Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Character: Addison&Derek
Rating: T
Status: In progress (Chapter 4/5 – Everything you want)
Disclaimer : Characters and show belongs to Shonda Rhimes. Title of the fic belongs to The Research. Title of the chapter belongs to The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
Author's Note: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write this chapter but I was in some sort of writer's block for this fic and I really didn't know how to put all my thoughts together. Actually, the title's chapter was supposed to be another one but then I tried reading the chapter while listening to "Your Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and well, it's such a blast! It matches beautifully. I have to say that I'm very proud because this chapter turned out so intense and good, so I hope you'll like it too! Well, enjoy!
Lonely hearts still beat the same.
- Chapter 4 -
Your Guardian Angel.
Hearing your voice, Derek immediately turns and looks at you.
"Addison" he sighs. He doesn't look too happy to see you "What are you doing here?"
"Derek, we need to talk" you tell him, your arms still crossed on your lap.
Derek stands up, takes the book he was studying in his arms and starts walking in order to leave the room.
"Actually, we don't" he tells you. His voice is cold, his eyes are not even looking at you. "And I'm sorry but I really need to do some more research about this surgery I have to perform. So, if you would excuse me…"
Derek outpaces you, leaving traces of his perfume behind himself.
"Derek, where are you going?" you ask him, following him. You're seriously getting angry because he's acting like you weren't standing right in front of him just a minute ago. He's even walking away now.
You turn and you see him walking in the hall, he's about to take the stairs to go downstairs when he meets Meredith and they start talking. You can see that Meredith's laughing and so is he.
Your heels are noisy on the floor but you couldn't care less. You walk quickly towards Meredith and Derek and, as soon as you're standing in the middle of them, you start talking again.
"Dr. Grey, would you please leave us alone? I really need to talk to Derek in private."
"Oh… I…" Meredith looks at Derek "Sure Dr. Montgomery" she tells you, annoyed.
She leaves and you don't even bother to thank her. Derek's looking at her, not at you, so you take his chin in your left hand and force him to look at you.
"Look at me, Derek" you order him, pissed.
"What the hell do you want from me, Addison?" he asks you, upset and angry at the same time.
"I just want to talk, Derek" you say, looking at him in the eyes. "Nothing less, nothing more"
You can hear doctors and nurses talking in the background, you know that, from downstairs, everybody is looking at the two of you. They're listening to your words, they want to know why you're here. But you really don't care about them, maybe you'll start caring later.
"If you're here for what I told you last night…" he whispers.
"That's exactly why I am here, Derek" you take a deep breath "I need to know if you meant it or not. Just tell me that and I'll leave. I promise"
He hesitates. He's looking at his feet now, like he always does when he's embarrassed. He takes a deep breath and chuckles. He can't look at you in the eyes now.
"I was drunk, Addison" he starts talking "You were drunk. It's like nothing happened."
"Nothing happened, Derek?" you yell "You want me to tell everybody here what you told me last night?"
"Don't do this!" he yells you back "Everybody's looking at us! Go back to Los Angeles!"
"Oh no… No, Derek!" you yell, gesticulating with your hands "You don't get to tell me what to do!"
"I don't care, okay? Do whatever you want! If you want to stay here, just stay! That's fine! But I'm with Meredith now so things won't change between me and you, if you don't leave!"
"Yeah, you and your post-it wife!" you shout "What happened to you, Derek? What the hell have I done to deserve this?"
"Don't you dare to say her name! Leave her alone, okay? At least she hasn't slept with my best friend!"
His words hurts you because he sounds like he hasn't forgiven you yet. When you took that damn plane to Seattle you were so sure that he was still in love with you, that he wanted to give you another chance.
Tears are now shimmering in your eyes. You push a wisp of red hair behind your ear and bite your lower lip. You're really trying your best to stay strong, you don't want to burst into tears in front of all those people.
"I shouldn't have come…" you whisper, now you're the one unable to look at him in the eyes "I'm sorry I bothered you. I really should go now."
He doesn't know what to say. You have just said the words he wanted to hear from you but now all he can do is staring at you. He swallows and starts talking again.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I really am" he's trying to calm you down "But Addison, there's nothing here in Seattle for you. You're right, you shouldn't have come. Let me call you a cab, okay?"
You're still staring at your Loboutin shoes, meeting his eyes would be like a punch in the face now.
"You don't have to... Pretend I never came, okay?" you pause for a second "Goodbye Derek."
You turn and your heels starts moving again. Their noise is the only sound you can hear, the hospital is just so quiet and silent because everybody was listening to you and Derek.
Your head hurts and now that you're not with Derek anymore, you can let those tears stream down your cheeks. You feel like your heart was about to explode, you can't believe that you came here for nothing.
"Addison! Wait!" you hear a familiar voice calling your name just when you are about to push the elevator's button. You turn and see Derek.
"Derek, what?" you ask him "I thought you were done humiliating me in front of the whole hospital."
"I've let you talk but now I have something to tell you too" he inhales and exhales quickly "And I don't care that everybody's looking at us, listening to our conversation. I can't let you go without telling you that I've forgiven you for sleeping with Mark. Seriously, I have."
You push the elevator's button, your eyes are still full of tears.
"Well, thanks for that Derek" your voice is trembling "That's not exactly what I wanted to hear but…"
"I'm not done yet" he interrupts you "There's more. All this time… All this time that we've been apart I've never stopped thinking about you. You are the first person I've ever loved with my whole heart and you're the only one I'll ever love that much. You're like an open book to me. We've been Derek and Addison and our marriage was the best time of my life…"
"Then you shouldn't have pushed me away" you tell him, interrupting his speech.
"I know. That's my fault and I'll never forgive myself for doing that. Ten minutes ago you asked me if I meant what I told you last night…"
"Don't" you state "I've got that you didn't mean it, okay?"
"What I said last night… I meant it" he says, looking at you in the eyes.
His eyes are now shimmering, he's trying to hold the tears.
Your heart beats faster, you can't feel the ground under your feet anymore. Your eyes meet and you know that he meant what he said. His eyes have no secrets for you, you can see his soul through his eyes.
"I love you, Addison" he declares and hugs you tightly. He rests his head on your shoulder and caresses your hair like he used to do so many years ago. "I'm sorry I've done this to you" he whispers to your ear.
You're now crying and sobbing just like you did last night when you called him. Some people are applauding, others are talking and cheering, others are just so pissed and mad at you but you don't care.
"I love you too, Derek" you manage to say.
Derek raises his head and kisses you. Your tongues meet and you feel like you were in Heaven. The kiss lasts so long that you can barely breath when your lips separate.
Then Derek does something completely unexpected. He kneels to the ground, takes your left hand, looks into your eyes and then starts talking, with his best smile on his face.
"Will you marry me again, Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery?"
"Yes, I will! Of course I will, Derek!" you exclaim, excited.
He stands up and kisses you once again.
"I've missed you, Mrs. Shepherd" he jokes, smiling.
"I've missed you too, Mr. Shepherd" you tell him, laughing a bit
You hug him again and you just don't want to let him go because you don't want this moment to ever end.
After all this time, you feel complete again. Derek's your soulmate and no matter how hard you try, you'll never be able to replace him. You might love somebody else, just like you did with Sam, but you'll never love him as much as you love Derek.
When two people are meant to be together, no matter how long they stay apart, no matter how much they suffer, nothing really matters in the end, because those two people will find each other again and when they do, they will be finally able to breathe again.