A/N I am posting a huge chunk of the story today which I had worked on all day yesterday. I really haven't received much feedback even though there do seem to be people reading it. I will keep writing until the story is over since I do this for my own pleasure. It would be nice to hear that others are enjoying it.

•••

Months passed, blurred into one another for Tarrant. His days were still consumed by his need to make hats, to forget everything but that. The same dream he had all those weeks still plagued him, both in his waking and sleeping mind. Every night it was the same dream and even though the thought scared him, he had grown used to it, was almost resigned to what might await him.

It would be nice to be reunited with his family, to not feel so alone. He had lost everything that day, it was more then just his clan, it was his entire family; his mother, father, sisters, wife and child. He had been married only for a few years, he had loved her with all his being and he had loved their daughter more then life itself. He remembered watching them both dance together and the celebration of the arrival of spring. His wife always looked forward to that celebration the most and her love for the spring and had been passed down into their daughter.

He could see them in his mind eye; spinning under the maypole, the ribbon hanging from their hand as they wove an intricate dance. He clapped his hands in time to the music, in time to their dancing, He could not remember being happier than this. Then he heard the terrible noise of the beast, saw the purple light shoot from its mouth, his home being destroyed, the White Queen being tossed around by her terrified mount, his hand shooting out to grab the reins, bringing them into the woods and hurrying back to the village. By the time he got back there was nothing but skeletons of once beautiful homes. There was no trace of any of his clan or his immediate family.

He remembered calling their names till his voice was hoarse, he saw his hat on the ground, he picked it up with no feeling but anger. No one but him was left, his beautiful wife and daughter gone in an instant, his whole world shattered by a woman who knew nothing of the world, only cared about how powerful she was. She had shown her power by destroying lives, lives he cared about. He would not let it stand, he would do something about it. He was never the same again.

•••

The Queen had told him weeks ago that they would need to go to Salazem Grum to oversee the construction, to make sure it no longer looked the way it had under her sister and to make sure it was strong enough to withstand attack if such a thing were to ever happen.

The day had come for them to travel there but it slipped his mind. The Queen knocked on his door and entered his rooms. She was astounded at the way his rooms looked. She had not been in his rooms for quite sometime, it was even messier then she remembered and he was up to his elbows in his work. He was surrounded by fabric, thread, feathers, complete hats, semi-complete hats, food he had not touched.

He did not look up at all, he continued on with his sewing as if she was not there or had just knocked on his door.

She sighed as she looked at his appearance, which was even more haggard then she remembered. So much for the daily walks in the garden I hoped he would take she thought to herself.

"Tarrant…" it was no more then a whisper, carrying all her fears for this man but it was enough to make Tarrant jump.

He looked at her without comprehension, he was still too focused on his work but slowly comprehension became apparent on his face. He shook his head to clear away the fog in his mind, it did no good, his memory bombarded him still, the need to continue work on his hats was overpowering, the voices wouldn't be quiet. He put his hands up to his ears in a desperate attempt to shut them out, all of them, no matter how hard he squeezed they would not cease their endless rambling.

The Queen looked at him in worry as he seemed to not be able to find himself, he was always able to find himself before, he was getting worse. She stepped up to him and placed both her hands on either side of his face, she made him look at her, there was nothing in his eyes, which scared her to no end. His eyes always showed some kind of emotion, there wasn't even any sign that he had felt her touch him.

"Tarrant?"

There was no change and she could feel the panic start to rise within her, this was not like him.

"TARRANT?"

She screamed in his face and shook his head in a desperate attempt to help him clear it. She saw him blink, his eyes began to focus more, he looked at her in confusion, then realization dawned and then she saw his embarrassment.

He shook her hands off his face and looked anywhere but at her.

"You are here for a reason."

She knew he did not want to talk about what had just happened but she did not push the issue.

"I came to see if you were ready to leave. I must go to Salazem Grum and was hoping you would join me."

She saw him flinch at the mention of Salazem Grum but he showed no other signs of his discomfort about that place. The memories at that name threatened to overwhelm him but he was able to push them down where they belonged.

"I had forgotten," was all he said in reply, his voice monotone. It appeared that was all he would say and the Queen was beginning to think he would not come.

"…I will join you," he said in a small voice.

"Only if you are sure…"

"I am sure…it might be good to…get out for a while…"

She smiled at him, he scowled at her believing the smile to be one of pity. The smile dropped from her face and was replaced by her own scowl.

"If you are coming I expect you to be ready and waiting by the gate for me in one hour. I also expect you to be presentable."

He looked down at himself, barely registering that he was in the same clothes he had been wearing for what he believed to be almost a week. He merely nodded at her as she turned in a rustle of dress to leave him to get ready.

•••

The White Queen left Tarrant's room with the feeling that Tarrant would not be able to truly be free of himself until Alice came back to Underland. She knew it would be hard for Tarrant to let her go, he still hadn't fully let go of his wife and child but rather let them eat him up from the inside out. It had been bad when Alice left but things had only worsened.

She knew Tarrant needed someone to help keep him in the here and now but she did not realize just how much he did. He seemed to be slipping further and further into himself and soon she feared she would not be able to help him come back.

A servant rushed by her, preparing for the journey her Queen was about to embark on.

"Penelope."

The girl stopped and turned bowing low to the Queen, "Your Majesty."

"I must speak to the White Rabbit. It is most urgent. Tell him I will be in my rooms."

"Yes my lady," she bowed again as she went to look for the White Rabbit.

The Queen entered her rooms and not a moment later the White Rabbit knocked on the Queen's door.

"Your majesty," he said bowing low.

"I have need of you to go the land above and look for Alice to bring her back. It is crucial that you do this…Tarrant is worse then I thought…much worse."

The White Rabbit looked upset at this news that the hatter was not doing well, he had heard rumors but the Queen was truly worried, something she did not do often.

"Yes your majesty…I fear that it will do little good though…"

"Explain."

The White Rabbit looked nervous, fiddling with his paws and not meeting the Queen's eyes.

"I have news about Alice majesty…" when he seemed to hesitate the Queen motioned that he should continue.

"Absolem has informed us that she was leaving her home to go on a journey…we know not where…Ches confirms this too…"

The Queen frowned at this news, wishing they had told her sooner.

"You have no idea where she might be?"

"Majesty…the above land is very vast…the lands are separated by great bodies of water and she could be in any one of those foreign lands…"

"I need you to find her. No matter what you have to do she needs to be located…I fear what might happen to Tarrant the longer she stays away…I have never seen him so lost before…not even…not even after that day…"

The White Rabbit nodded, his breathing picking up as he smelled her fear and it became his own.

"I will do my best majesty," he bowed again, turning to leave.

The Queen looked after him confident that he would find Alice, he knew what was at stake.

•••

She was waiting at the gate for him, half expecting him not to be ready in the hour she allotted him. She was pleasantly surprised when he came out of the gatehouse in a mere forty-five minutes looking presentable and as if he had not been holed up in his rooms for almost two months. She saw him scrunch up his eyes at the bright light that was only made brighter by the white walls of Mamorial.

When he was by her side she nodded silently at him, he simply looked at her, his eyes telling what he was feeling. She nodded again at him and he mounted up on the horse that was brought out for him. As soon as he was settled they began their journey to Salazem Grum followed by most of her force.