AN: Here is the next installment! I am making these longer since this fic may not be as long as The Weight of my Sins.
Disclaimer: Still not mine
Dean laid Cas down on their bed, carefully laying his head against the pillows. Cas still had his eyes screwed shut but his breathing had finally slowed down; his hands clenched next to him in tight fists.
"Hey easy there feathers,' Dean soothed, brushing his hair back from his sweat drenched forehead. "How are you feeling?"
Cas nodded a bit, "I think the room has stopped spinning now," and with that he opened his eyes a bit and turned to face Dean, who still sat on the edge of the bed next to him.
Dean nearly jumped back when Cas's eyes widened and a startled gasp escaped his mouth.
"What is it? Are you okay?" Dean asked, tentatively stepping forward with his hands raised a bit.
"Your face," whispered Cas, his eyes scanning Dean's features with an awestruck expression.
Dean smirked albeit wearily, "Yea it has that effect on people..."
"No, I mean I can see your face again," Cas explained, a smile breaking out over his features, "Your soul is so bright, Dean."
The smile on Dean's face faltered a bit, "You can see my soul?"
Cas nodded, "I was always able to as an angel,' he smiled fondly, sitting up and scooting towards the edge of the bed. "I've missed it."
Dean's breath caught in his chest as Cas brought a trembling hand to rest on Dean's cheek and drawing it down to trace the edge of his jaw. Dean closed his eyes, letting himself be lost in the tender touches; something that he had denied himself for the last few years.
"Cas-" He started, feeling too exposed, knowing that his soul was on display; the same soul that had cut through demons and saved the world was the same soul that took joy in carving into lost souls in Hell.
Cas hushed him, continuing his map of Dean's face as his fingers came to rest on Dean's slightly opened lips.
With his eyes closed, Dean nearly gasped as he felt the soft touch of Castiel's lips against his own, chaste and delicate. He screw his eyes shut tighter and carefully pressed back against the fallen angel.
Dean pulled away before Cas could deepen the kiss and opened his eyes to see the man's confused look.
"Why me Cas?" He asked brokenly.
Squinting, Cas tilted his head to the side, his hand still resting on the back of Dean's neck.
"Why not you, Dean?"
Dean choked out a harsh laugh and pulled away from Castiel's touch. "I don't know Cas, maybe because I have fucked up more times than I can count. That I kick started the apocalypse, I tortured souls, I lie, I cheat on a regular basis and you know what? I don't even feel bad about it anymore.' He stopped running a hand through his hair. "Credit car scams, stealing, cutting down every evil son of a bitch I can find and I used to not be able to sleep at night. But all of a sudden," he stopped, pointing at Cas while a trembling jaw. "I can sleep at night, I feel good about waking up in the morning. I look at you and everything feels ok, ya know?"
Dean heaved a shuddered sigh and Cas let him continue.
"Why do I deserve that? After everything I have done, why me?"
He couldn't look at Cas anymore, he couldn't look at the way his face softened or the loving way he smiled. He didn't deserve that.
"Dean, please look at me," Cas whispered, coming close into his personal space and putting a finger underneath his chin. "If we are on the subject of counting sins I could easily best you. Your soul is as bright as it ever was, your heart- the way you have looked after Sam all these years, the selfless way you protect those who would never give you a second glance before. You do it without prejudice and with no thought of reward. You do what you do because its the right thing to do. Please, remember that."
Dean gave Castiel no time to steady himself as he crashing into him, holding him close and pressing his body into his his, his fingers curling through his hair.
Dean pulled away after a few beats, feeling Cas trailing his fingers down his back.
"You should probably get some rest," he said, pointing to the bed and rubbing his face on the back of his sleeve as quickly as possible.
Castiel smiled, "For the first time since I have fallen, I don't think I require any rest Dean."
Dean nodded, "Cas you sure you're ready for this? Battling Metatron, the Grace, the whole works?"
Castiel nodded, flexing his fingers and rolling his shoulders. "Yes, if I can fix what I started in Heaven, if I can fix all of this-its my job, Dean."
Shuffling his feet a bit Dean dared look the man again in the eye.
"That means you probably won't be sticking around much again, huh?" He tried to sound like it didn't matter, like he understood, but he felt his throat constrict and his chest tighten as the words slipped through his lips.
"I will obviously need to ascend back to Heaven at some point-"
Dean held up his hand, "Yea, ok I got it.' he walked to the door, his heart so heavy he swore it was physically paining him. "I'm gonna go get some fresh air, so just figure out whats going on."
"Dean but I-"
Dean shut the door behind him before Cas could finish, gritting his teeth painfully and straightening out as he walked down the hall and grabbing his jacket from the hook he had left it on.
"Hey Dean where are you-" Sam started, standing up as the older Winchester stalked out of the room.
"Out," He snapped, shooting an angry glare at the Archangel who sat at the table as if there was nothing wrong, and slammed the front door, the Impala's keys a comforting weight in his hands.
SPNSPNSPNSPN
The Impala rumbled underneath him, the comforting vibrations and the wind whipping through the open window calmed Dean's thoughts. He didn't really know where he was going, all he knew was that he had to get away. Cas was going to leave him; how stupid could he had been to think that he would stay? Why would anyone stay with him? The moment Cas got a chance to strap his wings back on, he jumped for it. And who could blame him?
Dean tightened his grip on the wheel almost to the point of pain as the worn leather grip bit into his skin.
"You know," Came a voice next to him, causing him to swerve dangerously into the other lane, "You probably shouldn't drive so fast, I seriously doubt you have full coverage on this rust bucket."
Dean glared at the Archangel sitting comfortably in the seat next to him.
"Go the fuck away Gabriel!" He cried, steering the car back into his own lane with a practiced ease.
"Naw, I don't think I will," Gabe replied casually, resting his feet on the dash, "You see I want to talk to you."
"Well I don't want to talk to you," Dean shot back, his eyes staring at the road ahead of him.
"Too bad sport," Clucked Gabriel, "See we have ourselves a little problem here. Castiel was all geared up and ready to fight the newest big bad until you two had your little lovers spat."
Dean didn't say a word, but his heart leapt a bit to learn that Cas had said something to Gabriel.
"Now, you understand we have to fix this right?" Implored the trickster, picking his fingernails.
"Yea cause you guys were doing such a bang up job before," Dean reminded, his voice edged with bitterness.
Gabe looked up, his eyes flashing. "Careful ape,' he growled, sitting up straight and looking straight at the older Winchester.
"So what do you want me to do, huh? Tell him I'm ok with him flinging himself to the wolves?"
Gabe scoffed, "I'm giving him bits of Grace, Dean. Guy will be high as a kite, he'll be more powerful than Metatron after I am through with him."
"So thats all he is to you, huh? A pawn to get back at that pencil pusher? Have you ever even done this before?"
Pinching his fingers together Gabe gave an uncertain look to the drive of the Impala, "Eh, once. He exploded but no worries, he wasn't a vessel just wanted to see if it would work."
Dean slammed on the breaks of the Impala, screeching her to a halt in the middle of the country road before turning to the Archangel in the passenger seat.
"Blew up? Like exploded?' He yelled, aghast. "You have no idea what this will do to him do you?"
"It'll work Dean, he's still got a little angel left in him. The dude he was using has all the nuts and bolts to hold together the Grace of an angel."
Dean shook his head, "Dude, Cas is your brother for fucks sake."
"And he made a mistake, and now I am helping him fix it."
Dean steeled his gaze, looking forward. "And what do you want me to do?"
That got Gabe to smile, "Now there is a team player!' he clapped him on the back, "I need to you to not be so...intense. Cas needs to focus right now and if he is all up confused and thinks you are not for this idea then he will lose control. And unless you want your precious Bunker to be blown off the map with the rest of this shit hole town, then you better can it with the theatrics."
"I am not okay with this plan, not even a little!"
Gabriel tilted his head, his eyes piercing through Dean and unnerving the shit out of him.
"Then lie,' he stated simply, "Its what you are good at."
AN: EEEEEEE. I am really getting into this one, how do you all like it so far? Am I writing Gabe ok?