Foreign Exchange Program

Hey hey hey! Wazzap?...Ew, not talking like that anymore. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to anybody who read and/or is reading this, 'cuz boy, you are one brave reader...uh, I don't...I don't know where I'm going with that. So...two years I've had this chapter sitting, collecting cyber-dust and-...Wtf, 'cyber' is not a real word? Well, screw you, Firefox Spell Check!...Where was I? Oh. Uh...something, something, READ THE STORY!

Disclaimer: Don't. Say. ANYTHING.

Chapter 2: Initiation Into the Ninja Frat House!

Cumberland Airport, Maryland USA.

The McNinja household stood impatiently near the International Arrivals Gate A. According to the chart, the plane carrying their exchange ninja had already arrived an hour ago, but there was no sign of their guest. Unsurprisingly, Daniel was getting a little irritated.

"What the hell is taking 'em so long?" He muttered, arms crossed and temper crosser. "I've been waiting for an hour and I'll be damned if do for another. I hate public transportation!"

"Calm down Dan," Mitzi hissed, "People are staring. Maybe we missed him coming out. "

Dark Smoke Puncher nodded in agreement. "Yeah, they never even sent us a description or a name, so we can't make a sign or anything."

"Of course you don't give your name or description out in a foreign country!" roared Dan. "Do you know what would happen?"

"Enemy ninjas will be able to recognize you and launch a surprise attack?" Supplied Dark Smoke Puncher.

"What? Of course not! You want that to happen! No, the real danger is you'll be tracked down and stalked by foreign telemarketers!"

"Telemarketers? Really?"

Dan loomed ominously over his son. "Really. They are the one enemy that ninjas around the world have failed to defeat. Even if we were to eradicate all current telemarketers from around the world, eventually more will take their place. Their unrelenting persistence and annoying calls have sent many a ninja to disconnect their phone lines. They have no fear, they have no emotions. No matter what you say to them they keep on coming. It starts with "I'm just gonna ask a few questions, won't take more than a few minutes," and ends up as an hour-long in-depth interview about your long distance plan. And worst of all, they're operating in a different country, out of reach from most ninjas. Now do you see the terror of telemarketers?" Dan's expression had a wild-eyed look to it, and Sean took a step back.

"Y-yeah, sure. I get it, yo."

"So how are we supposed to identify our guy?" Asked Mitzi.

Dan grinned behind his mask. "Don't worry about that. I know exactly what to look for. They probably sent him in disguise. Look for a short Asian guy, with black hair, glasses, and kinda skittish. Oh, and a thick accent too. He'll stick out like a sore thumb."

And stick out he did though, not according to Dan's description. The McNinjas thought they were getting a diminutive, black-haired four-eyed little Asian, with a stuttering accent and the shakes. What they didn't expect was a tall, white-haired, one-eyed shinobi with flawless English and a nonchalant stride. He approached them with a wave, his visible eye curved in a smile.

"Hello there, you must be the McNinjas," greeted the man. He gave a deep bow. "I am Kakashi, here as part of the Foreign Exchange Program. I hope you will help me in getting used to the customs and lifestyles of ninjas in this country." The others started at him. Dan shook himself and regained his composure.

"Oh, uh, um, ahem, yes, hello. I'm Daniel McNinja and this is my wife, Mitzi, and our son Sean."

"Dark Smoke Puncher." Their teenage son gritted out.

"A pleasure to meet you." said Kakashi with a bow. Smoke Puncher was still trying to figure out how his hair never fell out of place. "I'm looking forward to what I will be able to learn with my four weeks here."

"What took you so long getting here?" Mitzi demanded. "We were waiting for over an hour!"

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Ah yes, I'm terribly sorry for that. I got held up by airport security. Something about a terrorist? Thank goodness I sealed my weapons in a scroll. Otherwise it would have taken even longer!" The other ninjas nodded their heads knowingly, having gone through the same predicament in the past.

"Enough chit chat!" roared Dan. "Let's get back to the house. You don't mind walking, do you Kakashi?"

"After you," Kakashi gestured.

"Atta boy." And so the four ninjas vanished, leaving behind a crowd of astonished spectators.

Nakashibetsu Airport, Hokkaido, Japan

Lady Tsunade, Hokage of Konohagakure and the ninja world's best and strongest medic, was irked. Very irked. Her ANBU escort knew what it was like for their leader to be irked, and secretly edged themselves away from the ticking time bomb with a right hook that could punch through steel. Lady Tsunade had her arms crossed, tapped her foot impatiently and had an ever-growing scowl on her face. Yup, irked.

"How dare that ingrate make me wait for so long! Screw diplomacy, I need to smash something! Shizune!"

Her assistant quickly scurried over, Tonton's head bobbing up and down in her arms.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" she asked timidly. Her teacher was in one of her moods again.

"What time did you say the plane arrived?" Demanded Tsunade.

"Noon."

"And what time is it now?"

"Two o'clock."

"And where's my table?"

"Smashed to bits back at the Hokage Tower because Naruto came in at the last minute to ask if he could go with you." Shizune gave her a pointed look.

"…Oh yeah. Ahem, and where's the deadbeat ninja who's supposed to be here?"

"Um, at the terminal?"

Lady Tsunade punched a fist into her hand. "Well, he'll be terminal if I have to wait another goddamned min-"

"Tsunade-sama, I think I've spotted him!" A cat-masked ANBU pointed to the gate and Tsunade turned her head. Sure enough, their belated guest appeared, in a white lab coat and ninja mask and standing a head taller than everybody else. Yup, foreigner. He also looked a little confused, scratching his head and looking left and right. Lady Tsunade's temper dropped instantly and she put on a smile, marching towards their visitor. Her entourage followed suit.

It had been a tiring morning for the good doctor. The minute he stepped off the plane he was apprehended by Japanese airport security, probably due to the katana on his back, the spare katana on his back, the crossbow strapped to his leg, various shuriken in his pockets, and the odd grenade lodged in his shoe. Oh, and the pickled beets. Never hurts to be prepared.

It took some time to convince them that he was a visiting ninja from a foreign country, and it took even more time for them to call up a government official to confirm his statement. Apparently, ninjas in this country lived separately from the majority of the population, except for the few who chose to live within the shinobi countries. The two societies made very little contact with each other, except when necessary, to ensure the safety of the people. According to the official, the majority of the people don't even know the existence of their ninja neighbors, and vice versa.

And so, it was two hours before Dr. McNinja got out of that claustrophobic little office and into the fresh air, only to choke on a bug and find out that he had no idea who his contact is.

It was then that he noticed a woman with extremely large assets coming his way, with a grimace on her face and an escort of seven masked persons and a frazzled girl holding a pig. Dr. McNinja was still slightly distracted when he realized that she was talking in English no less, albeit with a slight accent.

"Hello, you must be McNinja-san," said the lady with the big, uh, well you get the idea. "Welcome to our country!"

"Um, oh, yes! Thank you," he said. How did they know his name? Didn't Dad say you should never give out a ninja's name in a foreign country? He probably did it just for fun. Dr. McNinja focused back on the conversation. "I'm so glad you can speak English. I guess I won't be needing this," He casually tossed the dictionary behind him, and was rewarded with a loud 'AIYA!' coupled with possible swears in Japanese. "Oh my, I'm so sorry! Um, don't worry, I can fix that; I'm a doctor! Can somebody translate that for him?"

Lady Tsunade merely raised an eyebrow at this, and beckoned the group away from the commotion. This was why shinobi didn't mix with regular civilians; regular people. They were too carefree and fragile. At least the people who live with the ninjas knew how to be alert and defend themselves. But with these outsiders, one ambitious chuunin could take over their entire country.

That was why the shinobi countries were so secluded, the single passageway connecting the two societies so guarded. Only the Kages were allowed to cross over, to ensure the safety of both cultures. There was only one way in or out, and only accessible on foot. The Hokage hoped that this foreigner was up for the challenge.

"McNinja-san, I hope you will have a fruitful experience while in our country," started Lady Tsunade, "but I'm afraid to get there, we have quite a ways to go before we arrive at my village."

"No worries, ma'am. My dad used to make me climb mountains to fetch him breakfast. Now it's my brother's job."

"Your father has some very interesting training methods."

Dr. McNinja shook his head. "Nah, he just has a fetish for condor omelets."

Lady Tsunade nodded. Then remembered something. "I'm sorry; I'm afraid I haven't even introduced myself. I am Tsunade, Fifth Hokage of Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves. This is Shizune, my assistant, and my escorts, the ANBU Black Ops, our village's elite."

The doctor was sent reeling. Thiswoman was the leader of a whole ninja clan? Wow. Not that he was sexist or anything, but WOW. Now why couldn't his clan have that kind of leader? Wait a minute. His dad was the clan leader, and if their clan leader were to look like that then…

"GAAAHH! IT BURNS!" Dr. McNinja clutched his eyes, desperately trying to claw out the horrifying image.

"McNinja-san, are you alright?" Asked Shizune worriedly. The strange outsider had been silent, then suddenly burst out screaming. The ANBU surrounded their leader, in position to defend against an attack. The doctor waved her off, shaking his head.

"No, no, I'm fine. Sorry for the outburst. I just have a fu- er, messed up imagination."

After being reassured by the Hokage, the ANBU lowered their weapons, grumbling about crazy spastic foreigners. Lady Tsunade approached him.

"We are ready to depart. I do not know your ways of transport, McNinja-san, but we will be traveling on foot. Will you be able to keep up?" Dr. McNinja nodded enthusiastically.

"No problem, Hokage-ma'am. My mom once dropped me off in front of a herd of stampeding buffalo and-,"

"Good. Let's go." The whole squad vanished, leaving behind a startled ninja doctor.

"Tsunade-sama, is it okay to ditch him like that?" Shizune leapt next to Tsunade, matching her stride. The Konoha ninjas bounded from branch to branch in a large forest a few miles from the airport. Greenery blurred past them as they flitted through the treetops, shadows barely touching the ground.

"We can't let just anybody into the Shinobi countries," replied Lady Tsunade, "You wouldn't believe how many outsiders want to enter our society, with not the purest of intentions. Verification is needed, and since paperwork can be forged, we have to rely on assessing outsiders by their skill. This insures their authentication, and safety."

Shizune scrunched her forehead a bit. "But what's the point of leaving him there? Don't we need to test his talents?"

Tsunade grinned evilly. "We are testing him. Just in a more…conventional way. If that McNinja fellow can catch up to us by the time we make camp, I'm willing to let him-"

"There you are." The squad of shinobi skidded to a halt. The foreigner was perched on a branch right in front of them, happily waving. "You guys are good. It took me a while to track you down." His eyes curved into a smile, and Tsunade was irritably reminded of another masked brat. "So, am I right in saying I passed the test?...Or, are you going to kill me for sneaking up on you? Please be the first one."

Now it was the Leaf-nin's turn to be surprised. They'd certainly underestimated this guy's talents. Tracking and following a squad of ANBU was a feat few could accomplish, let alone managing to slip ahead of them without being detected. And to top it off Tsunade, one of the revered Sannin and an expert at hiding her tracks, was with them. The shinobi now began to see their foreign comrade in a new light.

The Hokage recovered from her momentary shock, then leapt to the ground, her squad and the doctor following. She put her hands on her hips and marched towards him, frowning menacingly. Dr. McNinja took a few steps back, unsure of her intentions. She stopped, and held out her hand.

"Congratulations, McNinja-san. You've exceeded my expectations. I apologize for the rudeness of the trial, but we had to make sure you were genuine."

"Nah, don't worry about it." Said the ninja doctor. Tsunade grinned.

"Very well then. Let's be off!" This time, all the ninjas disappeared together.

Notes: Recycling is good for the environment!...Or so they say. What we REALLY need to recycle is our Helium. It's a non-renewable resource and it's quickly depleting. Ever wonder why it costs so much now to buy birthday balloons? Yeah. So, good people, conserve your helium for what's REALLY important: Chipmunk impersonations. Tạm biệt!

-Chindu, Prince of Darkness