Chapter 5: Just Breathe
Dedication: To my Melly who will drive me crazy by not reading this until Tuesday. Bets? Anyone?
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Incidentally - I also don't own the Miller Tree Inn but it does exist. It's more frequently called the Cullen house nowadays and you will find messages from "Esme" on the whiteboard.
"Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,"
~Breathe (2AM, Anna Nalick)
The ride back to Forks was mostly silent. Esme's lunch made for passable small talk and something to do in the tense atmosphere that permeated the car. Besides that, they were both lost in their own thoughts.
Bella tried to imagine that Jasper's story was true. Several times, out of the corner of her eye, she would see a sad, wistful smile quirk at the corners of his lips as he drove. If it was true, she imagined that he would be remembering when he and Alice drove away from here, years before. He must have been so full of hope. The girl he'd always had to watch walk away with someone else was going to be his wife. He must have been scared shitless, but happy. Determined, maybe.
She imagined Alice sitting where she was sitting now. In her minds eye she could perfectly see Alice at 18, glancing over at Jasper with giddy nervousness. They would be smiling at each other askance, holding hands over the gear shift during the two day trip to Vegas.
"Bella?" Jasper said quietly, interrupting her little fantasy.
She glanced at him, waiting for him to continue.
"I don't know who you would tell, but just so you know, nobody knows that it wasn't my baby." He chuffed softly, wringing his fingers around the steering wheel. "I guess not even Alice knows that. I never told anyone."
"Does she remember the baby?" Bella asked after a moment, just trying to put the pieces together.
"She must. The doctors said they told her." He sighed. "I had to name him. You know, at seven months he actually took a few breaths before he died." He trailed off, lost in the memories for a moment. "I never did get a chance to ask her... I named him William because both our favorite grandfathers were named William. William Brandon Whitlock. I never knew if she would have approved of the name."
"Why Brandon?"
Jasper looked way from the road momentarily to raise an eyebrow. "It's her maiden name. Mary Alice Brandon."
At that moment, Bella felt like she'd been struck. She felt betrayed in some way. Alice, it appeared, had kept much from her, despite the fact that they were supposed to be best friends. While Bella understood her reasoning, it was difficult to accept that all the secrets Alice had kept, Jasper knew.
But Jasper had no idea who Alice was now.
Jasper whistled then as they pulled into the parking lot of the Inn. "Looks like Esme got a new guest," he murmured, changing the subject.
Following his gaze, Bella sat bolt upright in her seat when she saw what he was looking at. "What the…that asshat." She was very familiar with the pristine, black Mercedes that stood out in the almost empty parking lot.
"Friend of yours?" Jasper asked mildly, pulling the car into a space.
"Yeah. Um. I'm going to…" she trailed off, not knowing what she was going to do because she didn't know why he was there. Instead, she unbuckled her seat belt and all but sprinted up the steps.
In the living room of the Miller Tree Inn she found exactly who she expected to find. "Carlisle, how on earth did he convince you to come down here?" she demanded as both Carlisle and Esme, who were sitting side by side on one of the room's comfy couches, looked at her in mild surprise.
"I just hitched a ride, actually," Edward's voice startled Bella. She whirled, finding him standing behind her in the entryway. "It was just a fortuitous twist of circumstance."
Bella chuffed. "Don't give me that. You're checking up on me." She smacked his arm lighter than he deserved. "What are you thinking? This isn't worth taking off work for."
"This doesn't have anything to do with me checking up on you," Edward insisted, lying through his teeth. "Carlisle's always wanted to check into purchasing some investment properties here, and I wanted to see the town you were born in."
"You were born here?" a voice from the doorway interrupted their discussion.
When Edward saw Jasper standing there, he drew Bella into a protective embrace, pulling her against his side. Jasper's eyes swept over them, taking in their intimate posture before coming up to look at Edward straight on. He cleared his throat. "Sorry. I'm Jasper Whitlock," he said, extending a hand to Edward.
Edward looked at it as if it were covered in dirt. Bella elbowed him and wrestled out of his embrace, crossing her arms. "Be nice, Edward."
Slowly, Edward reached out and gripped Jasper's proffered hand. From where she stood, Bella could tell they were both doing the hand squeeze of death. She rolled her eyes, sending a prayer up that they stopped short of whipping out their dicks for comparison's sake.
When everyone had been introduced, Bella turned back to Carlisle with accusing eyes. "Seriously, how did he get you to come down here? You shouldn't cater to his ridiculousness."
Looking amused, Carlisle tilted his head at her and smiled patiently. "Actually, he was telling the truth. We had coffee this morning, and I mentioned I was going down to Forks to look at a few potential investment properties. He merely asked if he could tag along."
Edward waggled his eyebrows at her. "Told you."
"He's off the hook. But you know I know you better than that. You're always running in on your white horse, thinking you need to protect me," Bella poked Edward in his chest with a single finger as she spoke.
Esme furrowed her eyebrows. "Why would you need protection?"
"I think that's my cue," Jasper said dryly. He leaned in and kissed Esme's cheek. "I'll see you later."
"Jasper-" Bella started, but he cut her off.
"I get it, Bella. I'm sure I'll see you soon," he said and quickly turned and headed back out the door.
Bella sighed, bowing her head because she'd gotten too excitable and stuck her foot very firmly in her mouth. "Shit," she cursed under her breath. She thought about going after him, but quickly decided against it. What was she going to say? Her head was still spinning with all the new information he'd given her, and she was far too wary to believe him outright.
Carlisle cleared his throat. "Well, Esme was just offering to go with me to view those properties I was here to see," he prompted, glancing at Esme.
"Oh, yes! " She turned to Bella. "I'm going to leave a message on the dry erase board outside just in case any more surprise guests stop by," her bright eyes flitted from Edward to Carlisle with amusement, "so if you have somewhere else to be, I'd appreciate it if you locked the door behind you. There's a spare key under the planter outside."
Bella was so shocked that Esme would trust her so readily with her business that her brain didn't completely start working again until after she and Carlisle were already almost to the car.
Coming up beside her, Edward laughed lightly as they watched the other pair drive away. "You know, I don't care how old we get, being able to tease my big brother when he has a crush will never get old."
Not answering, Bella turned around and headed up the stairs.
"Bella," Edward called after her. With his too long legs he caught up to her easily. "I'm sorry. You know I feel protective of you."
"And you know I can handle myself," Bella returned, unlocking the door to her room and striding inside. She sat heavily on the bed. "He was the picture of a gentleman, Edward. Even when I lost my patience with him, he was more than understanding. "
Edward crossed his arms. "What did you get impatient about?" he asked carefully.
Bella told him the whole story, watching the turmoil of emotions she felt cross his face one by one. When she had repeated everything Jasper had told her, they both fell silent.
Finally, Bella couldn't take the heavy quiet anymore. She needed his feedback. She needed something to even begin to process what she should and shouldn't believe. Edward not only knew Alice as well as she did, but he was educated as a psychologist. This was supposed to be his expertise. "Is it possible?"
Edward cocked his head, staring forward and seeing nothing for a few moments before answering. He looked at Bella thoughtfully, slipping into an analytical mode and stepping away from the part of himself that was just Alice's friend. "The human brain is a mysterious place. I suppose it'd be like an advanced form of displacement. She couldn't express all the anger and fear she had for James. Jasper would have been a safe option. If it's true, her subconscious would have known that he would never hurt her. It's why abused children often snap at school yard friends for instance, rather than displaying anger toward their abusers."
He stood then, pacing as he thought out loud. "Alice didn't have time to work out her emotions before the accident. It's more than possible that she repressed all thoughts of James after he left her. Then, after the accident, her memories and emotions needed a target. Jasper would have been the logical choice – after all, he was her husband - it would be easy for her to conclude that the man who mistreated her in a relationship was the same man she was married to. Add all of that to the trauma of being in an accident that bad, and losing her parents and a child on top of it? I can't even imagine that level of confusion."
He stopped short, his eyes finding Bella's again. "Yes. It's possible. It even fits in so many ways. But I still wouldn't just believe him outright. Regardless of whether he's lying or whether he's telling the truth, we need real evidence. If it is true, then it's something that Alice should know. But we can't go to her with this story and not offer her solid proof that it happened this way. She'd only feel betrayed by us."
Edward was interrupted by his cell phone chiming. He dug it out of his pocket eagerly, reading over and responding to the text. Meanwhile, Bella considered her options.
She still had the list of names that Alice had originally given her - people that had known Alice and Jasper in their previous life. However, given the way Lauren had reacted to Bella's presence, and the way the rumor mill seemed to spread in Forks, she didn't want to go to those women unless she absolutely couldn't help it.
"Do you remember Alice saying something about how she left almost everything she owned back in Forks?" Edward asked when he'd returned and Bella had caught him up on her thoughts.
"That's right. She even had the Realtor take care of everything when she sold her parents' house," Bella nodded.
"What do you think happened to all of her stuff?"
Bella was quiet for a moment, putting together the pieces. "You think Jasper might know?"
"Well, it'd be worth a shot, anyway. If anyone knows, it'd be him."
"Edward... if we go to see Jasper, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt," Bella said carefully. "You can't make him angry. He's the only one that can help us help Alice, one way or the other."
"Does he get angry that easily?" Edward asked pointedly.
"No, actually," she responded thoughtfully, tilting her head. "He was very patient with me today...even when I got a little sarcastic with him."
Edward rolled his eyes. "And I'm the one that's supposed to not antagonize him."
It took a little convincing and a lot of Carlisle's sweet talking, but they managed to convince Esme to give them Jasper's address. It was a small, white, two story house. Too large for the single man that lived there, but small enough that it would have been a great first home for a family. Bella's heart gave a quiet pang, and she wondered if Jasper had bought this place still hoping that Alice would be with him someday.
As they started up the walk, a tiny voice shouted up at them, "Halt!"
They looked down to see a cherub of a girl. She wore a police man's hat that was a size or so too big for her head and a fierce expression as she looked up at them - one hand on her hip, one hand extended out in a stop motion. Strawberry blond hair fell around her face in soft waves.
Both Bella and Edward bit their lips to keep from laughing out loud.
As the little girl continued to size them up, her eyes suddenly went wide as she took Edward in. Her little mouth shaped an o of some sort of awe. "Who are you?" she asked.
Bella slapped a hand over her mouth to cover a giggle. This was not an unusual reaction to Edward. It was, however, the first time she'd seen it play out in such a miniature person.
Shooting Bella a quick, dirty look, Edward knelt down so he was closer to eye level with the girl. "My name's Edward."
"You must be Officer Tanya," Bella guessed, remembering the story Angela had told her the day she first came to Forks.
Tanya's head whipped over to Bella as if she'd forgotten she was there. Her eyes narrowed at Bella before she turned back to Edward. "Is she your wife?" she whispered to Edward.
He grinned and shook his head.
The little girl's eyes lit up and she extended a hand to him, continuing to ignore Bella completely. "Are you here to see Sheriff Ja'per?"
Still grinning, Edward took the hand she offered and stood. "I certainly am."
"I can take you. Come on! I know the way!" She proceeded to march down the walkway, attacking plants and bushes with a stick she picked up as if she was making her way through a jungle.
When they got to the stairs, Tanya continued their conversation. "Does you have a wife?"
"No, ma'am," Edward said.
"Do you want one?" she asked brightly.
By this time, Bella couldn't contain her laughter. She just full on chortled. Tanya glared at her as if she had grown a third eye before turning back to Edward expectantly.
"Um," Edward said, controlling his own laughter, "I think you should probably talk to your parents before you propose to anyone."
Tanya looked perplexed. "What's uh-pose?"
Edward was saved from that potentially awkward conversation by the door swinging open. Instantly, Bella's eyes were drawn to Jasper's mostly open, button down shirt. More succinctly, to the necklace that hung low on his chest. It was a plain chain with two simple, gold bands on it. Catching her looking, he quickly started buttoning up his shirt.
"What do you have here, Officer Tanya?" he asked, choosing to look at the little girl instead of either of them.
"That one," Tanya pointed at Bella, speaking with a tinge of disdain, "was 'espassing. This," she tugged on Edward's hand, beaming up at him, "is Edward. I'm going to marry him."
"Oh, I see," Jasper said easily, his eyes lighting up with amusement though he kept his face straight.
"Do I get a choice in this matter?" Edward looked down at the tiny vixen.
She looked up at him, considering. "No."
Jasper chuckled. He reached down, grabbing Tanya and throwing the squealing little girl over his shoulder. "Does your mother know you're over here catching trespassers and husbands in my lawn?"
Edward offered him Tanya's fallen officer's hat. "Thanks. I'll take her home and then we can all talk about whatever it is you want to talk about." Jasper couldn't quite keep the grimace off his face.
He came back a moment later and crossed his arms, leaning against the column on the porch. "So, how can I help you?"
Jasper's defensive posture slackened somewhat as Bella explained. Then one side of his mouth lifted in a weak smile. "Gathering evidence. You know that's my thing." He turned then, opening the door and letting them into the house. "I do know where all Alice's things ended up."
Wordlessly, he walked inside, indicating they should follow. As she walked inside, Bella took in her surroundings. Most of the house, that she could see, was spartan. The rooms had the bare necessities of what they needed to not be empty. The exception to this was the small living room. That room had touches of personality. An entire wall was filled with book shelves. The subjects were wide and varied, It seemed, to Bella, that Jasper collected knowledge. The majority of the books she had a chance to take in as they passed were non-fiction. Both the couch and the recliner looked like they'd be heaven to enjoy a good book or the television that was tucked, catty corner, on the opposite side of the room. On the coffee table was a puzzle - mostly undone, though there was a skeleton of edge pieces beginning to take shape.
They walked down a hallway to the last room at the end. Jasper paused for a moment, his hand on the doorknob, before pushing the door open.
The little room was filled with boxes and a few small pieces of furniture. "I don't know if there are any pictures of James, but if you're going to find some type of physical proof of...them, it'd be in here?"
"You don't know what's in here?" Edward asked curiously. It seemed like a stretch that he had moved with Alice's boxes and hadn't once gone through them.
Jasper shrugged uncomfortably. "I guess I was just waiting for her to come home and sort through them herself."
For a few minutes, Jasper leaned in the doorway and merely watched as Edward and Bella dug through the boxes. He looked unhappy and uncomfortable, like he was trying to find an excuse to make them stop. There wasn't much he could say, though. This was what he wanted - a chance to prove to Alice that he wasn't the bad guy. If he could get her best friends on his side, he knew he'd have a much better chance.
But getting what he wanted was as double edged sword.
Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory had come running to him when they saw Alice with Felix for the first time in the celebrity gossip sites. It had been a while since Jasper had laid eyes on Alice and the difference was astounding.
She was vibrant. The way she held herself was so different from what he was used to. She was the epitome of perfect posture and utmost confidence. Her smile, as she held onto Felix's arm, was easy and adoring.
Jasper had realized then that he no longer had anything to offer this new Alice. The Alice he'd known needed a safe harbor. She'd needed something steady in her unstable life. She had needed a friend she could count on. The Alice in those pictures was worldly - deserving of a lifestyle so much bigger than a lieutenant on the Forks Police squad could ever offer.
The downside of being able to tie up loose ends was the finality of the closure he sought. He wasn't sure what he was going to do when he had to live his life without the smallest possibility of Alice.
With a long suffering sigh, he gave in, and went to help Bella and Edward sort through the boxes.
It was hard. The last time Jasper had seen the insides of these boxes, he'd been a shell shocked, teenage boy. He hadn't seen or heard from his wife in months when he got the call from Jessica. Her father was Alice's Realtor. All of Alice's things would be sold off, given away or trashed. She convinced her father to let Jasper take whatever he wanted. He'd spent hours carefully packing everything in Alice's room. He'd been numb - telling himself that one day Alice would remember that he'd taken care of her whenever he could since they were kids. One day she would remember that it was him she'd turned to when James had been cruel. One day she would wake them both up from this nightmare world where nothing was as it should be, and when that happened, she would want her old stuff - her old life - back.
Still, he smiled wistfully, unable to stop himself from explaining certain things. Edward opened a box filled to the brim with awards and certificates. Jasper told them that she'd been a dancer - and fantastic at what she did. She was mesmerizing- her body speaking as it moved to the music.
Bella found a box of newspaper wrapped picture frames and was hopeful that one of them would have what she needed. Jasper stopped her after she'd unwrapped four of them. "I didn't pack the ones she had of her and James," he said flatly. "She probably has a lot of loose images, or scrapbooks in here somewhere...but I left all the framed ones at the house."
In the photos Bella did see, she couldn't help but notice that Jasper's eyes were always on Alice. Most of them were group shots, but Jasper was always looking at her, a private, adoring smile on his face. And, Bella noted, Alice was often looking back at him. The expression was intimate.
They'd loved each other.
As the afternoon wore on, Bella was mostly quiet. So much of what they found in the boxes didn't hold with the Alice she'd come to know and love. It was a lot to take in - these two radically different sides of her best friend.
But there in that room, between the pictures and the reverent way Jasper handled Alice's things, Bella couldn't help but think that the blond haired man could never have hurt her friend.
Still, though they'd put a fairly good sized dent in the pile of boxes, as afternoon bled into late afternoon they hadn't found anything concrete to prove Jasper's claims.
Bella's thoughts were interrupted, for the hundreth time in the last few hours, by Edward's phone chiming. Edward pulled the cell out, staring at the screen. "Um. I'll be right back," he mumbled, standing and heading out the door quickly. A moment later the sound of the front door opening and closing could be heard.
"Hmm," Bella said. "Will you excuse me for a minute?" she asked Jasper.
"Of course," Jasper said distractedly, flipping through what looked like an old yearbook.
Concerned that something was going on with Edward, Bella quickly walked through the house out onto the patio. Edward was leaning on the railing, phone in his hand. He turned when he heard the door swing open.
"Is everything okay? You keep running off to answer the…" Bella trailed off when she saw the look on his face. Edward was…happy. His cheeks were flushed and a small, private grin played at the edges of his lips, like a shy school girl with a crush. "Edward Anthony Cullen, when were you going to tell me?"
He forced his lips into a frown. "Tell you what?"
"Don't give me that. I know that look. You've met someone," Bella accused, crossing her arms.
"No I ha-" he started to try to deny it but the fierce expression on Bella's face had him backpedaling. "I…I… I really like him, Bella."
Him turned out to be a man who was a senior at the University of Washington, where Edward still worked as a counselor, named Benjamin Massri. Benjamin was a music major – a huge turn on for Edward, not only because he had a passion for musical arts, but also because he'd pursued his dream despite his father's insistence that he follow him into politics. Amun Massri was a strong political figure in Washington. He was on a short list of senators who had a shot at the presidency someday and was a very powerful man. Amun had threatened not to pay Benjamin's way through school – which was how a young man of his means had ended up at UDub instead of some Ivy League school.
"He sounds great," Bella said sincerely, loving the new gleam in Edward's eyes. It took a lot to earn Edward's admiration. Bella could count on one hand the number of people he'd dated with any degree of seriousness in all the years she'd known him.
Then again, the same could be said of her.
"So, why didn't you want to tell me?" Bella asked.
Edward pursed his lips, turning slightly so he could muss her hair tenderly. "I don't know," he admitted. "Alice is, hopefully, getting married. I've been there – where it seems like all your friends are in relationships and you aren't." He shrugged.
Bumping his side lightly, Bella smiled. "I'm happy for both of you."
The door opened then, and Jasper stepped out. He took in the two of them, standing with their sides pressed against each other, and rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. "I was just going to pick up some dinner. You're welcome to stay if you'd like."
"No, actually," Bella glanced at Edward, "I think Edward wants to go back to the Inn. He has an important call to make."
Edward raised an eyebrow, silently asking her two questions: Did you just dismiss me so I could go have phone sex with the boy I'm seeing, and Are you sure you want me to leave you alone with him?
A roll of her eyes and a tilt of her head spoke volumes to Edward. You know you want to get your 900 voice on and I've been alone with him in the middle of a forest – I'll be fine.
"I hope you don't mind if I excuse myself," Edward said, sounding not entirely certain about it.
"Is it okay if I stay with you?" Bella asked Jasper.
Jasper glanced between her and Edward. "I don't have a problem with that. Do you want to go with me to pick up some food?"
"Sure," Bella said. She turned and hugged Edward good-bye.
Soon, Jasper and Bella were alone again.
"Your boyfriend is very protective of you," Jasper commented, his voice unassuming as they got in his car.
"He isn't my boyfriend," Bella said automatically, used to having to clear that up. "When it comes to romance, Edward prefers the exclusive company of men."
"Oh. Ohhhh," Jasper turned to her briefly, one side of his mouth quirked up. "Well, Tanya is going to be devastated." He chuckled, turning back to look at the street. "I should have known."
"Why is that?"
"He's very pretty."
"You're pretty," Bella responded almost automatically. Her face snapped forward then, her cheeks heating as he looked at her incredulously.
His light laughter sounded almost as nervous as she felt. Bella was startled when the car stopped, but when she looked up, she noticed that they were in a parking lot, in front of a ma and pop pizza place. Before she could get out and forget that moment ever happened, Jasper leaned in toward her. His physical presence so close to her made Bella freeze. "That's too bad. Here I was, going for sexy."
He pretended to sigh as he leaned back and smoothly got out of the car.
It took Bella's brain three full seconds to restart. It didn't help when he leaned back in the door with an easy smile and said, "Oh, uh... Bella. You're pretty too."
Her eyes narrowed at him as he straightened up, and she got out of the car. He wanted to tease her? Fine, two could play at that game. She walked a couple of steps and leaned over the hood. "Jasper?"
He leaned in from his side. "Yes?"
"Did you downgrade me from beautiful then?"
Before he could wipe the shocked look off his face, Bella turned, her hair flipping behind her in a move Alice actually taught her, and strode quickly to the door. She held it open, trying to contain her smirk as he shook off his surprise, laughing as he walked through the door. "Emmett?"
"He seems like a great guy."
"The best," Jasper agreed.
They decided to eat at the little pizzeria. Over pepperoni, olive and pineapple pizza, Bella found that a switch had been flipped inside her. Her anger and uncertainty about Jasper was gone. Without that confusion weighing her thoughts down, she found she actually enjoyed Jasper's company. He was intelligent and funny - charming, when he tried to be.
They lingered long after the pizza was gone. It seemed like they were both avoiding going back to Jasper's place. There was a sense of foreboding. Looking through all those pictures was like looking at pictures of a dead child. It was a life that had been so full of promise, cut short prematurely. That was when Bella knew that she was coming to like Jasper. His pain weighed heavily on her, and she wanted nothing more than to soothe him.
Vaguely, Bella wondered if this was in violation of the friend code with Alice. It wasn't exactly like trying to remain friends with both parties through a bad break up. It was a lot more confusing.
When they did get home, the atmosphere around them moving quickly from light to heavy the closer they got to his house. The levity of the evening faded as they thought of going back into the house...and getting back to the business of ending Jasper's marriage for good.
"Look. This is probably going to sound weird," Bella blurted as they pulled up to the house. "But I know that today hasn't been easy on you. Why don't we take a break from all this searching? Maybe we can watch a movie or something?"
He blinked at her, trying to make sure he'd heard her right. "You sure?"
She shrugged. "If I'm not imposing. Honestly all this," she gestured at the house, "is a lot to think about. My brain is a little fried over all the things I didn't know about Alice, if that makes sense. There's not exactly anything exciting to do here in Forks. So, it's either hang out with you or hang out in my room...contemplating just how dark it can get when you're surrounded by forest."
"How horrible," Jasper said dryly, but he seemed to be amused. "Yeah, alright. I suppose I can let you horn in on my truly epic night out on the town." He grinned at her. "I was actually just going to finish my puzzle and watch a little TV. How exciting is that?"
"I'm pretty easy to please," Bella smiled back. "That sounds like a great time to me."
Jasper told her to pick out any movie she liked while he made some hot chocolate. They settled down - Bella on the couch and Jasper on the floor so he could be closer to his puzzle.
"Really? Die Hard?" he asked, amused.
"There's nothing wrong with a good Bruce Willis flick," Bella countered. "I actually like Die Hard with a Vengeance best for comedic value, but ... I mean, come on. He throws a car at a helicopter. Who could get away with that besides Bruce Willis?"
"Can't argue with that," Jasper allowed.
Mostly, they ended up ignoring the movie, finding it easier to talk now that they were away from the ghosts of the past that plagued them.
"So...you were born here?" Jasper prompted. He'd been curious about this since Edward had mentioned it earlier that day.
"I was. I haven't been back since I was a baby though."
"You're not... related to Charlie Swan, are you?" he asked.
Bella narrowed her eyes in confusion, wondering how Jasper would know Charlie's name. "He's my father."
"Chief Marks talks about him a lot," Jasper murmured, a little ruefully. "Charlie Swan who gave up his life here to chase after his runaway wife and daughter."
They talked then about her life in Phoenix and how she ended up in Seattle. He talked a little about his life here. How Emmett had moved into town when there was a shortage of local lumberjacks. Jasper had to arrest him for drunk and disorderly conduct but had so much fun talking with him through the bars of the holding cell that they'd become instant good friends.
Bella couldn't help but notice, as Jasper talked about his life, that the only names that came up with any frequency were Emmett, Rosalie and Esme. Hesitantly, she asked if he'd ever seen anyone with any degree of seriousness. His answer was an immediate 'no.'
"You've never thought about anyone else?" Bella asked, the idea of Jasper being alone striking her as impossibly sad.
He shrugged, picking up a puzzle piece and turning it over in his hands. "There's no one around here that's really been able to hold my interest."
"Really? What about Esme? She's ... beautiful and kind. And she's done a hell of a job with the Inn." Not to mention reconstructing her life after being in an abusive relationship.
Jasper huffed, busying his hands by connecting two edge sections together. "Esme's amazing, but...just...no."
"Is it the age thing?" Bella asked, not entirely teasing. She knew many men preferred younger women. "She's not that much older than us." She was about the same age as Carlisle.
Over the years, wistful over the fact that she could never have Edward, Bella's eye had often wandered over to his older brother, entertaining that possibility. He was stunningly attractive and gentle, like Edward. But there was always something ... too familiar about Carlisle. He was much more like a brother to her, or a father, even. It was always him that she, Alice and Edward alike went to if they needed advice.
"It's not an age thing," Jasper answered, looking up at her. "It's a pedestal thing. Since the day I met her, she's always been beyond me. I never really considered it." He shrugged. "I guess I just don't look at her with those eyes."
Bella pretended to concentrate on the oddly shaped pieces of cardboard in front of her while she put together quite a different puzzle in her head.
There was a lot you could tell about a person if you just listened for a while. Edward always told her that she would make an excellent profiler for the FBI. She'd have even made a damn good psychologist. Either way, her instinct toward analyzing people was what had kept her single. It didn't take much more than a few conversations for Bella to find a negative trait or weakness in a man that she couldn't see dealing with long term. It was, in many ways, her own negative trait, but Bella preferred it, even when she got a little lonesome. If nothing else, it saved time and undue heartache.
But Jasper wasn't like a lot of men she'd known. His inherent weakness was directly connected to his heart, and proof positive that he was capable of a profound love. It wasn't that he had a fatal weakness - he was merely stuck.
As a boy he'd had a crush on a girl that was always unavailable - not because he couldn't have had her, but because he'd elevated her beyond his reach. It was a trait that many teenagers had and typically grew out of as they gained life experience. Jasper just hadn't had the chance to.
While Alice had moved on and grown into womanhood, building her confidence through personal struggles, Jasper had remained behind, waiting for that lost little girl to find her way back home. He'd been so caught up in dwelling on how things had gone so fantastically wrong that the world had passed him by.
"When's your next day off?" she asked into the silence.
He didn't look up, distracted as he was by the puzzle in front of him. His lips, as he concentrated, pouted out slightly. He had, Bella noted, a gorgeous profile."The day after tomorrow. Why?"
"Well, tomorrow night, we're going out," she said nonchalantly, as if they were friends and this was a typical thing to do.
That drew Jasper's attention away from the puzzle. "Out?" he asked, as if the word were foreign to his tongue.
"Out. What...surely Forks has one bar."
"The Hang-Up Tavern isn't bad. I guess. I mean, I only ever arrest drunks there. I haven't actually been in there recreationally."
"Then that's where we're going," Bella said decisively.
He blinked at her, studying her face as if trying to decide what alternate universe he'd stepped into. "Bella, you've pretty much hated me from the moment we met. Now you're wanting to hang out? What's going on?"
"I didn't hate you," she answered quietly, her face an open book for him to read. "I hate the man who hurt Alice. Maybe it's crazy...but I don't think you're him anymore. And maybe I don't know a lot about you, but I know I could use a night out, so why not?"
Again he was quiet, likely considering how quickly the tables had turned. This morning, Bella had been certain he was going to hit her.
"No games. No expectations... like I said, it's been awhile since I've been out on the town," Bella assured.
He had to laugh. "Right, because Forks has a nightlife." He grinned then - a genuine smile that absolutely overtook his face. He was, in that moment, beautiful. "Well, alright Miss Swan. A night out on the town...such as it is. Shall I pick you up?"
His genuine amusement and apparent happiness were infectious. Bella was glad she'd asked him. "Sure."
A/N: Thank you to josieswan for beta'ing from her death bed. I really hope you start to feel better soon, babe. Thanks also to grrlinterrupted for looking a few things over. This chapter was like pulling teeth for me. Damn mojo. I blame Rob and Kristen, making me obsess over Edward and Bella. The nerve.
Anyway. I know I've been a bastard about not replying to reviews. I'm working on correcting that. I read each one and just know - y'all make me so danged happy. I'll be better about them this time. This time I mean it!