Chapter Four: Of Lavender and Loos

..

I gave Blaise a very angry look before sticking his pants in my bag and walking briskly out of the Snake Pit, as his followers smooched at me. I had a mind to quit (Granger might have struck my fancy, but no sex was worth this level of humiliation), but I knew that if I did Pansy would prank me with something even dastardly than a pants hunt. Especially since that little slag now knew of my attraction to the Mudblood Granger. I hated Pansy, yes, but I knew she was also an evil genius and her history of blackmailing people was great and mighty. I set off to find that stupid little tart Lavender Brown, which I figured would be easy. The girl had only one volume: deafening-banshee-starving-elf-infant-murder-your- ears loud.

Just as I started out of the Snake Pit, the seven o'clock bell tolled. It was time for supper. As much as I didn't care about food, I knew I'd have no hope of ensnaring Lavender during a mealtime, which was her beloved Weasley's favorite subject. I wondered just how I'd get ol' Lav-Lav to stray from the Gryffindorks long enough for me to snatch her bra when I had a marvelous idea. I ran to the owlery to find a messenger so that I could send two very different messages to two equally retarded people. Having gotten that out of the way I was suddenly extremely inspired.

I strolled to dinner with a new skip in my step, and sat between Theo and Crabbe. "Good evening," I said smugly, spooning a very small amount of roast beef and mashed potatoes onto my plate. I needed my strength. "And how is everyone?"

"Well, don't you just look like the snake who ate the lion," remarked Pansy with a huge smirk. "Don't look so sure of yourself, Draco. The night's only just begun. And obviously, you don't care enough about your fate to be trying very hard with this next task. Don't get cocky."

"I've got it covered, dearest," I said through my teeth, my eyes on the Gryffindor table.

Pansy, ever watchful, turned to look as well. "What have you got in your mind, Draco? I'm always fascinated by the way you scheme. It's like watching a little white mouse spin on a wheel."

"Wouldn't you ever like to be surprised?" I asked, as a messenger owl flew in through the main entrance. Students covered their plates and ducked as he landed at the Gryffindor table and dropped two letters.

"Students!" yelled out McGonagall. "No owls allowed at this time!" The owl squawked at her and flew out as quickly as he came.

"Old bitch," I said loftily, stabbing a carrot with my fork. "Say, Goyle, pass the pumpkin juice."

Pansy's eyes widened with gossipy hunger. "Tell me!" she squeaked.

I took a tomato off her plate. "So, what's new, all?"

Blaise dropped in between Pansy and Tracey. "Didn't expect to see you here, Draco. I would have thought you'd be at work with the next task. Although I suppose we did work up quite an appetite."

"Wot?" grunted Goyle, pouring me a cup of juice.

"We were engaged in… athletic activities," I explained curtly, my eyes focused on Weasley, who was opening his letter, his face screwed up in shock. He mumbled something in Potter's ear, and they took off running out of the hall.

"Tonsil hockey," Blaise said primly. Tracey, Daphne and Millicent cracked up laughing.

"Wot's a ton sull hockey?" Goyle wanted to know. Crabbe smacked himself in the forehead.

I slapped myself in the forehead. "Never you mind, Greg. Your virgin ears couldn't handle the truth."

Pansy looked like a boiling kettle. "TELL ME WHAT YOUR PLAN IS!"

"Ah. This is just how I like you," I sneered. "Much better this way than all high and mighty."

Pansy realized she'd better act uninterested, so she simpered and settled back in her seat. But her eyes were still glued to the Gryffindor table. I followed her gaze, as Lavender undid her envelope and smiled. She flung her hair behind her shoulder and stood up.

Millicent pounded the table with her enormous fist. "My special lady says you gave Longbottom quite a fright, Malfoy. Well done. HA HA HA. She wasn't very excited about it but I told her to take a walk on the wild side! Then you want to know what I did next?"

"Any other time, it would be the very first thing I'd want to know as your life is of utmost importance to me but as of now, I am busy. Forgive me, all. Duty calls," I said confidently and as soon as Lavender exited the hall, I made my way out.

"Okay, Malfoy! But next time I see you I'll tell you all about it!" Millicent called out.

"Hope you fail," Pansy snapped.

"Bye, lover boy!" Blaise waved.

"WUT'S A TON SULL HOCKEY?" Goyle cried.

..

I made sure to be quiet as I opened the door of the empty Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

"Won Won!" came a breathless voice from the darkest corner by the Boggart cupboard, which rattled almost lazily. "When I saw you leave without me, I was so confused. But then I opened the letter and came here at once. If you wanted a moment alone, you could've just told me. Anyway, I've made my jumper into a blindfold, just like you asked."

Dumb bint would do anything that Weasel wanted, I thought to myself in amusement. I cleared my throat. "That's real great. Now remember, don't take it off. I wan' try somethin' new," I said in a very accurate impression of Ron's bumbling accent. I approached her, stomping my shoes around to sound more like a lout. Brown was standing against the cabinet and just as I'd requested, she was wearing her jumper tied loosely over her eyes, her back exposed to me. I could make out her dark purple bra, a dark strip over her curved back. Her light brown hair flowed over her shoulders.

"Oh Won Won," she whispered as I came up from behind, and put my face against her neck. I felt her stiffen under me, and she breathed heavier. She made to weave her hands around my backside but I pushed her off.

"No," I said. "You can't touch me. Only I get to touch you."

She sighed happily, and I breathed on her neck. Lavender had never stood out to me particularly, as she was both a Gryffindor and a ridiculous little idiot but I had to admit, her submissive presence was kind of hot. It wasn't often that girls just let me have my way. Generally in my experience, I had to make it a fight for the win and in the case of Pansy and Tracey, it was more about verbal battles and drama. To put it lightly, they were both bitchy enough to be able to put me in my place. I'd never had a girl who was willing to listen to me and do everything I wanted her to do. It wasn't exactly my fantasy but it was sort of turning me on right now. Plus, she had a gargantuan behind and I was into that.

I thought about how I wanted to do this. The most minimal effort would be ideal because it would prove how good I was at pleasuring ladies. That way, I'd be both impressive to Pansy and able to get onto the next task quickly, which meant fucking Granger even sooner which I was beginning to realize I desperately needed to do. I edged onto Lavender's backside and put my hands on her hips. I heard her breathe heavier and she stifled a moan. Very expertly, I lowered my lips to her neck and grazed her skin. She sighed happily, and backed her arse against my groin.

Taken aback, I grunted and gritted my teeth. Her large behind felt nice against my front. I grabbed her waist harder and bit her neck, then dragged my tongue to her ear lobe and breathed hard in her ear. She panted and whimpered, her body shaking mightily. "Kiss me," she gasped.

I'd never dreamed of locking lips with annoying Lavender Brown. My mind was saying no. But my body was saying yes. I tightened her jumper so that it had no way of falling down her eyes and I moved in front of her, my own eyes adjusting to the darkness. Her plump breasts were showcased in her brassiere. Her curved stomach was milky underneath, her little skirt just below. I brought my lips to hers softly and boringly, as I imagined Weasley might wish to kiss, but she clung to my waist and deep-throat snogged me with a fiery passion. I groaned in surprise, but continued kissing her out of need for her bra. Just a bit longer. I grabbed her arse and she squealed in delight. I was ashamed to admit my trousers were growing painfully stiff again. I tried to ignore that sad fact to focus instead on the task at hand.

I very expertly dragged my fingers down her chest, putting my hands around her neck. She breathed heavier. I scratched her chest lightly and flicked her nipples one by one, testing her.

"Oh, Wonnie," she said, and sighed again lovingly.

Quickly, I placed my hands behind her back and undid the clasp of her bra with a flourish. "Do you… er… mind if I keep this as a souvenir?" I said deeply, in a Weasley-like fashion.

"You can do whatever you like with it," she gushed. Mad, I thought, but I was very jealous of Weasley for an instant. I told myself to stop being so stupid and man up. I stuck the bra in my satchel, and kissed her neck again for good measure. I tried to ignore her boobs, which were firm and huge and luscious. I was throbbing with anticipation of getting laid. Not here. Not with Lavender-sodding-Brown.

"Thanks, love. I'll see you tonight?" I said, and made to take off, but Lav-Lav grabbed me by the shoulders.

"Are you insane? You can't leave me like this!" she said, and very skillfully placed my hands over her tits. She shivered and moaned. "Yes!" she screamed, her voice filled with desire. "Yes!"

I was somewhat horrified while still being quite aroused but I felt her up to seem in character. I had to hand it to the girl. While totally off her mark and scary, she had very nice knockers. Against my better judgment, I lowered my face to her right breast and sucked on her nipple. I felt that throbbing mass in my trousers shift against her leg, and apparently she did, too because she rubbed herself on it. AHH.

"Got to be going!" I announced, and adjusting my trousers, I turned away.

She cleared her throat. "Malfoy," she said loudly. "A word of advice! You're quite good at snogging but your hands are too cold and your biting is too jagged. When Won Won kisses, he leaves my core all oozey-woozey and I can't sit straight all night."

I stopped in my tracks and whirled around. "You knew it was me the entire time?" I said in shock.

She untied her jumper. "Obviously. Nearly everyone involved in this owes Pansy Parkinson something or other. I always thought it would be fun to snog you, Malfoy. You're such a bad wittle Slytherwin boy. And I know you've always fancied me ever since first year. I could tell you love my body. I felt it." She giggled and to my alarm, she slapped the front of my trousers.

"AHH!" I smacked her away, clenching my teeth. "I never," I said sharply. "Your tits were sub par and I was bored!"

"You're a bad liar, and a very baaaad boy," she said, and her boobs jiggled.

I winced at her voice, but my eyes followed her chest. Ugh! "I've got to be going, Brown. I have matters to attend to."

"Oh, but you must read my clue. It's the best one. It's very… dirty," she said, and ran her hand down her skirt.

I swallowed hard. I hated to admit it but Lav-Lav knew how to drive a man insane. If only she'd cease talking long enough! "Fine!" I said, but my normal level of snark was gone and my voice came out in a high pant. I felt my trousers pulsing strongly with want. If I didn't get laid soon, I knew I'd die.

I cleared my throat, taking out her bra. Written in neat handwriting was the clue.

"Oh bloody hell! Pansy! You cow!" I yelled.

"Here," Lavender offered, and she read the fourth clue aloud in a terrible sing-song voice:

"Get thyself to the Quidditch pitch

Where you'll race a Ravenclaw bitch

And if it so happens the snitch you catch

She'll hitch up her skirt so you can snitch her snatch-

(remember to bring her panties back!)."

"A Ravenclaw? Not Cho Chang," I said, and my hard-on throbbed excruciatingly. Screw Pansy. Not only was Chang a highly talented seeker, but Pansy was also well aware that I found her striking. This was definitely Pansy's way of making me suffer as much as she possibly could. The pain was unbearable. I checked my watch. It was a quarter past seven. I had until nine to collect all the clues. But I definitely wasn't going to go to the Quidditch pitch like this- no way. Riding a broom with this sort of discomfort would be highly impossible, not to mention I'd be far more likely to do something stupid and waste time. "Right," I said, "I need the loo. Say hello to your precious Won Won for me."

Lavender flew at me and hugged my waist, burying her face in my chest. Her boobs pressed into me. "Good luck, Malfoy," she gushed.

"Get off me," I scowled and shoved her away. With that, I took off running for the nearest bathroom.

Peeves the Poltergeist suddenly appeared above my head and cackled. "Ickle Malfoy, you nasty boy!" he hooted. He zoomed after me, shouting "BOING BOING BOING!"

I reddened and quickened my pace, darting into the lavatory as quickly as I could and shutting the door. I sighed loudly and selected a stall. Be quick about it, Draco, I told myself. The quicker you get out there, the faster you'll get to Granger. I unzipped and envisioned my lips against Hermione's and my hands on her body. Moaning quietly, I quickened my pace and thought about sticking my head between her legs. That was all it took. I made a strained face and cried out sharply, leaning against the wall of the stall. My body convulsed and I sneered deeply. That was better. Much better. Now I'd be able to focus.

"Hope you were thinking about me," came a soft voice. I looked down into the toilet bowl, where Moaning Myrtle was perched and wearing a very scary expression of adulation.

"TWISTED SNAKES!" I hollered, zipped up, cursed as my pants got stuck in the zipper, un-zipped, fell out of the stall with my trousers around my arse, righted myself, pulled my trousers up and ran out of there as fast as hell could take me.

You'd think I'd be used to it by now but it never ceases to astound me. This entire school is full of wanton perverts who love me too much for their own good!