Chapter 1: The Love We Left Behind
Dedication: Merry Birthday Melly.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, they own me...but Stephenie owns them so I guess she owns me. Thanks SM.
"I can't remember when it was good
Moments of happiness elude
Maybe I just misunderstood
All of the love we left behind
Watching the flash backs intertwine
Memories I will never find"
~Falling Away With You, Muse
"Do you know how you just put something off, and put something off, and it just gets to be bigger than it probably needs to?"
Bella looked across the room at her good friend, raising her eyebrow warily. They were back home in Seattle after spending a long weekend in New York celebrating Alice's engagement. Alice had come to her apartment after work, wringing her hands together fitfully.
Bella had noticed that her friend looked a little worried from time to time over the weekend, and it wasn't like Alice to worry. She hadn't had a chance to ask her about it as this was the first time they'd been alone since Alice was engaged. "Alice, you're not going to tell me that you meant to break up with Felix ages ago, and now you don't know how to get out of your engagement, are you?"
Alice's head snapped up and her eyes widened. "What? No! No. I want to marry Felix. I can't wait to marry Felix," she said fervently.
"Alright," Bella calmed, breathing a sigh of relief. "What's the problem then?"
For a long while, Alice didn't speak. Instead, she clutched at the pillow on Bella's couch, squeezing it in her hands like a stress ball. The tension between the two women mounted and finally, Bella couldn't take it anymore. "Jeez, Alice, spit it out. Is it really that bad?"
"No. Yes... I don't know," Alice cried. She let go of the pillow and covered her face with her hands.
Quickly, Bella stood from where she was curled up on her armchair and went to sit next to Alice. The other woman was all about theatrics but dramatic she wasn't. She put her arm around her friend. "You're scaring me."
"It's just that... well... I'm married," Alice blurted, the sound muffled by her hands over her face.
Bella was sure that her heart skipped two beats. "What?" she asked brilliantly.
Tears slipped down Alice's cheeks and she sniffled. "I really didn't mean for it to happen like this. It's just that...when I left Forks, I was so lost. Everything was so uncertain and scary."
"I know, Alice. I know. I was there," Bella murmured soothingly.
Though they were the same age, Alice had been a year behind Bella when they met at the University of Washington. Back then, Bella had been a sophomore working at the front desk of the counseling office on campus. For days on end, she saw a nervous looking, young woman peer in the doors, but she never went in.
From the first day, Bella was concerned. The poor girl's shoulders drooped from the weight of whatever burden she bore. Her tiny frame made her look exceptionally vulnerable. After a few days of watching her flit up to the doorway and away like a startled little butterfly, Bella enlisted Edward's help to bring her in safely. Edward had a very gentle nature when he wanted to. It was what made him an excellent psychologist.
The day Bella met Alice officially, she and Edward had hatched a plan. When Alice peered nervously into the glass doors of the counseling office that day Bella looked her straight in the eye and smiled warmly. The frightened little thing had looked startled, and she'd quickly turned to walk away. She hadn't gone ten steps before Edward called to her in his soft, melodic, inviting tone.
Quiet and unassuming, he'd asked for something generic - directions to to one of the dormitories. Alice had stuttered nervously. Edward observed that she was new there, and started to ask unobtrusive, open-ended questions. It was like watching a man sit perfectly still in a field, his palms held out, until the butterfly fluttered right into his cupped hands.
Little by little, they'd gotten Alice to open up about her past.
That nervous, twenty-year-old woman wracked by anxiety had long since become the vivacious, strong twenty-seven year old woman that Alice was now. It had been a long time since Bella had seen her friend this upset, reminding her far too much of that lost girl she had been.
"What do you mean you're married, Alice?" Bella prompted when her friend seemed a bit calmer.
Alice took in a shuddering breath, closing her eyes and staring at the floor. "You remember everything I told you about my ex?" she asked in a whisper.
"Of course."
Alice only ever referred to him as her ex, but had told Bella once, a long time ago, that his name was Jasper. She knew that their relationship had been borderline abusive. After an accident that killed her parents and almost Alice herself, she had been in the hospital for a long time. Instead of going back home to Forks like she was supposed to, Alice had run. She'd started life anew in Seattle, living off of the money her parents had left her, as well as the settlement money from the accident.
"He wasn't just my ex-boyfriend," Alice admitted finally. "We were married. We are married."
"Oh, Alice," Bella breathed, squeezing her friend's shoulders tightly as her head reeled.
The other woman started crying quietly again. "At first everything was just so overwhelming. I couldn't even think about the fact that I was married. I was scared that he would come after me, but when I told him to stay away, he did." She shrugged helplessly. "Then, I don't know... years passed like nothing.
"When things with Felix looked serious, I started looking into it. I even filled out the paperwork, but..." she trailed off.
"You haven't sent it," Bella supplied.
Alice shook her head slowly.
"Why?"
"Because when I told him to leave me alone, the last time, he promised he would. But he said that if I tried to divorce him, he would contest it," Alice explained, her voice quavering with emotion.
Taking a deep breath, Bella considered this. "Well, you have to try to serve him the papers."
"I know. I know," Alice said, nodding her head and blowing her nose into the tissue that Bella had proffered. "I was thinking about trying to go there, and talk to him myself but..." Again she trailed off, this time getting visibly upset at the very idea.
"Deep breaths," Bella prompted, rubbing her friend's back in slow, slow circles. Though it had been years since Alice's last panic attack, Bella recognized the signs easily enough. She had started breathing hard and blinking sporadically. Her face had a sickly, gray pallor to it. "Hold on a second, Alice."
Quickly, Bella ran to the kitchen, taking a bottle of water out of the fridge. She opened it and handed it to Alice, noticing how the bottle trembled in her shaking hands. Alice drank and started to calm down again.
"You know, you can hire someone to serve him the papers directly if you think he'll dodge them by mail," Bella suggested carefully. "A sheriff, or a paid liaison."
Alice shook her head vehemently. "If he chooses to contest the divorce he could draw this out for years... and there will be no way I can keep this from Felix."
"So you want to try and settle this as quickly as possible, without lawyers or sheriffs that might set him off," Bella concluded. "Do you want me to go with you?" she asked quietly.
Breathing deeply, Alice gave a humorless laugh. "I don't know what I want. I'm just… I get so worked up even thinking about it. I don't know what I'll do when I see him again."
And no one wants to face their ex looking wrecked, Bella thought inwardly. She considered how she would feel in Alice's place. She would want to seem like a tower of strength, especially to a man like Jasper who'd preyed on Alice's weaknesses.
Then she remembered how scared Alice was in the beginning, and how every time she'd comforted her friend when she cried, Bella had wanted to confront the man responsible. Back then she'd felt helpless. Overcoming something like Alice had gone through took time, and it was frustrating knowing that all you could do was just be there.
"Well, why don't you let me take care of it then," Bella suggested.
Alice's head shot up. "What?"
"You're allowed to have someone over the age of 18 serve him the papers. Let me talk to him," Bella grinned. "I'll just tell him you're far too busy doing important things."
Giggling a little at that, Alice smiled tentatively. "You would do that for me? He's…intimidating."
"Pffft," Bella scoffed. "Let him try to intimidate me. Worst case scenario, we took those self-defense courses, right?"
Alice looked a little green at the thought of Bella needing to use self-defense courses. "I don't think… I mean, he wasn't like that." She frowned. He'd never been violent with her - a little pushy, perhaps, but he hadn't hit her. "But who knows. It's been eight years."
"He's probably a pathetic, unemployed s.o.b. with a beer belly," Bella returned.
Considering this, Alice smiled again. Then she hugged Bella tightly, laying her head on the other woman's shoulder. "Thank you," she said sincerely.
~0~
Bella had not set foot in Forks since she was a little over a year old. It was one of those odd coincidences of life that she had been born in this tiny town and yet she'd met Alice by chance at the UDub.
Her mother, Renee, had hated Forks enough that she'd left her father, Charlie. However, Charlie had followed her to Phoenix and successfully wooed her back. He'd given up the small town he'd loved for his wife and child.
Still, Bella had grown up hearing her father's wistful tales about life in Forks. Throughout high school, Bella had grown more and more distant from her peers. Though she loved the sun, she decided to see if her father's home state – her birth state- spoke to her. She'd found Edward and then Alice. She'd stayed.
But leaving the big city for a town as small as Forks was where she drew the line.
It was, perhaps, an omen that no sooner had Bella crossed into Forks than she was given her first reason to hate the little town. A cop cruiser peeled out of the shade of the trees, its lights flashing in Bella's mirror.
"Shit," she cursed to herself as she pulled over. She'd seen the speed limit sign, significantly lower than the speed she'd been going. However, the sign had been just a few seconds prior to the cruiser's mostly hidden location.
Sighing, Bella rolled down her window, watching in the mirror as a cop about her age with spiky blond hair sauntered up. "Good morning ma'am," he greeted pleasantly.
She didn't know if it was because she was already nervous about finding Jasper Whitlock or if the irritation that raced through her when the officer gave her a once over was too much, but Bella found herself mouthing off as she handed over her license and registration. "That's a nice speed trap you have going there."
Now, Bella normally had a natural respect for cops. Charlie was a cop, in fact. However, well… this was just an off day.
The officer – M. Newton his badge read – looked amused. "Well, Isabella-"
"Bella."
Another grin. "Bella, if you have a problem, you can bring it up at the station."
Knowing she'd already said too much, Bella kept her mouth shut before she could snap at the officer again. He was just doing his job after all.
But he didn't have to look like he was enjoying it quite so much.
Officer Newton finished writing out the ticket, handed it to her with a friendly smile, and wished her a good day, helpfully informing her of the town's speed limit. He walked away whistling merrily.
Annoyed – with the officer and with her own irritation – Bella started her car again. She tapped on her steering wheel, considering what she was going to do. When she and Alice had looked, they'd found Jasper Whitlock's address and phone number easily enough. Calling him was out of the question – it was impersonal and gave him a chance to get defensive. Then again, showing up at his house would probably be a worse idea.
Alice had given Bella the names of the few classmates she remembered from high school. Forks was a small town – Bella had figured that it couldn't be that hard to locate Jasper by just asking around.
Well, the police station seemed like as good a place to start as any. Surely the officers knew most of the people around town. She could kill two birds with one stone. She'd start asking around about Jasper, and she could contest the unfair ticket at the same time.
Decided, Bella pulled back out onto the highway and continued into Forks.
The police station wasn't hard to find. Bella found it inside of ten minutes. She stepped inside, ruefully noting that it looked nothing like the police stations she'd seen on television. The room she stepped into housed many filing cabinets and five desks. There were a few doors beside that, one of which Bella assumed led to a few holding cells in the back. Only two of the desks were currently occupied.
"May I help you?" said the officer at the desk closest to the door. The placard on her desk identified her as an Officer Angela Cheney. She looked, if anything, younger than Bella.
"Yes, um," Bella dug through her purse, trying to figure where she'd left her ticket. "I just got a citation, and I wanted to see who I could discuss that with."
"You want to contest the ticket?" Officer Cheney asked, looking confused.
"Yes, Officer Cheney-"
"You can call me Angela."
That caught Bella off guard and she paused, startled. Then she nodded and continued. "Angela, it's just that the sign-"
This time Bella was cut off by the ringing phone.
"One moment please," Angela said, holding up a finger. She picked up the phone, "Forks Police Department." She listened for a moment, and then a grin came over her features. "Well, now that seems very serious, ma'am. Give me one moment and I'll get you right to the Sheriff." Still smiling, Angela put the caller on hold and called over to her right, "Emergency in the town of Spoons!"
"I got it," a deep, smooth voice responded. All Bella could see was the back of the man's head as he reached for the phone on his desk. He had honey blond hair – thick, honey blond hair – short enough to be neat but long enough to get that voluminous look that typically eluded men. "This is the Sheriff of Spoons, how can I help you?... Oh, well that sounds like a tricky situation, Officer Tanya. I'm going to need my best officer on that. Hmmm. Who can I trust to be tough enough, and brave enough, and strong enough to tackle a criminal of that type?"
Bella must have looked perplexed as she turned back to Angela because the other woman chuckled. "His daughter, I'm assuming?" Bella asked, curious.
A hint of sadness came over Angela's face before she pushed that back and smiled again. "No, he has no children. Tanya is the five year old daughter of his neighbors – Kate and Garrett Damon. She's a very bright little girl, and very creative. She and Garrett usually get into the role-playing games that she makes up." Angela's lips turned down slightly as she continued. "But, Garrett is away a lot on business, and Kate…well, that kind of game is just not her forte, you know?
"So, about a year ago, he," Angela nodded at the blond officer who was still talking on the phone, "happened to answer a call from Tanya. She said there was an emergency. Caused quite a ruckus around here until Jasper figured out she was just playing. Now he lets her call as long as she knows that if he's busy, or needs to go, playtime is over. He came up with the Spoons thing – so we would know for sure that she was playing, and if it was a real emergency she would say Forks."
Bella's heart warmed and seemed to expand in her chest. She always appreciated moments like these. In a world where one so often heard about the atrocities people were capable of, the good things were very rarely recognized. Here was a man who took time out of his day to indulge a child who wasn't even related to him. She was willing to bet it eased the pain of Tanya's father being gone, just a little. "He couldn't be a Sheriff though," she mused out loud.
"No," Angela agreed. "He's Lieutenant-"
"Lieutenant Jasper Whitlock, ma'am. And who might you be?"
Bella's tongue seemed stuck.
He didn't look like a cop. He looked like a male stripper at a bachelorette party dressed up as a cop. His uniform hugged the musculature of his arms and hinted that his abs might be just as defined. His face was handsome in that way that bordered on the obscene, especially with the way he was smiling at the moment. For the first time, Bella understood how Alice could let herself be manipulated by this man. When he looked at her with that grin, her brain seemed to melt a little. Panty dropping was the least of her worries. She would have dropped her panties and killed her own mother if he asked.
But his eyes didn't look even remotely mischievous. Mostly, he looked questioning, waiting to see how he could help her. And even though he was smiling, he looked worn - inherently sad somehow.
Bella shook her head harshly. Her brain was stuck on confused. Two seconds ago. this guy had been the type of man who would spend time out of his own day playing games with a lonely five-year-old who missed her daddy. This guy was a police officer, and Bella had grown up believing if there was one person you could always trust, it was a cop.
She couldn't quite reconcile that impression with the image she'd built up in her head after so many years of knowing Alice. She'd imagined eyes of cold, calculating ice blue. In her mind's eye he was all harsh expressions and gruff voice. Nothing like this tranquil, cerulean blue gaze and wide, honest smile.
Before she had to answer his eyes turned curious as he peered at her. "Do I know you?" he asked, tilting his head and squinting a little.
"No," she said too quickly.
He snapped his fingers, his eyes widening slightly. "I'm sure I've seen you. On TV or something, right?"
Bella's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I'm not on TV," she said slowly, her mind kicking into high gear again. There was absolutely no reason she'd look familiar unless...
Unless he was keeping tabs on Alice. If he was a cop, he'd have the resources. Oh, Alice, she thought, pushing the last of her positive feelings toward Jasper away.
"What did you say?" Jasper asked, his voice taking on an edge. He stepped toward her unconsciously.
Had she spoken out loud? "I didn't say anything," Bella responded.
"You did. You said 'Alice.'"
"I didn't say Alice. This isn't Wonderland, and I don't know you. Look, I have to go," she babbled, quickly turning on her heel. A strong grip on her elbow restrained her and Bella whirled. "Get your hands off me!"
"Ma'am," Angela said softly, her eyes darting between Bella and Jasper in confusion. "You said you wanted to contest a ticket right?"
Bella huffed, confused before she remembered her original purpose. "It doesn't matter. I'll contest it in writing." She turned to leave again.
"Wait!"
Against her better judgment, Bella stopped and turned again, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring. "What?"
Jasper wasn't smiling anymore. His eyes were narrowed, quite a bit closer to the icy cold version she'd originally expected. "Let me see your ticket," he commanded, holding his hand out.
Hesitantly, reminding herself that she was actually in a police station, Bella dug the ticket out of her purse and handed it to him. He yanked it out of her hand more aggressively than was absolutely necessary. His eyes scanned the information there, and then he grabbed her arm again. "Speeding twenty-five miles an hour over the speed limit is a criminal offense. I'm afraid we're going to have to take you in," he gritted out between clenched teeth.
"What?" Bella shrieked as he started to drag her toward the back where she was sure the holding cells were. "I wasn't going that fast."
He wasn't listening. He just continued to drag her, ignoring her protests and Angela's questions. He didn't let her go until he'd shoved her into a cell and slammed the door behind her. He locked it without looking at her, and stalked away.
She yelled uselessly for a few minutes at the closed door before she gave up. Furious didn't even begin to describe her mindset at that point. Livid was a little closer. With a growl of frustration, Bella sat heavily on the cot, rubbing at her wrist. He hadn't grabbed her that hard, but hard enough that she felt his touch on her skin.
The words 'borderline abusive' echoed in her head. He'd never hit Alice, not really, she'd told Bella. He'd grabbed her a few times, shaken her, but never left a mark on her. It seemed he was much the same.
Bella wasn't stupid or naive enough not to be wary. He had power and obviously wasn't afraid to use it. What that meant for her, she couldn't know just yet.
About ten minutes had passed before the door opened again. Bella stood, instantly squaring her shoulders. Fuck him if he thought she was going to bow to his bullshit. But it wasn't Jasper who stood in the doorway, it was Angela.
Her face was an apologetic mask. "Miss Swan-"
"My name is Bella," she said coldly, more to exert control over the situation than to encourage any kind of familiarity between them.
"Bella," Angela corrected. "I would like to express, on behalf of the Forks Police Department, my sincere apologies for Lieutenant Whitlock's actions."
"What, he's not enough of a man to come in here and apologize to my face?" Bella spat before Angela could attempt to placate her any further. By then the officer had the cell door open and Bella was standing on the outside as quickly as she could get there. On a shallow level, it irritated her that she couldn't claim to have never seen the inside of a jail cell now.
"Miss Swan," came a gentle, contrite voice from the doorway.
"Bella!" she all but bellowed.
Jasper's lips pressed together in a line as he visibly took a deep breath. "Bella. Of course I want to apologize. The only reason I asked Angela to come in here first was because I didn't want to upset you any further."
"That's something you should have thought of before you were trampling all over my civil liberties," Bella responded icily.
Another deep breath. "I know. And for what it's worth I'm very, very sorry. I'm not going to offer you any excuses - I know what I did was inexcusable-"
"And an insane abuse of power," Bella inserted.
Jasper swallowed audibly but nodded. "Yes. But if you'd like to listen, I'd like to explain my...over reaction."
Then it was Bella who was taking deep breaths, forcing back her immediate impulse to tell him to go fuck himself and get on the phone with the first lawyer she could think of. She wasn't about to let him off the hook easily, but on the other hand, if she was going to accomplish what she'd come here to do she was going to need to be patient with him.
Finally, she gestured that he should continue.
A look of relief came over his features, and he nodded toward the door. "It's better explained if you see something."
When he was sure that she was following him, he looked over his shoulder at her. "It's just, when you said Alice's name, I remembered where I'd seen you. Now, I don't watch the E network very much, but a friend of mine does." As he spoke, Bella could hear his voice get tight, almost pained. "It seems you attended a fashion show last week."
He sat at the desk Bella had seen him in earlier and spun the monitor around. Jasper had an entertainment website pulled up. On it was an article about Felix's engagement to Alice. The picture shown was from when Alice had dashed into the audience to celebrate with her friends. Bella's face was very clear.
Jasper pointed to Alice, his finger just above her head - conveniently covering Felix's face. "Your friend...is my wife."
Bella swallowed, surprised at how sedated he sounded. She debated with herself briefly before deciding, at this point, honesty was the best policy. "I know," she admitted.
His eyes snapped to hers, shock rippling across his face. "You know?"
"You think it's a coincidence I'm here?" she countered.
His lips twitched and he looked back at the screen. "I thought you were here fighting a speeding ticket."
"That's why I'm at the police station. I'm in Forks looking for you."
"Why?"
Bella nodded at the screen. "Shouldn't that be obvious?"
Jasper didn't speak immediately. "She wants a divorce," he said, his voice completely flat and lacking inflection. Not knowing what to say, Bella just waited.
"Who are you? Her lawyer?"
"No," she said, letting the full force of her irritation slip back into her voice. "I'm her friend. And you still haven't explained to me why you felt the need to throw me in a cell."
Jasper looked down, the picture of contrition. "I don't know how much Alice told you," he began.
"I've known her since we were both twenty."
He looked up at her and then nodded, looking more resigned than anything. "Then I can imagine what you think of me." He laughed humorlessly. "And I'm sure my reaction didn't help my cause any." He sighed. "Look, what it comes down to is this: I wasn't expecting her to run from me. I've spent the last seven years wishing I'd done something - anything - to stop her."
"She isn't yours to control," Bella protested before she could help herself.
His eyes widened. "No, I ... I didn't mean it like that. I just wish she'd talked to me. If she'd only talk to me now, I know we could sort everything out," he said, obviously agitated. He rubbed the back of his neck. "When I knew you knew her...well, all I could think was that I didn't want you to run off too. It was a knee-jerk reaction."
He looked her directly in the eye again, and Bella once more noticed how worn he looked. It was even more pronounced now, the unfathomable sadness there. It was almost enough to dredge out her sympathy, but she knew better. "Once again, I'm not offering an excuse for my actions, just an explanation," he said slowly, his tone and expression matching the absolute sincerity of his words. "Your citation has been completely stricken from the record. Not as a bribe, mind you - your record shows no previous citations ever, so that's pretty common policy around here. If you want to speak to Police Chief Marks you're well within your right to do so."
Abruptly, his eyes seemed to harden and he stood. "However, on a personal note, if you think I'm going to sign whatever paperwork you brought, you are sorely mistaken."
With that, he turned and walked away.
A/N: TY to Josieswan for beta work. As previously mentioned, this is a fic I'm writing for my darling Melly. My first fic wife. I do love her muchly...obviously as this story might just break my canon heart. Lol.
So, her request was this. Jasper/Bella. Edward could IN NO WAY be a threat. The plot line was vaguely Sweet Home Alabama, except that it was Alice and Jasper who would be still married, and Bella who went to go obtain the divorce on behalf of Alice. Those are my only restrictions. Bwah.
I would appreciate it if you wished her a happy birthday! You can do so in your review here or drop her a line on her twitter. You'll find her under dizzygirl28. She's a talented writer too if you can stomach C/B ::shudders::