A/N: I'll put out another warning before I officially do it, but prior to the last two chapters this fic's rating will go up from T to M. While I'd like the story to still pop up in the regular feed, it would be dishonest for me to keep it at T. I'm nearly finished with the entire fic, and the last 2 chapters are very, very steamy. I've been on this site a long time and I'd like to adhere to the rules - which means, rating a fic as accurately as possible. While I think some fics of a smutty nature can slide for T, this one will not. So please take this time to add to your alerts/favs to bookmark. Once again, I will do another warning before the rating officially changes. Thanks to all! Skimpy gay boy pants being tossed in yo direction! pants 4eva.

Chapter Six: Dumble's Drawers

..

"I'm DYING!" I bawled. "HELP ME!"

"AAAAAAARRGHH!" Potter yelled, still choking me.

I managed to flip him over and held his wrists to the ground. "You crazy Halfblood duffer! You'll never win against me! I'm a Malfoy! Ha ha ha!"

Potter immediately pinned me again and stuck his wand to my neck, breathing hard. Pansy screamed.

"Please spare me! Please! I didn't mean it!" I yelped, shutting my eyes and cringing.

Seconds later, Millicent tore Potter off me and held him in her muscular grip.

I stood up and brushed myself off. "You didn't have to do that. I had it covered," I said in a composed voice.

"Waaah," Blaise whined. "You spoil everything, Mills. Bet you wouldn't have broken it up if it were two slags-"

"Damn right I wouldn't have," Millicent grinned deviously. "I would've jumped right in. Heh heh heh."

"Let me back at him!" Potter hissed, struggling to get away. "How dare you touch her that way! Malfoy, you're worse than I thought!"

"Well, at least my parents aren't dead." I cocked my eyebrow at his wounded expression. "Oh Potter, you take yourself so seriously. I mean, look at it this way: I warmed her up for you."

"She didn't want any of that," Potter hollered.

"Actually," Pansy cut in, "she knew just what she was doing. This scavenger hunt is set up in a very specific way. Chang had a say in what they had to do to get off my bad side. She paid her debt, and had some fun in the meantime. It's not my fault your ex girlfriend is into public humiliation. Too bad you couldn't excite her, Potter! That's right! I know ALL about what happened last year!"

Potter blanched, then looked again like he might murder. Instead he broke out of Millicent's grip and took off running in the direction of the Forbidden Forest—crazy, broken berk, that one! I tried to laugh but I was wet from all the snow and somewhat put off by the suggestion that Chang had gotten off in a perverse way to our exhibition. What if she had used me? Used Draco Malfoy! Me! I tried to put that out of my head. It was much too disturbing to consider.

My friends all ran to my side as I dried my clothes with a simple spell.

"Are you okay, Draco?" wailed Blaise, fixing my hair.

"Nice job on Chang," Millicent said with a deep laugh and punched my shoulder. I winced.

Pansy was all smiles as she clung to my arm. "Yes, Draco. Nicely done. You really surprised me. I've been worried for you this year. You've been so sorrowful lately I was afraid you lost your bad boy touch." She leaned her head against my shoulder.

"Not in the least," I said, sniffing haughtily. "That was quite invigorating. Now onto the clue."

"Oh," Pansy said, suddenly sounding less excited. "Right."

"What?" I asked, giving her a Look.

"Nothing," she said. Her big blue eyes filled with misery. "Go on, then."

"What?" I demanded, and nudged her head lightly with my elbow.

"Dickhead!" she shouted and shoved me. "Nothing!" But I noticed she was blushing.

"Pans. Did you like seeing what I did to Chang?" I asked her, cocking an eyebrow.

She tried to purse her pouty lips into a frown but I could see she was masking a smile.

I grinned deeply and folded my arms over my chest, puffing it out. "Admit it, Pans. You're rethinking your life choices and realizing that you miss having an angst-ridden man in your bed."

Pansy released my arm. "No… Okay, YES!" she said. "Don't get all smug but…" She trailed off and then stood on tiptoe, swiping her hand through my bangs and leaning in my ear. "All I could think about was when you did the same thing with my pants last year. Remember? Except I didn't run away, did I?" She fluttered her long, dark eyelashes.

"Ugh, seriously, Pansy?" Tracey snapped, and headed off toward the castle, clearly jealous. Who could blame her, really? Tracey and I had broken up during summer holiday. She said it was because I was morose and spoilt, and that I made too many unkind jokes about her and her family and her hobbies. But I knew that the truth was she knew deep down I'd never adore her quite like the way she adored me. Poor girl!

Millicent and Parvati followed suit but rather than looking annoyed they looked like they were about ready to jump each others' bones. Only Blaise and Daphne remained.

I considered the prospect of taking Pansy back to the dungeons and letting history repeat itself. On one hand, I'd be done with the clues and I could get shagging out of the way. But on the other, Granger was the reward I really wanted to win. My mouth had been watering for her all month (if I did some deep psychological introspection, probably since second year), and though Pansy would be an easy lay I'd already had her before. Plus she was all kinds of barmey.

We'd messed around a bit over the years when our parents weren't watching (literally- Mother and Father would turn around and I'd use the opportunity to goose Pansy good and hard), and had continued to experiment while at Hogwarts. We'd officially shagged last year because we decided when we were thirteen we'd lose our V-card to each other in Year Five if we hadn't done so already. At the time, Pansy had said I was alright but that she found my intensity disturbing and she needed to branch out. Lies. Of course, I'd always known this moment was going to happen—she'd been desperately smitten with me since we were children.

"Don't go all mushy on me, Pansy," I told her, snapping back to reality. "And don't worry. You don't have to rethink anything because I'm not going for you. Sorry, love. You can spend the night wondering why you ever refused Draco Malfoy in the first place but in the meantime, I'm going to finish this up." I looked back at Chang's pants.

"Really, Draco?" she asked quietly. "But Granger's not going to know you like I know you. Nobody does. Not that stupid Ravenclaw from last year. Not even Tracey." She pressed her voluptuous form to me, kissing my lower lip and wiggling her behind.

I stared at the night sky and sighed. "Come on, Pansy. You had your chance earlier."

"But Draco," she said, and ran her hand down the front of my trousers. "Draco… Come back with me. Please?"

I moaned inadvertently. "And what? The whole thing's off? We get to have feral sex my way and I don't have to hear about pants or pranks ever again?"

"Well…" Pansy trailed off and cleared her throat. She held my waist and put her mouth to my ear. "Come back with me," she said again softly. My spine tingled. "I know just the way you like it. Granger doesn't know a thing." She grabbed my hand and placed it on her large arse.

At this point, I was a man of little restraint. I brought my lips to Pansy's neck, heavily considering bedding her purely out of convenience until very suddenly what was occurring clicked into place. "Off," I said firmly, and wrenched out of her grip. "Get off."

"What?" Pansy said in an indignant way. "How dare you!"

"You're a foul slag, you are. You're seducing me because you know I'm going to succeed and you don't want that. This is a scheme, like every other bleeding thing you get up to! You want me to lose so you can best me, win me over, shag me, crush me, pull some strange psychosomatic bullshit on me, which will lead to me breaking my brain, and THEN you'll also pull a terrible prank on me because I didn't complete the hunt!" I accused her.

She feigned a demure expression. Daphne and Blaise sniggered.

"Guilty as charged," Pansy said, shrugging with mock regret written on her face. "That's what I get for plotting against the person I've known since I was in nappies. Though I must say the last two clues may make you reconsider your choice, my dear. Let's hear you read it, then!"

I rolled my eyes at her and read the clue aloud:

"The headmaster's office is your next location

and because that's already quite an awkward situation

to get his pants you get to choose how to start the conversation

get the clue, then meet in Slytherin to take your station

for the final task of your degradation."

I looked at Pansy. "Really? Dumbledore?"

She burst out laughing. "Now do you want to shag me instead?"

"Not worth it, my darling flower. Now I've got to be going. See you in the commons!" I said.

Pansy stuck her tongue out and Blaise blew me a kiss.

I'd been planning to confront Headmaster Dumbledore for months now. Agonized over it, actually. Now I wondered what would be more awkward: stealing into the old coot's office in the dead of night to kill him or to ask to borrow his knickers.

Knowing old Dumbledore, it was a very tough call.

..

Checking my watch as I entered Hogwarts, I realized that I only had half an hour to collect the next two clues. Luckily, this one was entirely up to me. I just hoped the old headmaster wouldn't try and go all hippie-grandfather on me as he often did. Dumbledore was one of the worst people I'd ever met in my entire life. His fake concern for everyone was insulting and his clothing was hideous. Often he looked like he was wearing lumpy tea cozies on his head, and he owned at least ten pairs of sandals and toe shoes, complete with tassels and bells on the ankles. Who wants to see an old geezer's icky feet? NOT Draco Malfoy.

I speed-walked through corridors, avoiding the small amount of people who were still milling about. Finally, I reached Dumbledore's chambers and knocked loudly on the door. I could hear faint music and humming. After what felt like a million years, the door creaked open very slowly. The smell of incense wafted out of the door.

"Ah. Mister Malfoy," greeted the headmaster in a calm way. "I did not expect to see you so soon. Come in."

I pushed past him. This was the second time I'd been in his office. The first time, I'd had what was supposed to be a telling-off for threatening Justin Fitch-Fletchley, but instead Dumbledore prattled on to me about Muggle candies and his fondest childhood memories. I swear to you, the man is insane and is possibly doing a lot of heavy drugs. It was no mystery why the Dark Lord wanted him dead. You couldn't get any sense out of him if you tried.

"Yes, well, I figure you know what this is about and I really don't have a lot of time," I said tersely, entering the room and facing the old man. "Now, let's get this done with—"

Dumbledore smoothed his robes. "I must stop you there," he said. "You do not have to do this."

"Yes, yes I do," I argued, glaring at him. "You have no idea what will happen if I don't—"

"I know it may seem like the end of the world, Mister Malfoy, but you need to rethink this. Please. I do not want to see you end up like so many countless others," Dumbledore went on. His music increased slightly in volume, and jingly chimes played in high tones. "Sit down, and we can have a chat. I'll make you a cup of hot nettle tea."

"I don't want your hippie tea!" I said, getting annoyed.

"Mister Malfoy, I want you to know how much I value you. If you go through with this, it will ruin your entire life. Think of your family," he said.

I cocked my eyebrow. "I thought you supported Muggle-borns. You of all people should be celebrating this."

It was his turn to look confused. "I suppose I do not know what you mean."

The chimes jangled and the tempo of the music increased.

"I need your pants pronto!" I said, throwing up my hands. "What do you think I mean?"

Headmaster Dumbledore gave me a peculiar expression and then smiled. "Oh, my Godric, I very nearly forgot. My apologies, Mister Malfoy. Now, just a moment. Let me find them." He hummed some more whilst rummaging through his desk. "Lemon drop?"

"Ugh, NO!" I snarled.

"Very well." He continued his search, and finally seized a pair of large dark purple pants off the table by his record collection. "I made sure to use a very dear pair. They evoke my personality completely, do they not!? And although Miss Parkinson told me a used pair would suffice, I did not want to do such a thing to you, Mister Malfoy."

"That's the only good thing you've ever done for me," I told him earnestly.

He looked off into the distance and chuckled merrily to himself. See! He's completely bonkers! "Now, without further adieu, I shall read the last clue and you can be on your way," Headmaster Dumbledore said faintly, and unfolded his underwear slowly.

"I thought I was just going to go back to Slytherin. Give them over—"

"Ah, but you have a few more details to know before you return to the Slytherin commons," Dumbledore said, pushing his half-moon glasses up his nose. With disgust I realized that on top of being purple, the pants were covered in huge gold stars. I decided right then and there I was going to burn them as soon as this rubbish was all over. He cleared his throat, and took a deep breath.

"You've made it far, and I'm impressed

So now it's time for your final test

Come back to where snakes lay to sleep

Be quiet though! Don't make a peep!

You must enter the resting quarters of your most beloved prof

because you can't get to Granger without taking his pants off!"

My eyes widened in utmost horror. "She… she doesn't mean…?"

Dumbledore closed his eyes and smiled serenely. "These are very great lengths you are going to for the purpose of pleasure, Mr. Malfoy! You really must want to pollinate with Miss Granger, or else I'd assume Miss Parkinson would have been an easier choice. You two have quite the interesting history indeed! That Miss Parkinson is a real livewire. But then again, you do hate her. Though, I'd assume, in a quite different way then you believe you hate Miss Granger. Tell me, Mr. Malfoy, is there a bit of intrigue in the prospect of shagging Miss Granger? I suppose there might be a level of fun in doing something so against your family's Pureblood values-"

"Well, yeah, I—" I stopped talking and made a face of disgust. "How do you know about my life?" I backed up, shuddering. "You don't know me! You don't know anything!"

"All I shall say on the matter is I very much suggest opening your mind and your heart. Be honest to yourself. Your journey will be all the more satisfactory." He paused, and then opened one eye. "Oh my! I've forgotten! Did I ask you yet if you'd like a lemon drop?"

"I SAID NO!" I yelled as loudly as I possibly could.

"Very well," he said with a merry wink, and began mixing what appeared to be a cocktail. He shook the concoction and conjured up a glass with a sugared rim. "You are missing out!"

Shaking my head, I swore under my breath and dove for the door to make my exit.

"Farewell, Mr. Malfoy," he said softly. "Good luck on your quest! My best to Miss Granger. That is, if you succeed. And I shall see you again soon. I am very certain of that. I just must advise you to look into your soul and determine what you wish your future to be like, and-"

Not wanting to hear anymore hippie-dippy rubbish, I slammed the door behind me.

..

Time's a ticking!

If Malfoy can work out the clue in time and get the last pair of pants, it' a race to the Mudblood!

(That is, if he can find her!)