A quick note: I apologize in advance for the terrible formatting, but I've tried and tried to fix things, but this site is being a douche, so I give up. I also apologize for taking so long to continue this again, but I have to be in a certain state of mind to write this, and quite honestly, I thought it was crap compared to other stories on this site, so I stopped. I don't know what persuaded me to start writing again.

"Leechmaster" belongs to Fear Factory.

Chapter Four: "The Both of Us Can Bleed"

"I've never stopped loving you, Arnold."

It left her lips as simply as that, so hushed yet clear, and of course, he hugged her tighter. How good and right it felt to be in his arms! How good and right it felt to admit her love! Damn her foul mouth for ever taking it back in the first place. All these years she could have been doing this, with him! She'd lost out on so much. "I mean it. I can't stop. Even if you hate me one day--"

"I don't hate you, Helga. I could never hate you."

"I know, I know," she snorted, allowing herself a small smile. "You don't have a hating bone in your body, but still, you never know." Then she snuggled against him and took in his wonderful smell. Oh, that delicious aroma of his shampoo! What brand did he use again? He smelled freshly of apple blossoms and newly cut grass.

"Do you feel any better?"

She nodded. "Some. In my line of work, it's hard to ever truly feel 'OK'" He gave her a strange look, and she smirked. "Just kidding...somewhat."

He flashed that grin that would light a million powerless homes, and she felt her toes curling in excitement as she mentally rushed to contain her more girlish emotions. "I'm glad to see you still have your sense of humor."

"Yeah, well...thanks." She scratched the back of her head nervously. "I try."

She felt his arms release her from their loving embrace, and for a short moment, she had to restrain herself from grabbing him and returning him to his previous position because she knew that would be something next to smothering. She didn't want to be that type of girly girl. She didn't want to be...Lila. Still, she was slightly disappointed...no one but her would ever know what it was like to be held by perfection, her mind mused.

"So...how can I help you get better?"

Ah! There it was, that perfection again! Oh, Arnold, ever the chivalrous hero, desperately yearning to rescue this haphazard maiden who would forever be hateful and cruel in everyone's eyes! Oh, Arnold--

A smack to her face brought her back to reality, as it always had, but this time, the lovelorn look stayed, and she sighed. "Uh...I don't know. Maybe, marry me?"

He quickly jumped from the bed. "What?? M-marry?!"

"I'm just joking, of course." No she wasn't, but she couldn't let him know that his reaction had hurt her, and she felt like someone was twisting a knife back and forth in her heart. "I...that is...would you...? I mean...argh, damn it!" She grabbed her hair in frustration and yanked really hard. "This is hard! Why does it have to be so hard? Everything else seems easy by comparison!"

He took her hands in his, and she watched as he shook his head at the strands of hair still within her grasp. "Why does what have to be hard?"

She looked down at the dirty gray comforter. Another song began to play on the radio, and instantly, she recognized it and cursed the station because they had impeccable timing. This song always made her cry. "Letting you break my heart, Arnold. That's what's so hard, but I have to do it sometime, I know."

"What you feel
Are your needs
All you want
Is to be loved

Pain! Love! Pain!"

"I won't break your heart, Helga." And then just like a knight out of a fairytale, he kissed her hand. If she wasn't so miserable, she would've swooned.

Instead, she smiled a half-smile of sadness, understanding, and pain. "One day, Arnold. Even if I hurt you first, one day, you'll hurt me, and there'll be nothing that either of us can do to stop it. I know that my life will never be like those silly dreams I had as a kid. Those are a little girl's dreams of marriage and happiness, like playing house. I've always entertained the thought of playing house with you, Arnold."

"But can you give
Someone else
The same love
That you want

Pain! Love! Pain!"

"We aren't playing house. What I feel for you is real."

A knowing laugh escaped her lips. "Maybe what you feel is real, but what I feel...I'm not even sure anymore. I don't know if I could ever love you like you want to be loved. I do love you...but I don't know if it's a little girl's love or a woman's love." Those beautiful emerald eyes showed so much confusion, and all she wanted to do was stop talking so she could hold him. Arnold had always brought out the 'nice, motherly side' that she was constantly pushing back. She wanted to stroke his hair and coo in his ear, to treat him like he was hers.

But he would never be hers.

"All of the kisses you've given me...those weren't some little girl's infatuation."

A real smile. "You remember those, too?" She tried to duck her head so he wouldn't see her blushing, but it was too late.

"I have to admit, Helga...no one can kiss quite like you. It's like...like you--"

"Put my whole soul into it?"

"Yeah." He moved closer to her, and really, she would admit for years to come that she could never be ready when it was Arnold making the first move. It was a notion that both excited and scared her. Well, doi, she wanted to be kissed – any girl wanted to be kissed – but what would happen when the kissing is over, now that was the scary part.

"Come and take my pain
And soon you will see
That I will taste your pain
The both of us can bleed"

"Because I do. All of my passion...and desire...needs...and love – I want to give all of it to you. Only you."

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Fingers rapidly drummed against the clipboard, but the petite woman in front of her still sniffled a little. "You two went out, and you never told me? Your best friend?"

"We weren't really best friends in those days. You know that." She rested her legs over the cot and then began to slowly move them from side to side to relax herself like she had taught herself to do years ago. "You were more interested in catering to Gerald's every whim." She grinned, trying to change the subject from her to her former friend. "Looks like you still are. How many years have you been married?"

Phoebe adjusted the pretty diamond ring on her finger. "Not yet. We're just engaged."

"What's keeping you? You two have always been all over each other, for all the years I've known you."

"It takes money to get married." A bitter sigh. "Quit changing the subject."

Could Phoebe actually look intimidating? "S-sorry."

Another sigh and a quick rub to the temples. "You've changed. You were different, but you were still you, at least, when we all last spoke." Helga frowned. She could barely remember when that was, but she did remember that it was less than pleasant. She recalled screaming something and then taking off for college, in a hurry to get away from there and away from them. "I'm sorry, Helga. I let you down back then. Come hell or high water, I should have made a better effort to take care of you."

"Take care of me? Why does everyone feel like they have to take care of me?"

Finally, Phoebe smiled. "Because you really need us to, and admit it, you enjoy it."

She hung her head shyly, avoiding Phoebe's gaze. Thrusting her arms in the air for emphasis, she halfheartedly shouted, "Well, if you all feel the need to baby me, then why should I stop you?" Then she laughed, and after a few minutes, her former friend joined her. She couldn't remember the last time she felt safe enough to let someone fuss over her. Certainly not with Todd. With him, the need to take care of her – no matter whether his intentions were innocent or not – was a prerequisite for their marriage.

And there had never been a day that went by where he didn't remind her of that. She shivered.

The air in the room changed, and soon, Phoebe was back into professional mode again. "So how are you going to take care of me, doc?"

She glanced up from her charts. "As in accordance with the state, you'll be on a 72-hour hold to make certain that you don't try a repeat performance." Helga wrinkled her nose in annoyance. "I know it stinks, but it's the law. After the 72 hours is up, if we decide that you're well enough to be off the hold, then you can either go through our outpatient services or you can admit yourself into the hospital for inpatient care." She looked Helga in the eyes and stated rather plainly, "I'd prefer you to do the latter. I don't think you're ready to go home, and putting it quite honestly, I don't trust your husband."

The same old excuses came from her mouth. "Todd's not perfect, I know, but he tries. He's under a lot of stress at work, and then there's the baby."

Phoebe chewed at the end of her pencil, a faraway look on her face. "There's that, too. I'm worried about you both. I'm not blind. I can see all of the old scars and fresh bruises." Tears formed at the corner of her eyes. "What did he do to you, Helga? You were never a coward."

Her own tears slipped down her face as she realized how funny that statement was. "Yes, I was. I still am. You have no idea how many times I took back how much I loved him, Phoebe."

Phoebe nodded, knowing she was no longer talking about Todd. "You still love him."

"I always will, but I have to love Todd now, don't you see? Todd can hurt me as much as he wants to physically, and eventually, the pain goes away, but only Arnold can hurt me emotionally, and when he does, the pain goes straight to my very core, and it stays forever. I can't deal with that kind of pain...no matter how much love comes with it."