Strangeways, Here We Come
Reminders…
When it first began, Tonks thought her assignment to Hogsmeade would be for the best. Surely keeping the citizens of a bustling wizarding village safe would take up the majority of her time, leaving little in which to think about one Remus John Lupin.
She was wrong.
Every day brought more of the same. Waking up, scrounging up some breakfast, and then patrolling, all the while thinking about Remus. Then lunch and more patrolling, and more thinking about Remus. Then dinner, even more patrolling, and thinking about Remus. Finally bed, and inevitably dreaming about Remus.
She felt pathetic.
Long ago Tonks had sworn that she would never be one of those weepy witches so distraught over the end of a relationship that they would pine and mope and cling to the tattered remains of something that was so clearly over… But that resolution had been made before she met Remus, so she felt justified in changing the rules now. Exceptions had to be made in extenuating circumstances, after all.
Besides, their relationship wasn't clearly over! It wasn't clearly anything – except perhaps in limbo. Yes, he had made his excuses, but she had never agreed. And relationships were comprised of two people, not one making all sorts of daft decisions for the other – so as far as Tonks was concerned, he wasn't able to simply end things just like that.
Yes, that was her reasoning, and she was sticking with it.
Of course, her impeccable logic didn't make it hurt any less – especially when all sorts of reminders kept bringing her back around to him. Whether it was walking past the Shrieking Shack, watching the moon make its trek across the sky, or even catching sight of a man's greying hair, her mind always went back to Remus, Remus, Remus. At one point she even thought she'd seen his face in her plate of scrambled eggs.
All roads led to Rome, and all thoughts led to Remus. She would walk past Madame Puddifoot's, think of tea, think of drinking tea, and think of drinking tea with Remus. She would eat in the Three Broomsticks, think of the bangers and mash, and think of the breakfast Remus had made her one morning. It was more abstract than that as well – once she had tripped over one of Aberforth's goats, and it made her think of farms, which made her think of other farm animals, which made her think of sheep, which made her think of wool, which made her think of knitting, which made her think what colour jumper would Molly knit for Remus this Christmas…
She was pathetic. But she was also in love. The two clearly went hand in hand.
She honestly didn't know which was better – days with nothing to do, so her mind would of course be filled with thoughts of him, or days with battles to fight. The Dementors were the worst. In a situation where she really couldn't afford any distractions, she was forced to think of him, of being happy with him, in order to conjure up her Patronus.
How could someone that made her so miserable simultaneously hold the keys to her happiest moments?
It was a bloody paradox, and she had no time for those. Especially since she already spent most of her time wondering how a Dementor could steal her soul when it was already so far away, in the possession of a man who couldn't seem to accept that he had it.
Well, while Tonks has her constant reminders of Remus, I could probably use some constant reminders to get back to my writing! Apologies for taking a while to update… But hey, I always say that reviews do wonders for motivation! ;) I hope I've still got some readers out there, and I hope you're still enjoying this.
Toodles,
- ish -