Thanks so much to Jinx1983, Harmakhis and Warrose for their awesome reviews! You guys rock! :D
We get a chance to look a bit more into Fiona's past and what torments her deeply in this chapter.
Also a bit of sexuality in this chapter as well, mild but there. So fair warning! :)
Bioware still owns!
Chapter 16 - To Orzammar
Sentimental days
In a misty clouded haze
Of a memory that now feels untrue
I used to feel disguised
Now I leave the mask behind
Painting pictures that aren't so blue
The pages I've turned are the lessons I've learned
Somebody bring up the lights I want you to see
(Don't You Feel Sorry For Me)
My life turned around
But I'm still living my dreams
(Yes it's true I've been)
I've been through it all
Hit about a million walls
Welcome to my truth.. I still love
Welcome to my truth - Anastacia
.
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We're off to Orzammar tomorrow morning. Chantalle, Leliana, Fiona, Anders, Oghren, Marcus, Fernan, Duran and myself. I decided to leave behind all the other Ferelden wardens to help Leonie against the darkspawn threat. Yes, it's only nine of us, and maybe we should bring more people, but in the end, if we are to die, I won't let more of my wardens die with me.
Fiona is a great mage and person. I find myself thinking there is something very familiar about her. I also feel very comfortable with her, and I trust her. I don't know why, but I do. Chantalle was commenting that she always seems to be watching me, and some people would think that creepy, but it's comforting to me and I really don't know why.
Chantalle and I have grown even closer. We talk a lot and every day that passes she opens up even more to me. She is a wonderful woman and I feel so lucky that she loves me! I am truly happy for the first time in my life. I thought becoming a grey warden was enough to make me happy, but it seems I was very much mistaken.
I got Chantalle a ring at the market square today. It's a simple silverite band with leaves etched all over it. I plan to have a small stone encased in it as soon as we reach Orzammar. I would like it to be a diamond, but we'll see what small precious stones we come across in the depths of the Dwarven city. I want to propose to her soon. I cannot imagine living my life without her. We are to end it in the Deep Roads, less than thirty years from now, and I want to be with her forever, if the Maker wishes it so. I know her religion is different from ours and I wonder if this would be a problem. I'll ask her, maybe she isn't very religious?
Maker! Look at the stupid things I think about when I think about a life with her! In the end, it's just Chantalle and Alistair, and that is the way it should be. I've never been so sure of anything else in my entire life before.
Alistair sighed and next sketched a map onto the journal. They would have to take the shortest route possible to the Dwarven city, but it still would take them several weeks to get to their destination. He thought about cutting through the valley and avoiding the cities, which would save them a lot of time and estimated the trip to take two weeks at the most. That would have to do. He would show Fiona the map and the route he had marked, and take it from there.
He closed the journal and lay back on his bed, his eyes closed. He imagined Chantalle in bed with him and smiled.
A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He went to open it, and Chantalle stood there trembling slightly, looking very pale and frightened.
"Chantalle? What is it?" He took her in his arms and shut the door behind her.
"I had a nightmare, Alistair. It was terrible. The darkspawn they-" she started sobbing into his chest and trembling.
"Hush, my love, it's all right. You are safe," he rocked her gently and lifted her chin, looking into her eyes. Pushing away her damp hair, he bent down and kissed her tenderly.
"Can I sleep here with you? Just sleep...I don't want to be alone." She trembled again, her eyes distant, as the memory of the nightmare came to her again.
"Yes, of course, come, let's get you to bed," he took her and guided her to the bed, where she slipped under the sheets and blankets, shivering slightly. He took her in his arms, and she nestled into his chest still caressing her gently. Within minutes she was fast asleep in his arms.
And as Alistair held her close, feeling the steady rhythm of her heart beat, he, too, fell into a deep and peaceful sleep, a smile tugging the corners of his mouth.
...
When Alistair woke up the following morning very early, he still had Chantalle in his arms, and he was sporting a terrific erection. He blushed and moved slightly, trying to disentangle himself from her arms. As soon as he was free, he rushed to the screen that separated the tub and chamber pot from the rest of the room.
Chantalle woke up and was startled to hear a groans coming from behind the screen, but did not say a word. She stretched and her stomach growled. After a few minutes, Alistair walked back into the room and blushed when he saw she was awake. He had a look of being caught red-handed doing something, and she arched her eyebrows at him, clearly not understanding what was going on.
"How long have you been awake?" He stammered at her, his blush deepening.
"Not too long. Is anything wrong?" She asked tilting her head up at him.
"N-no. No. Why would anything be wrong? No. I mean-not anymore. I mean...Maker!" His hands went to his face and he shook his head.
Chantalle looked at him curiously. "Come over here, Alistair. Something is definitely not all right. Now tell me what is bothering you."
"I- I can't," he finished lamely. "I will later on, but not right now."
"Are you ill?" She stood up and went to him, but he backed away, right into one of the chairs in the room where he sat with a resounding thud.
"No, I'm fine! Really!" He protested. "I think we should wash up and go to get some breakfast. I'm hungry, aren't you?" He smiled nervously.
She decided not to press the matter, he was obviously very nervous about something. So she agreed and told him she would take a bath in her room and meet him downstairs.
"That's perfect, my love." He stood up and gave her a quick peck on the cheek, and led her to the door gently.
It just so happened that Leliana was walking by at that very moment. "Oh, good morning, Chantalle, Alistair!" Leliana burst into giggles, and Alistair's face turned a darker shade of red.
"We didn't, I mean...nothing happened!" He stammered and closed the door on them both.
"I don't understand human men," Chantalle said, feeling a little perplexed as she turned to Leliana. "Are you busy right now?"
"No, I'm not. Is there anything you need?" Leliana asked sweetly.
"Yes. I want you to explain some things Leliana. You have had experience with men, yes?"
"Ah! Say no more. Come, it is early yet. Let's go to your room, we can talk while you get ready to leave."
And Leliana took her by the arm and led her away, chattering as they walked towards her room.
...
When they all finally gathered for breakfast, Chantalle looked like a smug cat that had swallowed a canary, and gazed in Alistair's direction. Alistair's eyes caught her look and he blushed again. He was sure that Leliana had a lot to do with that look, but he dared not say a word. It was bad enough that Chantalle had possibly heard him while he was self-pleasuring himself this morning.
He suddenly didn't feel very hungry anymore and gazed upon his half-eaten plate of food miserably.
"What's up, Alistair? Feeling queasy this morning?" Duran thumped him on his back.
"N-no. No, nothing is wrong," Alistair mumbled and Duran made a mental note to have a long chat with him later, while they were on the road. Something was definitely wrong with Alistair, he could read him like a book. In fact, he thought to himself, anyone could read Alistair like a book. He smiled as he continued to eat, pausing every now and then to gaze at the rest of the people at the table.
Leonie was looking pale and withdrawn. Alistair suddenly felt very sorry for her, but it was Fiona who asked her if everything was all right.
"Everything is well, Fiona, thanks for asking," she replied in a quiet voice.
Nobody said anything after that, and it was very silent at the table.
When they were done, Alistair called the Ferelden wardens that were remaining in the compound with Leonie and issued them their orders, Leonie standing next to him.
Anders approached them. "Commander, I still think we should bring more people with us," he said.
"I'm sure you do," Alistair said. "I got something from the circle of magi here in Orlais. We visited it yesterday and the mages expressed their desire to help us in this journey." He held out several golden rings that winked back at Anders. "They are enchanted. They grant the wearer extra stamina and health. I'm going to have everyone wear one of these. As to dying, well, I'll try not to let anyone die on my watch," he said cheerfully.
Fiona called out to them and they walked briskly to where she was standing.
"Fellow wardens. I won't lie to you. We may die on this mission, but we are grey wardens. We must try to reach the source of the trouble before it spreads on to Ferelden and the rest of the nations. We must save the lives of many even if it means dying. I just want to finish by saying that is an honor to be travelling with all of you." She looked very serious and did not smile. Her expression softened when her gaze fell on Alistair, however. "Alistair? You wished to say something, right?"
He nodded and explained about the rings, handing one to each one, which they immediately put on.
"Are we ready?" Fiona asked them all, and they nodded back at her. "Very well. Goodbye Leonie." She nodded at her and walked off to the main doors, the rest trailing behind her.
Leonie's eyes were dark as she watched them leave. Then, a sigh escaped her lips and she turned back to the mess hall, where she sat and brooded most of the morning.
...
Fiona pushed them hard on the way, and they walked for two days, stopping only to eat and drink. They had not yet camped anywhere, but they understood the urgency of the mission ahead, and did not complain.
On the evening of the third day, Fiona called them together and told them they could camp ahead. She knew that they would have to get some sleep and Fernan quickly busied himself in setting traps around the camp perimeter. She appointed Duran and Alistair for first watch, Leliana and herself for second watch, Chantalle and Anders for third watch and they all nodded, turning to set up their tents and build a fire. Leliana cooked and they ate silently.
As soon as they were done, Chantalle offered to wash the dishes in the nearby stream and Leliana followed her. Alistair frowned as he watched them leave.
"It's Chantalle, isn't it? What can I do to help?" Duran stood beside Alistair, looking up at his friend.
"Maker, Duran, I feel so awkward now. I don't know what to do or say. Leliana is spending a lot of time with her, and I think she may have explained certain things to her, about...well, you know..." Alistair's voice trailed off.
"Sex?" Duran supplied hopefully. "By the ancestors! Don't flinch like that, Alistair! Sex is a very natural thing! Has something happened with Chantalle?"
Taking a deep breath, Alistair explained everything to Duran. He told him about the darkspawn raping her, and Duran gave a low whistle, his eyes dark with concern. But when he told him about what had happened in his room, and ended up telling him about how Leliana happened to arrive, he burst out laughing.
"Oh, sure. Laugh at the stupid idiot, why don't you?" Alistair remarked, his eyes briefly flashing with anger. He couldn't remain angry at Duran, however. The dwarf's optimism was contagious and he had proven to be a great friend to him on numerous occasions.
"Oh, sorry, my friend. Judging by the look on her face and the giggles they are sharing, Leliana has obviously explained what you were up to and has told her it's perfectly natural. Ancestors take me! That Chantry has ruined you!" He shook his head disapprovingly. "There is nothing at all wrong with self-pleasuring yourself. Keep that in mind." He rubbed his hands together. "Now, about Chantalle, she needs to be approached very slowly. And you have to make sure that sex is very pleasurable to her, so that she can finally overcome her fear. It isn't an easy task, but I'm sure I can give you a few tips on-"
"A few tips?" Anders asked, walking up to them. Alistair groaned.
"Hey, now, is that the way to treat your friend?" Anders protested.
"As long as you promise to keep quiet about it, then it's all right, I guess," Alistair replied thoughtfully.
"What's the big secret?"
And Duran turned to him chuckling. He filled him up on all the details quickly.
Anders smirked. "Well, now Alistair, you've come to the right people. I can also give you some tips on how to woo a woman."
"I'm going to marry her, you know. She isn't just some woman. And I don't just want to bed her!" Alistair replied indignantly.
"What? You really have fallen for her, haven't you?" Anders shook his head sadly.
"Leave him alone, Anders. If he wants to get married, then he should," Duran admonished.
They spent around an hour giving 'tips' to Alistair, and the poor man ended up blushing furiously.
Fiona interrupted them announcing that they had to go to bed and the first watch was up, and Alistair thanked the Maker silently for that.
Then Duran smiled up at him, and said, "Well, I guess we'll have more time to continue our little chat then!"
Alistair groaned inwardly and silently wished the night was over.
...
On the fifth day of their journey, they met a group of darkspawn that was attacking some travelers in wagons along the road. They quickly fell into a defensive stance and Alistair, Marcus , Oghren and Duran rushed directly into the fray, while Chantalle danced around laughing as she hacked away at the ones nearest to her. Fiona, Anders and Leliana kept their distance, and Fernan vanished and reappeared directly in front of the archers, dispatching one quickly and vanishing again, only to reappear behind another one and deliver a critical blow, while Chantalle quickly pivoted around, slashing its throat.
They worked quickly and in no time had killed off the darkspawn which lay dead at their feet. Alistair ran to the people in the wagons, who were fortunately unharmed, and they dissolved into thanks when they saw him. They all grinned at them and watched them go on their way.
He felt a hand slip into his gauntleted one, and turned to see Chantalle smiling up at him, admiration and adoration shining in her eyes. His breath hitched and he smiled back. Bending his head, he kissed her fully on the mouth, ignoring the guffaws and whistles from Duran and Anders. She returned his kiss passionately and he was slightly taken aback, but then pressed his body closer, wishing his armor away.
"All right, you two lovebirds, let's carry on," Fiona said, a hint of amusement in the tone of her voice.
They broke away, and he kissed her forehead before he turned to Fiona, a smile on his lips.
They burned the darkspawn bodies before they left, so that the Taint would not spread to other people who happened to come along the path. Then they left, Alistair and Chantalle walking close together, her hand in his.
He had a spring to his step and a foolish grin on his lips and thought his heart would burst from the happiness he was feeling.
...
They continued their journey and on the sixth day, set up camp again. Fiona sat next to Chantalle and Alistair around the fire. Alistair took the opportunity to ask her about Duncan.
"Oh, there is one story that is very racy, but funny!" Fiona smiled.
"I would love to hear it," Alistair grinned.
"Well, we were all meeting with the First Enchanter at the circle tower, who had something for us to help us on our quest. Duncan got bored, and decided to sneak around, looking for something to steal." Alistair chuckled at this.
"Anyway," Fiona continued. "before he disappeared, one of the apprentices there had been flirting with him and he waved to her before wandering off. It turned out that Duncan did manage to steal a dagger, but was nearly caught by the said apprentice, who had followed him. You see, she thought that he had left because he wanted to be alone with her, so they could-er-lay together. Of course, that was the furthest thing from his mind at the moment, so intent was he on finding something to steal."
Fiona let out a chuckle and both Chantalle and Alistair joined her.
"Then our Commander noticed that Duncan was missing and went to look for him. She found him all right, right in the middle of making love to the apprentice, who was howling with pleasure!" Fiona burst out laughing. Alistair and Chantalle followed suit.
"Caught in the act, huh?" Alistair clapped a hand on his thigh, and continued laughing.
"Poor Duncan was very uncomfortable about it all. Nobody knew what had happened. I never knew myself till much later, when we left for Weisshaupt. He finally told me then. Of course we were very good friends by that time and he even returned with me to Ferelden when I had to-"
She stopped talking suddenly and they both stared at her, unable to understand why. Her eyes shined brightly with unshed tears.
"Oh. I'm feeling really tired at the moment. If you both will excuse, me?" She nodded to them and rushed towards her tent.
"What was that all about?" Alistair frowned after her.
"I don't know, but I feel very sad for her. It looks like she needs a friend, you know? I wish we could help her out." Chantalle said thoughtfully.
"Well, maybe she'll decide to tell us someday. Until then, we'll have to just continue to support her the best we can."
...
Fiona burst into tears as soon as she was inside her tent. She cried quietly, keeping her sobs down to a minimum, praying not to be heard.
I should tell him. Tell him that he is my son. He deserves the truth.
She lay back on her bedroll, shaking her head, the tears coming fast.
Tell him? And then what? How could she cope with the fact that he would be so angry and feel so betrayed at being told a lie, at living a lie? No, she could not do that to him. She could not shatter his world like that.
But as much as she wanted to quiet the voice in her head, it still persisted.
Tell him. I have to tell him someday. He deserves to know the truth.
She could not do that to him. No. She would not tell him.
Coward. The voice in her head said.
And then sleep mercifully descended upon her and all was silent.
...