Time every journey to bump into you, accidentally,
I charm you and tell you of the boys I hate,
All the girls I hate, All the words I hate,
All the clothes I hate, how I'll never be anything I hate.
Find me and follow me through corridors, refectories, and files
You must follow, leave this academic factory.
- Dark of the Matinée, Franz Ferdinand
"Ooh, wear the purple top, it'll match more with your hair."
"With her hair? Please. I think you should wear those tights and dress like you were going to."
"She wasn't 'going to', you told her she should wear it!"
I must say, I never thought I'd be fussed over when it came to hair and makeup. Lavender and Parvati are in the midst of putting a million things on my face while trying to tell me what outfit I should adorn.
Personally, I think Lavender is just happy I'm going on a date with Dean rather than Ron, so she wants me to look as good as I can; then I'll stay away from 'her' man. Not like she needs me to stay away from him, he still is sore about last week's conversation. But I'm glad Lavender isn't mad at me anymore. I'm grateful for the tips; I hardly ever dress up, let alone go on dates.
"Well I think she should just wear what she likes," Fay says uninterested from her bed. She's reading a book titled Magical Creatures in the Swamps of England by Cordelia Fitzgerald, and I don't think was planning to go to Hogsmeade at all. She's kind of a loner, poor girl.
"Oh, please. What do you know?" Offended by Lavender's comment, Fay raises her book to her nose and 'hmmphs.'
"Mind if I look through your stuff, Hermione?" Parvati asks, while Lavender shoves her over and starts rifling through my Muggle shirts, skirts and skivvies.
"Um, I guess I have no choice." I say half-smiling. I don't quite enjoy the idea of them looking through my personal things. But I suppose since they're trying to help, I can't complain.
I pick up the small hand mirror from my dresser and examine my reflection. My hair is blown out straight (they brought out the big guns: Sleekeazy's Hair Potion) and looks shiny for once. I have no idea what they did, but now I somehow have nice side bangs; my strands aren't stuck to the top of my head to make a triangle formation anymore.
"Oh My God! You have to wear this!" I turn to look at Lavender and she's holding up a tight black shirt I got from my cousin Andrea at Christmas. She works for British Vogue and is always sending me these really expensive pieces that are lovely, but I can't pull them off. Wishful thinking that I always bring them along.
"Er, maybe. I don't really know if it suits me."
"You'll look so hot though! Dean won't be able to keep his hands off you," she says with a wink and I blush.
"You think so?"
"Definitely! It would drive any man in his right mind crazy."
"Well, Dean`s liked me so far without me wearing anything special. I never really thought him to be shallow."
"He isn't. But all boys like girls who look like girls. Think about it; he went out with Ginny. She's beautiful, right?"
"Well, yes but -"
"No buts, Hermione, she is one of the best looking girls in the entire school," she frowns as she says this. "Even some of the Slytherin boys think so."
"Really?" I question surprised. The Slytherin's are notorious for their ridiculously high standards.
"Uh, duuh. I've totally seen Blaise Zabini and Draco Malfoy check her out at one time or another, though they tried to slyly hide it. But I see everything," she winks again.
Malfoy thinks she's beautiful? Well if she fits into his standards, I certainly never will.
But it's not his standards I should care about.
"Speaking of which, isn't Malfoy totally gorgeous this year?" Lavender muses.
Fay and Pavarti both look at her with raised eyebrows. I look away, trying not to blush having just thought about him.
"I mean, now that he's dropped the whole 'I'm a pure-blooded, richer than you, bully' act. And stopped putting a million gallons of gel into his hair. Not like i'd date him, Merlin. But come on, you'd have to be blind not to notice how his face has matured; and his voice is to die for." She looks at me for a morsel of an opinion.
"Hadn't noticed," is all I lie.
"Well, you're all crazy. Sigh, if only I was in Slytherin for a week. I heard Pansy Parkinson bragging about what a great snogger he was in 6th year in the bathroom and all these things they'd done together. Though she might've been just exaggerating…"
"Anyways," I say trying to drag the conversation away from him. "We were talking about Dean. And I thought you fancied Ron," I say under my breath, though she snaps her head around and I know she's heard me. Oops.
"Yes, Dean" She says crossly. "He is very attractive, and Ginny is very attractive. They went out. They matched well together. I mean, when you think of all that, don't you want to level the playing field? And I do not still fancy Ron," she spits only to me.
"But Ginny is my friend, my best friend probably." I ignore her Ron comment. "I know she's beautiful, but she's also very smart. Besides, she has Harry, and I'm not jealous of her, I'm happy for her," I say, defending myself and Ginny, a little miffed that Lavender has the nerve to hint that I'm not as pretty as Ginny, even though I know it's true.
"Even so, you're not doing anyone any favours by just wearing a pair of corduroys and at shirt." She says pointing at a pile of clothes I'd planned to wear yesterday.
"Hey! How about if you wear this overtop?" Parvati cuts in, breaking some tension. "I mean, you'll be wearing a coat for most of the day anyways, but the short period of time you expose Dean to seeing just a hint of it will be a big tease, haha." I look to Pavarti and she's holding up a white tunic without sleeves. It's very sheer so it's almost see-through, and I suppose it would look 'sexy' like I was supposed to be going for. But I'm not used to looking like that, thinking of myself that way.
"Oh! And these trousers. Goodness, girl, where do you get all this stuff, it's amazing!" Lavender is holding up a pair of shiny black jeans, and my breath falters for a minute. I've worn those pants once, and only once. I went on a date with Ron for dinner; he said it was his favourite thing that I've ever dressed in. I haven't found the heart to wear them again after we broke up.
"My cousin works for a Muggle fashion magazine. She sends a lot of excess clothes from the photoshoots to me because she knows I hardly ever go shopping." The 2 gasp at my last statement.
"Clearly that's why you don't have much of a fashion sense then; from lack of experience!" Lavender comments. Ouch. "You have to wear this! With that tan trench coat you brought. You'll look awesome!"
"I guess so…the shirts are lovely, but I'm not so sure about the pants," I trail off.
"And why not? You have decent legs; they'll be a nice switch from long skirts every day won't they?" Always persistent isn't she?
"I suppose. It's just that…"
"Yes?"
"It's just that…Ron liked those pants, and I'm going out to lunch with him and Harry today with Dean. He's already upset that I'm taking Dean, I don't know if it's such a good idea…"
"Well you aren`t going out with Ron, are you? !" Lavender shouts shrilly.
Everyone freezes, hoping the tick in her time bomb won't go off. Parvati gives me the look that says to just drop it, and Fay is in disbelief at such a display of catty behaviour.
"It doesn't matter how much he liked them! Don't flatter yourself into thinking that he's so jealous of you and Dean that he's going to go bonkers seeing you with 'pants he likes'," she talks at me using obnoxious air quotes. "More like he's going to be upset because you spent way more effort looking nice for Dean than you ever did for him. Now put them on so we can see!"
And with her little speech at an end she snatches the shirts from Pavarti's grasp and flings them into my arms. Defeated, I undress, numb from the sting of her words, but thinking how true in fact those words are. And that was her plan wasn't it? Offer to help me look better than I normally do and make Ron hate me even more.
She really is mad.
Self-consciously, I turn around as I pull off the shirt I was wearing over my head; I don' think I can wear a bra with this. I unfasten the clasps on the simple pink one I have on and neatly set it on my bed, very aware that 3 girls are behind me and I'm bare-chested. I put on the corset backwards in order to zip up the closure and turn it to the front. Hastily, I shove on the tank top and when the shirt falls to my waist I whip off my pajama bottoms and get into the pants. They glide up my legs and are super tight. Most of these clothes were made for someone who is size double 00, I hope I can still walk around all day without them freezing to my body.
I turn around and smooth out the clothes; "What do you think…?"
"Gorgeous! Absolutely stunning!" Parvati says cheerily, albeit a tad bit fake. "Now come here so I can finish applying your foundation."
Ugh, foundation is the worst. I have no issue with eye make-up because usually it's light, but I always feel as if I'm wearing a gloopy mask whenever I put on anything that is hiding my natural skin. Before Parvati can do anything however, her best friend butts in once again.
"Yes, you do look rather good." Lavender notes as she walks right in front of me to examine my appearance, a finger on her chin. She is much taller than me and I feel very small and overwhelmed by her proximity.
"Here just do this –" and without even consulting my comfort level, she grabs the ends of my shirt and tucks them into my pants, making me feel slightly violated she just touched very near my pelvic bone. Then she pushes me on the bed and grabs an eyeliner, getting to work.
"Now close your eyes sweetie! I'm going to finish what we started." She cackles rather manically and quite harshly sticks the end of the eyeliner brush onto my lid.
{}
"Hermione! You look fabulous!"
I was hoping to make a subtle entrance, but I guess that's out of the question.
Ginny, who gave me the compliment, runs over and looks at me with wide eyes, smiling. A few people's heads turn and follow her to where I stand, so I remain in the middle of the staircase. I'm wearing my coat now, at least. I suddenly regret very much being a coward and not standing up to Lavender to just wear something nice with minimal make up.
"Thanks, Ginny, as do you." I say quietly, not wanting to draw attention to myself.
"It's like the Yule Ball all over again" she teases dreamily and I let slip a grin. "Honestly, Dean is going to flip!" I'm so glad she is not one of those girls (like someone I know) who doesn't dwell on past relationships.
"Do you think it's too much? Lavender sort of, made a big deal about me looking nice for Dean. I don't think she's quite over Ron, and wants him to loathe me by making a fuss over this date. Not that it matters; he hates me anyways, so it shouldn't even bother him." I sniff saying simply, when it truthfully really does bother me that I can't have a normal relationship with one of my best friends.
"He can be such a weasel-y little arse sometimes. Doesn't even realize that he's hurting other people by acting like such a git," Ginny says fiery. "As for Lavender, if she bothers you again I can threaten her if you want? Maybe a nice bat bogey hex?" she asks impishly.
I laugh. "No, no, it's fine, just annoying really. I want to patch this whole ordeal with Ron. Like I said to him last week, it isn't as if I'm marrying Dean; we're going to Hogsmeade. It's hardly even a date considering that I'm having lunch with him, with Ron."
Why did I invite him to that again? It's too late to cancel now isn't it?
"Oh, he'll come around; he always does. He's as loyal as a wolf to its pack, he just has a bad temper, as you definitely know." Oh, you have no idea. "Now come on! Dean is waiting down there with Harry, and acting all anxious and adorable. That's one of the good things with Dean; even though we didn't work out, I always liked how he continuously looked pleased to see me. And he's just a really good person all around. Oh it will be so exciting if this works out!"
I love her. She's talking about things I'll like about her ex-boyfriend!
"Ginny," I stop her from pulling my sleeve for a moment. She turns round and stares at me. "Thanks."
Her grin widens, but she says nothing and pulls my hand, dragging me defiantly towards Harry and Dean. Luckily, Ron is nowhere to be seen.
"Wow," I hear Dean mutter under his breath as I edge near him. "You look…."
"Great!" Ginny finishes, and Harry gives a little laugh. "Shall we go?"
"Yeah, sure, why not?" comes a fuming voice from behind us.
We all turn to see Ron with a livid expression on his face coming down from the boys dormitory. He's staring directly at me, his gaze intensifying as my smile fades.
"You look nice," he notes to me in a tone that suggests I should go douse myself in a bucket of fiendfyre.
"Ron, you okay?" Harry asks hesitant as Ron stomps over to us.
"Oh yeah, awesome. Amazing in fact. I just love when my ex-girlfriend and her date cozy up to my sister and best friend behind my back."
How dare he?
"Excuse me, Ronald, but am I not your best friend too? Since when have I all of a sudden become your enemy? I've explained to you a million times why I am not interested in trying to get back together with you now, so just drop it. Am I always going to be referred to as your 'ex-girlfriend' and not Hermione? Dean is most certainly your friend too, not just 'my date'! So it isn't as 'behind your back' as you said."
He wasn't expecting me to put him on the spot like that, for his face looks taken aback.
"Stop being such a prat, Ron," Ginny huffs. "Can't we just have a regular happy day without all this 'ex' nonsense? Please," she emphasizes.
Ginny crosses her arms and slouches to one side, waiting for a response. Harry stands shock still, while Dean and I look at each other then back to Ron with frowns.
"N-no!" he stutters, and swings his arms down defiantly. "I don't want to act like it's a 'regular, happy' day with Dean, nor you!" he points harshly at me, and I flinch. "Especially when it's not!"
The last sentence he says is extremely audible, and most people in the room have stopped to look. Lavender is smiling visibly in the corner, clearly happy at what she's managed to make me look like and thus pissing off Ron. Some of the younger kids are gaping blatantly at us, probably hoping they don't end up in such dramatic situations when they're older.
"Well it could be a good afternoon if you didn't act like such a tosser every waking hour!" Ginny says coldly.
"So I'm a tosser now too? If you all hate me so much then why bother even associating yourselves with me?"
"Because I'm your sister…," Ginny grumbles, as Harry steps in;
"You're not a tosser, Ron, you've just been acting really odd lately. Nothing anybody says can seem to make any difference to you; you just stay so angry at everyone."
"Well I've good reason to! Sod all of you, I'm going to just go. See you later, Harry. Ginevra," he addresses Ginny, who gives him the dirtiest look I think I've ever seen her wear. "And you, Dean."
Dean looks at him head on, and I realize they're exactly the same height. Ron cowers slightly at the lack of intimidation he gives off. "I'd appreciate it if you don't show up later today, I knowshe invited you."
"Wasn't planning on it after all that rubbish," Dean says coolly, crossing his arms. Ron scowls.
" And I don't need you at my lunch either," he adds rather callously to me.
Tears well up in my eyes, but I force them back. I don't deserve any of this.
"Fine," is what I muster, though it's rather weak. "Enjoy Hogsmeade. Let's go Dean," I say with my chin held high, and drag my date by the arm past a livid Ron and out to the staircases to leave all the nonsense behind.
"Hey Malfoy, you coming to Hogsmeade or what! ?"
I did not want to be woken up.
At the crack of dawn.
On a Saturday.
"I would appreciate you not shrieking as loud as a hyena at high noon at 7 fucking AM." I protest, still in my blankets.
"So, is that a no?"
"Shut up."
"It's 8:27 by the way."
"I told you to shut your mouth, Nott."
"Ooh, the little ferret is grouchy in the morning, in'nt he?"
"I'm going to curse you."
"Not while you're under green bed sheets, you won't."
I give a little sigh, sick of our little banter and throw the covers off me. Nott is in his duelling stance, wand at the ready looking half-amused and half-frightened.
"Put it down, stupid. I'm merely going to get dressed."
"Oh, so you are coming." He says and flips his wand in the air and then drops it when his reflexes fail. I notice he's cleaner than usual; and wearing decent attire for once. Huh.
"I suppose I am. It's better than being cooped up in here I guess. I can go and purchase some Firewhiskey at Devereux's Fine Winery, and maybe pick up sweets too at Honeydukes."
"Oh, so you're eating now?" he asks offhandedly as he bends down to pick up his wand.
I turn pink but say nothing. I swivel to face my dresser and rifle through it grabbing a pair of dark grey wool slacks and a white 'trendy' shirt that is apparently called a 'v-neck'. An idiot could've come up with that title. My mother buys me all sorts of random articles of clothing when she goes to France, which now that Dads in prison, is a lot. I suspect shopping is her 'therapy' or so it were.
"I know Malfoy, about your little problem." Nott quips as I pull on my clothes.
"You don't know a thing," I snap, and grab my dragon skin gloves and scarf off my book bag.
"You never eat, and you barely have any meat on you. When I gave you that chicken last week, I knew you weren't going to touch it the second you poked it. Plus it doesn't exactly look like you're on an all chocolate diet, even if you do have a sweet tooth. It's the stress, I know, I've had it as well." He walks over to me and puts a hand warmly on my shoulder, like he's actually relatable to me.
And I suppose he is, though he doesn't seem to have been quite so affected by 'stress'; he's always been thin and tall, but he isn't sporting the disgusting under eye circles of insomnia that I can`t seem to get rid of.
"Well maybe I've decided," I reply softly, "That i`d like to live a little longer than 18 years."
Nott is silent, then after a few seconds smirks happily.
"What're you so happy about?" I remark angrily, and shrug off his hand.
"Oh, I wasn't smiling because of you, I just er - I have a date today!" he beams happily.
"With whom?" I ask bewildered. Who would want to go out with him?
"Astoria," he states proudly. Oh, really? "Speaking of which I told her I'd meet her at 8:30 in the Common room, lets' go! Don't want to miss this proud moment, eh?"
Oh I think I'll manage without it, I think, but sigh and just follow him down the stairs, deciding not to argue for once. Besides, this 'date' might be a humorous endeavour.
As we make our way into the fireplace area, I spot Astoria with a nervous expression on her face. Her friend, named Rachel Higgins I believe, is standing next to her looking unpleased.
"Astoria," Nott says loudly, spreading his arms wide and engulfing her in a hug, oblivious to her discomfort. "You ready to go on our date?"
How lame can you be?
"Um, yes. About that. Is it okay if Rachel comes too? She, er, got blown off by her date and is really taking it hard." As if on cue, Rachel gives a little sniff.
It's a really obvious lie she's telling, but Nott gobbles it up like breakfast, although he looks crestfallen about it.
"Sure…no problem. Sorry to hear that. Hey, wait…" Suddenly he turns to me with a hopeful smile and the smirk that I had been sporting fades. 'Why don't we double date! Draco can go with Rachel! How about it?"
He looks from me to Astoria and back again, and I know I'm stuck; this is the favour I'm going to have to repay for him saving me.
I gaze at Rachel to see her reaction, and am surprised to see her with a wide grin on her face. She flits her eyebrows up and down once coyly at me, and I feel my face contort into a half-grimace. Okay, favour or not, I am not cuddling up with her.
"Just give us a minute," Astoria says too cheerily and pulls me aside. "I need to fill Draco in on the, erm, situation."
"No." I state as she faces me, even though she hasn't said anything yet.
"Please," she begs, whispering, her face desperate.
"Why did you agree to a date with him, if you didn't want to go? He's going to have to find out you aren't keen on him sooner or later!" I hiss.
"Look, I don't know what I was thinking, but he was being very sweet and I thought maybe I should give him a chance. But then Graham told me how all he talks about are girls and what they can 'do', and I think maybe he's only asked me out to get me to, erm, do certain things I don't want to." Well she certainly hits the nail on the head.
"Please, Malfoy? If you don't come, I know Rachel will bail on me; she fancies you, so she'll stay if you tag along."
I have the greatest desire to say "hell, no!". This girl fancies me? She looks like a mix between a Shetland pony and a lizard. I'm sorry, but shallow or not, you have to draw the line somewhere.
Why do all the creepy girls like me?
But then I think maybe Nott will let slip what happened to me last week to Astoria if I ruin this for him. Maybe he'll tell all the Slytherins; the shame and behind-my-back mockery will be worse than any 'date' I have to endure. Fuck. Fuckity, fuckity, fuck.
"Fine," I answer, rolling my eyes. Astoria tries not to look too ecstatic and mouths a thank you.
"Alright, let's get on with it." I say, and Nott claps me on the back, while Rachel loops her arm around mind, giggling. Fantastic.
We make sure we have all our belongings and exit the room to go meet the rest of the students in the courtyard.
"So where do you want to go next?" Is what Dean is presently asking me. I haven't been a good date at all so far; I'm still moping over Ron.
Dean hasn't gotten outwardly angry or annoyed, although he hasn't smiled sincerely since we left the common room. We just left Honeydukes (where he bought me a Chocolate Dragon Heart) and I suggest that we go Dominic Maestro's, a newer shop that Professor McGonagall said had a good selection of records and composition books. I'd like to get some for future practicing.
Dean nods his approval but says nothing.
"You must think I'm a horrible date," I say and grab his hand, wanting to re-establish a connection.
"Of course not," he says looking at me benevolently, and squeezes my hand firmly. "It's upsetting to have a row with a good friend, especially one that you've had a relationship with."
"I know," I reply, loving that he understands. "But all the same, I shouldn't let it affect me when I'm with somebody else, i.e you."
We reach the threshold of the music shop and Dean opens the door for me. Smiling, I enter, causing a little bell to toll. A fat man with small glasses waves at us welcoming, and I can only presume he is Dominic, the owner.
"Anything I can help you with?" He asks kindly. I look around me in amazement; all kinds of exotic instruments hang from the walls, the place is stuffed with books and there's an entire section dedicated to replacement parts.
"Yes, can you tell us where we might find Beethoven compositions?"
"Ah, old Ludwig Van is so popular today. Over there behind the fifth bookshelf is where you'll find him," he chuckles as he points to the left.
I grab Dean's hand once again and clutch it past the rows of books. I spot Theodore Nott and a blond Slytherin girl beside him standing extremely close together in the third row. Dean notices them too as we pass and I look at him a moment later. We both giggle. She looked uneasy as he talked to her exuberantly, while he was ecstatic and slightly mental at the close proximity; it's quite amusing.
What isn't so amusing is an annoying voice I hear as I round the corner to where Beethoven's works are. I hear a shrill voice croon:
"Ooh Draco, are you almost finished? I'd loooooove it if we could go to Madam Puddifoot's soon." I look in front of me and see Malfoy rifling through the section that I'm searching for. A short, slightly corpulent (that is to say, large) red-haired girl is clinging to the back of his robes while he looks increasingly aggravated.
He rolls his eyes and continues to browse ignoring her, while I move hesitantly beside him. At the same time, Malfoy and I glance at each other through the corner of our eyes. His face contorts from annoyance to an expression I can't decipher and he flushes pink. He shrugs his shoulders to get the girl off the back of him and she makes a whiny noise in protest. She notices that I'm staring at her and gives me a dirty scowl.
Dean comes beside me and puts a hand on my back protectively. I can feel him stare at her, she slumps slightly. Malfoy backs away from us sensing the tension, clutching a book. He opens it and shuffles through it half-heartedly, then slams it shut with one hand.
"Let's go, I'm done here" he says simply to the girl, still staring at me. She giggles and wraps her arm around his skinny frame, placing a hand in his coat pocket. "Okay! Oh, I'm so excited!"
Then she stands on her tip toes and kisses the hollow of his cheek a few times. He closes his eyes sighing, but says nothing, and then walks away dragging her behind. I feel a strange jolt in my chest as I see her fawning all over him; but push it aside. I came to this shop for a reason.
"Were you looking for anything, Dean? McGonagall recommended us Beethoven's opus collective works, remember? Dean?"
I turn slightly to see him frown slightly. "What's wrong?" I ask.
"I don't like the way he was looking at you. Malfoy," he clarifies.
"W-what do you mean?" I ask, a little unnerved.
"It just….nevermind." he says shaking his head.
What? I want to know what he was looking at me like!
However, I think maybe I should drop this sensitive subject. I know how much he despises him.
"I don't really want to buy the works today, but you go ahead." He says after a moment, trying to distract me. "Then we can go for tea."
I find the violin copy of the book and walk silently to the till alongside Dean. Dominic smiles at me as I pay the 3 galleons, 5 sickles and hands me my purchase in a lovely red bag with the store name on it.
I nod a goodbye and exit to the snowy street, Dean still silent. I saunter towards Madam Puddifoot's unenthusiastically, still curious about what my date's words meant. We reach the end of High Street, and are just about to hit Madam Puddifoot's when Dean tells me all of a sudden;
"He was looking at you like you were dessert."
"Excuse me?" I say a little offended.
"Malfoy was gazing at you like he'd like to gobble you up." I guess that answer is revealed.
"If he ever tries anything, let me know, and I'll.." he clenches his fist and doesn't need to finish his sentence.
"I'm sure that's not it…."I try soothingly. "He's hated me forever, why should that change now?"
"Because you look bloody marvellous!" despite myself, I smile. "Especially today. He's shallow; He doesn't know the real you, and thus can only judge you on how you look. And you're a right better looker than whoever that girl was. I reckon he's jealous."
Jealous of what?
I jerk to a halt abruptly and then continue walking again to cover it up...What I felt in the music shop was jealousy.
I was jealous of that girl.
But why?
I have an equally good-looking companion who's much nicer to me, and shares a lot of interest with me. You'd think I'd be perfectly happy.
I hate hormones.