A/N: once again. sorry for the delay, such is life :) Reviews make me smile :) Hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

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"Jane, I can explain,"

"There's nothing to explain Lisbon," throwing her casual smile.

"Don't do that," Lisbon said, a little more fierceness in her voice and as she closed the gap between them.

"Do what?" he could sense her rising anger at his casualness towards it all and he bit his bottom lip, saddened by the events that were about to take place.

"Turn around and look at me,"

With a sigh, Jane turned around. Sadness, guilt, fear, and anger were all the emotions that played across her face, her feet were firmly planted to the ground with her hands balled up in fists on either side of her.

"It's not what you think," she choked out.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me-"

"YES, yes I do," Lisbon grabbed his hand that he waved at her and held it tight. "Sunday night and I still hadn't heard from you, I was a wreck. I thought I had seriously screwed up our friendship up or whatever it was we had, I just...I needed something. And Walter called, and he asked me to dinner..and.."

Jane smiled sadly softly and put his hands on Lisbon's shoulders. "Lisbon, you slept with Walter, it's fine,"

She flinched at the use of her last name. "You aren't...mad?"

Jane shrugged his shoulders. "I had my suspicions when I smelled aftershave in your hair on Monday, and then all the texts and phone calls..when you ignored them, your eyes would widen and your body tensed,"

Her shoulders slumped in defeat. "I don't know what to say,"

"Then let me talk. This, this has opened my eyes,"

Lisbon's head raised and her heart started racing, this wasn't sounding good. She felt the the tears threatening to spill as she saw the conflict in Jane's eyes even as he tried to put on the easy going face with his charming smile.

Jane sighed as his hands dropped down to hold hers, his thumbs running over her knuckles, a nervous tick. "You...you deserve better than me," he couldn't even look at her as he spoke.

"No,"

He was surprised at how forceful her voice was as she pulled her hands away and stepped closer to him, her hands cupping his face to make him look up at her. "Don't. Don't do this Jane," she whispered, as a tear slipped from her eye.

"You don't deserve to be looking over your shoulder to see if Red John is there. You don't deserve someone as damaged as me, Teresa. I'm being selfish by keeping you with me," he wanted to sound more sure, but her confidence in the matter took him by the surprise and now he was back to being unsure of what to do.

"Selfish? You said if I wasn't scared, you weren't scared,"

"I lied,"

"Listen to me Patrick. You poured your heart out to me last night, now it's my turn. I need you. You said last year some would ask why I keep you around and yes, we close cases. But also because I care about you. You are just as damaged as I am, so to hell with that excuse. You say I deserve better, I say you deserve better, I'm the one that slept with someone else,"

"Don't beat yourself up about-"

"Just shut up and listen, okay? No, we had no clarification as to what we were but, we both know we belong with each other. As much as you annoy me, and frustrate me, and make me want to pull out my gun and shoot you, you are the only person I don't have to explain myself to and you don't have to tell me your story and that makes us both feel safe. Don't...don't give this up because YOU are scared, because THAT is selfish,"

Jane swallowed hard and stared into her fiery green eyes. He wasn't expecting her to be this prepared on the matter. Hoping the effects the effects of the whole Mashburn secret coming out would make her slow to respond. "He hurts, everyone I care about. I can't...I can't bear the thought if..if something happened to you. I can't..I couldn't live with myself,"

Then feeling bold and confident with having silenced the never without words Patrick Jane, Lisbon took it all a step further. "Do you love me, Patrick?"

Jane's eyes widened at the question, thinking his heart would burst out of his chest right there at the rate it was beating. He did not see that coming, he actually saw this conversation going quiet differently then how it was playing out. His silence contradicted what Lisbon saw in his eyes, so she continued with her speech.

"Damnit Patrick, fight for me," Lisbon didn't have the courage to rejoice in the fact, but needed it to plead with him to stay with her. "Don't let Red John win, don't let your selfishness win, or my poor choices. We can do this. I'm here, alive, wanting you, don't throw this away,"

His shields were falling. He had intended to kiss Lisbon on the cheek, tell her to be happy with Mashburn and to not think twice about him. But now, she had gotten him to admit his love for her and every word she spoke, intertwined their fate further as he felt himself unable to walk away from her. His hands slid around her waist as he felt himself unwinding, he pulled her close and buried his face in her hair. "I don't wanna loose you, Teresa," he whispered into her neck.

Lisbon wrapped her arms around his neck, "I'm not going anywhere," she whispered against his ear. "I'm sorry Patrick, I'm so sorry about Mashburn, I should of waited-"

"Shh," pulling back, Jane cupped her face in his hands. "All is forgotten,"

Lisbon closed her eyes and leaned into touch. "Promise me something, Jane,"

"Depends?"

"Promise you won't back out? Unless, you know, we break up over normal things. I don't want to wake up one morning and you be gone,"

Jane could sense the fear in her voice and his heart broke a little that she fear that he would just up and leave her. "I have a feeling you are going to be stuck with me for a while, babe,"

Lisbon smiled at the endearment and shook her head. "Well, good,"

Jane leaned forward and placed a small kiss on her lips, pulling back just as she started to, knowing that PDA at work was probably a big "no, no" in her book, especially when they were supposed to be hiding it from everyone

Lisbon pressed her lips together, bringing her hands down to rest against his chest. "I should probably get back down stairs,"

"Okay, I'll be down in a bit," he whispered, kissing the faded bruise on her forehead.

"'Mmkay," she said quietly pulling away. Jane let his hand trail down her arm and to her hand as she pulled away, giving her a hand a squeeze before her touch was lost on him.

"Oh, hey, question," he asked, just as she reached the door.

Lisbon turned around, hands in her pocket, eyebrows arched, "Yea?"

"Do you love me?"

Color rushed to Lisbon's face as she smiled, biting her bottom lip she looked down at the floor, scuffing her shoe against some invisible mark on the floor. Flashing him a smile, she slipped out the door.

Jane smiled. It was one of the things, she didn't have to say, but he knew. And he knew that she knew that he loved her and that it was just maybe too early for him to vocalize it yet. "Well, that's just rude not to answer," he called out teasingly, knowing she could hear him.

Each day they spent side by side. At work they remained professional and distant, with an occasional brush or two here and there on Jane's accord. He still lounged about around the office, said asinine things, schemed stupid plans that left Lisbon cleaning up the fall out. But at the end of the day, they parted ways, only to meet at Lisbon's apartment. Most days Jane wouldn't let her get out of the car before he was on her. It was just too much, for him, being around her all day in close quarters, but yet having to maintain a distance.

When Lisbon posed the question one evening about Rigsby possible knowing, Jane let out a hearty chuckle as he stirred the contents of his pot on the stove. "I'm keeping tabs on everyone's thoughts dear, no worries, especially from Rigsby," was his reply.

Most evenings they found themselves snuggled up on the couch, watching a movie or on some horizontal surface, sometimes vertical, in her apartment going at it. The joys of a new founded love.

On this day though, love was the last thing on Lisbon's mind.

The day had been going fine. They were at a dead end on case, exhausting all leads, so slightly frustrated and feeling a headache coming on, Lisbon had already downed 3 cups of coffee. Eyes rolling at the "tsk, tsk" that Jane put out every time she came back to her office with another cup.

"If you don't like you can find another couch to sleep on I'm sure," she snapped, sinking into her chair.

"Cranky. And I thought last night was good for you too, it at least sounded-"

"Jane! Shut up!" Lisbon throw her pen at him, a little harder than necessary, but she didn't care and smirked a little when Jane let out a small yelp.

"Geez," Jane winced, rubbing his forehead where the pen had bounced off.

Smiling, Lisbon shook her head and went back to her paperwork, when suddenly she felt her stomach tighten up and an all too familiar feeling rise in her throat.

"You okay?" Jane asked, eyeing Lisbon as he watched her face go from beautifully white to sickly pale in just a matter of seconds.

"I...I ..don't feel," Lisbon yanked her bucket over from the side of her desk and emptied the contents of her stomach in it.

"Whoah, hey," Jane jumped up and hurried over to Lisbon, quickly catching up her hair that she had haphazardly tossed back. "It's okay," he murmured rubbing her back.

"What the hell?" she gasped.

"Van Pelt!" Jane yelled.

"Boss, you ok?" Grace asked, hurrying over to Lisbon's side.

"I'm fine,"

"Does this look fine, Lisbon?" Jane questioned, gesturing with his hand at the container that held her morning breakfast.

Lisbon groaned as she leaned over, her arms wrapped around her stomach. "It's probably just a bug,"

"Just a bug? You were fine last night," Jane said, without thinking, keeping his eyes averted from Grace's curious look as Lisbon pretended she hadn't heard him.

"I can run you over to the hospital real quick," Grace offered.

"No, I'm fine...I just..water, please, Jane?"

Jane handed his hold on her hair over to Grace as he scooted out of the room.

"So, just all of the sudden?" Grace asked, her mind mulling over all the possibilities silently in her head.

"Yeah, really weird," her throat was dry, she just wanted something to drink and the this taste out of her mouth. "My coffee did taste off though,"

"Hmm..maybe the cream was bad?" Grace offered.

"Maybe," Lisbon said, "Oh, oh god," before leaning over the waste basket again.

Jane was busy retrieving the water when Rigsby came up behind him, preparing a cup of coffee. "Boss, is sick, huh?"

"Appears that way," Jane mumbled, searching for a bottle of water in the fridge.

"Just use tap,"

"She likes bottled,"

"Kind of all the sudden though, she was fine this morning,"

Jane grunted as he spotted a bottle all the way in the back.

"Maybe she's pregnant,"

Jane dropped the bottle he held in his hands as Rigsby jumped at the clattering noise. He felt slightly dizzy himself now.

"Hey, you ok?"

"Yea, yeah," was all Jane could say.

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a/n: the ending to this chapter, is basically a set up to the next chapter. (which is a big one!) so, don't let your mind wander to the obvious :)