They told me to be the girl I used to be…

I told them she died a long time ago…

Izzy

He caught my wrist and pulled me back against him. "where do you think you're going?"

"I have to go help Kim get ready. Maid of honor remember."

"tell Kim I hate her."

"why?"

Because I just got you back, and she's taking you away from me."

"Aww, don't worry about it honey, I'll be back later. I'm sure you will survive for a day." I pecked him on the cheek and ran out the door to where Anna was waiting.

When we got to Kim's parents she was jumping up and singing 'i'm getting married!'

"Kim, sit still. we need to do your hair."

"sorry i'm just so excited."

"and that's fair enough but you will get angry at us if your hair is a mess. I don't want to get the blame for something that is your fault."

"okay, okay." We got her hair and makeup done without any worries, now we just had to wait on the dress which Emily was bringing over. Emily hadn't been feeling too well lately so Rachael had taken over my bridesmaid duties, while I had been bumped up to maid of honor.

"thank god you're here Emily. She's driving me insane."

"glad to help. Now lets get this beautiful bride into her dress." Kim's dress was simple and elegant. It was an ivory halter neck dress that went half way down her thighs. it was a light silk and flowed off her curves beautifully. When she was ready she looked gorgeous.

"Jared's going to love it." she was admiring herself in the mirror.

"of course he will Kim. You look so beautiful. And sorry I had to drop the maid of honor role." Emily said smiling brightly at Kim. Kim rushed to Emily and pulled her into a tight hug.

"group hug time." Rachael yelled and we all surrounded her. The wolf girls plus Anna, altogether again.

"come on guys time to go." I said trying to make sure they got into the car. I did a quick visual to make sure Kim was still looking perfect. When I was satisfied I gave her a pair of flip flops to wear till we got to the beach. The wedding was beautiful, as soon as Kim got to the end of the isle Jared crushed her to him and started making out with her.

I had to go forward and break them up. At the reception Jared and Kim's first dance was funny, because Jared was obviously counting the beats and Kim was looking bored until she took the lead. I had to dance with Sam first (customary maid of honor, best man dance.) while Rachael was dancing with Paul. Sam seemed distracted as he was looking for someone behind me.

"its okay Sam, go to her."

"what?"

"go to Emily."

"I dont want to ditch you halfway through a dance."

"hey, she's your imprint. I don't mind anyway i'm sure Embry will pounce the second you let go."

"your probably right."

"no I am right. Its fine. Go find your wife."

"thanks." He kissed me on the cheek and went to find Emily. When I turned around I found Embry standing there with his hand stretched out. I smiled and grabbed his hand, he gently pulled me against his chest and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"you look … wow." I smiled against his chest.

"thanks."

"I hope our wedding will be alot like this."

"our wedding?" I had thought about several times, but I didn't know he had.

"yeah, I want it to be relaxed, small, family and close friends only."

"that sounds… perfect." We kept dancing until it was time for food. All the girls were left standing on the dance floor looking confused. All the wolf girls started laughing.

"Izzy?"

"Nessie?"

"yeah its me."

"oh my god hi! How are you?"

"i'm good. enjoying married life, hating Atlanta, you know."

"yeah, why did you have to move?"

"people were starting to notice that my family weren't ageing.

"Aww that sucks."

"yeah, but you moving sucks too."

"I know."

"Embry is awful without you. it hurt us to see him like that. He's so… lost."

"what do you mean he's awful without me?"

"well he wouldn't talk to anyone except you when you called, and he wouldn't eat. He wouldn't leave his house. On several occasions Jake and Quil had to go and drag him out of the house. It killed Jake to leave him like that. He was going to stay but my parents wouldn't let me stay with him." I was shocked. I knew it was bad for me, I had no idea he was the same though.

"Izzy, get some food. You're just skin and bones."

"Yeah thanks Nessie." I smiled weakly. I had thought that he looked skinnier when I got back.

"Here babe, I got you some food." Embry was all smiles when he gave me a plate loaded with everything.

"thanks." I said barely louder than a whisper. We sat down at a table and ate in silence, well I ate he inhaled.

"You have the last of this, i'm not very hungry."

"You've hardly touched it. What's wrong?"

"nothing."

"tell me, I know your lying."

"nothings wrong Embry just drop it okay." He stood up and dragged me out of the hall and outside. He stopped next to the wall crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows.

"its nothing. Lets go back inside." I went to leave but Embry put his arm out to stop me.

"tell me what's going on?"

"just leave it alone Embry!" I shouted. My body didn't agree with the sudden rush of oxygen and the empty stomach. My head started spinning and I collapsed.

"Izzy, what's going on with you? are you alright? Tell me baby." He bent down in front of me and grabbed my face in his large warm hands. He looked worried.

"i'm sorry." I whispered.

"what for?"

"for leaving. Nessie told me what it was like for you. i'm sorry, I didn't know it would be so hard for you."

"that's what your worried about? Your worried about me?"

"of course. She told me you weren't eating, and that's huge for you. i'm sorry."

"don't apologize, its not your fault."

"it is. It is my fault, I put you through hell. Maybe I shouldn't come back next time. Maybe then you will get over me faster."

"no! don't say that! Don't you ever say that! I will never 'get over' you. you're my imprint and I love you. you wont have to come back, if you don't leave."

"I have to, I have to leave."

"Izzy, are you out here?" Anna yelled out the door.

"Anna? I'm over here."

"hey, what's going on? Kim wants to throw the bouquet, but she needs you there."

"i'm coming." I got up slowly and Anna was glaring at Embry. "don't Anna." I said to her as I passed. She was a very verbal person who spoke her mind. I didnt want her having a go at Embry.

"sorry Kim, I was just trying to sort some stuff out." Kim smiled at me, it wasn't a genuine smile, but she was trying. I slipped into the big group of girls talking excitedly. Kim threw the bouquet right into Rachael hands. I went out side to clear my head.

"hey Izzy." I looked around and Eric was sitting down next to me.

"hey Eric."

"how's New Zealand?"

"it sucks."

"really? Why?"

"cause Embry's not there."

"that's too bad. Are you okay?"

"yes. Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"well if m going to be completely honest-no offense or anything- but you look like crap."

"thanks."

"i'm serious, i'm not the only one that's noticed either. Everyone's worried about you."

"why though?"

"because your family to us. We just want you to be happy. And its obvious your not. You need to take better care of yourself."

"what if I don't want to?" I whispered looking away from him. I knew he would hear me.

"what? You don't want to… look after yourself?" he was staring at me with wide eyes.

"what's the point?" I got up and walked away. I went back inside. I apologized to Kim and Jared about leaving early but I needed time to myself. I left s fast as I could so as not to alert Embry of me leaving. I walked along first beach and ended up at the cliffs that Embry had told me the pack used as a good place to go cliff diving. I sat on the edge just looking over at the water. I don't know how long I was there for, it must have been hours.

"Seth was right."

"what?"

"Seth told me you would be here."

"he did?"

"yeah, Embry thought you would be at some waterfall, but Seth said you would be here."

"yeah well, Seth's smarter than you would think." Anna sat down next to me and grabbed my hand, she gave it a light squeeze. We sat there like that for about another hour. We both heard Anna's stomach rumble and we cracked up laughing.

"bit hungry are you Anna?"

"just a little, you?"

"no i'm not hungry."

"are you ever?"

"no."

"Izzy, you cant do this to yourself, you need to eat. We have been here for a week and i've only seen you eat four meals. And they weren't even decent sized ones."

"what the fuck is everyone's problem! Why can't you all just leave me alone! I'll eat when I want to."

"Izzy, you dropped 20 pounds in a week! That's not healthy! Especially not since you were already tiny. Now tell me why the fuck you're not eating!"

"because I don't want to okay."

"no its not okay Iz! I hate seeing you like this."

"whatever Anna."

"no! don't 'whatever' me Izzy! I'm worried about you. I can't put up with your crap anymore, i'm tired of it." she was glaring at me, and her breath was fast and short. "look, I know you miss him while your at home. but you're here now, you don't need to miss him. And you did promise him you wouldn't do anything stupid. Getting drunk every day and not eating is classed as stupid. You're going to hurt yourself if you keep acting like this, and that is only going to hurt him." I gave her a sideways hug.

"I know. I need to sort my shit out. i'm sorry for being such a dick all the time. I need to stop being such a pussy."

"Aww, your not a dick all the time." I chuckled and let her go.

"c'mon, lets go home."

"well I'll go to Kiara's and you can go back to Embry's."

"nope you can stay in the spare room there tonight. I need you." I grabbed her hand and started heading towards the woods when a giant sandy wolf joined us. I nodded at Seth and patted his head. We walked back to the car. embry pounced on me when we got to his house. He pulled me into the tightest bear hug and held me there for a long time.

"i'm so glad your okay baby."

"Embry i'm fine. You can stop crushing me now."

"oh sorry. I dint mean to. Do you want something to drink? Or a jersey you look freezing."

"I'll just take a vodka and orange. And don't be light handed on the vodka." Anna flashed me her warning look but I shook it off. I just wanted to forget about things at the moment.

"here you go." Embry handed me a full glass and I drained it in one go.

"Thankyou baby." He gave me a strange look and sat down next t me. I leaned into his hest ad closed my eyes. It had been along day and I felt a little better now that I had had a drink. About five minutes later I got up and went to the 'bathroom' I was actually having a few mouth fulls of my hidden bottle of vodka.

"what are you doing?" I spun round to see Anna staring at me.

"nothing, i'm just having a little drink, is that not okay?"

"you were drinking from that bottle like there's no tomorrow."

"Anna, can you just leave me alone for awhile." I whispered to her.

"okay but let me have a drink of that too." I smiled and gave her the bottle. She carried it into the bathroom and started tipping it down the sink.

"Anna, what are you doing?!"

"hey, what's going on guys?" Embry appeared in the doorway and looked from me to Anna to me to the bottle. His face dropped. "Izzy, are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"its nothing Embry. I need to talk to Anna." I tried pushing him out the door but he wouldn't move.

"Izzy, either you tell him or I will." Anna threatened as she out the empty bottle down.

"there's nothing to tell." I growled at her through my teeth.

"fine then. Embry, Izzy is an alcoholic and an anorexic." Embry looked shocked. He backed out of the room and sat down on the couch.

"Embry, are you okay?"

"why? Why would you do that to yourself?" I sat don on the floor in front of him.

"I didn't do it deliberately."

"you didn't deliberately become an anorexic?" he was shouting at me now and I hear everyone leave.

"no, I just never felt like eating! I understand that you felt the same, so you cant have a go at me!"

"I never became an anorexic!"

"i'm not an anorexic! I just don't eat a lot!" he jumped up and pulled a plate of food out of the fridge. He threw it down in front of me.

"eat it." he growled.

"no! i'm not hungry. I'll eat when I feel like it."

"Izzy, eat the god damn food!"

"NO!"

"WHY NOT?"

"CAUSE I'LL GET FAT AND YOU WONT LOVE ME!" I clamped my hand over my mouth. I cant believe I just said that.

"oh my god. This is all my fault." I started walking towards him but he took a step backwards and put his hands out in front of him. "don't Izzy. I…I cant." I felt myself tearing up and gave up on trying to go near him.

"Embry listen to me, this is not your fault. Its not your fault i'm so fucked in the head. Don't blame yourself ever."

"how can I not? You're my imprint, i'm supposed to make sure your happy and healthy. You aren't either. I failed, I cant even keep my soul mate happy, i'm a pathetic excuse for a human being… well you know what I mean."

"Embry don't say that. You're a wonderful person. You haven't done anything wrong. And I am happy. Well I am now anyway. Now that i'm with you again."

"but I left you. I left you by yourself."

"I left you remember. I'm the one that moved over the other side of the world." I went and got my stuff from his room. I was going home day after next. I didn't want him to feel guilty about my screwed up ways. So I would give him space.

"i'm going to stay at Kiara's tonight. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you." I walked out the door. I changed my flight so that I could lave a day earlier. I didn't tell anyone except Anna and Kiara. I went to see Embry.

"hey Seth, is Embry there?"

"yeah. He's in his room."

"thanks. Um… could you give us some space for a while?"

"ugh… yeah sure." He grabbed his keys and left through the open door behind me. I knocked on Embry's bedroom door.

"hold on a minute." I waited. The door flew open a second later and Embry was just standing there in a pair of jeans. He had just gotten out of the shower and his shaggy hair was dripping down his chest. I got caught up in watching a bead of water make its way down his chest past his pecks and onto his abs. I snapped my head up and walked past him into the room.

"Embry we need to talk."

"okay… shoot."

"I think we should stop seeing each other." I said bluntly. Might as well get to the point.

"what?"

"please don't pretend you didn't hear me."

"but… why?"

"because its not fair on you. You shouldn't have to put up with my shit. And you most definitely should not have to wait for me to come to you. I have some issues I need to sort out, and I think it will work out better if I do it myself. I'm sorry. I wont come here again. say goodbye to Kim and everyone else for me." I kissed him on the cheek and walked away. I didn't look at his face. I knew he would be upset and angry. I told myself that this was for the best. I got in the rental car and drove straight to the airport. All my stuff was already in the boot. I shed a few tears, I still loved him. With all my heart, but I had to let him get over me.