Mission 44: Drink up!
It was only fair, and it could only end in disaster, because life was not fair. The stressed leader and rich bartender would testify this for years to come.
"Our mission is to go drinking?" Tseng blinked as he stared at the mission form. He didn't believe it when Reno told him; the redhead was known to make up stories at his convenience every now and then.
But this one was true and Reno could only grin in pure happiness. "Isn't it great?" After spending some time literally hanging around the meteor monument, tied to the end of a rope like a fish trapped at the end of a fishing rod, it was only fair that things were balanced out.
If their predicament was the result of Elena's girl's day out, then the guys deserved their own day to have as much fun as Elena did, doing their own things with other guys, and hopefully getting the girls to feel guilty and care for them during their massive hangovers. But life was not fair and balance was unheard of.
Tseng had a heavy feeling of forbidding, which had become the norm when starting a new mission lately, since Lady Luck had decided to hate him. But the fickle Lady Luck not only hated him, but also most of his Turk companions. She had probably only shown mercy towards Elena in an act of kindness for a fellow fan girl. "I don't know..."
"Don't be so pessimistic!" Reno was practically jumping with joy; actually he was literally jumping with joy all over the Turk office. But that was not surprising, as annoying as the missions had been lately, and with all the Turk torture the Planet was bringing upon them, Reno saw a drop of mercy as if it was an ocean of bliss.
Tseng sighed, when you hit rock bottom, all you have left to do is climb up. Maybe this was a sign of the start of their climb back to the top. Tseng could only hope.
But fate would have it that it was not quite an improvement in their lives, not mercy, not hope, but the product of a pilot's boredom. Cid Highwind had heard about Rude being able to drink quite a bit, more than Reno even, and so he decided to cure his boredom with a drink off destined to end in disaster.
With Tseng as the only semi-sober one, their fate was looking grim, but Tifa had bills to pay so she didn't kick them out of the Seventh Heaven... except Reno, his silly singing had gone from amusing to annoying half an hour ago.
Never try to out drink Rude, it was a lesson Cid had leaned that day when the story was retold about how he snuck into Shinra HQ and tried to jump off the roof, certain that he could fry. Of course Reno never learned his lesson so he would probably end up very drunk, many times in the future.
Rude hid his drunkenness better than anyone would think is possible... until he was finally pushed over the edge and joined Reno in the strangest duet Midgar ever saw. The cherry on top was that the next day, the girls went for another day out and the guys were abandoned with their merciless hangovers.
End of Mission 44
Disclaimer, I don't own Final Fantasy VII. Mission 44 was requested by Sharem. I also got ideas from reviews from Aki Masamune, being nice to a fellow fan girl and "turk torture".
I'm also writing two other Final Fantasy VII humor stories "Deliveries" and "Reborn", if you like "Missions", you'll like those too.