There's just a tad bit of swimming in this chapter and Santana swims a 500 free (What?! I thought swim season was over!) which requires a lap counter. A lap counter in a swim meet is a person (often a teammate) who sits at the opposite side of the swimming pool with a plastic counter that can be flipped to express different helps the swimmer keep track of which lap they are on in longer events. Every lap, as the swimmer nears that end of the pool, the person lap counting puts the counter into the water before the flip turn. The count goes up by two from the first lap. (ie. 1, 3, 5,...) because the swimmer has done two lengths of the pool.
In the 500 free, a total of 20 laps is swam. On lap number 19, instead of turning the counter to 19, it will be turned to all red. This indicates to the swimmer that he/she only has one more length of the pool to swim after the flip turn.
Also, there's a trigger warning in this chapter. Many of you probably guessed it! If you're unsure, please PM me and I'll be more than happy to tell you.
Alright, enough blabbing. Dive in!
"Is it alright if we see my grandma before heading back to Lima, Santana?" Brittany confirmed with me, even though I knew her mind was already made up.
"Of course," I answered. "Is she in a home?"
Brittany nodded. "It's a nursing home but there's also small apartment-like places on the upper floors for less-dependent people, like my grandma. It's about 15 minutes away and I think that's just about when her Scrabble group meets."
"Are you really close with her?"
"Very. I used to be at her house almost every day growing up. She's really emotionally strong woman. My grandpa died when my mom was only 16 and since my mom was the youngest kid, she was out a few years later. Once Mom was gone, Grams devoted her life to the church and volunteering. She never did find another man, I guess Jesus was her man after Gramps."
"The Church?" I questioned, suddenly really curious.
"Mhmm. She's a devout Methodist." I knew Brittany had a semi-religious upbringing, not as extensive as my Catholic upbringing but it was there, nonetheless. Brittany herself was raised Methodist but not nearly as hardcore as I had been raised Catholic. Now, as an adult, she wasn't exactly sure where she stood on religion. She said she was a "curious-agnostic." It's never been a problem between us though. I talk a big talk about some things and I judge people about a lot of things but religion was never one of them. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about religion.
"Does she know about you and...women?"
Brittany shrugged. "I've never exactly told her in so many words. She's the kindest woman alive but I'm afraid of her reaction. You know? She was so in with the church and their practices. However, I do remember times where she told me she disagreed with some of the things they taught and what they said. I know I tell you all the time that know people who really care about you wouldn't care if you were straight or not but she's different."
"There's an exception to every rule," I agreed. "I still go to church every weekend and most Catholics are definitely not cool with the homos. Granted, at times it feels weird..." I trailed off. "But if you've never told her differently, she'd never have a reason to not think you're straight."
"Well, she met Lindsay a few years ago. And although Lindsay respected that she didn't know, she made an offhand comment alluding to our relationship and I'm not sure if Grams caught it."
"What did Lindsay say?" This 'Lindsay' was still a mystery to me. Of course, I was speculating about her but I still wasn't sure.
"Grams said something like 'Lindsay, a girl like you must have boys lining up to date you. Do you have a special guy?' Lindsay is so charming and everyone thought she was a real catch. Lindsay laughed and said 'Well no, not any guys...' and then glanced at me for a little too long. She didn't mean to. Well, I think she didn't. You never did know with Lindsay."
"Lindsay seems like a hoot," I said flatly. "Has she asked you about it since?"
"Not anymore. She asks me 'How is your dating life, Britty?' and I just say 'Grams, if I get engaged, I'll make sure you're the first to know.' And it seems to suffice."
"'Britty'? That's adorable."
Brittany turned down a street and to a large building that looked similar to an apartment complex. Once we walked into the beautiful building, it no longer seemed like an apartment complex. It's a nice place; it's classy, like Brittany's family. There were an abundance of senior citizens ambling around with walkers, canes, or wheelchairs. Nurses walk back and forth, clearly with a destination in mind. Brittany lead me across the lobby. I looked around as we walked and saw common areas for all of the residents. There was a TV room, a room with a piano, a dining hall, and a room where a bunch of residents were mulling over a few puzzles. We stop at a set of elevators.
"This place is really nice," I said.
"It is. Grams is definitely all there in the mind, but she just wasn't able to take care of herself and her house like she used to after she broke a hip. My mom tried to convince Grams to stay at our house instead of coming here but she didn't want to cause a nuisance at our house, but she wouldn't have it. This is a way better place than our house anyway. She gets to be around all these people and make old people friends." Brittany lit up when she talked about her grandma. There was this love and bond that they shared and it was admirable and adorable at the same time.
"How long has she been here?"
The elevator dings and we walked in. Brittany pressed the '3' level, the highest level. "Umm, we moved her in the summer before I started college, so almost 4 years. She loves it here. My mom will come and take her out at least once a week and the nurses check on her twice a day. Plus, there's all these activities she can do here. They even have a pool in the basement where she does water aerobics."
Brittany led me down a hallway and we walked passed doors with cute decorations and name plates. We stopped at 'Room 321- Margaret Held.' Right as Brittany was about to knock on the door, she looked around, seeing an empty hallway, and planted a kiss on my cheek.
"By the way, do you mind just being my friend for this visit?"
I chuckled. "I got the memo earlier."
She squeezed my hand and lightly knocked on the door.
"Come in," a woman voice said from within the room.
Brittany opened the door to a very small apartment, if you could call it that. I would say it was just a bit bigger than most college dorm rooms. It was completely immaculate. On the far side was a twin size bed, perfectly made. A dresser and nightstand were placed on the very far wall, past the bed. On the right side of the room there was a door, which I presumed led to a bathroom, a sink, stove, microwave, and, and another door, which was most likely a closet. on the opposite side of the room, was a small couch and a little rocking-type chair. A cross graced the wall above the bed on the otherwise bare walls.
Her grandma was sitting in the chair with a pair of knitting needles and a ball of yarn that led to the ground. Her grandma looked like the stereotypical senior citizen. Her grey hair was perfectly styled in curls around her head, not any longer than the back of her neck. She was a petite woman. Her glasses were perched at the end of her nose and she was wearing a simple fitted cotton red shirt and jeans.
As soon as we walked in, she set her knitting aside and rose to greet us.
"Britty!" She exclaimed. Her voice was crisp and alert. "What a surprise! And on your birthday too! Happy birthday!" She was shorter than me so Brittany bent down so her grandma could wrap her arms around her in a hug and give her a kiss on the cheek.
"Of course, Grams. I wouldn't have missed seeing you! How are you?"
"I'm good. I was just knitting some pot holders for Loretta next door. She needed some."
"That's sweet of you, Grams. What happened to that scarf you were going to knit me?"
Her grandma chuckled. "I've knitted you a million scarves and you always end up losing them!"
"Scarves are just easy for me to lose," Brittany mumbled.
Her grandma shook her head as if to say What are we going to do with you, Britty? The she glanced at me before looking back at Brittany. "Where's your manners?" She joked. "Aren't you going to introduce me?"
"Oh, this is Santana, Grams. She came from Lima to spend the weekend here."
"Santana," her grandma repeated. "That's a beautiful name. You can call me Margaret, or Meg, or Grams, whichever you prefer." Margaret. I've always liked that name. But I felt comfortable enough to call her Grams.
"It's very nice to meet you, Grams." I smiled to her and she took my hand in a firm handshake.
After a little small talk and a birthday present from Grams, we went down to the bottom floor to play Scrabble with some of the other residents.
"Now, I usually play with my group over there," Grams explained, pointing to a few residents at a square card table. "But I'll go tell them that I'm going to play a few rounds with you. Maybe it'll give one of them a chance to win for once," she joked. Her wit more than surprised me, it was unexpected but refreshing at the same time.
After setting up and starting to play Scrabble, we started talking more.
"Britty, how was that birthday party last night?"
"Oh, it was good. I had a lot of fun and I got to see a lot of old friends."
They continued their dialogue about the party for a few minutes while we played our Scrabble game. Right as I drew two more Scrabble letters, Grams turned to me and said, "You're not very good at Scrabble are you?"
I looked back down at the word I just put down, 'Hop.' Then I glanced over to the score sheet that Brittany was taking and realized that I was far, far behind the two of them.
"I'm valedictorian and I can't even play Scrabble," I muttered under my breath before I blushed with a light chuckle and said to Grams, "I guess playing Scrabble with an English major..." I pointed to Brittany with my eyes and looked back towards Grams. "...and a weekly Scrabble connoisseur is not the best combination for my first time."
"Well, we can pause the game for awhile," Grams said. "Tell me about you, Santana. You're a very pretty girl. Where are you originally from?"
"I was born here in Ohio but my parents were both born in Mexico."
Grams seemed to be thinking for a few moments. "If I'm not mistaken, the majority of Mexicans are Catholics. If you don't mind me asking, are you religious?"
"Grams!" Brittany scolded.
"No," I assured Grams. "It's alright. And you are correct. My parents are strong Catholics so I was raised Catholic and I was confirmed a few years ago."
"I see... The Catholics are very similar to Methodists, kind of like cousins. Now, are you a staunch believer in everything that the Catholic church preaches?"
Rarely do I talk about religion or politics. It's usually unspoken in our house because it usually leads to fights that are unwanted. Religion has been a weird subject with me lately, anyway. My parents were still adamant that I attend church every weekend but somedays it was harder for me to go, knowing the Catholic church's views on homosexuality. I could never just stop though. It's been such a strong part of my life for so long and I still believed in God. It was just a lot harder to deal with the politics of it all now. Maybe I was being naive, since it is all I've ever known. I was confused to say the least.
At my silence, Grams added, "For instance, abortion or... homosexuality?"
In that instance, both Brittany and I knew that Grams knew. Brittany and I both tried to stifle our surprise.
I was caught completely off guard, too. "Um, you know... there's a lot of things that people have differing opinions on. I don't think that any organization or group should be able to tell women what to do with their own bodies, especially male authority figures. And, umm, the Church or the government shouldn't be able to tell people who they can love. The God that I was raised to know loves everyone, unconditionally, no matter who they are and what they've done."
Grams smiled, satisfied at my answer that turned out to sound more eloquent than I thought it would. Brittany still had a stunned expression on her face. I'm sure this is the last thing she thought we'd be talking about at Scrabble Time with Grams.
"People like to pick and choose which parts of the Bible they take seriously and which parts they ignore completely," Grams stated. "If we followed everything that the Bible said, we sure wouldn't be where we are today."
I nodded in agreement. Luckily, the conversation lightened and never readdressed. Nor was the fact that her Grams knew about the two of us. Yet it wasn't the elephant in the room, it was just like an unsaid truth. Except, I was still comfortable around here. It didn't make me feel awkward or more reserved.
Aside from her abrupt and forward beginnings, I came to really like Grams. She really captivated me with her words and her experiences. I could see exactly why she meant so much to Brittany. She was such a genuine person but she was quick-witted and intelligent. After about an hour and a half, Brittany reluctantly told Grams that we needed to head back. Grams led us to the door. Brittany gave her a giant hug and I followed suit.
"Keep an eye on Britty, Santana. It was very nice meeting you."
"Someone's gotta keep her in line!" I smiled. "It was nice meeting you too."
"Bye, Grams. See you soon," Brittany said.
Brittany planted a kiss on Grams' cheek and we left.
In the parking lot, when we were out of view from the front door, Brittany reached over and put her arm around my waist, pulling me closer.
"God, she totally knows," she giggled into my ear.
"I know," I confirmed. "She's sly."
"She likes you. More than my mom."
"At least someone does," I joked.
She kissed me lightly on the cheek and asked, "Santana, can you drive? It's my birthday." She cheekily grinned.
I laughed. "Yes, I'll drive."
Brittany directed me back to the freeway. From there I decided that I needed to confront her about Lindsay. These days in Canton had made it apparent that Lindsay was a big part of Brittany's life and had a huge impact on her. But it also made it apparent that I didn't know the full story nor did I know the anything more than the few sentences she said about her. It seemed like everyone knew this giant secret that I could only keep guessing about. I even had scenarios play through my head of what may have happened. The more I thought about it, the worse the scenarios got.
I took my hand off the steering wheel and put it on her thigh; she easily placed hers on top of mine and held it.
"Brittany?"
"Mhmm?"
"Look, I think you need to tell me about Lindsay. Like the whole story?"
Brittany sighed. I felt her grip on my hand loosen only slightly. I glanced at her. Her other hand was on her mouth, like she was thinking.
"Is this because of what my mom said?"
"Kind of. I, uh, I don't want you to be mad but I asked Matt about it too; when you were sleeping. He told me that it was something you should tell me."
"I told you…" She said almost defensively. She retracted and in a softer tone said, "We just dated in college and it ended kind of badly."
"Brittany." My voice sounded rigid and harsh. "We both know that you're not telling me the whole story."
I heard her sigh. "Yeah, you're right. I'm not."
I glanced back at her and then back at the road. She pressed her lips together.
"It was my first year at LU when I met her. She was a sophomore and basically the 'it girl' on campus. Everyone knew her from her stellar breakout performance at a freshman where she became one of the top 100 NCAA ranked tennis players. Besides that, she was gorgeous, smart, and very, very charismatic. You know Sara right?" Sara was one of Brittany's friends that I met a few times. I nodded.
Brittany continued, "Well Sara and I met at freshman orientation and then met up the first week of school. She also played tennis for LU and invited me to a party where I was introduced to Lindsay. There was an immediate attraction and we hit it off immediately. We became really close friends. She would try to come to all of the Dancing Bean things and I'd go to all of her tennis matches if I could. The close friendship that we had quickly grew into more. By the end of my first semester, we were dating and having sex." She glanced at me. "Do you want me to leave out small details?"
"No, I want to know everything."
"Dating Lindsay Graham was anything but easy. She didn't hide it, per se, but she didn't want to be some huge gay athlete symbol or anything so we never made a big deal about it. She barely acknowledged that we were even girlfriends because she was scared of the baggage that came with using that word. She was hot and I was intoxicated by her.
"The few people who knew about the kind of relationship we had thought it was so cute. And it was, on the outside. We seemed perfect. I would even go play tennis with Lindsay and some of the other tennis girls, just for fun and to be with her. I acted like everything was fine, trying not to believe that I was in such a toxic relationship, but we literally fought all the time. The fights were over the smallest of things but blew way out of proportions. A fight about where to go for dinner turned into a fight about how she thought I was in love with Shae or something outrageous like that. I loved her so much though, and I came back to her every single time. I know she did love me, there's no way she didn't but she realized that she could manipulate me. She would always be mad when we couldn't hang out. Then whenever she dipped out on plans, it was no big deal. She would get mad when I hung out with other friends."
She paused and I looked at her. I couldn't read the expression on her face. "Are you crying?" I asked.
She half heartedly laughed. "No. Just… It's weird to talk about this after so long."
"Britt, you don't have to."
"No, I do. You need to know. Uh, when the end of the year came around, we had this 'agreement' because she wanted to have sex with other people since we would be so far away from each other. She broke the terms in the agreement and it was a whole ordeal in itself. I forgave her of course. Then fast forward to the spring of my sophomore year and dozens of fights and arguments, she was a junior and she lost a conference match that could have set her back for nationals. I—I went with her to the parking lot to console her afterwards and then she… uh…" Brittany was stammering. "She hit me."
I gasped. Although Molly had basically told me that part, I was still just as surprised. And angry. No, more than angry. I was pissed and in shock. I had no idea who Lindsay was but any respect that she would ever have from me. You don't hit someone like Brittany. No matter how mad you are, no matter the circumstances, it doesn't happen. You don't hit Brittany or anyone else. I had no words, I couldn't say anything to Brittany.
It's a good thing that she didn't wait for me to say anything and continued, "I was trying to talk some sense into her and she wouldn't listen." Her voice grew wary. "I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I said 'Lindsay, this is double elimination. You can still win conference and make it to nationals.' She was spinning her racquet in her hand and she only does that when she's anxious or mad. So many unwanted tears fell down her face. She said 'Stop, Brittany because you don't even know!' I said, 'I'm tired of you acting like I'm stupid. I guess I'll never be good enough for Lindsay Graham! I mean, all you do is lie to me and cheat on me...' And I had more to say to her, I sure did. It was like a year and a half of pent up anger all coming out. But before I could say anything more, I saw her racquet twirl one last time before she raised it up and sliced it right through the air."
Brittany took a deep breath. "You know, it's weird. I knew her racquet hit me, I felt the sensation right below my shoulder but I could really feel it. I was stunned for, like, 15 seconds. And then the pain finally registered through my skin, muscles, and down to my bones."
Brittany's recollection of the incident was morbidly beautiful. It was so raw and so real. It was a good thing that I was driving so I had something else to focus on. If I had to take this on full force, I don't know if I could have been strong enough to hear it all.
"It ended up leaving a huge bruise and people could easily notice it." Her voice started to quiver. She took a few seconds to regroup. "But once I looked into her eyes and see the remorse, tears, and surprise of what she did, I knew it that moment I would forgive her. So I blamed it on a car door. Of course, she apologized profusely. I was naïve, she used her charm and manipulation and I... I was right, I did forgive her.
"We continued our relationship which just spiraled downhill really fast. She cheated on me more and just flat out treated me like shit. Except when we were in public, the suddenly I was her princess. Eventually though, by the end of the school year, about two months later, I came to my senses and broke it off with her for good. Ironically, it was a few days after she lost the national singles championship in the quarterfinals.
"That's kind of also why I stopped dancing for LU the next year. I was tired of all the parties and events that were required. All the athletes, cheerleaders, and dancers seemed to run in the same circle and she would have been everywhere. I wouldn't have been able to get over her if I had to be around her all the time. All she had to do was tell me she was sorry again and that she loved me and I would have gone back to her. I never did have the courage to tell anyone about her hitting me, except Sara, Shae, and Molly. But eventually my family found out."
"Brittany, I had no idea. I can't even begin to imagine what that must've been like. I'm so sorry."
"No, don't be sorry. It's not your fault, not at all."
"I just can't believe it. Did your parents ever meet her?"
"They met her at a few times when they came to Lima to visit and she stayed with me a few times over the summer we were together. Of course they loved her because she was so polite and respectful. Then they noticed a difference in me when I came home though. I was always stressed out. Lindsay would go crazy if I didn't text or call her like every freaking second. Matt knew about her hitting me because he guessed it. When I told the parents, my mom wanted to press charges; it's the lawyer in her, but it wasn't even worth it. I didn't take a picture of it or anything. There'd basically be no case, even for someone like my mom."
"Do you still talk to her?"
"She stayed at LU to get her Master's and I've seen her a few times around campus. She'll strike up a conversation, or she'll text me that it was great seeing me or something. She's so overbearing though, I feel like I have to talk to her just so she'll leave me alone. Her whole existence in my life was just a big learning experience. I'm able to read through people's lies and charm a lot easier and I can finally stand up for myself. I also, will never, ever, treat anyone the way she treated me. No one deserves that."
"I love you, Brittany. You are the strongest person I know. You've been through so much and I can't even imagine what it's been like. All of this just makes you stronger. I just want you to know that no matter what, I'm never ever going to do that."
She squeezed my hand and I could sense her smiling.
"That's a good thing. I'm pretty sure you're stronger than Lindsay." I admired her for trying to lighten the mood.
"Water is a lot more resistant than a tiny tennis ball," I confirmed. "Was it hard to finally move on?"
"Yeah at first but we all have to move on sometimes. And you know? All of this, I always wondered why I was the one going through it. I think I'm a pretty good person and I wondered why I got the eating disorder, why I got the abusive relationship. But I really believe in karma too and…" She didn't finish her sentence.
"And…?" I asked.
"I got you. So it's well worth it."
I grinned like a little kid. "I love you, Britt."
The rest of the ride home, we didn't talk about Lindsay anymore. I knew what I needed to know, whether I wanted to know or not. There was a part of me that was sad that she hadn't told me sooner but I realized that it takes incredible trust in someone to confide in them and tell them something like that. It wasn't easy for Brittany to tell me and it definitely wasn't easy for me to hear. Now that I do know though, it just makes me want to treat her how she deserves to be treated even more.
Brittany fell asleep towards the last fourth of the drive and my mind wandered yet again.
Thinking about the way that Lindsay treated Brittany honestly made me sick to my stomach. We don't have the perfect relationship, by any means. We argue and fight but they always help us in the end. We try to grow and learn from it. I couldn't fathom ever being violent. What kills me even more is that Brittany forgave her and that Brittany continued to go back to her, time after time. She has such a huge heart and I can only hope that she only knew that I do have enough love it fill it.
We got back to Lima at 8. I called my mom.
"Mom? Are you guys working?"
"Yeah, we'll be home in an hour or so. Did you have a good time?"
"Yes, a great time. I'll fill you in when you aren't so busy."
"Sounds great. Are you and Brittany doing well?"
"Um, yeah, we're good." I wondered what my mom was getting at. "When do you want me home?" I asked.
There was a few seconds of silence on the other end. "I want you to come home, get Brittany's birthday present off the table, and be at church for mass tomorrow."
Wait. Was my mom subtly telling me to stay the night with Brittany? On her own accord? Not mine? Wow. This was a historic first.
"Wait, what? Really?"
"Yes, don't make me regret it," she said hastily. "I don't want details. Tell Brittany happy birthday from us. I love you."
"Te quiero. Thanks."
"What's up, babe?" She asked.
"Uhh, she told me to go home, get your present from the table and be at church in the morning."
I watched as Brittany's smile spread across her face.
"Do you know what it is?" She asked looking at the present that we took from my house and was now sitting on her table.
"I have no idea."
"They really didn't have to."
"They wanted to!"
It was a pretty small box with an envelope, probably a card. She opened the card first. There was a handwritten note and a lottery ticket.
Brittany read out loud, "Brittany, instead of getting you a $3 card that you'd eventually throw away, we decided to get you a $3 lottery ticket that you'd actually have a chance to earn something. Have a great 22nd birthday! Signed Isabella, Jorge, and Ellie. Aww, that's such a good idea!"
She grabbed the box from the table and carefully unwrapped it. It was a candle; a really nice candle. She picked it up and read the label. "French Vanilla." She opened the lid and smelled the handle. "Mmm, my absolute favorite."
"I guess they knew that you love candles and vanilla. Maybe I talk about you just a little too much."
"They're so kind. That wasn't even necessary, letting me have you for my birthday was definitely enough."
"So, a great birthday?"
"A perfect birthday," she said, kissing my shoulder.
Brittany walked around to the kitchen and shuffled around. She came back a few seconds later with a lighter in her hand. She took the candle from the table and took my hand. On the way to her room, she turned off the main lights.
We floated into her room. She put the candle on her dresser, lit it, and then turned off the lights in the room. It was dark but not completely pitch black. I could see the outlines of every perfect feature on Brittany. I felt her come closer to me. Her hand grazed my cheek and I felt her fingers through my hair. Her other hand went to the small of my back and was steady and strong.
"Hey, Santana. Guess what?"
"What?" I said, stepping closer to her.
"It's my birthday," she whispered in my ear. It sent shivers all the way down my spine.
I closed the gap between Brittany and I and let our bodies collide against each other. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her as close as I could. She pressed her lips to mine. Every time she kissed me, it was a whole new experience. I felt something new every time, more excitement, emotion, more of everything. She ran her fingers through my hair again.
"You know, no one has ever made me feel that way, the way you made me feel a few weeks ago," I said.
Brittany was kissing my neck and pushing me towards her bed. "No one drives me as crazy as you do."
She was on top of me on her bed still kissing my neck. "And I'm sorry it was just me last time. I know I already told you but still," I was confessing to her through heavy breathing because of what she was doing to me. "I would have to you, if I knew how, I just.."
She stopped and looked down at to me. "Santana, don't worry. It was so nice for me. It was amazing actually."
My shirt was half off by now. "I just, I want to be able to make you feel like I did."
Brittany smiled. "I did feel it." She said it with such sincerity. "But if you insist... Try it."
She pulled my shirt completely off and I took off hers. It doesn't take very long until we're both naked. Suddenly, I had the urge to go for it. I leaned up, rolled Brittany around, and hovered over her. I pressed our bodies together and kissed her. She slightly spread her legs open and I pushed one of my legs in between and lowered my hips down on her. I put soft kisses all over her face, neck, and ears.
I work my way down her body, leaving a trail of kisses on her breasts and stomach until I'm in between her legs.
"I don't really know what I'm doing," I tell her while I put a hand on each side of her hips. "I'm just going to. Will you tell me if it hurts?"
"Yes. But I promise you'll know when it feels good," she panted. I could tell she was just dying for me to do it.
I knew what you're supposed to do but I was scared. I loved Brittany so much and all I wanted to do was make her feel the way she deserves. I kiss her center and feel her wetness. I open my mouth and gently let my tongue graze her. I let it slide between her and tasted Brittany. It was different than I thought, tangy almost, I didn't mind it. I liked it, I wanted to taste Brittany. I pushed my tongue further into her and gently squeezed her sides to get leverage.
As my tongue explored this newfound space, I closed my eyes and listened to Brittany's breathing. At first it was steady and then it became increasingly faster with my every movement. I realized that I was actually doing this correctly. I sucked and licked more, putting all of my feelings into her, and feeling it myself too.
"Santana.." She moaned. "Santana! D—don't stop." So I didn't.
Her panting quickened and her body tensed as I flicked my tongue even faster.
After one final push of my tongue, I felt her release. Brittany grabbed my hand. I took my tongue out and sucked on the most sensitive spot of her body while she caught her breath and came down from her high. I crawled back up to her and fell into her warm body.
Our mouths found each other, our tongues still excited and lively. Brittany moans something in my ear that drives me crazy, even though I couldn't even distinguish what she said. I roll off her and to the side. She put her hand on my arm and ran her fingers down the side.
Before I knew it, she was inside of me, pumping her hand in and out as she seemed to be able to find every spot to drive me crazy. She pushed me closer and closer to the brink, and all I could do is hold onto her. I felt her curl her fingers inside of me and push up against me. I was sent over the edge and I threw my head back in total pleasure.
She removed her fingers from me and sucked on them before putting her mouth on mine, kissing me with a little aggression. As soon as I recovered, I kissed her back even harder. After a few moments of our tongues having the most wonderful battle, she lightly bit my bottom lip and I pulled back. I smiled at her and she returned it with a even bigger smile.
"Are you sure you've never done this?" She whispered in my ear, still a little breathless.
I grinned, turned to face her, and cupped her cheek with my hand, just to feel its softness. She was so beautiful. Every time I look at her, I feel my heart exploding out of me.
"You are so freaking gorgeous," I tell her. "I love you so much, Brittany. Please, don't ever forget that."
She smiles. "I know you do. And I'll never forget. I can't ever forget. You've made me the happiest person in the world. I love you too."
I quickly fell asleep in Brittany's arms. I hadn't realized how tired I was until we were done.
I awoke to Brittany gently shaking me. She reminded me that I had mass to get to. She gave me coffee to wake up and offered me breakfast. I took a banana and a kiss before leaving.
"Someone's late…" Ellie teased and scooted over to let me in the pew.
"It hasn't even started yet!" I whispered sharply.
"Okay, you barely made it. How was the trip? How was her birthday? Her family?"
"GIRLS! SHH," my mom hissed.
I recollected all the memories from just the day before. Talking to Grams helped me realize that I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable in my own church. It should be a place where I can pray and talk to God about everything that I'm going through. Being gay and a Catholic isn't very common and it's hard to feel like I belong in the church. Every time I went, more and more people had discovered the truth about me. I had a strange paranoia, I felt as if there were people there that were uncomfortable in my presence; people who thought I didn't belong here.
"You drove here, Santana?" My mom asked me after mass.
"Yeah, if you guys don't mind, I'm just going to stay for a few more minutes, I need to... do some spiritual thinking"
My dad looked proud. "Certainly."
"You better fill me in immediately when you get home," Ellie whispered when she passed.
"I wouldn't have it any other way, Ellie. See you in a little."
I didn't stay too terribly long; just long enough for what I needed. I always thought about if I woke up one day, only having the things that I thanked God for the day before. It helped me to remember to always appreciate what I had.
I felt more cleansed and refreshed after and I departed from my spot and walked into the lobby.
"Hey Santana." It was Abigail, a junior who was in my youth group, I occasionally saw her at school. We weren't friends, she was so opinionated but was such a goody-two-shoes; even more so than Rachel Berry. I just didn't really like her personality. I knew she wasn't as good as she projected herself to be.
"Hi Abigail," I said, almost dismissing her greeting. I wasn't in the mood for her.
"You can call me Abby," she said. She was standing in front of the doors so I couldn't really just walk around her.
"That's alright, Abigail," I ignored her request.
"I didn't expect to see you here so late after mass."
"Perhaps even mere sinners like me need to get their prayer on sometimes," I mocked how I believed she perceived me. I already knew where this conversation was going.
"We're all sinners but it's really good of you to stay later. I didn't see you at youth group Wednesday night."
"I was at Jenna's, I wasn't aware we had youth group during spring break."
She slightly snuck her nose up; she was too good for parties. "Did you have fun?"
"If you mean did I get drunk, then no. But I did have fun."
She looked around. "Weren't you with your family?"
"Yeah, but we drove separately. I stayed at a friend's house last night."
"Who? Jenna? Colby? Brooke?"
"No but it's really none of your business."
"Who?" She pressed.
"Does it matter?" I almost yelled back.
"You know, Santana," she said, her voice calm. "You can think a girl is pretty but that doesn't mean you start a relationship with her. You're pretty, but I don't want to date you. Have you ever thought maybe it's a phase?"
"No," I said flatly. "I can honestly say that has never crossed my mind."
"It's against God's will, what you're doing. It's against His plan for you."
"So God specifically told you His plan for me?" I challenged her.
"Well, no, not exactly like that. But you and I both know what I mean."
"Actually I don't," I said before completely blowing my cool. "Listen here you Emma Stone-wannabe. First, you will never capture the complete Emma Stone look with roots like that. Second, you don't know anything about me. And third, you're honestly acting like you know nothing about God or Jesus. My whole life, God had taught me to love everyone, equally, for who they are. 'Love thy neighbor as thyself.' From what I know, God created us all differently; we were all special in His eyes. He created me individually to be like no other person on this planet. He created me to be like this. This is His plan for me."
"Just because we're all special doesn't make doing something wrong right. Does that make a murderer a good man?" She asked, fixing her hair at my roots comment.
My jaw dropped slightly. "You did not just compare me with a murderer. My sexuality doesn't make me a different person or a bad person. No one follows the Bible verse for verse, there are so many different contextual meanings that it could have, we'll never know." I could feel my temper rising even further and the vein in my forehead that shows when I get angry. "But for future reference, there are murderers who find themselves through Christ in jail. Are you familiar with Karla Faye Tucker?"
She stared at me blankly.
"I figured," I said, satisfied with stooping her. "She was a murderer and was sentenced to the death penalty. She became a Christian during her incarceration and when the injection was being administered, she praised Jesus." I saw that on her face that she thought I was rambling so I wrapped up. Just to keep her on her toes, I said, "I don't know how you never heard of her, it was highly publicized in the late 1990's... But I digress."
"Oh, yeah. Because everyone is familiar with woman murderer trials from the 90's," she said, dismissing the topic. But it didn't stop her from going on. "You know, you used to be someone who I looked up to. I wanted to be like you. No matter what you said to people, even if you were being mean, everyone still loved you and you were so popular. You seemed perfect. Now, I want nothing less than to be like you. Yeah, it's cool that you can swim fast and be smart but you're not the same person that you were."
I snorted a laugh in astonishment. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Really? You want to tell me who I am? Because you know me so well," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. If we weren't in church, I was pretty sure my words would be a lot harsher. "I'm the same freaking person I was a year ago, I'm just a lot happier. Maybe I'm trying to reconnect with God right now because of different things in my life. At least I'm trying and I'm here. Isn't that what matters? I came here for myself. I didn't come here to listen to the ramblings of close minded people who feel the need to criticize anyone who is different and anyone who decides they want people to know them for who they really are."
"You want them to know the truth? Even if it's against their morals? Even if they don't believe in what you think? Even when it makes them uncomfortable?" Her voice was cracking.
"If telling the truth makes me a bad person, Abigail, then I'll be the worst person on Earth. At least I'm not the one lying to myself and to everyone else. The only person who will know I'm telling the truth, the only one who matters, it's God. And that's all I care about."
She didn't know what else to say. I smirked and nodded at her, walking towards the door. Right before I walked out, I turned back around. "Remember in Leviticus how it says a man should not lie with a man as he lies with a woman? The verse where everyone stems their religious prejudice against homosexuals?" Abigail nodded. I continued, "Leviticus also says that getting tattoos is a sin. Do you care to show me that one that you so proudly got of...a cross if I remember correctly. Oops, that might be the pot calling the kettle black just a tad bit." I researched exhaustively on these topics before coming out to my parents. I knew they would make a big deal about homosexuality and religion so I made sure to be prepared. And I never forgot it. I couldn't.
Abby was left stunned and all I could just feel her cross tattoo on her hip mocking her. I didn't say anymore to her and walked out of the church feeling both relieved and sad. I felt a little bad for being so rude to her but then again, it's not like she tried to see it through my eyes. I just went with my gut. I really believed everything that I told Abby, I backed myself 100% and I felt good about myself. I may not be certain on where I stood with God and my feelings about religion but I sure wanted to make sure that I knew my stuff. This wasn't the first time that I'd be confronted like this and it surely wouldn't be the last.
I saw a familiar face walk up to me the morning before class started; Kyle. We had become pretty good friends by now. We didn't talk everyday but when we were around each other, we always had a good conversation.
"Hey, are you going to prom?" He asked nonchalantly.
Prom. With everything happening around me, I even forgot prom was happening.
I told him, "I haven't been asked yet."
"Okay. I'm only asking you because I have a friend who wants to go with you."
"Do they know I have a girlfriend? And that prom is in like a month?"
"Yeah, but he thinks you're really cool and wants someone who likes to dance."
"Alright whatever," I said, skeptically.
"Just trust me…" With that, he took off.
I mentally went through a list of people in my head and I couldn't think of anyone. By this time, most people had prom dates. I wasn't even planning on going to prom. All of my friends were going and yeah, it did seem like a rite of passage to go to your senior prom but I wasn't excited about it. Ever since I started dating Brittany, things like this didn't excite me anymore. I selfishly wished that the guy Kyle was talking about wasn't weird. Prom was such a hassle, too. I remembered going last year with Puck and it's fun but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Not only that but the whole process of getting a dress and jewelry is exhausting! I love shopping as much as the next girl but prom dress shopping is just so hard. The dress has to be perfect and the shoes have to be perfect. Then again, it is nice to feel beautiful and perfect for a one night. And who knows, maybe it'd turn out better than I thought.
Later on that day, I was in class doodling on my notes, when Coach Sylvester came over the intercom. She was announcing prom court. To my surprise, I was nominated for Queen. I had to admit though, it made me excited to be nominated.
I had to push all these prom thoughts to the back of my mind and went to practice after school.
"Hey, Santana, come here," the club coach, Coach Langley said before I jumped in.
"Yeah, what's up?"
"I talked with your parents and they said you were free this Saturday so I signed you up for the recreation meet."
I snorted. "Why?" And with a chuckle, said, "I haven't swam in a rec meet since... 2009?"
He shrugged. "Actually, maybe 2008. But it's just a dual and it's our rival—"
"The Columbus Crusaders," I finished his sentence. The rivalry was intense between us. As soon as I knew that, I was okay with swimming in the meet and giving up my Saturday. I'd give up a lot to show those Crusaders who's the real premier club swim team in Ohio.
He nodded. "And four of our best swimmers will be gone and we need the points. Quinn will be there too."
"What am I in?" I asked before putting my goggles over my eyes.
"The 500 free, the 200 back, 50 free, and a relay." Although the 200 back isn't an event in high school, it is in USA swimming and it was easily one of my favorites.
"500 and the 50?" I rhetorically asked. "Santana Lopez-The definition of versatility." I winked at Langley.
He chuckled. "Get in!"
I smirked and dove in.
That Saturday, I went to the swim meet. Luckily it was hosted here so it wasn't that big of a deal. I wasn't really focused on my times because I knew I would win. I know that sounds conceited but there was just no way that anyone here at this meet was faster than me. So I don't worry too much about it. I just wanted to kick Crusader's ass. We clearly had the meet in our hands form the very first event, I was not worried at all.
Quinn walked over to me a few heats before my 500. "Hey, Santana, I'm going to lap count for you in the 500."
"Thanks. Don't screw me up."
"Oh, I will," she nodded. "I'll make you swim an extra 50."
"Oh my gosh!" I laughed. "Remember when Leah did that? I totally remember putting fown the red!"
She laughed. "She's such a ditz."
I stepped up on the blocks, in lane 4, and dove off to start my 500. I already swam backstroke, Quinn swam the 100 back so we weren't against each other and we both easily won. The 50 free was a breeze too.
I swam a fast first 100 and then went easy on the middle 200. It's not really how you're supposed to do it. You're supposed to build from your first but I was a little tired anyway. Then on the last 150, I took it out again. I wasn't paying much attention to Quinn's lap counting and I think I was on my last 50, I wasn't sure. I had already lapped my competition once and I was close to lapping them again so swimming even faster was the last thing on my mind.
As I swim to the far wall, I look for the red on the counter and it's not there. I squint through my goggles. I think the counter says "Prom?" I was really confused. I assume that also means that I'm on my last lap but I'm still not sure. I just assume that I'm done and I sprint quickly back to the finish. I tap the touchpad and glance at the time, not my best but I was a lot more intrigued by what just happened.
I take off my goggles and squinted down to the far end of the lane. It's Quinn standing with Kyle. I smile and hop out of the pool. I trot down the side of the pool where they meet me. Despite the fact that there were still swimmers finishing up their last few laps, the whole meet seemed to stop to hear my answer.
"Kyle," I said as I approached them. "Quinn... I'll have you both know that because of these shenanigans, I almost pulled a Leah and swam an extra 50! But, I have to admit, that was adorable. Of course I'll go to prom with you!" I threw my arms around him and give him a huge hug. Simultaneously, the last swimmer touches in and everyone around us claps. Who knows if it was for us or for the race? Either way, it was pretty cool.
"Thanks," Kyle said sarcastically while assessing the water that soaked into his clothing.
"You're so sweet, Kyle," I told him.
"What can I say? I'm amazing."
"Kyle came to me about this weeks ago," Quinn said.
"Yeah," Kyle confirmed. "Quinn totally helped me come up with this and she even talked to your coach about this meet."
"Well, I think getting my prom on with you is worth the Saturday I spent here. You're the best. I'm so excited!"
"Me too!" He said before I hugged him again, just to make him even more soaked.
"Awww, that is so sweet. Are you excited?" Brittany asked on a quick coffee date a few days after Kyle asked me, I had to be at work soon.
"Yes, I am. I think I'm going dress shopping this weekend with Ellie. Are you okay with it? With me going?"
"Santana, you've asked me this like a million times, yes I'm okay with it! I really want you to enjoy your senior year and your prom. You only get a few chances to go all out. Besides, you're nominated for Prom Queen. That's a big freaking deal!" She smiled and put a strand of hair behind my ear. Her hand lingered on my cheek, I felt my heart jump. "And I know that you're all mine."
"I'm pretty sure that piece wasn't loose."
"Yeah, I know, I just wanted an excuse to touch you. Can I go that walk-in thing?" This year, Principal Figgins was introducing a new tradition at McKinley. A lot of other schools had it but we never did it. It's called 'walk-in'. It's honestly just what it sounds like. All the prom couples walk-in. Last year, there were a lot of complaints because parents were taking pictures of the couples at the doors of prom and the line to get in was getting backed up. Walk-in supposedly eliminated that problem. The couples would just walk down the designated path, I think it was even going to be like a red carpet. The parents and family line up on the side to watch and take pictures. It was a cool idea, everyone can see everyone this way.
"I would die if you weren't there."
"Well, we wouldn't want that now, would we?"
"Of course not." I leaned over in kissed her. "Because if I was dead, we couldn't make out in the back booths of coffee shops."
She smiled, looked around to make sure there wasn't anyone watching, and kissed me again. I couldn't help but smile through the whole kiss.
In regards to the whole religion plot in this. I don't want to offend anyone or make anyone uncomfortable. I knew that I touched on it when Santana came out and it's a follow up. I also kind of had to write it to deal with some things going on with myself right now. Please don't take it as anything personal, like Santana says, "everyone is entitled to their own opinions when it come to religion"-or lack thereof. No judgments here.
Thank you for the reviews from the last chapter! I get so happy reading them! Anyway, a lot happened in this chapter! What do you think of Grams? Of Lindsay? Of Santana's prom-posal?!
As always, thanks for reading!