A/n: here's another chapter, maybe the last for a while. ): this is because I got two reviews. Two! Come on people!
A special thanks to Team-LaPush-Werewolveswho actually listened to my plea for reviews. Thanks and this chapter is for you (:
And once again, a HUGE Thankyou to lovably17 your review (as always) brightened my day. (which is hard to do these days.) and I hope to hear from you soon. I want to run some ideas past you…. I am in desperate need of some help. (:
(please, please, please, review! Remember I know you are reading, and I know that you are not reviewing. It makes me sad. Please don't make me sad )':
I will luff you forever!)
P.s. I wont be updating the next chapter unless I get at least five reviews. And those who do review, will most likely get a little reward. (:
Jess xO.
"Because ye have said, We have made a covenant with death, and with hell are we at agreement;…for we have made lies our refuge, and under falsehood have we hid ourselves:…the hail shall sweep away the refuge of lies, and the waters shall overflow the hiding place."
Isaiah 28:15,17,
Izzy
"i'm pregnant!" I announced, there were shouts of congratulations and some one was whooping (I'm guessing Paul.). Embry and I were squashed between the guys as they all tried to hug us at once. The one thing I could hear the whole time was Kim's voice. She pushed through the pack and launched herself at me.
"oh my god you're baby's going to be the same age as my baby! We can go baby shopping together and have play dates!"
"calm Kim calm." I said to her laughing.
"are you okay baby?" Embry asked as he looked me over with worry in his eyes.
"don't get all protective over me now Embry, its just going to piss me off." I said rolling my eyes. He pursed his lips and went to go get food.
"congratulations honey." Emily said as she gave me hug.
"thanks Em."
"your going to make a great mommy." Rachael said as she pulled Emily away from me and gave me a hug herself.
"I hope so." Kim was still going nutso so I ignored her. Embry brought some food over for me which is good because the guys had just been unleashed on the table. I laughed as Seth elbowed Brady in the face trying to get a sausage. Blood was trickling down his face but he was still fighting for food.
Embry sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulder, I relaxed into his side. It had been a long day and I was exhausted. He kissed my temple and pulled me closer. I turned my face into his chest and closed my eyes. I had the weirdest dream.
"I love you baby." He whispered to me as the doctor turned the screen on.
"I love you too." I rubbed my extra large belly and squeezed Embry's hand.
The doctor made a strange noise as his eyebrows pulled together. He kept moving the thing over my stomach, normally by now he would have stopped so that we could see the baby.
"what is it?" I asked lifting my head to look at him. Embry squeezed my hand impossibly tight. "what's wrong?" I was shaking now.
"well it seems that you have developed Chorioamnionitis."
"what does that mean?" Embry asked standing up.
"it means that you have had a bacterial infection in your uterus since you have been pregnant."
"and?" I shouted at him.
"I'm sorry, your baby's gone."
I woke up screaming, with tears poring down my face. I sat up and pulled the sheets up, hugging them to my chest. i heard someone running.
"what is it? what's wrong?" Embry asked as he burst into the room looking around wildly. I shook my head and lay down on my side shaking.
"what happened Izzy?" he asked as he swept hair out my face.
"just a nightmare." I croaked.
"are you going to tell me now?" he asked softly. I shook my head and curled up. he lay behind me, arms wrapped around my stomach singing softly.
"are you alright this morning baby?" he asked gently as I rolled over in his arms.
"yeah I'm fine, why do you ask?"
"well you were screaming you're head off last night."
"I know, i'm sorry." I got out of bed and wrapped my fluffy dressing gown around me.
"don't be sorry." He rubbed y back gently as he sat up.
"but I freaked you out?"
"don't worry about it. I was just worried about you and egg."
"egg?"
"well I don't have anything else to call it." he said matter of factly. He then looked at me guiltily.
"… touché…" he laughed and rolled out of bed as well.
"hey baby. I made you some pancakes." Embry came into the lounge where I was curled up on the couch with a tray full of pancakes, coffee, and a bright red rose. I smiled as I sat up.
"wow Em, these look amazing thanks."
"glad you like them Izzy." Emily said as she walked down the hall with a full laundry basket. Embry blushed and looked down. I giggled and kissed the top of his head.
"so you like them?" he asked hopeful.
"I love them… thanks Emily!" I shouted afterwards. Embry pouted and crossed his arms. I took a sip of the coffee and almost gagged.
"did you make this Em?" I asked him. he nodded enthusiastically. "mmm." I said pretending it was good. I took another sip and pulled a face when he wasn't looking.
"damn, I cant even make coffee!" he yelled and threw his arms in the air.
"Aww baby, its not so bad, see." I took a big gulp and gagged before putting my hand over my mouth to stop it from spraying everywhere.
"don't lie Izzy." He snapped. I swallowed the coffee. I threw the tray at him before running out of the room with tears pouring out of my eyes. I ran to the bathroom and sunk down to the floor by the toilet.
"I'm sorry Izzy, I didn't mean to snap and make you cry, please let me in." he spoke softly through the door.
"i'm not crying you idiot ima-" I hurled into the toilet bowl. I made the mistake of opening my eyes, I saw my pancakes and last nights dinner. I threw up again.
"Izzy, let me in!" Embry was banging on the door as hard as he could without breaking it now. The door creaked and cracked and he hit it.
"leave me alone!" I yelled before I power chucked again. the door burst open and Embry was there. he brushed my hair out of my face ran his fingers across my scalp. I sighed and leaned backwards into his chest.
"its okay baby, i'm here… and I promise to never make you coffee ever again." I laughed which caused me throw up again. Embry helped me up and I dragged my feet over to the couch.
"I see you threw up my pancakes." Emily said mocking anger.
"yeah they were just that bad." She laughed and handed me a few pieces of toast.
"yuss, how did you know?" I said as I snatched the plate off her.
"because every time I had morning sickness I felt like toast afterward and it always made me feel better. Does the same with Kim."
"I'll have to remember that." Embry said leaning back into the couch.
"no you wont." I said through a mouthful of food.
"why not?" he looked very confused.
"because you are not allowed to cook anything ever again. I don't even care if your trying to make cereal." He nodded and rolled his eyes. I smacked him in the head.
"oh Izzy, I made you an appointment with my gynecologist for today, I hope you don't mind."
"no that's great thanks. When is it?"
"in about an hour."
"shit! I got to go have a shower." I said jumping up. Emily laughed before giving Embry a piece of paper.
"feeling better?" Embry asked as I came down the stairs drying my hair.
"heaps." I smiled and threw my towel in the washing machine. I put the soap in and turned it on.
"great." Embry wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek.
"how are you feeling?" I asked him as I put my arms around his neck, I dug one of my hands into his short hair loving the feeling of it all soft and spiky in my hands.
"just perfect." He said as he ran his hands up and down my sides.
"you guys ready to go?" Emily said as she appeared in the door carrying baby Lachlan.
"yeah, all ready." I followed her out holding Embry's hand. We drove a short distance and we were outside a small clinic in forks.
"this is it?" I asked with a shaky voice.
"yupp, now you'll be seeing dr. Fredericks. She's really lovely, and she's a great doctor. You wont have to worry about a thing." Emily said as she parked the car. How the hell was I meant to explain this? I just had to grit my teeth and hope that she didn't say anything.
I was as nervous as hell. I was literally shaking as I sat on the familiar bed.
"Izzy, good to see you. pregnant I see." The doctor said as she came in with a clean chart. I smiled nervously. I was not going to last very long. "ah, you must be the father? Embry?" she asked as she checked the chart.
"yupp, that's me." He said cheerfully and gave my hand a tight squeeze.
"um… Embry can you go get me a bottle of water out of the vending machine in the waiting room?" I asked him desperately trying to keep my voice steady.
"sure thing honey, be right back." He kissed my head before leaving the room. I jumped up after him and closed the door quietly. I approached the doctor and she looked confused.
"okay here's the deal. Embry doesn't know about my medical history here or anywhere else for that matter, and I would like to keep it that way. I need you to promise me you wont say anything about the other pregnancies. Please, I'm begging you. it would break his heart if he knew." I rushed through the words like a rocket speaking just a tiny bit louder than a whisper. The doctor looked stunned, she blinked three times before nodding slowly.
"thanks." I muttered as I jumped back on the bed. The door opened and the doctor regained her composition.
"here you go lovely." he said handing me my bottle of water. I hoped he didn't hear anything I said. I hated that I was lying to him. It literally hurt me to lie, but I knew it would hurt him more if he found out that I had been pregnant twice before. And had two pregnancy scares before that. It doesn't help that his brothers, Nathan and Eric, were the pregnancy scares. I didn't think it was necessary to tell him the real reason we moved to Forks when he asked me a few months ago.
"so baby, seeing as were playing twenty questions and I cant think of any other questions, I'll ask a random one." He asked turning and propping his head up on one of his arms. I pulled my eyes away from the beautiful blue sky (for once) to look into his eyes.
"and what would that be?" I asked with a sly smile.
"why'd you move to Forks. Why leave San Francisco?" he started playing with a piece of my hair.
"um..." how could I come up with a believable excuse? "we moved because... my brother was getting into some dodgy stuff and my parents wanted to get him away from the people there." well... it was partly true. We moved because they didn't like the stuff I was doing there. Damn it was hard to lie to him. I held my breath and hoped that he wasn't going to notice the change in my voice. He didn't and I could breathe easy again. but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't find out eventually...
"you okay babe?" he asked taking my hand again.
"yeah, just fine why?"
"you kinda zoned out for a minute there."
"alright Izzy, I'll just get you to lie back and pull your top up." Dr. Fredericks said as she mucked around with some of the machinery. Crap I hated the jelly stuff.
"now, it might be a little clod but that's normal so don't worry about it." I held my breath as she squirted it out of the bottle. I gasped and Embry squeezed my hand gently.
The doctor was mumbling to herself as she kept her eyes locked on the small screen.
"right we have an image." Embry was staring into my eyes and he smiled hugely before nodding slightly, silently telling me he was ready for this. I looked toward the screen and saw a blob. I tilted my head to the side slightly at the same time Embry did. The doctor chuckled before pointing out the head and torso then the limbs.
"and this thing flickering here. That's the heart. your baby's heart." I smiled when I saw that, my tiny baby's heart flickering on the screen infront of me.
"did you want me to print out a picture for you?"
"hell yes!" Embry shouted. I jumped and looked at him with wide eyes and my eyebrows raised. "what?" he asked. I just laughed at him. "why are you laughing?"
"honey you've already got one picture, I really doubt that you need another one right away. I don't think things have changed much in a week." He rolled his eyes and held his hand out to the doctor anyway. I laughed and slapped his hand away, dr Fredericks laughed and played with some buttons on the monitor before turning it off.
"alright, everything looks good I am going to recommend some pre natal vitamins and maybe put you on some prescription ones, but we'll see how you go. Here's a towel to wipe off the gel. I'll leave you two alone for a minute while I go get this picture." She smiled warmly before slipping out of the room.
Embry and I sat in comfortable silence and I was thanking whatever god may be out there that she had remembered to hold her tongue. She came back into the room and handed Embry the photo. She shook his hand and turned to shake mine.
"I hope that have you have quit smoking, and if not do it now. Also please keep the drinking to an absolute minimum. We want to keep you healthy for both yours and your baby's sake."
"excuse me, but how do you know she used to smoke?" Embry asked crossing his arms over his chest.
"from last time she was-" she trailed off, "never mind." She made her way towards the door but Embry stopped her by putting his arm out infront of her effectively blocking her exit.
"the last time she was what?" he asked keeping his eyes locked on mine. I was shaking under his gaze.
"pregnant." I whispered knowing full well that he would hear me. He lowered his arm slowly and took a step forward. He was shaking a little so I took a step back mirroring him.
"when were you pregnant?" he spat.
"when my family moved here,… and about six months ago." I added quietly.
"the babies?"
"gone, I miscarried both times."
"whose were they?"
"a guy from San Fran called Jonathon,… and yours." I saw his heart break. It was plain in his eyes for everyone to see. His eyes watered up and then turned hard and cold, not the liquid brown eyes that warmed you up, not the eyes I was so used to seeing, not the eyes I loved. He took another step forward and pressed me up against the wall.
"you were pregnant with my baby and you never told me?" he growled lowly. I didn't trust my voice so I nodded slowly. Embry was shaking really bad now.
"Embry, please- i-I never-" he cut me off by throwing his fist into the wall on the right side of my head. I heard it crackle and flakes fell onto my shoulder and the ground.
"HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME?" he thundered. I flinched into the wall, he had never shouted at me with so much hate.
"I'm sorry, I never meant-" he stopped me again by slamming both hands against the wall on either side of my head now. He was panting and I could see his nostrils flaring. I could tell he was about to lose control. He was shaking so bad the edges of him were blurring. He suddenly pushed himself away from me and out the door kicking it open on his way out. it took me a second to react, I took off after him and tears rolling fast and steady over my cheeks.. I grabbed his arm only to have him rip it out of my grasp.
"Embry please don't- I love you- please don't leave me-"
"don't Izzy!" he shouted before running out the door.
"Embry…" I whispered as my legs gave out. Sobs raked through my body leaving me shaking.
"Izzy!" Emily ran towards me having seen me chase after him. "what happened hun?" she asked as she helped me get to my feet.
"he found out, he wasn't meant to find out. he hates me… he hates me…"
"Embry? Embry doesn't hate you love. He could never hate you." she said as she rubbed my back gently.
"I lied to him. he wasn't meant to find out, I love him… and he doesn't love me." My voice croaked as I tried to speak.
oooh, cliffy just couldnt resist. Mwahahaha! yes i am a little crazy right now i hve been up for 30-something hours and i is currently two in the morning X)