My dad took off his coat, set it down, and sat in the chair next to the couch. I said a little prayer while I watched him. I was so scared. I wanted to back out. I couldn't do this. Not like this. It was late, they were tired, I was tired. No. I had to. There would never be a perfect time, I've realized this. I could make an excuse for every single time so I didn't have to tell them. I had to do this.

"What's up?" He asked with a little smile.

I took a deep breath. My eyes darted in from my mother to my father. The pleasant expressions on their face turned into expressions of anticipation as I prolonged what I had to say. "Okay. I'm going to say a lot of things. Can you two just promise you'll listen to it all without interrupting until I'm finished?"

They both looked quizzically at me and nodded.

I took another deep breath. "I am, uh, I'm dating someone. Well, I have been dating someone. This person make me so happy, I feel complete when I'm with them. This person likes me for who I am. I can be myself when I'm with them. I know you both want what's best for me and right now, this person is what is best for me. But this person doesn't go to McKinley." I looked at them, they were following but they seemed confused. "I'm dating a woman. Her name is Brittany. She's 21 and she just graduated in December from LU." It was out there, there was no taking it back anymore. I needed to keep going, to keep explaining it. I kept looking between the two of them but I couldn't read their faces.

"I know this seems crazy. And I know the first thing that you want to do it blame her. She's not the reason. My whole life, I've known that there was something about girls that I liked. I never embraced it because it wasn't normal; or at least what everyone says is normal. I wasn't going to let this small thing ruin everything that I had going for me. So I pushed it to the back of my mind. Don't get me wrong, I did like Puck but looking back on it, he was part of the plan that helped me realize this. I finally can realize that I am gay, a lesbian; that I like girls the way society thinks I should like boys. This is my own personal journey and I've been struggling with how I should tell you and it still hasn't come out as how I wanted it to but this is how it is. This is who I am. I'm still Santana Lopez. I'm the same daughter you've raised for 18 years. This is just a part of me, it's not something that can be changed and it's something that you need to know."

I was done. This was all. I briefly closed my eyes and felt a tear fall down. I looked towards my mom. She looked like she was going to cry. My dad kept his arms across his chest. I couldn't read him and I wasn't sure what he was thinking. No one said anything.

My mom finally broke the silence. "H-how long?"

This would be the hard part; I think I'll just keep Brittany's teaching logistics to myself for now. "I've been dating her for a little over four months. But my sexuality is something that I've been trying to hide from myself for years, Ma. This isn't just something I came about four months ago."

"Ay! You've been lying to us for four months?" My dad asked, crossly. I could see that he was hurt and angry.

"Not lying. Hiding. This is why I wanted to tell you. I didn't want to hide who I really was. I wanted to you guys to know myself and who've I've been able to come to terms with." I could barely stand looking at the shock on their faces. All I wanted to do was run away. I wanted to escape from this room, curl up, and stop the world from crashing down.

"You are confirmed in the Catholic church, Santana. Have you heard of the Bible and what it says about people like that?" My dad said it as more of a statement than a question.

"Yes, I know the verse, "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman..." But did you know, that in the same book, Leviticus, it says; don't cut your hair, people with flat noses cannot go to an altar of God, and that mixed fabrics shall not be worn. I'm pretty sure that you're wearing a cotton/polyester shirt."

I heard a small gasp from my mom and my dad's face tightened. I was getting more angry than upset now. I felt tears stinging my eyes as I tried to fight them back.

"I know what the church says about this. But I also know what the Church says about God. I love God more than anything in the whole world. I've never stopped praying throughout this whole time, me trying to find myself. I know that the church teaches that this is against the rules, what I'm doing, how I feel, how I am. However, the God that I know would never, ever condemn someone for pursuing and acting on their own feelings. He made me this way. I know that He would so much rather I be happy and feel this way than to be sad and lie to everyone about who I really am."

After several excruciating second, my mom finally spoke up. She said, "Go to bed, Santana. I think your father and I need to talk about this."

I didn't want them to talk about it alone. They were going to have questions. They needed to ask me. If they discussed this themselves, they would infer things, jump to conclusions. But I had to let them do what they needed to do; I had to just let them talk.

"Te quiero so much," I told them and walked out of the room so quickly so I didn't have to wonder if they were going to say it back or not. Tears were streaming down my face as soon as I reached the first step.

I retreated back to my room. It didn't go any better or worse than I had planned. I knew that it was going to be hard but I just didn't know that I would feel this rotten. I didn't want to talk to Ellie or Brittany or anyone but my parents. I wanted them to want to talk to me about this. I brushed my teeth and felt the tears fall down my cheeks as I fell asleep.

The next morning when I woke up after hearing my stupid alarm go off, I felt like crap. I threw on a pair of sweatpants and an old swimming hoodie lying on the floor and put my hair in a messy bun. I didn't even bother with makeup; luckily my face didn't look like how I felt on the inside. I trudged downstairs to find the kitchen empty. After a few moments of literally doing nothing, I heard Ellie's footsteps down the stairs. She came over and put a hand on my shoulder. I was snapped out of my trance-like state.

"How'd it go?" She asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. It got really heated when they mentioned God and told me to go to bed, like a fucking child, they told me to go to bed. They said they needed time to talk about it alone."

She consoled me with her eyes. We both heard my parents coming down the stairs as we were grabbing fruit for breakfast. They came in, said a short "Good morning," and danced around me without making eye contact. It was so awkward and I could feel the tension in the room. I tried to catch one of their eyes but to no avail, they were set on ignoring me.

As we all sat or stood around the counter that doubled as a bar in silence, I finally had enough. "Are any of you two going to say anything?" I probably said it more firmly than I had expected.

I saw my dad's eyebrows knit together, my mom looked his way.

"I have to get to the hospital, there's a big surgery today that a resident is primarily performing. Isabella, do you want to come with me or drive out a little later?"

"There's always a big surgery!" I snap. "When are we going to talk about this again?"

"Santana, watch your tone. This isn't the time," my mother warned. "Jorge, I'll ride in with you."

"There's never going to be a good enough time to talk about this because you don't want to talk about it. You don't want understand what I'm trying to say."

"Not in front of Eliana, Santana." My dad was getting irritated. I never spoke to my parents this way.

"Oh, like Ellie doesn't know! She knew even before I told her because she actually pays attention to my life. Maybe you guys would have gotten the hint if you were ever home or if you ever cared. Oh and she's fine with it! She accepts me for who I am." I calmed down just slightly. "It just hurts me so much that you two won't even talk about it."

I could not believe what I was saying to my parents. Tears streamed down my eyes as I grabbed my keys, backpack, and swim bag and left the house. I pulled into the school parking lot just moments later. I had twenty minutes before the bell rang because I left so early in my rage. I sat in my car and checked my phone. Brittany had texted me a few times. I didn't ever text her last night. I felt bad, she was caring so much. I called her.

"Hello?" I heard a sleepy voice on the other end.

"Hi, I'm sorry," I said trying to mask my tears. "Did I wake you up?"

"No, no. I mean, yes but I don't mind waking up to your voice. But you're crying." Of course she saw through it. "What happened?"

I told her everything; including this morning's incident.

"I just feel so bad. I'm not supposed to talk to them like that. They've given me everything I could want and I talked to them like a disrespectful little brat."

"Don't beat yourself up over it. It happens. It's just going to take time. This isn't just going to be hard on you; it'll be hard on them as well. I'm not trying to make you feel bad but if you put yourself in their position, maybe you can see why they're being so awkward and timid."

I had never really thought about it. Coming out to them was the hardest thing to me but now they have to come out to themselves, in a way. This coming out thing wasn't all about me, it's about everyone, it affects everyone.

I looked over and saw Ellie walking towards the passenger door.

"Hey, babe. Thanks for everything. You never fail to make me feel better. Ellie's outside of my car, I need to talk to her."

"I totally understand. It's no problem. I hope your day goes better. I'm here if you need anything."

"I know. Thank you. Sorry for waking you again."

"It's fine, I have to work soon anyway. Call me after you get out of practice tonight."

"I will. Bye, Britt."

"Bye, gorgeous."

I smiled for the first time in what seems like a long time and unlocked the car. Ellie got in, threw her keys on my dash, and sat down in the passenger seat. She exhaled and shut her eyes for a few seconds.

"Do I even want to know?" I ask.

"Probably not."

"Okay, just tell me."

"After you walked out, mom got all emotional. She felt like she was losing you as a daughter because of this. I told both of them to chill because it's not even been 12 freaking hours. Dad said he didn't want you to be ostracized and made fun of and that maybe this was just a phase. Mom told him that it wasn't. She said 'Santana's not one to just go through a phase. She's a perfectionist. Perfectionists wouldn't want to go through a phase that can cause their whole life to be turned upside-down.' Dad just grumbled. And he told me that he wanted you home after you got off work, not 'With that girl.'"

"What the hell? It's not like they'll even be home."

"Santana, just come home, do what they say for now."

"I know I will. Whatever. Let's go, the bell's going to ring."

The whole day I felt like a zombie. It was a horrible feeling because I knew there was nothing I could do about it. My teachers, friends, Coach Roz; they all saw the change in me. I told everyone that I was fine and that I didn't know what they were talking about. They would know eventually, everyone would. I don't know if I'm prepared for that. I can't even take the stigma that my parents are giving me, how could I ever take the stigma of a whole community? Brittany said that the hardest ones to tell are the parents, then it became so much easier; I just hoped she was right.

After practice I went to get dinner home from one of Ellie's favorite Chinese take-out places. As I was waiting in the restaurant for the food, burying myself in my own sorrows, a familiar face walked in towards me and gave me a hug. There was barely anyone in the place, it wasn't a big deal.

"I figured you'd be here."

"Ha, how?"

"Your last text said that you were picking up Chinese for Ellie. And I knew that this was Ellie's favorite one time when you told me as we passed by. And it's owned by Tina Cohen-Chang's family and you're close with her"

"You really do listen to everything I say, don't you?"

"Yes, every little thing, even when you ramble on and on and on."

I rolled my eyes. "Did you get food?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to cook or eat ramen and I needed an excuse to see you because you have to go home, right?"

"Unfortunately," I said flatly.

Brittany changed the subject. "You know, this isn't authentic Chinese food.."

"Yeah, it's the fatty Americanized crap but it's so good. Have you had real authentic Chinese food?"

"Yes, actually. One of my best friends in high school, Bethany, is Chinese and her family owns a restaurant that makes authentic food, it's actually tastier and not all deep fried."

"You'll have to take me there someday."

"Or we could go the restaurant and go to China to eat real Chinese food there."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"LOPEZ!" A small Chinese woman called from the register.

I walked up and paid for the food. I maneuvered the paper sack into the crook of my arm and walked back over to Brittany.

"I guess I better leave, wouldn't want my omnipresent parents to be wondering where I am even though they wouldn't even know."

Brittany sensed my hostility and said, "And Ellie is probably hungry. Can I call you tonight?"

"If I don't call you first. Enjoy the food." I leaned in for a hug and gently, so it wouldn't be noticed, planted a small kiss on her cheek.

I saw her smiling as I walked out of the restaurant.

Later that night, after I had a much needed phone call with Brittany, I heard my parents walk in. I contemplated for at least 5 minutes before biting the bullet and going down there. I shuffled down stairs and to the kitchen where they were preparing some kind of dinner.

"Hello, Santana." My dad said when he saw me.

"Hi, how was work?"

"It was fine," he said.

My mom nodded in agreement.

"That's good."

For at least a half a minute, all I did was look at both of them; I wanted them to say something.

"Look, Santana," my mom started to say. "I know you're thinking about the elephant in the room. Your father and I have talked about it and we just want you to know that we accept your choice."

Accept?

"What do you mean?"

"We realize that this is your own life and your own choice," my dad said.

"Choice? It's not a choice, this real life; my life. This is how I am. I never chose to feel this way."

"I didn't mean it that way, honey. This is hard for all of us. It will take awhile for us to become used to this."

I didn't know what else to say. There wasn't really anything else to say. They made their decision. In time, they would either learn to love me for whom I really am or they would choose to exclude this part of me from their lives. If the latter was their choice, then I didn't want to be around for it. I didn't want to leave the room with a sour taste in my mouth so I mumbled something about swimming and we talked a few minutes about it and then I retired for the night.

I decided to put my parents on the backburner while I focused more on swimming. They were trying. I knew it was really hard for them to understand. We were just getting out of a very easy practice the day before districts. Quinn caught up with me as we were walking to our cars.

"Hey, Santana! Wait up! I need to talk to you!" She called after me.

I stopped and turned around. "What do you want Quinn?"

She caught up with me. "Look Santana, I know that I've done some bad stuff to you; the jokes, the fights, Puck, everything. But I'm so happy for you, making state times in all the events for all four years, it's outstanding. And I really am proud of you."

"Well thanks. I mean you only have the 50 free left and you're swimming that tomorrow. Frankly, I don't know why you missed your mark the first time. You've easily swam a state qualifying time in 200 free relay every time. Maybe it was just a fluke. And you still have sectionals if all else fails. You'll get it tomorrow, I'm positive."

"I can't believe that I have been such a complete bitch to you but you're still trying to support me. But, uh, that's why I wanted to talk to you. I want you to swim it with me tomorrow at districts."

"Why? We both hate swimming in the same heat. It's districts, you'll be up against fast people; they'll be able to push you just as well as I can."

"No, they won't. Santana, I need you to swim against me. No one can ever push me as hard as you can. I know you want to be working on back and 200 free for state but I'm just begging you. Please. I want to make history with you."

I felt something inside me, I felt so sorry for Quinn. I knew that she could make it, she's done it three times before and she's already made the time this season. I also knew that this wasn't any type of manipulation or anything, she was being completely genuine.

I exhaled into the crisp January air and watched my breath linger in the air. "Okay, I'll do it. But only on one condition."

She smiled so wide, I thought her face would fall apart. "Yeah, anything!"

"My sexuality, stop it with the jokes and puns. Let me take this one step at a time. On my own terms."

She put her bag down and licked her lips. "Look, Santana. You're perfect. You have the perfect house, the perfect body, the perfect face, the perfect family, the perfect grades, everything. Your whole life, it's just perfect. Honestly, I was always jealous of you. Then, after all these years, we were on the precipice of actually becoming friends and we started getting along. I was happy about it but there was still something inside of me that was still jealous. When I was watching your race and heard your phone there getting texts, I wanted to know. Then when I saw that it was… her. Well, I felt like finally your life wasn't so perfect. You had a huge secret and I could use it against you. I was never going to but I just wanted to have something on you. That's all."

This was so different, seeing this side of Quinn. The real side. She was actually sharing her feelings with me.

"I told them, you know."

She raised an eyebrow.

"My parents. About a week ago, I just told them."

"How'd it go?"

"They're still uncomfortable around me. They refuse to talk about it and always find something else to talk about."

"Give them time… they'll come around."

"Yeah because I'm sure you know so well," I snapped back.

Quinn inhaled sharply at my tone.

"I'm sorry," I retracted.

"No, you're right. I don't know. But you're going to need to trust me. You're the strongest person I know. The last thing you need to do is push this under the rug and act like this never happened. They're going to reach a point where they are comfortable enough to discuss it with you. No matter what they may be, it's what you need."

I nodded. "Thanks Quinn, that's exactly what I do need to do." I stood in thought for a second. "Why exactly did you put me through this?"

"Let's just say I felt like if there wasn't anything on you, you would have never come out. You would have found an excuse to keep putting it off. Everyone needs a little push."

"So, in a way, you were helping me?"

"Kind of. But I still liked knowing that I knew a secret about you. Because I'm a bitch." She smirked.

"You're not. A bitch would have told everyone in a heartbeat. I guess now I see that you were actually helping me, deep down in your twisted mind."

"I know you probably don't trust me or anything but I've seen this happen, I know what it's like so if you ever need to talk… don't hesitate."

For the first time in my whole life, I willingly opened up my arms and gave Quinn a hug. A friendly one too, not forced at all. We've hugged before at swimming things, to look good but I've never been so inclined as to hug her except for now.

"Thanks. It means a lot, it really does."

We parted ways and I sat in my car, hanging around until I saw Coach Roz walk out into the parking lot. I caught up with her by her car.

"Hey Coach, is too late to change my events for districts tomorrow?"

"I'm Roz Washington, I can make anything happen. What's up Santana?"

"I was wondering if you could take me out of the 200 free and put me in the 50 free. But keep me in the back."

"Shouldn't you be practicing your events for state? And you ain't no sprinter! You be good but I know you would rather swim a longer distance."

"Um, I'm just really burned out on the 200 free; I want to change it up. I'll swim my regular events at sectionals."

"Salsa, don't try to lie to me! You better give me the real reason straight up."

I sighed. She always saw right through me. "Quinn has the 50 free left to qualify for. This is basically her last chance because she needs to swim back and breast at sectionals. She can't push herself enough unleash she's racing against me."

"Santana, for four freaking years, I've watched you two interact. You girls fightin' about everything and anything. But then, this year, I see you two trying to work out your fights as captains. You have some kinda bond that is unexplainable, no matter what you might think. Most people would think you cray-cray to want to see her succeed after all she's done to you but I see it. I see why you want to help her. It's that bond. I know it is. You know, you teammates and that's different than friends. You loyal to her and she loyal to you, no matter what you think. I'll switch you, Salsa. I'll kick Emily out of the 50, we all know she be needed some extra yards."

I laughed. "Yeah, just maybe. But I guess that spending all these years with Quinn as my competitor has made me appreciate all of her hard work. Seeing someone this close to their goal and not reaching it, it would kill me if I didn't do everything I could to help them."

"You're going to go far in life, Santana. Maybe even as far as me and my bronze damn Olympic medal." She held up her medal. "You've got a great heart and a great mind. It's admirable; I wish everyone on the swim team and that damn synchronized swimming team had your attitude."

"Coach, I need to tell you something."

She set her binders on the roof of her car and leaned against it. "There's more child?!"

"I-I'm gay. I mean, pretty much, yeah. Oh my gosh, this is harder than I thought."

She continued to look at me. She blinked once. Coach Roz was different, she isn't like anyone else. No matter how crazy she is, I always looked up to her. She was a great coach in anything. And above all, she's a pretty great person. She doesn't let anyone fuck with her.

"I've realized that it's something that I've known for a really long time. I dated Puck boys because that's who I was supposed to date, you know? And then I fell for a girl, well, a woman. She's amazing and she makes me so happy. I never thought in a million years that this would happen, but it's helped me come to terms with my sexuality and who I am as a person. I wanted to tell you because you mean a lot to me and I've always looked up to you. You've been one of the most influential people in my life."

"Have I told you the story about how I got this bronze damn Olympic medal?"

"I probably hear it at least twice a week," I said with a smirk. "But go ahead; it's like a new story every time I hear it."

"When I was growing up, they said that black folks couldn't swim. But I had a DREAM that one day I would get to the promise land. Now, here I am with this bronze damn Olympic medal from Bejing, China. But see Santana, we're one in the same! They say that girls can't be with girls and boys can't be with boys. But you gonna be the one to change their minds. You gonna be the one to break the mold. Ya hear?"

I grin widely. "Yes. I hear."

"I am so elated that you could confide in me. Who else have you told?"

"My sister knows, she's so great about it. And she adores Brittany, my girlfriend. I told my parents like a week ago and they just… they're not too fond of it yet. They keep telling me that they need time to soak it in but I know they just don't want to talk about it."

"You know, I be talkin' to you parents more than you think and I know them pretty well. I think they'll come around eventually. It may not seem like it now, but you just wait, child."

"You really think so?"

"Yes, I really do."

"Hey, look, I'm sorry for keeping you after practice; I know you want to get home to your family."

"Don't sweat it, Salsa. My swimmers are my family. Anytime you need to talk, you know where to find me. I'll make sure to change the events; you get a good night's sleep for tomorrow."

"Will do Coach!"

I felt so great. Telling Coach Roz was just another person who I could cross of my list. She's one of the few people whose opinion I cherish the most. Coming out was always on my mind but with each person who I told, it got easier. I knew that they weren't all going to be this simple, not everyone was going to understand but if they don't, I don't have anything else to prove to them. They're not worth it.

Before I knew it, Quinn and I were stretching out our muscles behind the blocks, she thanked me again for swimming against her. When the heat before us finished, she touched the top of my swim cap and said, "Let's get 'em!" I was feeling great. Our lanes were right next to each other; like usual, we were the top seeds.

I swam the 50 free like I did when I qualified a few weeks ago. I pushed myself hard, trying to peek a look to make sure that Quinn was right beside me but it's so short that I didn't really have time to look at her. On the last 5 yards of the race, I eased up and let Quinn go for it. She won the event, with myself closely behind her. Suffice it to say, she qualified for state in the 50 free with the best time she's swam since junior year. Quinn finished! She was done. We made history as two swimmers from McKinley to qualify for state in every event all 4 years!

We both got out of the water, out of breath from the race, and hugged. This hug was definitely a real hug, like the one in the parking lot.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," she said through short breaths.

"Hey, I wasn't the one moving your arms and legs, you were."

She smiled and hugged me again.

It was about 11 on a Saturday night, one week before state, which was the second Friday and Saturday in February, I was just getting home from a night out with a few friends after McKinley crushed it at sectionals. This whole week was all about prepping for state. The majority of the team had qualified for state and we had also had a couple divers going to state. The relays were absolutely amazing. The team was easily the best that McKinley has ever seen. Our team had worked so hard, we all do, all the time and we had our eyes on being a top 5 team. Even if we didn't win, I could not think of anything else that we could have done differently.

I changed into some comfortable sweatpants and was going to lounge around for awhile until Brittany called, she was at a party with some of her college friends. I was able to sit down and finally catch up on the new novel that Mrs. Hansen assigned, Dracula. After about 30 minutes of reading, I got a call from Brittany; maybe the party had ended a lot sooner than I thought.

"Hey, is this Santana?" The voice on the other end was unrecognizable.

"Um, yes. Who's this?"

"I'm Shae, one of Brittany's friends. Brittany is, uh, really drunk right now and she really wants to talk to you."

"I don't really want to talk to her if she's drunk." I knew Brittany drank at parties, she told me about it. She's just so innocent that it's weird to think of her having any more than a glass or two of wine in her.

"Look, I've been around Brittany all through college and she told me that she got drunk all the time in high school but she doesn't get drunk often. I can count on four fingers how many times she's been drunk since I've known her in college. She just lost control tonight. She keeps asking for you. You two are still dating, right?"

I laughed inaudibly. "Yes."

"She likes you a whole lot. I can tell. But I think you should come down here and drive her back to her apartment. I would myself but she'll just get mad. She won't want to go unless she sees you. She keeps saying something about how you're always swimming?"

I have been swimming a lot lately and when I wasn't, Brittany always seemed to be working. Our schedules were always conflicting and we weren't able to hang out that much.

"Alright. Where are you?"

She gave me directions to the frat house that the party was at. Before I left, I told her my mom that I was staying at Colby's for the night. When I finally found a place to park, I walked in and it just looked like parties I had been to just with more people. It wasn't how I pictured a college party to look like but I suppose it made sense that it wasn't too different.

"Whoaaa, caliente! I haven't seen you around here before. What's your name?" Some creepy drunk guy yelled to me over the music as I started to walk around.

"Never going to happen!" I said, rolling my eyes.

I kept searching for Brittany. I went into every room, even venturing upstairs, and I still couldn't track her down. I was out of place in my sweatpants and swimming jacket but I was still regarded as a regular partygoer. I almost gave up on finding her before I felt a tap on my shoulder, I thought it was another creepy guy but it was a pretty girl with straight brunette hair.

She asked, "Santana?"

"Yes," I said, happy to know someone here. "You must be Shae? I've heard a lot about you."

"Yes! It's nice to meet the infamous Santana! You're definitely as pretty as Brittany says you are."

I bashfully laughed and followed her to the room Brittany was in. It was quieter in this one but I still felt the beat of the music from the main room. There were several other people in there. I finally saw Brittany, she still looked just as gorgeous as ever but she was really hyper and bouncing off the walls. She only had on a tank top and a pair of leggings. She saw that I had walked in and came running over. She started to kiss me and the guys in the room whistled, not exactly how I wanted her friends to meet me. I pushed her away and grabbed her shoulders to steady her.

"We should probably go back to your apartment."

"I just got here 3 hours ago!"

"Apparently it was 2 and a half more hours than you should have been here," I said under my breath.

"What?!" She didn't catch it; I was talking to low and too soft.

"Nothing, let's just go."

"Okay." She turned around and ambled over to say goodbye to everyone.

I turned to Shae and asked if she had taken her car here, she hadn't.

30 minutes later, we finally left. She clung to my arm as we walked back out to my car. Her sense of balance was completely shot along with any resemblance of the Brittany that I knew. I put her into my car and we headed over to her apartment. I reached into her purse, found her keys, and let ourselves in.

"Finally, we're alone!" She slurred. "It's been so long, Santana. And you're sooo pretty tonight."

She ran her hands down my arms and started to kiss me. I could still taste the alcohol on her breath. I pulled away for the second time tonight and led her to her room. I was getting angry at this point. I looked through her closet and threw some clothes at her and told her to change and brush her teeth.

"I know, Santana. You're not my mom!"

She came out of the bathroom a few minutes later and jumped on her bed. She patted the side next to me and wanted me to lay down next to her. She went pee which helped but she was still drunk. At least she could walk fine. She leaned over and kissed me roughly on the mouth. I weakly kissed her back as she shifted herself over my body. Her hands were roaming around my body. She felt up my shirt and grabbed my boob. I stopped her and she protested.

"Santana, we've been together for almost five months and I know we both like each other so much. Let's just have sex right now."

"No. You're fucking drunk and that's not how I'm going to experience my first time with you. I know that you won't remember much in the morning and if we did that and you didn't remember what it was like, it would break my heart. Just get some sleep and we'll talk about it in the morning."

"No, I want to right now. You're hot."

"I don't want to, Brittany."

"Why not?!" She yelled.

"I already told you, you're drunk and it's not going to be fun for either of us. Besides, I have a lot going on right now."

"A lot going on?! Like what?" She asked rhetorically. "It must really suck to be so smart! It must really suck to be one of the best swimmers in the country! And you don't even have to make time for me! God, your life must be sooo hard!"

"You don't even know how hard everything is for me! It's not like I just sit around and it happens. I am trying so hard for everything. I'm under so much pressure right now and I really do miss you!" I screamed back at her.

She yelled back and we fought and screamed at each other for several more minutes before I finally had it.

"Look, I'm not going to fight with you anymore. Go to sleep," I said, closing the door to her room. I heard her yell something back but I couldn't tell what she said.

I grabbed blankets from the hall closet and slept on the couch. I woke up around 9 the next morning. I knew I had to be at church in a couple hours or I would be in deep trouble. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth with the toothbrush that I kept at her house.

After finishing up in the bathroom, I went to the kitchen. I started some coffee. When it was done, I fixed a cup just like she likes it; two spoonfuls of sugar and a bunch of creamer. I also poured a glass of water and found a few Tylenol and went to her room, she was just waking up. I gave her the Tylenol and water and then the coffee.

She tasted the coffee and barely smiled. "I am literally the worst girlfriend ever. And you're the best girlfriend ever. Why?"

I shrugged.

"Are you mad at me, Santana?"

I sighed. "Yeah. I am."

"Then why are you being so great?"

"Because I care about you so, so much. You really screwed with me last night with our fight. Obviously from last night, I know you don't think so but I really do have a lot going on right now. I would just expect you to not put even more pressure on me."

"I'm so sorry, Santana. When I went to the party, I wasn't planning on drinking any but I missed you so much. You've been so busy. Ever since you came out to your parents, I've only seen you three times and once was at the Chinese restaurant."

"So you got drunk? If you wanted to so badly, why haven't you talked to me about this? About all this? About sex?"

I had to get it out there. I didn't have the time of the patience to beat around the bush

Brittany rubbed the sides of her head and ruffled her eyebrows. "What exactly did I say? I don't remember the whole conversation just that I tried to take all your clothes off and then we started yelling."

"You don't even remember what happened, what you said?" I asked, feeling anger wash over me. "I can't deal with this right now. I have to leave, I have church. And I have the biggest moment of my year in less than five days. I need to prepare. Call me when you figure it out. Bye."

I got up from her bed and walked out if the room.

"Santana! Wait!"

I ignored her and closed the door to her apartment. Maybe I was overreacting but I didn't care. I got in my car and drove around. I didn't want to go home and face my parents. There was extra tension in the house whenever I did anything, whenever I went anywhere. Even though I said that I was going to Colby's, I'm certain they knew the truth, they had to. I drove all over, screaming to the radio blasting overplayed pop songs.

I couldn't think clearly with the zillions of thoughts running through my head. I didn't know what I wanted, I didn't know what she wanted, I certainly didn't know what my parents wanted. For one of the first times of my life, I had no plan. I had no idea what I should do to make things better. I was scared. But I couldn't be. This will all pass right? It had to. No, it has to.

Ouch.. :/

Thanks for reading!...And catching my mistakes ;)