Sorry for the delay! I am no longer traveling but am getting into a new schedule so I will do updates about as often as I can! Good news! We are just about half way through the story if not more!

Bellion's face fluttered with discomfort for a moment. The movement behind his lids showed that he was slowly coming to before they lifted and then closed because of the bright light. He gave a soft groan as he felt the hard bed beneath him. When he realized the surface he was on he sat up and was careful to look away from the light, confusion filled him as he tried to get his thoughts back in order. What had happened?

He looked around the lab, hadn't he already done his medical tests with Hank? Why was he still here? Then he remembered…yes he finished his tests with Hank…he left…He winced as a sharp pain in his head distracted his thoughts. He was shaky as he slid his feet over the side of the table; yes…yes he had left…the Garden…the Mansion… the Children!

Panic filled him as he looked around, the children…they had been attacked! People had come to take them away and he had tried to reach them in time...There was another sharp jolt of pain to his head. No…he didn't reach them in time…he was taken. His eyes went wide as the third piercing pain forced him to remember all that had happened…everything he had done. It was like a film speed up in his mind as he rolled over his actions. He felt tears of shame coursing down his cheeks as he bowed his head. Someone's words echoing though his mind in a familiar voice that he somehow instinctively knew was lost forever "Please take care of him for me…please be there for him." There was more that had been said, but those two phrases confirmed his fears. The lovely Jean Grey was dead.

XXX

Scott found himself wandering aimlessly through the halls of the school. When they first returned he had been so angry that he had spent nearly all of his time in the battle room. Then when the Professor had put the stone in the gardens honoring Jean Grey's name he would haunt the graveside. Time he spent talking to her endlessly for hours.

Now however he couldn't stand seeing her name engraved on that cold stone. Reminding him that she was now forever out of his reach. He knew that they hadn't been perfect, that they had their issues who hadn't? The fact that they had grown slightly distant from each other only meant that they had things to fix, nothing was broken. Now the time for that had all passed, he would never find out what started that division, what secrets Jean Grey had been hiding from him…now as he was more ghost than man. His only comfort had been the thought that at least her sacrifice hadn't been in vain. They had all been saved and Xavier had alerted the president the truth of the matter, putting the fate of the future of mutant's into his hands. They had not been disappointed, but it did have a cost.

Recently now he had spent more and more of his time outside of the medical bay. Staring through the frosted windows but never entering. Jean Grey was not the only one who had made heavy sacrifices. Bellion…He couldn't even finish the thought of what Bellion had been through. He realized then that he did have atonement to make, and that he could not do it by standing outside of the room when the person inside was all alone.

He had lost Jean Grey, but there was someone alive who still needed him…someone he could help. Steeled by this realization he opened the door and stepped in. He looked around the room hoping that Bellion would wake soon so that he wouldn't have to be monitored and could be moved back to his rooms. Or rather…Scott thought with a little smile, the gardens and tree he spent so much time in. Lost in these thoughts it took him a moment to notice that the bed that had held Bellion was empty. The sheets carefully folded and the equipment monitoring him shut off. He felt panic seize his heart. Where was Bellion?

XXX

Bellion had been grateful to not run into anyone on his way to the gardens. He couldn't face them right now his shame was too great. He didn't know what had happened to him, but he did remember pain and anger filling him. He had attacked them, attacked Scott. He felt more tears trace down his dark cheeks. He was disgraced.

His walking had been slow and painful to the garden. His body sore from lack of use. He sat down at the familiar bench and breathed deeply as he noticed the new stone that had been placed next to it. Jean Grey's stone with the X-Men symbol proudly displayed. He knelt down, wincing in pain but ignoring it, and traced the words with his fingers, his tears darkening the stone as they fell. He closed his eyes and honored her in the ritual he had used to honor his own people's fallen warriors, chanting softly even as he wondered if he had the right to do his duties anymore. A disgraced shaman was one unfit to lead his people, and there was only one way to atone.

XXX

Scott had alerted the professor to Bellion's disappearance but asked him not to tell anyone else. Scott doubted that Bellion would appreciate being besieged by people at the moment…he could only imagine what the gentle soul must be feeling. He looked up when the Professor opened his eyes "He is in the gardens…his usual bench. His mood is very dark so please…be careful"

Scott thanked the Professor quickly and turned to leave in such a rush that he didn't notice the small smile of hope that curved the Professor's lips.

He wondered why he had not thought to go there first. Bellion could always be found there, he tried not to berate himself as he came up over the slight rise. And there found Bellion on his knees before Jean's stone. He held back rushing forward, Bellion was chanting with his eyes closed as he knelt before her stone and he didn't want to interrupt. He marveled that even through the pain Bellion was feeling at this moment that he had taken the time to do something for someone else. Scott had not been so selfless in dealing with his own pain. His visits to Jean's stone had been to vent his anger and grief, asking her 'why' and telling her all the things he never said before.

Bellion had finished his chanting and seemed to be murmuring soft words in his own language to the stone before he brought his head up from the stone and then Scott saw the tears that had stained his face. Bellion had always been so composed that even though he felt things deeply they never reflected on his face. Seeing the tears glisten on his dark skin brought home the emotional turmoil he must be in. His feet moved with a will of their own and he found himself next to Bellion, drawing the slender man into his embrace.

XXX

Bellion was startled when he felt arms wrap around him tightly and pull him back into a muscled chest. He looked over his shoulder and was surprised to see it was Scott. He was silent for a moment but then as Scott released him he bowed his head and looked away. There were many things he wanted to say to the Leader, but he no longer thought that he had the right.

Scott noticed the quick withdrawal of Bellion from him and gently urged Bellion to look up at him "I saw you mourning and I … I didn't mean to invade your space if that troubled you I'm sorry."

Bellion could hardly understand that Scott felt as if he had been the one in the wrong. He quickly shook his head and wanted to ease the warrior "No…I was merely here to express my sorrow and thanks for her bravery… I didn't mean to stop you from visiting as well. I will go now." He stiffly began to move but he was once again stopped.

Scott reached forward and took Bellion's arm, physically stopping him from leaving "No I…I didn't come here to see her… I think I've said everything that I needed too…" He shook his head, not wanting to burden Bellion with his process of grieving his lover. "I came to find you." He said finally.

The shaman looked up at him in surprise. He had not been overly shocked to meet with Scott at the mourning stone but he was now aware that Scott had specifically come looking for him. He shook his head and looked away "If it is to tell me that my presence is no longer desired I fully understand…I myself have a hard time enduring my company."

His words brought confusion to Scott who looked at him in surprise and then with slow understanding. He moved his grip from Bellion's arm to his shoulders and gave him a not so gentle shake "I came to see if you were alright… You cannot leave now we don't know what effects that drug have had on you yet."

Shocked eyes looked up into his own ruby visor as they shed a few more precious tears "How can you stand to be near me? I attacked you…" Bellion turned to look away again but once more his face was held firm by a gentle grasp.

"That was not your choice! You were not in control of yourself how can you hold blame for your actions when they were not your choice! "Scott sighed and shook his head again, wondering if he could explain this before the Shaman's grief over his actions brought more scars onto that pure soul.

"That drug was forced on you. No mutant or hell even person we've ever encountered as been able to hold off its effects. What makes you think that you could? I just want to know that you're okay." Scott spoke the last part softly as if he hadn't been ready to say those words yet but knew that he needed to.

Bellion's eyes slowly looked up again into his visor as he said softly "I have dishonored my ancestors, my tribe, and my mentor…Those swords were never meant to be used for aggression but for defense and the protecting of life. I use them to cut the plants that I need for my rituals and to help heal the sickly…" He shook his head "The only blood they should have ever drawn in harm should have been my own."

It was Scott's turn to be surprised, though he had assumed that the blades had such a use he was taken aback by the last words the shaman had spoken. "What do you mean?" His tone went darker in warning even though he himself wasn't aware of it.

Bellion continued, knowing that Scott wouldn't understand but he had to explain none the less. The warrior was being kind in trying to set aside his own grief and comfort him but he knew that he could never really be forgiven because of his actions. "It is said that when the tribe is in dire need and there are no other options that a Shaman's Sacrifice can bring new beginning and hope…or if I ever committed such sin that I could not be forgiven. Those blades were intended to end my life if ever such a time came."

Scott shook his head at the words Bellion was saying. He was mentally brought back to when they first met and didn't speak the same language. "No…You can't do that."

Scott reached forward to take the blades from Bellion as if afraid that any moment the Shaman would take his own life right before Scott's eyes. He frowned when his hands only met soft fabric at Bellion's sides "Where are they?" His tone was harsh as he demanded and then the answer came to him when he realized the fabric that he was holding was wet.

He slowly looked down, his face frozen in horror and realization as he looked down and saw a handle sticking from Bellion's stomach and a large blossom of blood spreading out. He brought his gaze up to Bellion's own and realized now those eyes were dimming with pain.

Bellion took a deep breath and reached forward to touch Scott's cheek, unaware of the small amount of blood on his fingertips he said "I discarded them as they have forsaken their path just as I had forsaken mine…this paltry substitute will have to do. I hope that this path may atone for your beloved's death. I'm afraid she requested a task from me that I am unfit to do." Only once he finished did the fragile shaman close his eyes and finally succumb to pain as he went still in Scott's arms. The last thing he heard were the warrior's frantic calls for help.

NOT the last chapter (that'd be just mean!) More to come and hope you enjoyed it!