an: ahhh, the last chapter D; disclaimed, per usual. :)
TELL HER HOW I FEEL. DUH.
"When I see your smile, tears roll down my face, I can't replace. And now that I'm stronger I've figured out, how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul. And I know I'll find deep inside me, I can be the one."
I couldn't handle it anymore. I didn't want to handle it anymore. So I did the only thing that I knew: I talked. On the last day of school before Christmas Break, a pep rally gathered the students into the auditorium. I sat next to Josh, watching as Massie, only two rows down, was snuggled into Kemp's chest. But of course, the notorious asshole had other things up his sleeve. From behind his chair, his fingers were laced with Cassidy Elton's, the local idiot.
I sighed and closed my eyes, earphones into my ear.
"Oh, Florida, please be still tonight.
Don't disturb this love of mine.
Look how she's so serene,
You've gotta help me out.
And count the stars to form the lines,
And find the words we'll sing in time
I wanna keep her dreaming,
It's my one wish I won't forget this."
My eyelids flew open and I shook Josh who had his tongue down Nikki's throat. He looked at me with wild eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked, Nikki from behind.
I beamed and stood up, leaving the row of people behind and entering the back of the stage. Behind was Mr. Arson, the school principal. Over the course of four years I had been here, we had grown closer, finding that we had much in common. Of course, he knew about my current conflict with Massie. "Mr. Arson," I called.
"Cam," he said, looking up from his stack of papers. "Fancy seeing you here," he teased.
I shook my head and walked right up to him. "Remember when you said that if ever I needed your help with anything, I could come up to you?"
Mr. Arson arched an eyebrow and nodded slowly and questioningly. "Uh-huuuh..."
I took a couple of steps out onto the stage, the bright lights blinding me. Slow tremors ran through my arm that held onto the microphone. My hand was so sweaty, I was scared that I would drop it. I lifted it up to my mouth and said, "My name's Cameron David Fisher. There's a 99.9% chance you don't know me. But I want you to know something about me. I thought I loved; I was wrong. Hear me out. This is my only chance. Here's my story."
And as quick as my mouth opened, the story flowed out like a leaky faucet. My plan, my lusting after Alicia, my happiness around Massie, my idiocy in not acknowledging the fact that I had fallen in love with Massie, how angry I was that Kemp had her and I didn't...
"And I just need you to know, Massie Elliot Block, that I do love you. 100% genuine love. And it hurts me to see you with Kemp. Because Massie... I need you. I want you. I want us to be together. I don't want to hear anymore Kempsie. I want Cassie, or Mam, or whatever we are. I want us to be in love, to feed each other ice cream and then accidentally swipe it on each other's noses. I want to listen to you, everything, anything you have to say. I want to be your Superman. I want to hold you at night and listen to your heart beating. I want to buy you so many flowers that if you summed it all up, we could give one to everyone in this school and still have leftovers. I want to be able to tell you that I love you. To sing to you at night. To be an epic fail as I ask you to marry me. I want everything for us, Massie. I want you."
I stared into the crowd, my multi-colored eyes searching for the girl I had fallen for. But, fuck it, she wasn't there. What. The. Hell. I sighed and slumped downwards, feeling all heavy sadness on me again. I dragged my feet along the smooth platform of the stage as I exited, disappearing behind the red velvet curtains.
"Cam?" an angelic voice whispered from behind me. I knew that voice anywhere.
I whirled around and saw Massie, standing with her hair shielding her beautiful, angelic face from me. I frowned and took a step closer, brushing it away and tucking it behind her face. She looked up at me, tears in her eyes. I bit my bottom lip. I caused those tears. I'm the reason why she's so broken. Why she's so hurt. No, no, she's not hurt. No, no, she is hurt. Agh, bipolar-ness.
"I was hurt so bad when I saw what you were doing with Alicia," she whispered, not looking at me.
I nodded and touched my forehead to hers. Hers was cold. I took her hands and they were ice cold as well, burning my own warm fingers. I held them, her tiny hands, in my own, warming them for her.
"And... And I thought you loved me, Cam." Her voice broke. Hearing her telling me this stabbed at me. I swallowed and clenched my teeth together. Why, why, why did I do that? I broke her. I broke me. I broke us.
"But you didn't love me," she whispered. I felt her warm breath tickle my skin.
I finally opened my eyes to meet her glassy amber ones. I wrapped her arms around me, internally chuckling at the fact that I was still so big that she couldn't wrap her arms all around, and took her gentle, poetic face into my hands.
"I was stupid, Massie. I'm sorry for all of that. I didn't mean it. But... I did love you. I still do. I probably always will. And, I know how much it hurts, Massie. To see you with someone else. But... I never meant for you to get hurt. I never meant for you to cry. I never meant to fall so hard for you."
Massie nodded into my chest. I felt her tears soaking into my shirt. I leaned my head on top of her and whispered, "But I swear, I'll be here now. I'll be here to love you. I was always there. I just want you, Massie. Your the only girl for me. Ever. I need to tell you that. I need to tell you that I want to be with you. Forever and ever, and whatever comes to us after that." I again took her face and looked her straight in the eyes. "I want for us to stay together because I believe in us so bad. I wanna bring you to Rome and marry you there, like you said you wanted. I want to bring you everywhere, anywhere. Because wherever you go Massie, I'll be there. A couple of steps behind you along the way. I'll take your hand when it hurts, I'll kiss your bruises away and I'll beat the next punk who hurts you. I just need you to know that this time, I swear on my life, that I'll do it all right."
-:-
So, there it is. That's my story. That's what happened to me. That's all I have to say. That's all I can give you right now. And yeah, it's cheesy and gross and shit, but hey, that's what I went through. I'm sorry if you think that it's bull, but it's not. I really, really think that the hell that I went through without my Massie... I think that in the end, right now, it's all better. It's all good. I'm good, she's good.
Oh, yeah, did I tell you that we're getting married? Haha, yeah, we're getting married. Okay, fine, I don't know that for sure since I'm only seventeen, but... Well, Massie and I, we're just two birds of the same feather, you know? Without her, I wouldn't be able to survive this jumbled messed up world we call life. After that night, it was just another crazy ride of love again. Insert dreamy sighing shit here. Well, I guess I'm off now. Thanks for listening to me. Thanks for putting up with my insanity. And, most of all, thanks for not judging me. I love you, whoever you are, reading this. BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE MASSIE. Heh. Sorry.
PS: If you did judge me, well... Jeez, I was only 16, you can't blame me!
an: i'm sorry, i really am. i don't really know how to nail endings. :( well, to everyone who put up with this story, you guys... are just some of the most amazing people in the world. :) you've kept up with this story till the end, and seriously, this is for each and every single one of you. :)
to lisa: thanks for reviewing this, even if i was all, "NO, YOU DON'T NEEED TOOO." but you were so nice about it. you rock for that.
to olive: YOU DUNK AT LIFE, GO AND GET ON AT GET A LIFE DOT ORG. feeling like tarzan, whoo! xD [but you know, i really do love you, dude, you were my driving force for this story :)]
to tasharoo: thanks so much, dude, for reading this story and excusing my horrible writing skills. your reviews were always the ones i anticipated, 'cause you always made me laugh. and you never give cr!p reviews, sweetie :)
to hannah: THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU, dear, you're just the best ever, 'cause in every review, it made me want to update just for you. :) you're amazing, poe face.
to Lost in the Starlight: thanks so much for the support, dear. :) you were an amazing reviewer. :)
to jasmin: ahhh, one of my friends, thank you, dear, for reviewing and wanting to talk to an insane person such as i. :) and i'm sorry i haven't pm'd you back yet :O i'm a lazy buuum. teehee xD
to whats cookin good lookin: first time i saw your penname, i giggled. :D thanks so much for the reviews, dear. :)
to darling: thanks for everything, sweetie. :) you always had some of the best reviews. :)
to HopelesslyDevoted76: :) thanks so much for reading my story, dear. you're amazing. :)
to tess: PSH, YOU REVIEWED, LIKE, TWO TIMES. no, i'm totally kidding. :) this is for you, dear. AND YOU MISSED OUR ANNIVERSARY. ugh.
to Believe. In. Faith: thanks so much :) and, dude, YOU ROCK MORE. :)
to DancingintheRayne: i had always wanted to ask, is your name rayne? coo' name, bro. :) anyway, thanks for reading falling like cigarette ashes. :)
to bianca: oirjerjceritjrt, I NEED TO SEND YOU AN E-MAAAAAAAILLLL. and... yeah, whatever, thanks for reviewing... xDDD i looooove yeeewwww :) [and you NEED TO SHOW ME THAT PICTURE, DUDE :O]
to J. A. W-osaurus: thanks so much :)
and, that's everyone. i have officially made this longer than it has to be. :) and i don't own anything. just the plot and the format. i don't own any of the songs: mayday parade, all time low, eminem, american hi-fi, amber pacific, daniel powter, secondhand serenade and the red jumpsuit apparatus own the songs that i used. :)
well, this is it. again, THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU. you were all wonderful reviewers. now, to move on with my next project, the companion to this story, "10 Things A Fisherwoman Should Know". It won't be up until tomorrow when i post up the last chapter of htdh. :)
review, once more? [and sorry for the long a/n xP ]
-feeling like tarzan, whoo!
ericka:)