I don't need a knight, so baby take off all your armor.
You be the beast, and I'll be the beauty; beauty.
Who needs true love, as long as you love me truly?
I want it all, but I want you more.
Will you wake me up boy if I bite your poison apple?
I don't believe in fairy tales, but I believe in you and me; take me to wonderland.
- Wonderland, Natalia Kills.
Have you ever felt a jolt in your stomach when you wake up from a dream that felt so damn real, you stop to think whether or not you're in reality or still asleep?
Well that's how I feel now. As I stand in King's Cross, after almost two weeks of some surreal life I've been living where my mother dumps her prejudices and I've managed to get Hermione Granger to like me.
And with that knowledge swirling in my head, I get to return back to an establishment filled with people who hate me and don't have the mental growth not to be assholes about it. My insides are filled with dread standing here and I'm exhausted because I couldn't sleep last night.
My mother isn't helping, she's just as worried as I am. I spent the last two days spending time with her, and she couldn't stop fussing over endless ways and things people could say or do to me about my new woman and about my father.
"Draco…why is that muggle woman waving you over?"
"What?"
I spin around , escaping my thoughts, and sure enough Helen Granger is flapping her hands at me, smiling across the platform. Hermione is less than enthused, giving me an apologetic look.
"God, that's Hermione's mom. I have no idea why, I only met her for about two hours. And please, mother, don't call her a 'muggle'. She's a person."
"It wasn't derogatory, she's clearly a muggle. And you don't know any in case you forgot," she tells me defensively. "Well, it's rude not to go say hello. You might as well go, the train leaves in 15. It was nice seeing you for the past few days, love. I like having you to myself."
She leans in and hugs me tightly, rubbing my back. "Thank you for trying to be understanding about Jean. I know I haven't been honest, you deserve a better treatment from your mother. I'm sorry sweetheart, for everything. I hope you can forgive me."
I really wish I could tell her about Andromeda right now.
"Of course I can," I sigh, giving in to my cowardice. "You're lucky Jean isn't a prick or I'd do everything in my power to scare him off."
She laughs as she pulls away. "I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, go."
I walk away after kissing her cheek goodbye and saunter over to the Granger women.
"Oh hi, Draco!" Helen asks happily. "How was your holiday?"
"Interesting," I reply honestly, glancing at Hermione who grins. She's holding a carrier with her beast inside.
Helen frowns and makes a small sympathetic hm.
"How was yours? Safe trip?" I ask, unsure of myself.
"Yes yes! It was fantastic. The wedding was just lovely, oh, I'd love to go back to Scotland. I'm sorry you two had to spend most of it doing school work."
I fight back a smirk.
"Yes, well, that wasn't the worst part." Or the best.
"Oh, yes, I'm so sorry to hear about….you know, your parents," she whispers, as if it's a secret. "Is that your mum over there? Is she doing okay?"
Hermione inches closer to me to squeeze my hand once.
I tilt my head to my mother, who is watching our interaction patiently, arms crossed.
"Yes, she's doing quite well, actually. Just thought it would be too much to invite my future stepfather along today."
"That's so good to hear. Darrell had to go to the practice this afternoon, so that's why I'm alone…" she pauses. "So do you like him? Your mother's fiancée? Is he nice?"
"Mum –" Hermione nudges her mother, putting a hand to her forehead. "Please."
"Sorry, sorry. That was a bit impolite. She's very beautiful, Draco, your mother. I can see why you're so handsome," she winks.
"Mum!"
I laugh. "I'll be sure to tell her you think so."
"Oh look, there are your little friends again Hermione, why don't you invite them over here?"
Hermione shakes her head as I see Potter and the Weasel glaring at me. They're standing talking to Longbottom and Loony Lovegood.
I notice most people are staring at me, actually. The whole Weasley family is eyeing me like I might do something controversial, save for Ginny who is chatting up some Ravenclaw girl.
"No, mum, they're busy. And anyways, it's 10:47, the train leaves quite soon," she says checking her wristwatch. "We should probably go. I love you, okay? I'll write you tomorrow."
Helen heaves a sigh but resigns to her daughter's embarrassed wishes. "I love you too. I'm sorry we couldn't spend more time together, love. Give Harry and Ron my love, invite them over next time!"
She leans in for an embrace and Hermione obliges, holding her tightly. "I will, mum. Tell dad I miss him already, and if you see Andrea, same thing."
"Okay, darling. Go on then, find a seat! Bye Draco, it was great to see you." She pats me a bit awkwardly on the wrist. "Good luck at school!"
"Thanks. It was nice seeing you, Helen. Thank you for letting me visit your home for the week, and uh, send your husband my regards." I chance a glimpse at Hermione who has a wry smile on, her eyebrows raised. "Enjoy the spring weather."
God, I've run out of things to say.
"Oh, you're so polite! Thank you! Bye now."
She waves to us and scooches back to the wall to let the bustling people shove onto the train. I turn to have one last look at my mother, but she's gone. Huh.
"So….how is this going to work?" I hear from behind me.
I spin round to see Granger a centimetre away from me, folding her arms to her chest out of discomfort.
"What do you mean?"
She starts to walk to the entrance of the car and beckons me over.
"Well…we didn't really talk about how um, open, we were going to be at school about…all this."
"Seeing as everyone is judging us, or at least me, we can just wait until tomorrow when we're in class. You didn't tell your mother you're seeing me, and frankly, I'd rather not spend six hours on a train making chit chat with your ginger friend over there," I jerk my thumb behind me, knowing he's there watching.
She pulls a face, perhaps one disappointed?
"Alright. That's logical. And by the way, I think his shag did the trick because Ginny told me all he's been talking about is how Lanka was all over him," she responds rolling her eyes.
"Well, better than you being all over him." She smacks my arm.
"Come on, now!" She giggles while I rub my shoulder. Always violent, this one. "I guess I'll see you later?"
"Yeah, you will. Enjoy the ride," I say gently, capturing her face for later. Her bright eyes, little nose and the way her lips curve when she smiles. I snapshot it to my memory.
She is taken aback at the intensity of my gaze, and stares at me in wonder before smiling. I grin back as she bends her body into me, before stopping at the last moment. Instead she rubs my back for a split second, retracting and looking at her hand as if she didn't know what she was doing with it.
"That was weird. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have….never mind," she replies flustered. I yearn to kiss her rosy cheeks and it's taking all my willpower not to grab her and crush her into me.
This is going to be harder than I thought.
"Sorry about mum by the way…she's a bit, well…"
"It's fine, it was rather amusing. Did I do alright in speaking to her?"
"Yes," she chuckles. "Granted, you are the only boy I've brought home and she's very easily charmed, but you are polite when you aren't being an arse and appear and act respectable."
She grins teasingly at me as the train whistle sounds, resonating to alert everyone to aboard.
"And that's my cue to go find old Theodore. Bye Hermione," I say, letting my gaze linger on her before turning to jump into the vessel.
My presence catches dirty looks immediately. I ignore them and walk to the back, hoping tradition still stands.
Sure enough I see a greasy haired head, a robed arm, and an obnoxious voice calling me over from the end of the train. I get into the seat, not so surprised to see a one Miss Bulstrode accompanying us, and Nott has a look of incredulity on his face.
He wastes no time interrogating me.
"You crazy, lucky bastard! How in the bloody fucking hell did you manage to convince that girl you were worthy of her time?"
For some odd reason it hasn't hit me until now that I 'got the girl'. The one I lusted over and wracked my brain about actually gave me a chance. And damn me if I won't try to keep it that way.
I smirk the widest I think I have in a long time.
"I just used my natural beauty and charm, clearly."
"Hey Hermione, Gin, I'm gonna go visit Neville and Seamus, we were having a good chat about Quidditch. Seeing as they, uh, have room for us," Harry coughs.
"Er – yeah, not enough space in here…. We'll be back," Ron says, shuffling his feet as they both cram out of the door.
They're such terrible liars.
I tried to talk to Neville as soon as I joined everyone but he clammed up and just frowned at me. People have been checking into our car and every time I open my mouth they just get this real sour look on their faces and don't really respond. Everyone has had the same reaction except for Luna.
That's who I'm sitting with now. Luna.
And Ginny, who's been a real trooper and hasn't gotten up since we left about an hour ago.
I don't blame Harry and Ron, I've basically made myself a social pariah by associating with Draco. And I understand why everyone hates him, I keep questioning myself as to why I don't.
But right now the answer to that is only going to cause anxiety, so I block it from my mind.
"Oh thank god. They are so bad at being smooth," Ginny says, slapping her Quibbler copy down on the counter. "So what are you going to do about Malfoy?"
"What do you mean? I ask surprised.
"Come on, Granger. Everyone is avoiding you like the plague. And it's because you were so obvious outside about banging the ferret."
"What!? No I wasn't!"
"You two were very chatty, Hermione. He looked very pleased to be in your presence, and you him," Luna says behind her magazine.
"You guys were eye-fucking the hell out of each other. Just talking to him was sign enough that you guys are seeing each other, you assured your destruction," Ginny nods laughing. "So what's the action plan? Going to see each other in secret, behind closed doors or go on full PDA so everyone is forced to get used to it?"
Eye fucking?
I sigh, sinking into my seat. "I don't know. I guess I'll have to wait to see how people react to me. If they're going to ignore me then I may as well just be with him. "
"Yes, that's fair. I did have a good time with him Friday. I will defend your honour and try to defend his. I can't promise anything of Ron and Harry, they'll likely join the hate parade once the Gryffindor lads start in on him."
"Thanks, Ginny," I say, gripping her hand. She smiles.
Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought.
"So what's the deal with you and Millicent?"
Nott and I are lying in bed after the feast. It was actually quite uneventful, thank god.
I got a lot of whispers and glares but I'm used to the latter and nobody had guts enough to ask me about anything. It looked a lot more uncomfortable for Hermione, who was sitting in the midst of judging peers.
I explained the past 2 weeks to Nott (and reluctantly Millicent) in so many words on the train. I refrained talking about going to Azkaban and my father, you know, really personal shit.
However, after the retelling and initial awe of me shacking up with Hermione, I dozed off and never got to ask old Theo about how his partnership was going.
I can hear Nott shifting in his sheets, but I'm still damn tired so I'm keeping my eyes closed.
"We're just friends," he finally says unconvincingly.
"I'm serious, Nott. Before we left you never talked to her at all."
"You won't…understand."
"Oh try me, you prick. I'm not going to make fun of you."
I don't know why I should be nice to him, but I have a feeling that I'll need a friend soon.
"I just….I don't want…." Hearing the struggle in his voice, I know I must share some secrets to get him to believe me.
"Nott, I took Hermione to France on our first date and blubbered like a little baby multiple times in front of her, put up with her friends in an Un-Slytherin like fashion and pushed her away from me after a night of drinking even though she would've let me shag her," I begin very non chalantly.
"Uh…why are you telling me this?" I have his attention now, he's staring at me oddly.
"Because now you have something to hold against me, as I'm assuming it's something embarrassingly emotional. "
"W-why…?"
"I'm trying to be nice here, now spill!" I yell amused.
"Okay, okay. Look, we're not together or anything, I don't like her that way. So don't go spreading shit. Just…there was one night I stayed over at her house. Her parents were fighting so we went outside. Laid in the grass out back. I didn't know what to say but my parents split too. I started talking about random things to stop the silence and then we moved onto everything. We clicked, and it was weird. We spent hours out there. I feel close to her in such a short span."
Damn.
"That's not weird at all. That's what we call friendship, Nott. That's what we call affection. Something very rare amongst our kind." I reluctantly sit up and forfeit my sleep, staring at him in a new light.
"Yeah…is that what you feel like with Hermione?" he asks, sitting against the headboard.
"Maybe. Still trying to figure out."
"Well I was spying on you and her body language indicated that she was into you. But I guess it's more complicated than that, given your past."
I exhale a big breath into the roof of my bed.
"You can say that again. I feel like I can trust her, but I don't know if that's because all of my past friends have been untrustworthy."
"Well if you can open up to her, isn't that a good sign?"
"Yes, but she's also one of the only people nice to me and that causes me to feel like she cares about me probably more than she actually does. God, why am I telling you this?" I stuff my pillow over my face and smash it against my forehead.
"Seems like you're used to talking after the break. She must have opened up a can of worms, my friend. You likely needed to clean some junk out of your system."
"Ugh, I know. I just wish she had some too. She's just so bloody perfect, isn't she?" I throw my pillow across the room and instantly regret it knowing I'm going to have to get up to retrieve it.
"How so?" Nott asks me intrigued.
"Her biggest worry in life besides school is making sure her ex-boyfriend who happens to be her best friend still isn't sad. That she doesn't hurt his feelings by rejecting him. Honestly, she practically has had aneurysms over it. And here I am trying to figure out the most basic life skills like conversing with people and not crying out of shame in the middle of the hallway.Fuck."
"Everyone has problems, bro. Just because yours are colossal doesn't mean they're more important."
"I know, I know, I just worry that I like her far too much. I keep thinking inside my head that she's going to realize that the only reason she said yes to going out with me was because she felt sorry and wanted to 'save me' because she has nothing left to save."
"That's ridiculous, she's not as stupid as that," Nott brushes my theory off. "Man, you really are self-conscious aren't you? I never noticed it until you removed your insults from your vernacular."
"Shut up. I am self-conscious. Who wouldn't be given the shit I've been through? She said herself that she didn't know if she liked me but I was attractive enough, so that's why we went out. And I heard her overtell Weasley she doesn't trust me. I've been trying to prove to her that I'm, not a jackass but it's hard. Because I am."
"I don't think you are. I think you can be, a nasty one even. But you have your moments. You just are selectively friendly, as are most people we know."
"Well, gee thanks. Your opinion really matters,' I sigh, falling back into my sheets.
"Ouch. I'm just trying to cheer you up. She's with you, so get over it. Stop dwelling and just go for it. Trust and love and all that crap takes time, right? You already have a queue of people who think you two are a messed up pair, don't let it get to you this early."
"I'll try."
We say nothing else for a few moments and everything becomes dark as Nott noxes his lumos charm.
"You going to bed?"
"Mmhm," I murmur.
"Want your pillow….?"
"Not unless you want to get it for me."
"Night, Drakes."
Damn.
"Bonsoir," I yawn, rolling onto my belly and trying to fall asleep with a clear head.
"So, did you fuck him?"
I gaze up from my potions book to see Lavender glaring menacingly at me from across the common room.
"Excuse me?"
I really don't need this at eight in the morning.
Merlin, last night was a nightmare.
Nobody except for Ginny and Harry really looked at me on the train or at dinner. Once we got back here I could tell everyone was talking about me or whispering their judgements. I tried talking to people but they either would frown and give one word answers or simply ignore me. I went upstairs early and read until the rest of the girls came up and I could pretend to sleep.
"Harry. Did you fuck him?" She walks over to the armchair adjacent to me and plops herself in it, crossing her arms. I roll my eyes and put my book down.
Oh, good grief.
Seriously, you'd think that since there were rumours in a national spectrum that I cheated someone would've actually asked Harry or Ginny about it. Or me!
But from past experiences on Harry's part in the media, I guess that's wishful thinking.
"No, I didn't."
"And Ginny, did she shag your man?" She's relishing in making me uncomfortable.
"No, she didn't."
"Then answer this; have you fucked Draco? Because frankly, you don't strike me as the type to go for the ones with money, so his dick must be something special."
What have I done to her, honestly? Why does she treat me like this?
"It's none of your business what I choose to do with him or anyone else," I reply calmly, keeping my nerves cool as I can.
"Oh, but it is. It seemed pretty clear to everyone at that club you two were intimate. And given that you've been in the prophet locking lips, your reputation has already tarnished about a thousand points south just by seeing him."
"I don't care." I snatch the book from beside me and reopen it, blocking her out as best I can.
"I think you do. Pardon me, but you don't want to be known as a cheater now, do you? You were upstairs with Harry and she was downstairs with Draco, that's not a good sign. Everyone thinks you're going through a bad phase. Maybe snapped a nerve after the war."
How dare she!
"I haven't snapped out of anything. You can ask Harry, you can ask Ginny, hell, ask Draco. Not everything you read in the paper is true."
"'Hell'? Hmm, very interesting." She's smiling now, as if me cursing is evidence that I've turned a new, horrible leaf.
"Lavender, if you're upset that you didn't manage to get with Ron on the weekend, that's no reason to take it out on me." Her expression changes to as if I just slapped her, but I don't care.
Suddenly a realization dawns on me, and I think I understand why she's asking me these questions.
"And for the record, since you seem sore at me still from two years ago, I never cheated on Ron with you. We were upstairs in the boys dorm, yes, but Harry was also there too. We were not having sex, nor were we kissing or anything else. So please, can you just lay off me now? I have enough to deal with."
I don't dare look at her expression and hope she leaves, because after a minute of silence, the tension is palpable.
"Hey Lav, you ready for breakfast? I was thinking we could go over our charms notes after and….oh."
"I'm ready to go Parvati, come on."
Parvati is looking at the strange sight of us, uncomfortably sitting together and tactfully doesn't say a thing. Perhaps she remembers telling Dean that she found Draco attractive that night in Dragonblood.
They leave me alone in the room again and I find myself wanting to bang my head on the coffee table.
Are all my school interactions going to be like this?
As I find out by the time I get to music apparently they are.
About the only person who's bothered to speak more than two words to me is Fay, and she was just practicing charms with me. Harry and Ron were too busy talking to their mates and I didn't catch Ginny before class.
Today it is the technical class, so it's only the 8 advanced. And all the wrong people. Dean, Draco, and McGonagall.
I wonder if she feels responsible for getting us together? Or if she'd even care.
All I know is that I'm sitting down in my seat waiting for the lesson to begin, and Draco's burning a hole in the back of my neck, perhaps communicating with looks that he's feeling as awkward as I am.
I caught his eye as I walked in but he left me the horrid decision on where to sit, and I sat in front of him, causing Dean to grimace and the rest shaking their heads or rolling their eyes.
"Welcome back students," our professor greets us, walking to the front. "I must confess I'm a little busy with grading so today we're just going to rehearse, get the gears going again. Though I would hope you were all quite active in your projects groups over break."
"Well some of us were," Hannah Abbott whispers, causing the group to giggle, and I to blush.
McGonagall ignores the interruption. "You are free to choose your composition. I have papers to grade for transfiguration, so please, go on your way."
Everyone shuffles up and I swing behind me to Draco, who shrugs apologetically and stands up to walk over to his piano that he set up in the corner.
This is just ridiculous.
I grab a scroll of my potions notes and rip out a piece of it, scrawling a note on it and getting up to go leave it on the stool for Draco. I give him a weak smile as I go to play my violin, unable to concentrate the whole time, just staring as he gracefully taps the keys, losing himself in the notes.
He doesn't open the paper until the end of the lesson and smiles as he reads it making me extremely pleased.
When the bell rings, my mood drops significantly knowing I have to leave without Draco, his presence comforting me. I have muggle studies, a class he doesn't have.
Three more hours till dinner.
Sigh.
Meet me in Section B tonight at 7 pm tonight.
We need to discuss our public appearance, and yes I know that sounds pretentious.
Hermione xx
PS: Don't you dare come drunk!
I chuckle again reading her note. It's just so….her.
I can tell she's quite uncomfortable with people staring at her and making judgements, she likes being well perceived. It's discomfiting for me though I'm used to the loathing, but damn I used to relish in the hate. For once in my life I'm sick of the attention.
"Ready for your date?" Nott teases me. We're sitting by the fire, seniority and all that jazz.
"It's not a date, it's a discussion group," I sigh. "I wish it were date, but I doubt the very romantic setting over the library will spur Hermione on to make out."
"Well she is our resident bookworm. Who knows right?"
"Yeah, okay," I reply, rolling my eyes and standing up from the couch.
"Hey Draco!" from behind me comes the voice of Astoria. I spin round to face her inquiring tone.
"Yes?" I asked bemused. Nott is scrunching his face, as confused as I am.
"I was just wondering…did you hex Ron Weasley that day in Hogsmeade because you liked Hermione Granger?
"Uh…"
"I saw it, I was there. I'm just wondering because Rachel has been a bit bummed ever since our erm, date. I thought if I told her that, she'd be ok…"
Oh.
"Well…if you must know, yes, I think that is why. I also hate Weasley's guts, so don't go thinking I've gone soft," I say, and she grins.
"I won't. I think it's kind of cute, by the way. Very…odd. But cute. And nobody I've talked to about it thinks you cheated on her, for the record. Why would you want Ginny Weasley germs, a girl who's been with Harry whom you hate?"
"You've been discussing my love life with people?" Ugh.
"Uh….not too many, don't worry! Anyways gotta go…OWLs and, um, studying, erm. Yeah."
She glances at Nott, frowns and then stalks away. I groan, cursing the gods for making her the one to talk about me. Even if it's positive, she's the most popular girl in Slytherin, perhaps even her year. Dammit.
"Well that was fucking weird," Nott says, uncrossing his legs and putting his homework on the table. "I really ruined my chances with her didn't I?" he asks, watching her walk upstairs.
"Yeah. But not with Millicent," I reply, smirking. I enjoy how flustered he gets every time I mention a romantic possibility with her. Probably done it 10 times today.
I give them 2 weeks before they fuck in a broom closet, he clearly likes her and has a hard time admitting it because she's not an ideal beauty, bless her. Takes one 'smitten kitten' to know one.
"Will you give it a rest?" he sighs.
"Nope, see ya in a few," I say exiting the common room.
The walk to the library seems to take a thousand years, and by the time I get there I'm bursting with excitement, which again, scares me a little.
I found myself missing her after one night of silence.
I didn't see her at dinner and no words escaped my lips when I did see her today.
And I want to be able to do these things. I want to touch her, and laugh with her, and say 'have a good time doing x,y and z.'
Nott's words are swirling through my mind as I stroll to section B, and I'm very glad to see her sitting there alone waiting for me, nobody around but us.
Stop dwelling and just go for it….don't let it get to you this early.
"So today was ridiculous," Hermione says looking up from her notes and smiling. She has the most adorable crinkle round her eyes when she smiles, she's never fake about them the way I can be.
"Not for me, really, but I'm sorry to hear." I go to sit down on the carpet against the giant window displaying the dusky stars. She rotates her body on the chair to face me.
"The only person who talked to me was Lavender, who quite rudely asked me if I had sex with Harry, and then with you," she says irritated, her hand fidgeting with her quill.
"And you said?" I ask curious. She's such a nice girl, what would she have replied with?
"I told her…well, I told her that just because she was upset about not getting to shag Ron, she needn't take it out on me," she flushes.
Snap!
"Dayummm, Granger, I didn't know you had it in you. I'm impressed," I laugh.
"Oh, stop it. Technically, I broke those two up, so I feel a bit bad. She thought I cheated with him, and I didn't, so I let her know in case she didn't believe Ron. I don't want the school to believe we're all adulterers," she nods, furrowing her brow. "God this school is very gossipy. Poor Harry."
"Psh, we can get through it if he did. He had it much worse. I just can't stand to act like we're not seeing each other. Because I want to see you, and talk to you."
Hermione tilts her head at me suddenly and grins in a sad way. She walks over to me and sits down beside me.
"I do too," she leans against my shoulder. "I have a difficult time not being very affectionate to people I want to be close to, and I'm just afraid that I'm going to explode if people keep on pointing and making snarky remarks. I haven't even kissed you or held your hand, imagine the reaction then?"
"I'll just hex them," I say, and I'm glad I make her giggle.
"Don't get detention for something so petty. I'm more worried about privacy in that we'll have none."
"Well we have it now, don't we? We can meet here on certain days and I don't have Quidditch, so weekends are free. You can spend time with your friends when they aren't practicing on the pitch."
"Yeah, you're right," she says. "That's a good idea, actually, I forgot there weren't enough Slytherin's. Sorry about that by the way."
"I'll live."
She ponders for a moment and then turns to me, she melts her lips onto mine.
"You really think we can do this." A statement, not a questions.
"Of course I do. Honestly, Hermione, look at all this shit I went through on break, all the stress you had not wanting to upset your friends," I laugh. "All this effort we need to be able to do it. This isn't supposed to be a war, it's supposed to be a blossoming romance."
I tangle my hand in hers, interlocking them, stroking her knuckles with my thumb.
"Why does it feel that way then?" she whispers. "It feels so hard trying to keep everyone and everything happy. It's like a war, my head versus heart. But for once…I want my mind to rest, and I want to let my emotions win."
I squeeze her hand, for some reason feeling tears prick my eyes.
"Everyone sees the bad things you've done, but nobody seems to see that you're not that person anymore. And the more I think about why I like you, I can't put it in words, and I question it, and I don't know how to describe the person you've become."
"Trust me, Hermione, I don't know what happened to me either. I wish you could tell me. But it has to be good, doesn't it? Because I like you, and you seem to like me. We barely know each other too, remember that. I know it's so damn tense and it seems so life and death because of my past discretions, but hopefully everyone that matters to you will get over it eventually. Hopefully you decide i'm worth it."
"It is good. And I hope you are too." she pauses. "You know, I see what you mean by thinking you like me too much, I'm pretty sure I'm the same," she admits, stroking my cheek. She then surprises me, sitting in my lap.
"You know what's odd? I think for once in his life, Theo Nott gave someone good advice."
"Oh?…to who?"
"Me. He said to me last night not to dwell on why we're together, just go for it. Don't let these weird feelings get to me this early because I'm happier. If I can make you happy in turn by not being so afraid of fucking up, then I'll do it. I'd do anything," I breathe, wrapping my arms around her, feeling the most intimate I ever have sitting in this nook of books.
She hugs me back, breathing in my scent and then moving to kiss me.. It's passionate, and intense, and needed. And I never thought I could feel this way about anybody, and I never thought it could happen so fast.
And the bliss that comes is unparalleled to all the snogs and make outs we've had before
To all the times I thought I was in love with Pansy and spent time with her between sheets.
And I realize in a fleeting second that I am falling in love with this girl. Because she can talk to me, and she understands me, and I think I get her too. I can open up to her, and the fact she's willing to try to talk to me after the pain I've caused her is astounding and unfathomable.
And I am not worthy, and I am terrified, but I do not want to stop.
Not on my life.