Effy and Freddie are sleeping in Freddie's bed. Freddie is spooning her, his face snuggled into the crook of her neck, his black hair matted and covering his forehead. Effy's eyes slowly drift open, squinting from the crack of light that's made its way through the tiny gap in the dark curtains.

She could feel his heart beating against her back and the warm easy breaths he took which tickled her neck. His hand was clenched over her fist. Effy let her finger wander over to his hand and gently trace it on his skin in a circle. His skin was beautiful. Tanned, smooth, always cool to touch. Carefully turning over so she wouldn't wake him, she watched his sleeping face. He looked so peaceful, so lovely.. she'd hurt this beautiful boy last night. Well, she thought she had. She had a vague recollection. His pained eyes still echoed in her mind. She'd hurt him. Blinking away tears of frustration, she turned away.

"Hey.." his cracked voice broke the silence. He gently pulled her back and she allowed herself to roll back into him. "Hey," she murmered. Freddie smiled faintly. Effy felt this huge flood of love for him. What else could it be? Hate? No. She could never hate him. But she could love him.. she just couldn't show it.

She snuggled into his chest, pushing away these thoughts and inhaled his ashy, boy smell.

Sometimes, she worried that her problem with showing love would make him think she hated him. He'd get tired of it and leave her alone and never come back.

She didn't want this to happen.

But for some fucked up, twisted reason, she couldn't tell him this.

"Listen.. last night.." he began. Effy's heart froze. She knew it, she'd hurt him. Fuck. "Last night.. you really scared me. You had coke and disappeared. I couldn't find you for ages and JJ saw you lying passed out in the shed. Ef, you've got to stop. Please."

His eyes were pleading with her. He'd had enough. But for some fucked up, twisted reason... he wasn't leaving her.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

Did he enjoy the hurt and anger she made him feel?

Just, what...

"I'm sorry," was all she said. She was sorry but not enough to make her feel sorry for him. He could easily leave if he wanted to but he didn't.

She stopped herself. It wasn't Freddie's fault. He loved her, he always said it. He was in too deep, drowning, but it wasn't his fault.

So don't blame him, you bitch.. she told herself.

"I think we need to work on this.. like, us. Go on dates."

"Dates?"

Freddie nodded. "Yeah, dates. We don't do that."

"I don't like dates."

"Effy, please."

He was trying so hard to make this work. He needed her to open up and let him through. If only she'd let him through...

Effy swallowed. So he was in it for the long run. Till death do you part kind of stuff. "Ok Freddie. Ok," she whispered. Smiling with relief, he pulled her close and kissed her hard on the mouth. Maybe, if they tried, they would be ok. Effy would be ok. She had to be ok.