Warning: Reading on from this point may induce these described side-effects (but not limited to): gasping, yelling, crying, shouting, laughing (hopefully), moaning ( triple hopefully!), sighing, shaking of one's head, and questioning society. (Rated M for a reason- sexy, weird, and goes to wacky places.)

A/N: Big thanks to all my reviewers and followers. You are all very, very awesome. This is shaping up to be one of the funnest fics I've written, and I'm enjoying the responses from all of you (and some of us have had some very hysterical conversations as well). I appreciate YOU. Now, here, have some pants and arse-paddlings! Hope you enjoy. ;)

Chapter Ten: White Snake Moan

..

I fell on top of her, my groin already rubbing between her spread legs which she wrapped around my back tightly. I straddled her, my hands gripping my comforter, trying to keep balance. She held my collar in both her hands and stared me in the face. I gazed down at her in utmost surprise. This was definitely not the Granger I thought I was going to get—this bordered on some of my most disturbing fantasies.

"I thought you were the unrivaled sex god of Slytherin… at least that's what you shouted out last weekend in the Hog's Head, though you did seem slightly tossed at the time, being that after that announcement you stood up on a table and jumped into Millicent Bulstrode's arms. So, what's wrong, Malfoy? Am I too much for you?"

I tried to pull my shit together and put on my most cocky simper. "I suppose I have never had the unpleasant duty of being on top of a filthy little Mudblood." Granger's eyes darkened, and she dug her nails into my back. Salazar, I LOVE when she gets that you're-a-foul-hideous-bastard look in her eye!

At once, I felt my private area begin to stir like a mighty dragon awaking from centuries of slumber. I grabbed her roughly by her hair and lowered my face to her neck, breathing heavily and hotly in her ear. With satisfaction, I heard her breathe a bit harder and she drug her nails down my back. I was rock-hard and ready to do my thing.

"Unpleasant duty?" Granger whispered harshly in my ear. "It seems like the front of your trousers has a different idea about Muggle-borns—"

I laughed cruelly. "Honestly, I'm so horny I would bed anybody right now. Even Eloise Midgen, though I would instruct her to put a paper bag over her head beforehand. So don't think you're special—"

"You had your chance with Parkinson, and you didn't take it. So don't even give me that haughty fib—and don't insult Eloise, she's a nice girl!" Granger snapped, and bit me roughly on the earlobe.

I moaned loudly and gritted my teeth, sitting up so I was knelt over her heaving chest. I took her hands in mine and slammed them against the bedpost. She closed her eyes and leant her head back, sighing deeply and wiggling her hips beneath mine.

"My bed. Means I can insult whoever I bloody want," I smirked, and lowered my face down to hers. I kissed her hard on the lips, my stomach doing flip flops the entire time. Her lips were firm and warm—not squishy and wet like Lavender's.

She kissed me back, suckling my top lip with her teeth and fighting against me to let her hands free. I complied, and she grasped me around the neck, ruffling my hair. We deepened the kiss, me slipping my tongue between her teeth, and she curled her tongue out to meet mine. We snogged deeply, lightly touching tongues and gripping each other in a solid embrace, a battle of wills.

She gripped the front of my trousers, and I grunted loudly. "You're so sensitive," she chided, and popped open the front buttons like it was nothing. She slipped her hand in and slid it inside my briefs.

I inadvertently shuddered. Her hand was cool against my hot, throbbing groin. Instantly, I felt myself admit a small trickle of hot liquid. "Not—sensitive," I sputtered," just—so –blasted—urgh—horny—"

"I like you this way, Malfoy," she said, "you're powerless—"

"No, I'm not," I snapped, and set my jaw.

She very lightly touched the tip with her finger.

I whimpered. "Oh Merlin, oh Merlin, oh Merlin—"

She knelt up, spreading my legs so that I was straddling her lap. "Lie down," she said, "I want you to come—"

"Right now? We only just started! And I want to get off with you, I'm sick of wanking off!" I said desperately, as Granger wriggled out from under me. She rolled to the side of me, her tits bouncing slightly. Breathless, I turned on my side so that we were lying on the bed face-to-face. "I want to touch you," I said, and dragged my finger down the front of her skirt, "and then I want to shag you hard and fast and hear you cry out—"

She grabbed my hand away from her and placed it between us. "We can do that after. You are capable of getting it up again, aren't you?" I gritted my teeth as she tugged the front of my trousers down even more and slipped her hand back inside my briefs. She cupped me at my base and I groaned.

"What are you going to do?" I sputtered, as she quickened her hand motion. "Granger, I swear, I—ah—I want to shag you… Don't make me wait—"

"You can shag me soon enough. But now I'm going to make you come just by blowing you," she said a bit deviously, and pulled my trousers and briefs all the way down. I noticed her looking at my privates in interest. "Do you shave, Malfoy?"

"Waxing charm," I said carelessly. "Pansy and I learnt it together—"

"Should I be concerned about the slightly disturbing nature of you and Parkinson's friendship?" Granger asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Oh yes. But you'll never be quite as concerned as I am," I said. I kicked my trousers off the bed, and the wheels in my head instantly started turning. Sure, it sounded like fun to have the Mudblood choking and sucking on me, but I'd never been able to get off from head alone. Pansy was known to be the expert at blowing by boys from Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, and of course, Slytherin. Even Blaise could sheepishly attest to this fact (don't ask—I think that night involved a lot of mead, too many shots of Firewhiskey, and as usual, some sort of bet). However, to Pansy's annoyance, she'd never once been able to get me off just from that.

Blowjobs felt alright at first, but after awhile I'd start thinking about Potions, or about whether I tasted okay, or about the state of the world, or all the important things I needed to tell my Father, or how obnoxious Potter'd been that day, or about how I really wanted some new designer dragon hide boots. I'd practice curses or I'd stare at the ceiling and rehearse some splendid rude comments to make to people in class. Once, Pansy had spent a good part of an hour working at it, while I jeered at her and told her it would never happen. Tracey was the same, except instead of taking it as a challenge like Pansy, she'd just sob into my shoulder afterward and call herself a failure. And I'd agree. No girl had given me good enough head. I was too poised to come from sub par blow jobs.

So, with all of this running through my mind, I gave Granger a smile. "That sounds good," I began, "but let's say you can't make me come. What will I get?"

She flung back her curly locks. "Bragging rights? I don't know, Malfoy. Why?"

"You hate me. I hate you. So let's make this interesting. If you can do it, I'll leave Potter and Weasley completely alone for a week. No comments, no pranks, no curses, no tricks, nothing."

"Three weeks," she fired back. "Three weeks and you can't do as much as smirk in our direction."

"Two weeks. I'll leave them be for two," I argued. "And if I don't come, you have to help me in Transfigurations for a month. McGonagall's a fussbudget and she constantly treats me unfairly. I want your notes and your help so that I can get a good mark on the next project."

"A month?" Granger burst out. "And you only have to be nice for two weeks? That's unfair—"

"Think about it. You helping me on assignments is WAY easier for you than me ignoring Potter and Weasley—I mean, it'll be nearly impossible, I think my head might explode," I said.

Granger sat down with her legs crisscrossed and contemplated. "I have to admit, you do have a logical point. I suppose it's a deal."

"Fantastic," I sneered, and reclined back again, propping myself up with pillows and lying with my arms behind my head. I was throbbing hard and strong. "It's all yours, Granger." She knelt over me, looked at me, and paused. "Come on, suck me off," I commanded, enjoying every second of this. "Do it, Mudblood—"

"Shut it," she said, "you don't get to talk to me like that—"

"That wasn't part of the deal," I said with a thin smile. "Come on, Granger. Blow me."

She dug her nails into my thighs—hard. I gritted my teeth. It hurt but it felt blasted good. "Shut up, Malfoy," she said. I was about to retort when she crawled between my legs and took me in her hand. She very, very slowly slid her mouth around me so that only the tip was past her lips. She lightly made a circle with her tongue, making a final dot on the sensitive tip.

I squirmed and moaned faintly, watching her frizzy mountain of hair waving around as her head bobbed over my waist. She cupped my balls and took me in a bit deeper. I exhaled and smirked again. "You're going to have to do better than—"

Without warning, Granger opened her agile mouth, the same mouth that spouted so many obnoxious sayings during class, and deep-throated my six inch snake as though it were the easiest task in the entire world.

"—thaaaaaat," I managed to cry out and bucked my hips into her mouth, feeling the back of her throat, the wetness of her tongue. "Aargh! Salazar!"

Strange to say it, but Granger was just as astute at knowing how to work her mouth around my serpent as she was knowing how to blabber on about Muggle dentists, friendship, house-elves and homework answers. She wasn't holding back, and interestingly, it seemed she wasn't even really trying to please me. She was going wild, is what she was doing. She made motions with her tongue, and played with my base. She suckled the end and then took it all back in her mouth. I flopped back onto my pillows and ground my teeth hard. She was not romancing Draco Malfoy's special friend—she was punishing him.

Trust me, I had been all geared up for a saccharine, awful blowjob. I'd been ready to laugh in her geeky face and call her names, like I'd done with my other girlfriends. But I had no way to act unaffected. It felt too amazing.

Mere minutes went by, but it felt like longer. She sped up and slowed down in the right places. I gripped my pillows behind my head. Amazingly, I could feel myself approaching that point. I was aching to come and I didn't even want to fight it. Her lips and tongue felt amazing. Pansy and Tracey had been too careful, too by the books. But Granger was giving me hell with her mouth.

She let me out of her mouth and stared up at me, a somewhat wily shimmer in her dark eyes. She wiped her lips carelessly, her curly hair enveloping her thin, rosy cheeks. I hated her face yet I was hard for her. I wanted to shag her. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to buck my hips so hard in her throat that she choked. She was beautiful and formidable to me all at once. "I have to say, Malfoy, I've never seen you speechless before—"

"Don't stop, Granger," I commanded. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I thought you wanted help on your Transfigurations, Malfoy. Should I let you win?" she taunted, her hand on my leg.

I squirmed, shaking my head. "You have to finish me off, Granger. That is, if you can—"

She teased me with her tongue again, only slightly licking the shaft.

"Come on. Hop to it. Let's get this over with—"

Granger slid her mouth back over my member and let her teeth glide very expertly over the head.

"SALAZAR, GRANGER! YOU HAVE TO MAKE MY WHITE SNAKE MOAN!" I hollered.

She really went for it then. She deep-throated me and worked it, grazing me with her teeth and sucking hard. She dug her nails into my leg and held me in her other hand. She used more teeth—I sputtered. She licked the tip—I squealed. I bucked my hips against her throat, and felt that I was nearly there—for an instant I wondered if I'd never come, if I'd be stuck at this insanely intense peak forever. Then, Granger shoved her hands under my arse and gripped my bottom hard with her nails and went deeper. I had no idea that was possible. I gripped my sheets, felt my legs twitching, and I let out a rasping moan.

"Granger, I'm almost there, let me come all over your face—"

"No," she said sharply, looking up.

"Then, let me come on your tits, COME ON—"

"Absolutely not," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Please—I'm close—I'm close—"

She enveloped me in her mouth again, glaring at me as she did so.

I slammed against her throat one final time. "Oh, yes—I'm COMING! I'M COMING! GAHHHH!"

She took her mouth off me and sat up on the bed just as I came, hard, into my hand. I whimpered loudly, biting my lip. "Oh…Merlin…Wow," I managed to get out before slumping back on my pillows and sighing loudly. After a moment, I blearily looked up at the first girl who'd gotten me off through the craziest head of my life.

Hermione Mudblood Granger.