Author's note: Yay, and here you have it. Thanks to a couple of conversations I had recently, creativity started flowing through my veins again, and this hit my head while I was cleaning this morning (yes, stories strike me at the oddest time). So my thanks to Paul and John for inspiring me. :) I wish it was just a bit longer, but this is what came out, and it has to end there.

If there are any typos, let me know. Sometimes I wish I had a beta because it's hard to catch my own mistakes when I proofread.

Over the sea and far away,

She's waiting like an iceberg

Waiting to change,

But she's cold inside;

She wants to be like the water.

All the muscles tighten in her face,

Buries her soul in one embrace.

They're one and the same

Just like water.

And the fire fades away;

Most of every day

Is full of tired excuses,

But it's too hard to say.

I wish it were simple,

But we give up easily.

You're close enough to see that

You're the other side of the world to me.

On comes the panic light

Holding on with fingers and feelings alike,

But the time has come

To move along.

Can you help me?

Can you let me go?

And can you still love me

When you can't see me anymore?"

- From "Other Side Of The World" by K.T. Tunstall

The next couple of weeks went by quickly. They would have been totally painless if she hadn't promised to attend group sessions, but she owed Phoebe, and she wasn't about to screw that friendship up again. In any case, it's not like going to group was a horrible ordeal; she just didn't gain anything from it.

If she had to be honest with herself, her recent improvements were due to Phoebe and Arnold. Her oldest friend spent as much time with her as was possible until she had to go home, and Arnold...well, it was apparent that Pheebs had talked to him. He wasn't coming on strong publicly anymore, but he did write her letters that he'd bring to her during his visits. They were saved strictly for afterwards when she was alone.

Even if she missed their flirting, she was just as thankful that the rest of the damn ward was no longer treating her life like a stupid soap opera. No one bugged her about Arnold now.

She was really trying to get better. Actually, spending so much time around the two people who used to be the most important ones in her life was slowly bringing out the old Helga - not the hateful insecure little girl, but the softer yet strong young woman she'd been when Arnold had dated her. She'd forgotten what happiness and love felt like when there were no strings attached.

Olga had even been by one time, and she hadn't rolled her eyes at her older sister the whole visit. Instead, she'd listened patiently while Olga had whined continuously about their parents not understanding her or her desire to act. Bob had apparently thought that the couple of plays she had performed in and the awards she'd won were enough to get it out of her system and get a real job - like coming to work for him.

So Bob was still on about that, huh. Thank God he didn't bother her with his precious business. Of course, he probably thought she was way too irresponsible and just plain stupid to run his company, but she didn't care. Selling electronics was not her thing.

She'd actually begun thinking about a career again, too. Maybe after the baby was born, she could focus on writing. If Todd didn't like it - and honestly, why would he hate extra income? - well, the new improved Helga could show him where to stick his bitching.

Currently, she held Arnold's latest letter in her trembling hands as she sat outside on a bench watching others exercise and play sports from a distance. Despite her new-found attitude, she still couldn't understand the love he felt for her. How someone as handsome, as compassionate, and as kind as him could ever feel anything for hopeless, homely little her...she just couldn't grasp the concept. So many better women out there than her, and yet he doted on her like she was some forgotten goddess deserving of his worship. She couldn't help feeling like it should be the other way around and would gladly show him true adulation if he wanted.

She read over the words again and lovingly stroked the pink heart-filled stationary, wishing it were smooth skin she touched and not coarse paper. A longing sigh left her mouth as a finger tapped at her shoulder, and she turned, figuring a nurse was there to bother her about doing something productive outside.

Her husband's smiling face was what she got.

She jerked away from him, completely startled, and yelled, "What are you doing here?"

He stood behind the wire fencing that kept the crazier or more suicidal patients from escaping. His usually meticulously-kept hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in a while, and his clothes were disheveled as if they'd been slept in. "I...I just needed to see you, Helga. You don't call, and I want to talk to you."

Suddenly, she felt a pang of guilt surge through her body. She turned away from him and looked around to see if anyone was being especially attentive to her situation. "We need this time apart before something really bad happens." Cheryl was making her nosy way over to them. "You'd better get out of here before a nurse catches you."

"You...you look so beautiful. I just want to touch you, Helga, please. I'm sorry about everything that happened. I've even been going to that goddamn counseling you've been asking for!" he pleaded with her. An arm reached out to grab her again, but he only caught a bit of her sleeve as she pulled away.

Cheryl coughed into her fist and looked plainly at Todd. "Are you OK, Helga?"

"It's all right," Helga sighed and rubbed her protruding belly. "He's harmless behind the fence."

"As long as he's not hurting you." Cheryl glared at him, pointing an accusing finger toward his chest. "We know what you do to her, the kind of stuff you put her through. Just because she's too afraid to stand up to you doesn't mean I'm not!"

Oddly enough, Todd didn't yell back at her. "I...I'm trying-"

"Oh, stuff it! Don't think you have me convince like everyone else that you're really just a nice guy who cares-"

OK, now he was starting to look a little pissed, so Helga cut into the conversation before things turned nasty. "Look, Cheryl, I know you mean well, but I'm fine. It's not like he can do anything right now, and we were just talking nicely before you interrupted."

"Are you sure you're fine, Helga?" It almost appeared like Cheryl was trying to look into her.

"I'm fine," Helga hissed through gritting teeth. "Just keep everyone else away so Todd can say what he needs to say." Cheryl nodded and went back the way she came. "Say what you need to say, and then get out of here, all right? I don't want a guilty conscience about you getting in trouble over talking to me."

"Like I tried to say, I'm getting counseling for my...issues. I don't really mean to hurt you, Helga. I love you...you know that, right?"

She looked down at the ground and kicked sullenly at the grass and dirt. "I don't know what I think anymore, about anything." She sighed again and shook her head. "What I do know is that we can't keep going on like this. I do love you, Todd, but I don't like it when you hurt me. You're either going to kill me or this baby, one day. If you care about us, you'll stop. If...if you can't stop, I can't...I can't do it anymore," she whispered sadly. "I can't be the perfect little doll that you only want to play with roughly and then cast aside without fixing where you ripped me."

"I...you know I don't want to be like this. You just get me so angry sometimes when you don't listen. I can't help what I do."

"Are you going to spend the rest of your life blaming your aunt and uncle for your actions?" she quipped. "You thought it was pathetic when I would do that back in college."

His face grew a little redder, and he gripped the fence in frustration. "What the fuck are you saying? Are you blaming me for what they did to me?"

"No, I'm not!" she shout back quickly. "I'm just saying that you told me long ago that I needed to grow up, and well, now you do, too. You're an adult, and they're gone. They shouldn't influence you anymore."

"It's not that easy!"

She cocked an eyebrow and coldly stared him down. "Isn't it though? You always used to think it's so easy to just shut off your emotions."

"This is different-"

"Because it's you and not me?"

There was an awkward pause as he struggled to keep his temper in check. He inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly, forcing the used air out between clenched teeth.

Admittedly, she was a little frightened at that moment, but mostly, she felt sorry for making him feel so badly. He hadn't deserved the abuse he'd suffered as a kid. She just wanted him to feel the same kind of miserableness that he'd put her through.

She stood to go to him and forgot about the letter that had been folded in her lap. It dropped gracelessly to the ground and got Todd's attention. "What is that?"

A restless eye flittered back and forth between the note and him. She kicked it under one of the nearby bushes and laughed nervously. "Oh, that's just something Phoebe gave me. It's nothing."

"Helga." It was that voice - that voice - of his where all he had to do was utter her name, and she'd start sweating so profusely that he'd know she's lying. Her tongue clucked against the roof of her dry mouth, and she swallowed an anxious breath. "Give it to me."

"No," she mumbled and slid her index finger into her mouth, biting down hard on the knuckle.

"Now," he replied languidly and stuck his right hand through the diamond-shaped wires of the fence as far as he could.

A part of her that would never deny him reluctantly bent down to pick up the paper and gave it to him with shaking hands. "It...it's not what you think." He unfolded it without even pausing to look at her and glanced at what was written on the page. She knew he wouldn't need long before he'd become full of rage, so she backed away from the fence. "It's just...he's an old friend. He was the only person to ever show me love before-"

"What is this?" he bellowed and tried to shove his fist through the fence to grab at her but found her just out of reach. "Are you fucking around on me? After everything I've done to try to get you to see that I'm different now?"

"Oh, yeah," she scoffed rather dully, hugging herself. "You sound so different. I'm not screwing around. Like I was trying to say, he was my first boyfriend. It's not my fault he still likes me." Tears formed in her eyes, and one trickled lazily down her left cheek as she whispered, "I don't think you've ever loved me. I...I don't think you know what love really is."

He stopped struggling with the fence and stared at her. "I know what the fuck loyalty is, you dumb cunt. 'Through better or worse,' remember?"

"Loyalty isn't the same damn thing, and you know it!" she squealed loudly. "And does that mean I'm supposed to let you just wail on me until I'm broken? What the hell, Todd! I'm not going to do that anymore! It's driving me insane!"

"Oh, I'll drive you insane, all right," he snarled and jerked the fence roughly. "I'll teach you some loyalty and respect if it's the last fucking thing I do with my life."

Their fight had finally gotten the attention of everyone on the grounds, and people were running toward them, along with a few security guards. Todd noticed and smirked at her before ripping up the letter and tossing it at his feet. All of those wonderful words...just a waste now, and she sat numbly on the bench. "Just go. Go before you get in trouble."

The last thing she heard him say before he slipped away was, "You and your precious Arnold are going to get it."

Her body rocked to and fro in a desperate attempt for comfort. First the shit with Todd, and now Arnold was nowhere in sight. Visiting hours had come and gone, and he wasn't answering his phone. She was trying not to panic since this was only the second time ever, but the day she was having...well, she had just finished assuring herself that nothing was wrong.

Todd's words flashed wickedly through her thoughts: You and your precious Arnold are going to get it.

Surely, he didn't mean that. It was just in the heat of the moment. He was pissed.

Yeah, buddy, was he pissed! Good going, you numskull!

I didn't mean to...I'm just tired of it all. Things were going so well, and once again, shit happens. I'm so sick of it! I don't know why he has to treat me this way. Hell, I don't know why life has to treat me this way!

You're as whiny as Toddy boy. You'd better hope that Arnold is in the hospital or worse because otherwise, he just ditched you, too. Man, good job. You're a hopeless nutcase! You can't even kill yourself properly or I'd suggest you do that, pronto!

I'm so sick of it all, everything.

'I'm so sick of it all blah blah blah!' Listen to yourself, you wuss! What happened to us? You're supposed to be the one ordering people around and pounding the crap out of those who hurt you, not the other way around!

Fine, I'll start with you! I'm tired of you berating me! It's because of YOU that my life was a living hell in school! If you'd just let me be myself, I'd have had lots of friends! I would have been normal! Arnold would have liked me and wouldn't have had to feel bad about doing it! My family would have liked me for me! Fuck you, just GO TO HELL!

There was a welcoming silence as she opened the drawer to her nightstand and snagged every letter he'd written so far. They shivered with anticipation in her merciless grasp, as if they knew what she was going to do before she did.

The first one tore easily and slid from her fingers into the trash. The feeling was akin to the same blessed release she'd gain when she would cut herself in high school. She ripped the rest to shreds and watched painfully as they filled the can.

"He can't love you anymore," she told herself with shaky confidence. "No one can love you anymore. Fuck them all, fuck 'em. You don't need anyone." Her foot knocked the receptacle over. "All you need is you."

A tear fell to the floor. "You're better off by yourself, anyway."