Hello everyone! :3
Yes, I'm back and I come with many apologizes. *Sigh* I know it's been a while -more like forever- but I'm finely back and with a new chapter. :D I have been busy working and so on but I have squeezed out a lot of chapters to make up for it. I have just began chapter 25, and I'm on a roll so it shouldn't be too long until I have that one finished. :)
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and said such nice things, you're the reason I keep writing. I will admit that I was thinking of stopping, it's been so hard to write. I will proceed though. How could I forget all of you guys! n_n
I COULDN'T! I love you too much
So before I let you read on and enjoy this -if you do- I need to say that things are picking up for Emma and Jacob, Paul may or may not be a little heart broken BUT -before you Emma/Paul fans kill me and feed me to the wolves- there is still hope left for him. Of course everything can't just be happy and stay that way right, I mean... how would I drag this on as much as I could so you have to keep reading and reading until I have mind control over you? jokes! but still, I couldn't just end it like that, first we need to get to know the twins- umm I mean... cupcakes?
So don't feel bad for our poor little puppy Paul, you may have thought he's lost but you will be surprised. ;) there is a lot in store and a LOT of drama coming, for everyone. In fact the whole pack was hating on me because of it. :D
Oh and Jacob may come off as an ass but, he being the sweet and loving person he is, it will all make sense soon. OH OH and also, I'm uploading probably two or MAYBE three chapters right now. Depends on how many reviews I get. and please try too review every chapter, I do need to know what you think.
I LIVE OFF THEM!
3 Peejay
Chapter 18
Extremely Confusing
My sleep was troubling; I guess it finely caught up on what was really in this world. I felt afraid of them, of my closest friends. I knew if I showed it though, I would hurt them –which are one of the things I refuse to do on, prepose- so I would keep my fear to myself.
Suddenly I woke up to a loud noise. I opened my eyes to find Paul with his mouth hanging open and loud snores escaping it.
"Paul" I whispered trying to stop him from snoring.
He didn't wake up; he just moved a bit and snored louder.
"Paul, shut up" I said a little louder, nudging him on the shoulder.
Again he didn't stop snoring, but instead he snored louder. I pushed him again but he closed his mouth and rolled over, taking the entire blanket off me. I rolled my eyes frustrated, it was doing my head in it was that loud.
"Paul, please wake up" I said with the normal volume of my voice, pushing hard on the shoulder.
He grabbed my hand tightly and started to squeeze it together.
"Leave me alone" He said coldly, as he tightened his grab on my hand.
I heard a crack then a shape pain ran up my arm and to my shoulder.
"Paul" I cried out in pain and he let go.
"Emma... I'm- I'm so sorry" He said grabbing me and hugging me tightly.
The pain stopped in my hand but I was a little surprised by Paul's actions. I looked up to Paul's face; it was full of worry and regret.
"I'm sorry I woke you up. You were just snoring and I couldn't sleep and-" Paul cut me off.
"No, don't you dare apologize for what I did" He said in a caring voice.
I looked at Paul, his eyebrows were pulled together and he was staring at my hand. I hopped off his lap and sat in front of him.
"Paul, I'm fine. Please don't feel bad about it. Its fine, see" I said with a reassuring smile, moving my hand to show it was ok.
He looked down and wrapped his huge warm hand around mine.
"Are you sure?" he questioned, his voice shaken.
I had never heard Paul's voice like that before. I pulled my eyebrows together, worried.
"I'm deadly sure" I promised.
His head stayed low. I put my small cold finger from my free hand under his chin and lifted his head level with mine. My stomach tightened, his eyes were starting to water and his bottom lip was quivering. He was scared.
"Paul, what's wrong" I asked worried, I had never seen Paul like this before.
He didn't answer me, just stared in to my eyes like he was looking for something.
"Paul?" I whispered but he still didn't respond.
I stared into his eyes; they were somewhat warm and caring. Nothing like Jacob's because Paul's seemed lost. He was searching for something.
"Answer me please" I said shaking him a bit.
He paused.
"I don't normally get scared Em, because of what I am. But tonight" He looked down again, "Just then, the thought of hurting you scared me more than anything in this world" He finished as he wiped away one single tear that had fallen on to his tanned cheek with the back of his hand.
I was speechless; I had no idea what to say to that. He got off the bed and stood near my desk. I took my gaze from the wall behind my bed to Paul's face.
"Say it... please" He said looking right into my eyes.
I looked at him confused and dazed.
"Say what?" I questioned in a soft voice.
He got down on his knees and held my hand, I had no clue what Paul was about to say. But I had a bad feeling in my chest.
"Just say you love me back" He said in a slightly stronger voice.
I opened my mouth to speak but I had no idea how to reply to what he had just said. It took me by surprise. His eyes searched my face for answers.
"You don't love me, do you?" I asked extremely confused.
It does explain why he's so nice to you idiot, the voice in my head chuckled, me ignoring it.
He stood up again and walked around the room thinking, his hands on his head and every muscle tensed.
"I'm not sure, I don't think I've imprinted on you but. I feel... something there" He replied, stopping to faced me again.
"Imprinted?" I questioned.
"It's a wolf thing." He replied as he thought about something that seemed to be troubling him.
"Paul, do you really love me?" I asked again.
I needed to know, it was very important. I didn't want to lead him on and I wasn't quite sure if I had already been doing that.
I love Jacob, Not Paul... right? I questioned in my head.
"I think I love you" Paul said slumping next to me.
"You think?" I asked in a confused and dazed voice.
My mind was somewhere else.
"Yeah, because I don't really know what love feels like" He explained.
I nodded as I thought about Jacob in my own little world. I felt horrible, he had just kind of confessed his love for me and I was hardly listening.
"But I care about you... and I want to protect you, so I must at least like you" He said bringing me back in to reality.
"Paul, I don't know what to say. I had no idea you felt like this... I always just thought you were being nice." I replied, not sure how to put things.
"I am nice... to you" He said with a grin followed by a small laugh.
"Paul... I-" I stopped; I didn't know what to say.
Everything was happening so fast. First I find out everyone are werewolves, now Paul loving me. I was so confused; I had no idea what to say or how to think.
"I'm sorry Paul" I felt guilt pull at my heart, "I'm not too sure what to say"
"I understand" He said holding my hand, "You love him... " He finished; I could hear the hurt in this voice.
"I'm sorry, please don't be hurt. I never meant for this I-" My eyes started to water, I felt my heart rip for Paul.
"I shouldn't love him though" I finished; blinking the tears away.
Paul huffed; he pulled my face from the sad gaze out the window to him.
"Tell him" He whispered before placing a small warm kiss on my lips.
I didn't know how to react; I was frozen in my place. But something deep, down inside of me longed for that kiss. He pulled away.
"I can't, he loves Bella" I whispered, inches away from his lips.
I could feel is hot breath on my face.
"Do it anyways" He whispered back.
He grabbed my hand and placed a small soft kiss on the top of it before standing up.
"Because if you don't, I will" He said with a smirk on his face.
I knew it was a way to put this whole convocation behind us until next time it came up, but I was happy he did. I didn't quite know how to go about that. Hurting Paul was something I couldn't even dream about. I care for him to much.
We sat in silence for a moment; I started to get use to silent moments, until Paul looked out the window with his normal hard look.
"He's home, go talk to him. He's probably freaked out by this whole werewolf thing. Talk to him princess, I will be waiting here" He smiled.
I looked at him, he smiled. I put my hand on his cheek.
"It's cold" he smiled nervously.
I kissed him on the other cheek, he had done so much for me it was the least I could do. I felt him freeze under my lips for a moment. He went a little red in the face. I pulled away and we looked at each other.
"Thank you... for everything" I whispered and his smiled grew.
"Now go" He said pushing me to the window.
"Okay, okay. I'm going" I smiled; my mood was so much higher.
"And don't be a doormat, whatever you do... stick up for yourself" Paul said strongly before I jumped –well pushed mostly- out my window.
As I landed on my feet, I looked over to Jacob's house. Jake was sitting in his shed, alone and just staring out the window. He looked so lost and confused, like he was looking for so many answers to impossible questions to answer.
But something was more different about him, much different. All of his hair was cut in to a short buzz cut. I was stunned by this; I stopped and stared, admiring him. He looked so different, manlier. I felt myself being attracted to him. He was so beautiful.
I frowned though, he didn't look happy at all. But soon enough one of his white shinning smiles appeared upon his face, I wonder what he was thinking about. A small thought in my mind said me.
I smiled; it was time to tell him how I feel without interruptions.
I walked over with my arms crossed, it was cold outside and I wasn't even sure what time it was. He heard me coming and snapped his gaze to me.
"Jake, it's me" I said as I walked in to the shed with my hand up, "Calm down"
His face lit up and he rushed over. I noticed the cut on his arm looked weeks old, I thought it was strange but just assumed it was a wolf thing.
"Emmy, I'm so glad you're here." He said squeezing me.
I laughed into his shoulder.
"I'm happy to see you to. How are you feeling?" I replied happily.
He let go and kissed my forehead.
"I'm fine, now that you're here" He smiled.
"How's the werewolf thing going?" I asked nicely, "And… you got a hair cut" I asked curiously.
His face changed and he ran his fingers through his now short hair.
"Do you like it?" he asked nervously.
"Of course I do. It looks amazing" I smiled, touching it.
He grinned brightly, running his hand through it again.
"Wait, werewolf thing?" He laughed, "Good, I think"
"Okay, that's good" I laughed along.
We stopped laughing and I smiled. I took a deep breath and went to tell him but he said something before I could even get my mouth open.
"I had a talk with Sam" He said, but the mood changed.
"Yeah, what did he say?" I asked curiously.
He walked over and sat down on an old car seat. He had a troubled look on his face.
"He just told me about a few things and explained what we do. It all makes sense now Emmy, I was wrong to judge them" He explained.
"I told you they were nice people" I teased as I slowly strolled over.
He looked up sadly then shook his head. Something was troubling him and it worried me. I sat down in the car seat in front of him.
"What's wrong?" I questioned concerned.
He sighed.
"Nothing, just something about Bella" He said and my heart sank.
"What did she do?" I asked, wondering what the ice queen had done know.
"She did nothing, it's just something Sam said" He replied sadly, his forehead creased with an emotion I couldn't quite read.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked concerned, mostly about Jacob.
"Sam said I can't see Bella anymore. It's too dangerous for us to hang out just in case I phase and hurt her. I don't think I could handle that Emma, seeing Bella hurt makes me cringe inside and all my guts twist in a way I can't take." He explained.
Although I was slightly happy he couldn't see Bella, I was more angry and hurt that I wasn't even thought about like that. There is the same chance he could hurt me but no one even pointed it out. Jealousy tore at me.
I felt a little annoyed.
"That's no good" I said in an emotionless voice, my head down and playing with my fingers.
Jacob didn't pick up the sudden tone I was talking in.
"I know" He signed, "I don't think I can tell her I can't hang out with her. I mean... I can't tell her about the pack, I was ordered not to. I don't know what I'm going to do... I don't want to break the promise I made her. Ever" He explained, ever word made me angrier and angrier.
I didn't reply.
"At least I still have you Emmy" He smiled.
A pain entered my chest. It almost took the breath out of me.
"It's ok Jacob, I'm not going anywhere. You still have me" I said in my normal quiet voice.
He smiled.
"If I didn't, I think Billy would get sick of me moping around at home" He said but quickly lost his smile.
"I'm going to miss her though" He added on to the end.
I was the backup plan and getting sick of it.
I felt jealousy rip at my insides, worse than it had ever before. I felt so angry, after what he said tonight I thought he at least felt something for me. I shook my head and sat back in to the seat.
He finely picked up on my sudden change of mood.
"What's wrong?" He questioned, worried.
"Nothing" I said in a low quiet voice.
I looked out the window, the sun was going to rise soon and the stars started to disappear.
"No really, what's wrong" He asked again, his voice getting huskier.
"Nothing" I replied in the same voice.
"Emma, what's the problem?" Jake asked putting his hand on my knee.
And don't be a doormat, whatever you do... stick up for yourself, Paul's voice played through my mind. He was right, I shouldn't let this go. I'm tired of putting Bella before myself. I put a hard look on my face, for a little while I was going to be Paul, Strong.
"Bella is the problem" I said through my teeth.
I was tired of being upset, tried of saying its okay. I need to tell him how I felt, not just about loving him but about Bella and everything too.
He stared at the side of my face.
"What did Bella do?" He questioned, his voice changing a bit.
I swallowed hard and looked from the window to the ground.
Be like Paul, the other voice spoke. I hadn't heard it in a while.
"She's all you care about, all you talk about... I'm sick of it" I said in a hard voice.
Half of me wanted to stop and run, but I needed to do this.
Keep going, tell him how you feel, the other voice was egging me on.
He didn't know what was going on.
"Where is all this coming from?" He asked in a strong, surprised voice.
"From my soon to be dead cold heart" I said sarcastically, almost cold.
"Don't ever say that!" He snapped, standing up and kicking the car seat he was sitting away.
His muscles started to twitch. He was getting anger a lot quicker then he normally does.
"Why?" I replied, standing up as well.
He shook his head.
"Don't do this" He whispered.
"Why am I not enough?" I said angrily.
Keep going, you're doing it, the voice spoke again.
"What is that spouse to mean?" he asked, anger laced in his voice.
"You know exactly what it means" I replied.
He stared at me before shaking his head. His face looked confused and he didn't know what to say.
"Please stop" He said walking past me.
"I'm sorry I'm not Bella" I replied angrily.
He stopped and turned around. His face hurt and angry, his body started to shake.
"What did you say?" He questioned in a low voice.
"I'm starting to wish those vampires had gotten me, at least I wouldn't have to feel like this" I hissed.
"Don't" He said putting his hand up.
Do it, more, the voice ordered.
"Pierced my neck with their shape teeth and feed off my blood"
"Stop it!" He said louder, shaking.
"Or made me one of them" I whispered.
He brought his fist up and slammed it against a wooden pillar. I stopped; the breath was taken out of my body. I stared at him, his head low and his fist still against it.
He looked at me angrily. His body was shaking violently.
"Why are you doing this? What did she ever do to you?" He snarled.
"Everything" I replied back harshly, the anger and hatred for her clearly in my words.
"Why are you so jealous of Bella?" He snarled before walking out of the shed.
I snapped.
"Because I fucking love you" I yelled out loud.
I didn't care anymore; I just wanted him to finely know.
There was a silent moment. All of the anger and hurt was gone, now replaced it was sadness. I felt hopeless.
My eyes watered and tears fell. I wiped them away and watched the door. Jacob slowly walked back in, his face soft and confused.
-Jacobs point of view-
I walked away from Emma. Everything she was saying was hurting me. I had no idea why she was saying all of it. I couldn't take hearing it anymore. Seeing her angry made something inside me twist in a sickening way.
"Because –my heart started to pound hard in my chest- I –the air got caught in my throat- Fucking love you" She yelled in a sad voice.
I stopped; I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I had no idea why Emma was saying and acting like she was but now it all made sense.
I turned around slowly and walked back in silently. Her face was so sad; I just wanted to hug her.
"You... you love me?" I asked surprised.
Her gaze dropped to the ground. She took a deep breath and looked at me. She didn't make eye contact. I longed to see her smile.
"Yes, I love you Jacob. I have for a long time" She answered, her voice cracking like she was about to cry.
I felt a smile come to my face and all the anger and stress left my body. I had never dreamed that Emma would say something like that to me. I always thought she cared about me so much because we are best friends but I guess I was wrong, very wrong.
Something in my heart exploded, it took the breath out of me.
"I had no idea" I replied.
She sighed.
"I mean... I always wondering why you acted so weird around Bella but"
She put her hand on her face; it was cute the way she always tries to hide when she is embarrassed.
"I should go" Emma said sadly, in a soft voice.
She went to walk out but I stopped her. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back, making sure I didn't hurt her.
"Please don't go" I whispered and she looked at me.
"Why?" She said as the tears in her eyes fell on to her pale cheek.
I smiled and wiped them away.
"Because" I said as I pulled her closer to my body.
I had no idea what I felt for her but it was strong.
"I want you to stay the night" I said picking her up and hugging her.
"Paul's waiting for me, and I'm sure you need to get some sleep" She replied, her voice was heartbreaking.
She seemed so mislabel.
"I don't need sleep" I smiled.
What she said made me feel like a king, an Alpha. I had no clue what was happening inside me. And then it hit me.
"Wow" I said to myself uncontrollable.
"What?" Emma said worried.
I put her down. She looked concerned.
My head started to spin and the butterflies in my stomach started to go crazy. I shook it off and focussed.
"Emma" I said thinking hard about it before I said it.
"Yeah Jacob" She asked softly, I could hear the pain in her voice.
"I-" I couldn't say it, I was way too nervous.
I can't believe I'm going to say this, I can't believe I feel like this. I always thought about her in a way more then a friend but... I love Bella... Could I really feel for both? I thought to myself.
"Jacob, are you ok?" Emmy asked concerned.
I looked at her, but I still couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes. I missed them though, her beautiful brown loving eyes. Then it hit me again, that overwhelming feeling so passion. I felt myself being taken back, like I wasn't in control anymore. Like I was here for her.
Confused, I shook it off again.
"Jacob" She said almost in a whisper.
Then I knew I had, no wanted to say it.
O: What's that! Emma said that she's loves him! OH MY GOD!
Haha I guess you're just going to have to read on -and review;)- to find out what happens.
LOVE YOU ALL and see you soon. xox
I miss emily! :(