoon practice I cooled down enough to apologize to Quinn while we were stretching on the pool deck to start swimming. I walked over and we were talking alone.
"Hey, look, I'm really sorry about this morning. I probably shouldn't have said that to you and I was out of line. You're just… You're such a bitch to me sometimes. Why?"
She smirked, "Because it's great to know that I am probably the only person on this whole planet that can push your buttons."
"You're messed up."
"Ahh, maybe. But look, let's just agree to disagree, no hard feelings. I'm kinda sorry, too."
"Gee, thanks."
"SWIMMERS, QUIT YOU'RE CHIT CHATTING AND DO A 300 WARM UP!" Coach Roz yelled after directing her synchronized swimmers into their warm up.
Quinn and I walked to the lane that we actually shared with a few guys because we were so much faster than the girls, even though some of the girls were really fast, they weren't near Quinn and I's level. I actually felt relieved during the practice but I was still excited to go to Brittany's. We finished up just a little early and I raced back to the locker room. I showered as fast as I could and got changed pretty fast, as well. I put on sweatpants and a hoodie and put my hair into the same bun as this morning. I was getting comfortable with Brittany and I didn't really care if she saw what I looked like if I looked like a scrub, not anymore at least.
"Dang, someone's in a hurry!" I heard Leah say in our lockers.
I bushed, "Oh, yeah, just happy to be out of this place. I have an essay to write. I see you guys in like 12 hours."
"You're killing me, Santana," Leah said. "I was trying not to think of that."
"Ooops. Pretend I didn't say that! I'll see ya," I said, heading out the door.
I hurried out the door and towards my car. I looked at the clock, it was 5:10. I thought about going straight towards her apartment but instead I stopped at a convenience store and grabbed a Naked juice for her, it was her favorite. And I grabbed some chocolate milk and Gatorade to recover from practice. At the register, I had a somewhat awkward encounter with Puck.
"Oh, hey, Santana. What's up?"
"Oh, nothing really. I'm just grabbing some drinks."
"This isn't really the closet store from the school to your house."
Crap. I had to make something up fast. "Oh, I just got out of practice and I came here because I thought Ellie was at a friend's. She actually just texted me that she found a ride home but I was already halfway there… and thirsty," I pointed to the drinks, and then I realized I wasn't using my manners. "What about you?"
"Oh, Quinn just got out too and wanted me to come over. I was just stopping to grab a few snacks." I remembered that Quinn did live around here.
We shared a few moments of an awkward silence.
"Look, I'm sorry about this morning. I don't really know the full story, she's just, you know. But she really is a great person; I just don't think that you two could ever be friends."
"Yeah, you got that right," I said, paying the cashier. "Well, it was nice seeing you! Have fun."
"You too."
I got into my car, texted Brittany that I was on my way, and pulled out of the store, I realized that Puck was right behind me so I made the way down as if I was driving back to my house until he took a turn away from me, then turned around and headed to Brittany's apartment. I pulled in the back, put up the hood of my hoodie under my coat and grabbed the bag from the store and my backpack.
I walked up to her floor and knocked. She opened the door and invited me in. I looked around her apartment, no matter how many times I was here; it never ceased to amaze me of how amazing it was.
"You look cute," I told her. Her hair was thrown into a messy braid, her contacts were out and her glasses on, and she was wearing shorts and an oversized sweater.
"I know. I'm definitely looking like I want to impress my girlfriend." She grabbed my shoulders and gave me a peck on the cheek.
"You could wear a trash bag and still impress me." I put the bag on her living room table and set my backpack down on the couch. "So I was really thirsty and I stopped to get some drinks." I opened the bag. "Gatorade for me, chocolate milk for me." I take out the Naked juice. "Oh, and what's this? I guess you can have it. I think I may have enough."
"My favorite!" She snatched it from me and took a gulp. "Thank you, San."
I laid down on the couch and stretched my legs across Brittany.
"So… fill me in. What happened?"
I told her everything from morning practice, afternoon practice, and even the Puck encounter. She was such a great listener. I made sure to make a point to tell her that I wasn't upset because Quinn and Puck were dating; it was just because Quinn made it a point to piss me off.
"I'm so sorry. Quinn seriously is a jerk. You're a better person than me though. I wouldn't have been able to apologize first."
"I bet you would have but thanks. I'm just glad it's over. Enough about me though, how are you?"
"I'm very great now that you're here. And I actually have a few things to tell you that might cheer you up."
I smiled, "Okay, go."
"First, Lord Tubbington lost one pound from his diet that I put him on!"
I rolled my eyes. "I'm so very excited for him. I hope he continues to lose weight!"
"Second, I only have like three weeks left of student teaching left. And then… Oh shoot, I forgot, I'm too mesmerized by Santana Lopez's beauty."
I playfully punched her. "Tell me Britt!"
"Okay okay. You know how I've been going to rehearsals? I can finally tell you what it's for. Because I got you tickets. Two. You and a special date can go; it's in a few weeks!"
She got up and grabbed something from the table and handed it to me.
"You're kidding me?! It's for West Side Story!? You know that's my favorite musical and you've been keeping it a secret from me?!"
"I wanted to wait until I could get you tickets! You told me you were Anita in it for school once and you fell in love with the story. Well, it just so happens that that is what the musical is for LU this winter!"
I grinned. "You seriously remember everything I tell you. Thank you. You're the choreographer?"
"Yes. For the whole show, it was quite a challenge."
"Why don't they have a dance major do it?"
She chuckled. "They were supposed to but they said I was better, even though I wasn't a conservatory student."
"Well, duh you're better. You're Brittany Pierce… So just off stage work?"
"Well I'm also a dancer for the Jets in some scenes. I have like three lines."
"Oh my gosh. You're going to steal the whole show. I'm so excited!"
"I knew you would be." She cupped my cheek and kissed me. "Hey, are you hungry? I can make something so you can get started on your homework; I know you have a lot."
"That would be absolutely great!" I was really hungry; I always eat so much during swimming.
I walked over and started to do my homework. Brittany and I talked some; her whole apartment was pretty open. She made spaghetti and garlic bread. We ate on the couch and I was getting increasingly tired.
I don't really remember anything after eating except waking up and there was just a dim light on and a blanket over me. I was on Brittany's couch. I got up and looked around. There was a note on the table.
Sleepy Santana (That's an alliteration, by the way)-
You just kinda fell asleep and I had to head to rehearsal for West Side Story :) I told you and you mumbled a response, I don't think you understood. There's food in the kitchen.. I know that's what you care about. Oh and your drinks are in the fridge! I'll be back around 9:30, unless you gotta get back home.
-Brittany XO
I smiled to myself and walked to the kitchen, she knew me so well. I was starving; despite just eating. I grabbed some fruit and the rest of my Gatorade while I checked my phone. There were a few texts from some friends and then there was also a text from Ellie and my mom. Ellie was spending a lot of time out of the house since Bryan and her finally started dating. And Ellie also just got her license and a car, so she didn't have to bum rides from anyone anymore. She told me she'd be home sometime and I told her that I wasn't even home.
My mom said that she and dad were going to be back super late and then sleep in the next day. I was happy, maybe they'll relax some. Truthfully, with Ellie and I out all the time, they get time to relax if they are home at night, I think they appreciate. They're also trying to get in enough hours so they can take off nights for my swim meets and Ellie's basketball games.
I went back to the living room and turned on the TV. I often had the TV on when I was doing homework, it was good background noise. Plus, I needed to finish my homework now. The last thing I needed was to be doing homework late with a distance morning practice tomorrow. I found an old The O.C episode and started on calculus. While I was doing the stupid derivatives, I was thinking. I thought about Brittany, obviously. She consumed most of my thoughts these days. I was flattered that she trusted me in her apartment alone, even though I've been there a million times. I would trust her in my house but still, I felt like it was a big deal.
I finished calculus pretty soon after and started the vocab—that Brittany assigned. Ironic. One thing that Brittany agreed when we started this relationship is that she's not going to favor me in grades, she'll give me what I deserve, "which will be an A anyway," she says. All the grades go through Mrs. Hansen before finalized but really, what teacher wants to re-grade something that is already graded. We had a vocab test next week and I had already done flashcards to study, I just had to do the vocab assignment that corresponded. I was stuck on a particularly tricky one when I heard the door Brittany walk in.
"You look so cute when you put the end of your pencil in your mouth when you're frustrated or bored. Oh, and when you get even more frustrated and put both of your hands on your face and push your hair back, it's adorable."
"I'm glad someone thinks it's cute. But you know what's not cute? Giving your girlfriend homework. Come over here and help me with this one."
She took off her coat and put it on the coat rack. She took off her shoes and walked behind the couch and was standing behind me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and neck and gave me a hug and kiss on the temple, glanced at the TV, and then looked at the assignment.
"You know that Marissa dates a girl for a few episodes in like the second season." I laughed and nodded. "Which one?"
I pointed to a question. She literally walked me through the whole thing for a few minutes just to make sure that I had the definition down pat.
"Thanks," I told her. "You're like the best," I leaned up and kissed her.
She un-wrapped her arms and I started to pack up my school work. She sat down next to me and looked at me.
"Tell me about your family. I always talk about mine but I don't know a lot about yours."
"Well, I know that you know my dad is a businessman and my mom is a lawyer. And they live in Canton. And you know about Matt. He's a freshman at Ohio State on a tennis scholarship."
"Tennis. All I know about tennis is the Williams sister." Brittany laughed. "What is he majoring in?"
"Pre-Pharmacy."
I nodded. "What kind of businessman is your dad?"
"He owns and runs a chain of pharmacies around Canton. There's like 5 of them."
"Oh, so that's why Matt wants to be a pharmacist," I concluded.
"Maybe. He's just been around it so much but my dad isn't a pharmacist himself but Matt was able to work at a pharmacy in high school which was great for him."
"So if you're mom is a lawyer and your dad owns pharmacies, your family must be…" I struggled to find an appropriate word. "Well off."
"Yeah," she confirmed. "We're definitely not poor."
I nodded.
"I'm always reluctant of telling people, I don't want to be labeled some spoiled rich kid. You know don't you? With your parents and all."
"Oh yeah. I know exactly what it's like."
"I'm very blessed that I have what I do have and I've been given all these opportunities but I also know what it takes to work hard for something. My parents weren't the ones dancing at the national championships, I was. They didn't pay my way to be on the Dean's list all throughout college." She sighed. "And they're not very happy I choose teaching. They think that I'm smart enough to do something else, something that makes more money. But I would never want to. Teaching is my passion."
"I know you could excel in anything you set your mind to. However, you are a phenomenal teacher. You get it, with the students, you help them understand."
"You're so sweet, Santana. Thanks for letting me vent."
"Of course, Britt. What was dancing in college like?" We talk about her studio teaching job a lot but we never really talked about the time she spent dancing in college on their squad.
"Eh. I mean, I was a Lima Dancing Bean." I started to laugh. "I hated the name. The mascot isn't even a bean. I just tried out the summer before freshman year and I got in. I loved it, dancing at games and stuff and then doing the competitions. I quit after two years though. I loved the dancing but some of the girls were absolute jerks and I had other things going on at the time. I mean, dancing is my thing but I couldn't take it anymore. It worked out well though because I got to graduate a semester early. If I was still dancing, I wouldn't have been able to. I actually would have had to stay an extra semester instead of graduating a semester early."
"Wait. Why?"
"I don't think I'd be allowed to student teach while dancing, since I'd be gone with competitions."
"Ohh, I see. Are you sad that you didn't continue?"
"No, I danced so much ever since I can remember. I love it though and that's why I still teach because I'm always going to be connected to it, somehow. It's just refreshing to know that I don't always have to be worrying about if what I'm doing or eating will jeopardize my dancing. And I was happy to do this musical. Choreography was always my passions."
"Brittany, you are so amazing. Is there anything you can't do?"
"Ha, you say that like you're not, you freaking fish. You're going to get an Olympic medal someday."
"Oh, stop! You're so sweet," I kissed her and then looked at my phone, "Oh, crap. It's like 10:30, I need to get home. Thanks for dinner. And everything."
"Oh, anything for you," she grinned and I started to gather my stuff.
We started walking towards the door. I put my hood on my head and started fiddling with my keys. She held my hands and put them around her neck. She then placed hers on my lower back. She leaned in and kissed me. I pulled her in and kissed her, I wanted to stay like this forever, but I had to get going.
I gently pushed her away, "I have practice in less than 7 hours and if we keep kissing, I'll run into the walls because all I'm going to be thinking about is you and kisses."
She laughed and gave me one last peck on the lips. She said, "I'll see you tomorrow. Text me when you get home so I know you got home safe." Brittany always wanted me to text her after I left her place to know that I got home alright. It would be annoying on anyone else but her.
"Alright, goodbye gorgeous. Bye Lord Tubbington!" I yelled through the apartment.
She laughed and shut the door.
On my way home, all I could think about was that in three weeks, we didn't have to hide anymore. Well, I guess we still did. It's not like I had told anyone. I still didn't even know how to tell anyone, who I should tell. It was all too hard. I figured that the perfect time would come for me. I would be able to tell when it was the perfect time to "come out" or whatever. I was just scared. So scared. What was everyone going to think? Puck? How would he feel? The way I feel with Brittany, the gentleness of her, her small hands, soft lips, and petite figure, makes me never want to be with a guy anymore. Had I felt this way about anyone else? Brooke? I remembered the way I felt when she held my hand or when she would kiss my cheek. Doesn't everyone go through that though; questioning who they are and their whole identity? I just wish it was all figured out for me. I never stopped thinking about it.
Then there was God. I had been a strong Catholic my whole life, receiving every sacrament when it was due time, loving Him with every ounce of my body. Of course, I wasn't always the best person in the world. I had definitely done and said a bunch of thing I regret and I definitely don't follow the "rules" word for word. But no one is perfect.
I know what people say, that people who act on homosexual tendencies are hated by God. However, the God I know doesn't hate on things like that. The God that I know would not want someone to live a lie and be unhappy. The God I know wants the best for everyone, wants what will make them the most happy. I was just scared, Catholics don't except it but I will always want God in my life. I was lost.
I pushed these conflicting thoughts away and told myself to take it one day at a time. All I needed to focus on right now was swimming and Brittany.
Sorry that this was such a long chapter. I just didn't know where to stop!
Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! :)