Neji's Diary

I have come to the conclusion that I must revise my earlier theorems. My original theory, that Ninja develop insanity as a response to the long term stresses of the job, appears to be incorrect. While it is true that high level Jonin are clearly insane; such as my mentor, Kakashi's chronic laziness, our Hokage's porn collection, Anko's…. Ankoness or Kurenai's classic opera fetish.

I had assumed Rock Lee was a sad case of infection via mentor of a clearly unstable figure. However, upon using my bloodline to observe the journals of the members of the class under me, I am no longer able to keep to this theory. As they are all clearly insane, despite being younger than me.

First, let us talk about Team Seven. Everybody else does. Yes, the glorious "hero's" who singlehandedly saved wave. Never mind that Gato's men were all untrained idiots, and the only real ninja were simply bribed to join us: Clearly stunning example of skill.

Granted, they did briefly battle, but I do not call a "victory" that relies on :

1) A random activation of a bloodline
2) Thing I can't mention because of state secrets and I like my head right where it is.
3) The fact that their enemy was merciful enough to avoid a kill

Stunning recommendation of martial prowess, wouldn't you say?

But on to their individual insanity. First, Naruto Uzumaki writes in an accent. I shall have to repeat it as I can barely believe it myself: He writes with a sage-damned accent. And he's not the only one of the rookies who does this, in fact, comparatively, his is mild. Aside from that is his simply unhealthy orange and food obsession.

However, he is a bastion of sanity next to his teammate, Sasuke Uchiha. When he isn't whining about the war* He writes. Like this. All. The time. Insane. Clearly.

Which by the way, I must comment on: Oh yes, poor Uchiha, losing the war. Boo hoo, they lost and were punished with… What? A position of power in Konoha? The control of the police? A full estate? Yes, poor them. Now, if they had, for example, had themselves and all their decedents branded with a cursed seal that made them essentially into serfs who the east was supposedly fighting to save, I might be sympathetic. But they aren't, and weren't.

Not to mention he's so repressed it makes my clan look loose. Frankly I'm half shocked he's showing any interest in anything at all. Given the way he and Uzumaki act I would have pegged them as a feuding couple.

Rounding out the trio is Sakura Haruno. While I would be remiss in calling her sane, I will admit that her diary avoids signs of obvious insanity. (Maybe the insanity has something to do with ninja clans… no, in that case I would be the same. And clearly I am not.). But while her diary can at least fake sanity, face to face shows she's as insane as the rest. With a temper and hysterics that make me think she may possibly possess multiple personality disorder. Or at least bipolar. I cannot blame it on mere female hysterics.

Then there is Team Ten: A merry bunch thrown to together on the principle of "it worked last time, didn't it?" As she is always calling for attention, I suppose I should start with Ino Yamanaka. I consider Yamanaka the hypothetical lovechild of Haruno and Uzumaki (excuse me while I attempt to brain bleach that thought out of my head). She combines the annoyingly outgoing "let's all be happy" of Uzumaki with the Harnuo's psychotic desire to pound anyone that disagrees with her. Granted this is all hidden beneath a façade of gentleness and elegance, which I suppose I should be grateful for. Not to mention that her writing makes Uzumaki's look boring. Again, who writes with an accent? How is that even possible?

Then we come to Shikamaru Nara, a supposed "genius" so lazy I suspect the only reason he is still a ninja was he didn't want to fill out the paper work to quit. The interaction between him and Yamanaka is interesting if one enjoys that sort of lowbrow humor involving one side being slowly driven insane. Finally there is the Akimichi. Who is frankly so utterly forgettable I seem to have forgotten his name... Oh well.

Team Eight is perhaps the worst of the bunch. My cousin's teammates are so insane I was afraid I was going to have to spend all my time watching their practice lest they turn violent. Luckily they don't seem to be violently insane… No, that isn't right, they're ninja, and by definition they're violent. However they don't seem to target Hinata.

Kiba Inuzuka's diary has an even more bizarre accent. At least Yamanaka and Uzumaki speak in a similar manor to their writing. Inuzuka's accent is a completely unrecognizable gibberish. Even stranger, while I had first conjectured that perhaps they were originally from a different land, records show that they have been here at least as long as the Hyuuga. Not to mention the family dynamics. If I understand his diary accurately, then I wish I had never found out who his father was…. I mean, how would that even work? Just, ugh.

Then there is Shino Aburame. Who is either the most deranged individual in Konoha, or is involved in a disturbing and kinky game with Inuzuka's sister. Either way, I do not want to know and have made it a policy to avoid reading his diary.

Finally, there is my own cousin. Hinata Hyuuga. At first the only complaint I could have made was she was far to gentle to be a ninja… however in recent times her team's insanity seems to be rubbing off on her. She has fallen for Uzumaki of all people. Spending an inordinate amount of time following him around wherever he goes.

I have already given my thoughts about the reasoning behind that choice in previous entries, and I have no desire to repeat myself. Sufficient to say I fear for the future of the clan.

Or I would, if I actually gave a damn about the clan. As it I simply find amusement in the horror that will be inflicted on it.

Addendum: It has occurred to me that this would put Naruto in a position to command me. On second thought this marriage must be stopped at all costs.

On the topic of cousins. Hanabi is coming back, I shall have to get her something. What do girls of that age like? Maybe I should ask Tenten what she wanted at that age.

Addendum: Tenten predictably suggested a gun. I have been working under the assumption that she and I were the sane members of the team, I may have to readjust that assertion. As for the gift, girls like dolls…. Right?