Warnings: As usual, language issues. Some mention of M/M loving but no action. Also, bodily functions are used to advance the plot... and no, I'm not explaining that one.
Chapter 49 : Shine a Light
They finally found a cave with a tunnel. It was mostly rough, carved out by nature not man, but there were some tool marks showing bright when compared to the weathered texture of the rest of the stone. Cloud and Zack were forced to hold their swords in their hands; having the large blades on their backs made them too wide for the narrow passageway. Vincent thought Sephiroth would also have to carry his ridiculously long katana but the General walked empty handed. What made the gunman—and his resident demon—very curious was that they couldn't see Masamune hanging from its scabbard either. It was like the sword had disappeared.
There was a dim glow from the minerals coating the walls of the tunnel but it was hardly enough to let the SOLDIERs see their way. Tseng, Tifa and even Vincent were essentially blind so Zack took over in front, and used his echolocation to map out their path. Chaos didn't like the sound so Vincent got to listen to its bitching, as well as the high-pitched scree the SOLDIER was using, because Chaos thought he should know just how annoying it was. The ex-Turk pulled himself in tighter and tighter as he walked, wanting to pull down the mountain if it would just make the noise stop. When Tifa asked him what was wrong he said, more truthfully than she could know, that he had a headache.
Tseng produced a tiny flashlight so they put him in the middle of the group, lighting the way for the unenhanced members of their group, but he kept his hand over the beam to keep it diffused. Considering the depth of the guano in the middle of the passageway, it wasn't likely that they would encounter anyone but why give the bad guys advance warning if it did happen? Even with the light, it was awkward and slow but at least none of them ran into the walls. They also didn't trip and fall when the path abruptly dipped downwards which it did with annoying irregularity. It was like the builders couldn't decide whether to make a ramp or stairs so had done a little of both and then let everyone guess what was coming.
"Crap," Zack's voice was soft.
"What is it?" the General asked.
"We got rocks blocking the tunnel."
Cloud frowned. "I'm sure we can move them," he offered.
"No, no, not loose rocks," the dark-haired SOLDIER clarified, "These are the kind made out of dripping water and shit. They're solid from the ceiling to the floor. Although you and Yazoo might be able to fit between them," he added, "and maybe Vin."
"It's Vincent," Tifa said absently. She was closer to Zack than the gunman was so didn't have to raise her voice to correct him. "Let me take a look," she said as she eeled around him. "Tseng, can you give me some light?"
Zack took another step back so that Tseng could move in beside the young fighter. The Turk kept the light dim but it was closer to the rock so Tifa could see it easy enough. She ran her hands over it for a few seconds; she even leaned forward to smell it, before nodding decisively. "I can do this."
"Do what?" Zack asked. He could see a flash of white teeth as she smiled in answer. She tightened her glove, pulling it tight, and Zack could almost feel the energy kick up a notch. "You're going to punch it?" he asked incredulously.
"Yup," she confirmed. "You might want to cover your mouths. I think it's going to disintegrate." She took a deep breath and they all could see her focus herself, pushing her awareness inwards. She let it build, one second, two, then three, before releasing the force out, out of her body, out through her body. Zack was close enough that he could see the power of the movement, could see the air bending around her fist. He mouthed a silent 'wow'. And then the world exploded into a gross, chalky mess as the impact caused the delicate structure to explode outwards.
It smelled vile, like an electrolyte-replacement drink that was rotten, drier and more irritating. The particles stuck in Zack's throat and he fought against the cough that wanted to escape. He could hear the others doing the same. It didn't help that the white, chalky mess swirled in the air obscuring both his vision and his bat-vision—which was a lame description but would do for now. Still, Tifa's action hadn't been soundless so Zack held his Buster up and concentrated on penetrating the fog in case DGS troops were running up the tunnel toward them. He counted off the time in heartbeats until he felt it was safe enough to continue.
Actually, when they'd walked another thirty minutes without encountering a main passage or lights or any sign of habitation, Zack no longer wondered why a freaking wall of stone had built up in the tunnel. He was just surprised there weren't more of them. This was supposed to be the main base of a huge evil army and they'd encountered nobody and nothing. He couldn't help but wonder where the fuck everybody was?
"Maybe this was one of the first access points, made as they burrowed deeper into the mountain," Cloud theorized, making Zack realize he'd asked his question out loud. "As they went further in, they would've dug new tunnels, lower down, closer to where they were working."
"Makes sense," Tifa agreed.
There were side passages, in even worse shape than the one they were in, so Zack conceded that his friend could be right but he just shrugged. He didn't really care. It had been a random thought, of no importance, except that all this emptiness was making him jumpy. He took deep breaths and concentrated on sounding out their path.
Finally, they emerged out of darkness into dimness only to be disappointed. They hadn't reached the central core. It was just the tunnel opening into a fissure that ran perpendicular to the main crater. There were gaps in the mountain that let in the weak northern light and, when Zack looked up, he could just see a sliver of daylight through the top of the crack. It was enough for him to estimate they'd only gone about two thirds of the way to the base of the crater. "Shit," he muttered, ready to have this over. He sucked at patience.
"Wow..." Tifa said sounding awe-struck. "It's like a waterfall frozen into rock or something."
"That's solidified lava, I think," Cloud said. "Except why would it fall into the crater?"
"Who the fuck cares," Zack broke in impatiently, "Can we use the opening to cut some time of our little jaunt?" He poked his head over the side, looking down to see if they could maybe climb straight down instead of trudging through the loopy tunnels but there was nothing to see, no paths and no openings.
"No, you can't jump over," Sephiroth stated from beside his SiC. He knew Zack well enough to guess what he'd been thinking.
"I could just go down and check it out," he wheedled.
"The wind patterns are erratic, unpredictable," the General countered. "It's not worth the risk."
Zack sighed, knowing Seph was right. Even in the short time they'd been standing here there'd been gusts coming up so strong that it knocked them back a step... well, it knocked everyone but Seph and Vinnie back. Those two just stood like pillars with coat or cloak blowing around them dramatically.
It reminded Zack of the recruitment vids Shin-Ra had made back before everything had gone to shit. They'd been full of promises of romance and adventure if you'd only come and join their army and, at some point, there'd be a shot of Sephiroth looking noble against some colourful dusk, hand on his sword hilt, hair and coat blowing around, staring fiercely at the camera. The silver-haired warrior had never said anything in them, just glared into the screen. Zack, once he'd met the Grand and Glorious Demon of Wutai, figured it was because Seph threatened them with disembowelment whenever they tried to get him to say anything, and had maybe followed through once or twice, so they'd learned not to ask him and just let the General look glamorous. Still, that had been on a soundstage; this was real life after everything they'd been through.
Maybe he should get a cloak too, he thought. Then he could stand at cliff edges looking broody and dramatic too.
"You'd have to shut up first," Cloud said with a smile.
Zack looked at everybody. They were all looking at him with various indications of indulgent amusement. "Aw shit."
"Personally, I think you look good without a cloak," Tifa said brightly, "One thing about the old SOLDIER uniform, it sure knew how to—" she waved vaguely over his body "—emphasize the good bits."
Vincent shifted his gaze to her. She lifted a brow defiantly and smirked, "What? I'm spoken for, not blind." Vincent grunted.
"I have to agree with Tifa," Yazoo said, tipping his head as if to get a better angle, "You look very attractive in that uniform. Why would you want to change it?"
Zack, blushing bright red, lifted his hands in surrender. "Okay, fine. No cloak. Are we done here? I say we're done here. Let's keep going, people, we've got a lot of ground to cover," and he stalked away from the edge and back along the path, back into the mountain.
The trail was a twisty fuck; first it went in, then back to the crevice and down, then back in and up. Then it looped and split before coming back together. Worse, they kept coming back to the same point. Seph took over the lead once, but even his enhanced memory and mental-map-making abilities didn't stop them from looping back around to stare at the same pile of rock Zack had discovered ages ago. Sephiroth growled in displeasure, "This is unacceptable."
Vincent grunted agreement. He cast an anxious look at Tifa who'd begun to limp some time back. It was just a small hitch in her step at this point but the gunman thought it should be looked at before it turned into something more serious. "Perhaps we should stop here for now and figure out some kind of plan."
Tseng, who was looking somewhat less indestructible than usual, agree.
"This spot is flat, dry and relatively warm. We will rest for a few hours," the General ordered. It was a quiet evening, even Zack was subdued. When Yazoo had said this place was a labyrinth he hadn't been exaggerating. In fact, it was even worse than the SOLDIER had imagined. Okay, his bat-sense thing was new and untried, but Sephiroth's orienteering skill was legendary... and it was failing. They'd found their way here, to this spot, but he couldn't help but wonder would they find their way back out?
That night, they slept close to one another. It was a small comfort but it was the only one they had.
The mountain was brilliant with sunshine but it wasn't hot. It was perfect.
He flared his nostrils and breathed in the scents surrounding him. Fir trees, their sap just beginning to rise, smelled sharp and tangy. The deciduous were still dormant but they managed to add a soft, gentle tint to the air. There was a blackberry thicket not too far away. He knew it would be an excellent place to catch rabbits or small birds but those weren't what he was looking for—not right now.
There was a different smell in the air, a strong smell. He followed it because he had to; he needed to know what had added that scent to his world.
He padded along, moving quickly and easily through the thick woods. He was climbing steadily so he wasn't surprised when he moved beyond the tree line. Goats and sheep added their smells to the air. Obviously, there was a trail nearby that the mountain animal used to climb to the top. He sniffed and, sure enough, his path followed theirs. He started to climb, picking his way carefully over the sharp stone since he didn't have anything on to protect his feet.
The air was getting thin, thin but somehow hard and sharp. There was power in this air. He could smell the age in the stones, implacable, immovable. Present since the world began, it would outlast them all, even if the planet was blown to pieces those pieces would still have the same ancient wisdom they'd had when they were all one.
It was a humbling thought.
"Hello, my lille ulv."
He translated the phrase automatically. It was puzzling, who was calling him 'their little wolf' and why?
"I am calling you that because you accepted my token and because that's what you are," said the voice. It was as deep and as ageless as the mountains he stood upon... that he stood upon on four legs. He looked more closely at himself only now noticing the fur, the elongated snout, the odd colour-perception and, when he turned his head, the tail.
'I'm a wolf?' he wondered, "How did that happen?"
"It happened because the Enemy does evil things. He twists what is and what should be into unnatural things." The man finally appeared but he wasn't really a man and that wasn't really a horse he was riding because horses don't have eight legs and nothing that big could move as quietly as they did.
"Odin," he said out loud.
"Cloud Strife," the god acknowledged, "child of the mountains, pain-bearer, avatar of the gods and my lille ulv."
"Why have you come to me?" the soldier asked.
"Because you are lost and in need of guidance." The god's eyes were lit from within. Even in the bright sunlight, they were incandescent. Cloud didn't know whether to feel honoured or threatened by the display.
"I would appreciate any help you were willing to offer, All-Father," he said formally, figuring it was probably best to err on the side of politeness.
The god boomed out a laugh. Sleipnir reared back on his four hind legs and slashed at the air with his front sets as if sharing his master's amusement. It didn't take them long to calm down and Cloud had never been short of patience. He remained standing, alert but relaxed, prepared but not aggressive. He stood like the well-trained soldier he was... when not a wolf.
"You are an excellent soldier, lille ulv," Odin assured him, "One day you will be granted a place in Valhalla. For right now, however, I have no help to offer." Cloud didn't let himself be disappointed. He didn't twitch or growl or make any indication that the god's response was anything less than acceptable. After all, help from the gods often came with steel hawsers attached.
He wasn't sure, but he thought he saw Odin's lips curl slightly upward.
"Ah, my poor lille ulv. You have been taught the hard way to expect nothing of the gods. I will not leave you completely empty-handed however." Cloud's ears pricked forward. "In order to follow a path, it's best to follow your nose."
"Of course," he answered politely while inside he thought, 'What the hell?'
Again the god's lips quirked. "You will figure it out, lille ulv. Wolves are great trackers."
Odin waved his hand and Cloud was blown back, away from him, off the mountain over the trees, into the sunlight and out of the god's realm and into a dream. He was running, running through the woods. There were things after him, monstrous things. If they caught him they would strap him down, gag him, and strip the flesh from his bones. Hojo's glasses would shine and the scientist would laugh as Cloud screamed and begged while Zack called his name from the other table. "Cloud, Cloud, it's okay, we're okay, Cloud..."
"Cloud!" That wasn't Zack's voice, Cloud realized, it was the General's, and it was calm and commanding as usual. "Cloud, wake up. It's just a bad dream."
"'m 'wake," he muttered, even though he still felt heavy with exhaustion.
"You were having a nightmare." That was Zack's voice, practically vibrating with tension and concern.
"Sorry," he responded, "'m better." He took a deep breath filled with the scents of his lovers and it was better; he was better, safe.
"Good," Zack said firmly, "Can you sleep without dreaming now?"
Cloud nodded sleepily. He was cocooned between the two larger men and he knew Zack would feel the movement.
"Okay then. Do it," the First ordered, "Before anybody else wakes up."
"Sir, yes, sir," he meant it to be sarcastic but he was already sliding into sleep.
The next morning, Cloud had the bright idea of 'marking' their path.
"Marking? Like how dogs do it?" Tifa asked nearly straight-faced. Only the little twitches of her lips gave away how funny she thought the suggestion.
Cloud shuffled his feet. "More like wolves, actually."
"That's... horrible," Yazoo said, wide-eyed, hand raised to cover his mouth.
"But then we'll know which tunnels we've taken already," the Corporal was blushing but not backing down. "I've got the wolf DNA so I'll be able to recognize the scent."
"You want us to urinate against the wall so you can assemble a map?" Tseng asked. His voice was flat, outwardly emotionless. Cloud didn't know him well enough to hear the thread of embarrassment.
"It's better than wandering around in here for the rest of our lives," the blond argued.
It was a good point they had to admit, but Yazoo was still frowning in distress. He didn't know these people well enough, not really, not yet. It was too soon for something this intimate. "Couldn't we just, I don't know, rub our hands or something over the stone?"
"That would be a little too faint. I've got the DNA but I don't really know how to use it. It's not like Hojo ever let me out to see what I could do.," Cloud pointed out. "You can stop laughing now, Zack."
Cloud sounded miserably embarrassed, the SOLDIER realized. This wasn't like when he challenged that chocobo where they'd known that, in a few years if they survived, they'd all look back and laugh; Cloud was really upset so Zack swallowed back his laughter. "Sorry, but Yazoo's face…" He let his voice tail off. "Actually, I think it's a great idea. My bat-vision thing isn't working for shit in this fucking maze and I, for one, am tired of always seeing those same freaky rocks."
All eyes swivelled to look at the formation. It looked like someone dying in absolute agony; mouth open in a silent, unending cry, hands lifted to plead with an unknown entity, eyes boiling out of their sockets. Zack shivered. He knew too well what that looked like on a real person; he didn't need to see it in stone.
"I agree" Sephiroth said, "We need to get out of this maze quickly, before Hojo has the chance to do any more damage to the planet."
"And before Meteor gets here," Tifa reminded them.
"It's a valid plan," Vincent flatly stated and that was the end of the discussion.
It didn't take them long to sketch out the details which was a blessing because Zack didn't think it was healthy for the little guy to have all that blood in his face—might do permanent damage. The dark-haired SOLDIER was going to take the lead again so everyone gave him some privacy while he did his business in the left-hand tunnel. When he came back out to get them, Cloud was looking unhappily at Tifa's smiling face. Of them all, she was the only one who wouldn't be doing this—too many layers in the way so too slow for the pace they wanted to set.
"You can stop laughing too, you know," the Corporal grumped.
"I will," she responded. Tifa gave a little chortle then leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "It's just, sometimes? It's really great to be a girl."
"Are you sure we're not lost?" Yazoo's deep voice jittered with nerves.
"We're not lost," Zack reassured him for the thousandth time. "Between Cloud and Seph they know exactly where we are. Now, repeat back the last set of instructions I gave you."
"He doesn't need to know that stuff, Zack," Cloud protested—also for the thousandth time.
"Of course he does. It's a baby brother's gods-given right to be a pain in the ass to his elder sibs. I should know; I was a younger brother."
"You were also an older brother," Cloud pointed out but Zack just grinned unrepentantly and turned back to Yazoo. Zack wasn't teasing his friend about having wolf-DNA and peeing in the tunnels; he was just coaching Yazoo on how to do it. The Commander was discussing techniques and phrases like it was a strategy course at Shin-Ra Academy and the teen was absorbing it like his life depended on it. Cloud knew why Zack was doing it, but it didn't help his patience much. The howling was getting really old.
Speaking of which…
Cloud clenched his teeth so hard he swore he could feel the enamel grinding off. He did his best to ignore them both and concentrated on following the markers they'd left behind. If he focussed on that maybe he wouldn't be able to hear either of them. Obnoxious bastards, Cloud thought with unexpected anger, it's not like he chosen to get spliced with wolf DNA so why couldn't they just shut the fuck up about it?
When he realized what he'd thought he swallowed it back down, shock at how close he come to losing his temper at his friends which was the last thing any of them needed considering how long they'd been wandering around in the dark, under a mountain. Besides, he wasn't really angry at Zack. He knew why the dark-haired SOLDIER was encouraging Yazoo to act like a brat—because the young clone needed something to take his mind off the fact that they were getting closer to DGS' headquarters, closer to the labs where he'd been imprisoned and experimented on… Whatever the reason, Zack's encouragement of Yazoo's antics was probably the only thing keeping the boy's fear at bay, but it wasn't like Yazoo was the only one with nerves. Cloud's felt so tight he thought, if someone touched him, he'd make a noise like an untuned violin string. Everyone was relying on him to find a way out of here. If he didn't get this right then people could die, people he liked… the whole world, in fact. He didn't like having that kind of pressure on him. He wasn't good at it. He couldn't do this. He—
"Cloud?" The silky baritone was soft. The touch on his elbow was light. The offer of comfort and support subtle but very, very real.
The young swordsman took a deep breath and forced his mind back to his current task, to Sephiroth's instructions. The General had said they needed to take the third left after the T-intersection so that meant he was looking for Vincent's scent. That's what he needed to think about, not anything else. He could do this. He would do this.
Actually, he and the General made a good team. As they explored the tunnels, Sephiroth created a map in his head, and could unerringly say which passage they had yet to explore, but it was Cloud who knew where the 'third left' was because each male had his own distinctive aroma. They were working together in a way Cloud could never have imagined back in Nibelheim. Hells, he'd barely gotten a chance to imagine them as lovers before Hojo had captured him and taken him to the lab… the underground lab, with dark twisty tunnels just like this one. With Hojo at the end waiting for them...
Fuck.
Obviously Yazoo wasn't the only one affected by what they were heading into. "I'm good," he lied but it was only a temporary untruth. He would be good eventually. He would ignore Yazoo's odd and fumbling teasing because the boy needed it. Zack, however, was fair game. If the First could use teasing Cloud as Yazoo's distraction, then Cloud could use teasing Zack as a distraction… seemed fair.
Soon the tunnels echoed with the back and forth of their insults and counter-insults. Tifa joined in occasionally, when Zack picked on her birthplace. She loved the mountains, loved the fierce beauty they held, the crispness in the very air. "Much more impressive than limp, wet jungle heat that could only cause mushy brains," she threw at the SOLDIER with a sniff.
Vincent, when asked to pick a side, firmly stated that, having spent most of his time buried in a coffin under the mountains, he couldn't have an opinion, and they could all leave him out of it. Both Sephiroth and Tseng murmured agreement with the ex-Turk's sentiments. Sephiroth's added comment of 'working with undisciplined hooligans' was ignored aside from the Wutaian's long-suffering sigh of agreement. But it kept them all distracted and moving forward and that was really the point.
Eventually, the teasing evolved into a more general discussion about the various areas of the world they'd each seen; what they'd recommend and where'd they avoid going back to. It was a discussion that carried them through their unappetizing lunch break, a quick break where they determinedly chewed and swallowed their MRE's because they needed the proteins and carbs. Then they were back on the move.
Sephiroth directed them to the tunnel on the right because they'd already gone through the one on the left and the one in the middle. Tseng's flashlight grew dimmer and dimmer and finally died. The Turk pulled out his PHS and used the screen to give them some light. And still the tunnels didn't end. They walked and marked, backtracked and started again, moving ever deeper into the mountain, slowly making progress toward their goal. Even Yazoo's fear disappeared in the face of the sheer drudgery of the march.
Finally, Cloud smelled water, and not just the thin streams he'd sniffed out before, but enough for them to drink their fill and maybe even wash off a bit. Considering how warm and stale the air was getting, the soldier wasn't surprised that his suggestion of a detour was met with happy groans.
"Oh, I'd love a drink of cold water right now," Tifa said for all of them. She was lifting her thick hair off the back of her neck in an attempt to cool it.
Zack hummed his agreement. When he shook his head droplets of water spun out in a sweaty shower. Even Sephiroth had damp tendrils clinging to the side of his face—a rumpled look Cloud found oddly sexy on the usually immaculate SOLDIER. He shifted his weight to make his pants more comfortable. This so wasn't the time to become aroused. Sephiroth's heavy lidded smile let the blond soldier know that, inappropriate timing or not, the General appreciated, and returned, the sentiment. Which made his pants really uncomfortable...
With a resigned sigh, he followed the scent past a couple turnings and through a crack in the wall of the tunnel. Even now, with the promise of water so close they were all aware of the smell, Cloud made the guys mark the paths in the same order they'd marked the rest since, when they came back, it would be good to know where they'd left off their methodical search. However, once through the crack it became obvious that this was the break they'd needed.
It was a waterfall, pouring down from some unknown surface glacier into the deepest part of the cave... and there were large slabs of solid stone jutting out from underneath the curtain.
"Holy shit," Zack said in reverent awe. It was huge, it was loud, but it was cool and there was a not-so-shallow pool they could use to splash water over their faces. Best of all, it was a shortcut down to the bottom.
"I think these ledges will take us all the way down," Sephiroth said to the group as they sat enjoying the moist breeze. He'd spent some time staring into the pit. "It will be much quicker than the method we have been using."
"Riding a turtle would be quicker," Tifa muttered under her breath. As she was examining a blister that had formed on her heel despite all of yesterday's care, no one took exception to the snarky comment. She hadn't complained, not once.
Zack's teasing aside, none of them had complained because they'd had no choice. They'd committed to this fight and it was too late to turn back now. "Even if they're slippery, considering how fucked up we are, with wings and shit, we should make it down okay," Zack said, supervising Yazoo as the clone used his Cure materia on the blister.
"Shouldn't be a problem," Cloud agreed, and it was settled.
Once Tifa's foot was fully healed and their water-bottles had been filled, they started down. Cloud and Zack had immediately put out their wings with Sephiroth following suit a beat later. The stones were slippery but, with the help of wings and genetically-enhanced balance, they worked their way down. Yazoo could jump down on his own, but Zack would occasionally scoop him up and twirl him around. Tifa did okay, there were only a few jumps she couldn't make but Tseng had to be helped almost constantly.
"I always thought Turks were enhanced," Zack said once. Tseng twitched his eyebrow at the SOLDIER. "I've seen Reno in action," the SOLDIER explained.
"Ah, well, Reno is an unusual case." The Wutaian wouldn't explain any more, saying it wasn't his story to tell. Before Zack could ask any more questions the tunnel opened back out to the waterfall and conversation was impossible once again.
No matter what the difficulties, it was still faster than the tunnels and the approached the task with renewed cheer. They didn't speak during the trip, the sound of the water drowned out any attempts at verbal communication, but they didn't really need it.
There was a sameness to their journey, Cloud thought—jump, walk to the edge, jump, wipe the moisture from your eyes, walk to the edge—but it was still better than the stifling darkness, and it was definitely quicker because they reached the end of the stone ledges before the General's internal clock called a halt for supper. Since they were at the bottom, ledges merged into one wide shelf that disappeared into yet another tunnel, they moved into the darkness and away from the noise. Cloud could see the others rolling their shoulders as if some great weight had been lifted off and had to admit that that's what it felt like. Noise as a bludgeoning weapon... he was just thankful that Hojo had never used that one on him in the lab.
This tunnel wasn't solid dark though. Light filtered up from some distant source and, when everyone was quiet, he could just barely hear manmade sounds rumbling in the distance: engines running, fans rotating, air circulating; the common background sounds of any large modern facility—with the occasional howl of one of DGS's home-made hellhounds to break up the monotony. He flicked a look at the General and received a nod in return.
"How much farther do you think it is?" Tifa asked, unable to hear what the others could.
"How would I know," Yazoo responded, "It's not like we ever used this route to leave the base."
"It was just a question." Her voice is filled with bewilderment; she can't hear how hard the clone's heart is beating, how quickly he's breathing. Cloud knew the boy could hear the base and it was bringing back the nightmares. A distraction was called for but Cloud's mind was blank because he's just once again realized that Hojo was down there. Not the scientific boogeyman of his cadet days, not the overwhelming demon-god from the lab, but the actual man, and he—little Cloud Strife—was going to confront him and kill him and make the world a better place... If he didn't throw up or run screaming first.
Shitpissfuckinghells!
He needed to sit down... he needed to fucking breathe!
"I think we need to take a break," Zack made the suggestion. "I, for one, could do with some food... or at least something that will fill the hole in my gut."
"We don't have anything that big," Cloud teased him automatically.
Zack responded in kind and the banter felt like a balm across the Corporal's raw nerves. He still had to support his head on his hands when he sat because he was pretty sure it was going to explode. He knew, logically, that it wasn't just on him to save the world. After all there was the General and Zack, and Tseng, who was totally intimidating even if he wasn't enhanced, and Vincent and all his parts who were all just freaking scary. Yazoo and Tifa had proven to be good in a fight and they were all here together, all going into the crater together and he was still going to have to confront Hojo and know that he was just an experiment—a failed experiment.
"Breathe on the count, Cloud," came a soft baritone, "You too, Yazoo." Cloud didn't even know when the young clone had sat down next to him. He'd been so out of it he hadn't noticed, which wasn't a good thing. "Just breathe," the General ordered.
"I'm sorry, Sir," Cloud mumbled, feeling like a raw cadet instead of the competent NCO he knew he was.
"There is nothing to apologize for, Cloud," the General reassured him. "Tomorrow we will go into battle. Nerves are normal."
"Are you nervous?" Yazoo asked, peering around at Sephiroth from the blond other side.
"Of course," Sephiroth gave a small nod, "I have had a life time's worth of training not to show it. Zack is talking and joking—"
"and bouncing," the clone interrupted.
Sephiroth smiled, "—and bouncing. It is his way of dealing with the tension. Tseng will soon take out his guns and clean them obsessively until, if there was more light, they'd gleam. Tifa will brush her hair as a form of meditation and focus. I'm not sure what Vincent does before battle but I'm sure he has his routine."
Two sets of eyes, one blue, one green, looked at him asking the same question.
His lip twitched upwards at how similar they looked. "I go over battle strategies and contingencies plans," he answered. "However, this time I find myself somewhat distracted as I too anticipate confronting Hojo. He is merely human, not enhanced physically—although being insane can give one an edge in battle—and yet there is the fear that he will defeat me without ever raising a weapon."
Cloud's breath let out in jerks; he knew exactly what the General meant. "His words are a weapon," he said quietly. "He makes you feel like you can't... can't touch him, can't think, can't win, can't exist." He could smell the lab, the acrid taint of the mako, the sharp sweet scent of blood. It was in his nostrils, in his veins. He was on the table, locked in, and dark, cold eyes stared at him from behind round lenses...
"He was wrong. We exist," Sephiroth said firmly. He had his hand on Cloud's back and there was something so strong in what the silver-haired general had said that it felt like it was set in stone. His heart rate slowed, his breathing out, and Cloud knew, no matter what happened tomorrow, that someone, somewhere, would remember that he had lived.
He just hoped that they wouldn't have to remember that he died because, looking up into the perfect cat-green eyes of his commander and lover, he knew he wanted to make more memories. He knew, if given the chance, he would take everything and be thankful for the opportunity.
AN: This chapter took an embarrassingly long time to get out. I had it written, and it sucked... big time. So I essentially tossed that version and started again. After numerous edits and rewrites I realized one of the fundamental problems with it was that I had written as a narrator. It was all 'they did this' and 'they said that' and nothing about how the characters reacted to these things that they experienced. There was no internal dialogue and no emotions attached to the events. Once I realized that, the re-write process went much better. It also means the next chapter should be out somewhat faster than this one because I know what to watch out for now.
Thank you all for your patience. =]