The next day, I had to push myself out of bed to get ready. I was dreading the day.
Not only did I not get to finish all my lesson plans, but I had to face Collin and Brady.
Don't get me wrong, they are both sweethearts, but the fact that I know who they hang around with doesn't make me feel any better.
Today was a 'casual' day, or so the memo said. So I slipped on a tee shirt and a pair of skinny jeans.
When I made my way downstairs, I put my curly brown hair into a ponytail and grabbed a cup of coffee.
My eyes caught the time and I sighed.
Time for school.
Grabbing my stuff, I quickly shoved it into the bag and was off to the car.
I made my way into school with no problem. It was almost like a normal day, except for the huge pit in my stomach.
I smiled at the teachers who walked by and said hello to me, and I even talked with the since teacher Mr. Martin.
But the feeling of dread and sadness wouldn't go away. It was like a dark reminder hovering over me no matter how many times I tried to not think about it.
When I finally settled down into my classroom, I got down to work. I had prep 1st hour, which was really nice considering how far behind I was.
I worked on the assignments for my classes and even cleaned the room.
When classes finally started for me, it went smooth. Or as smooth as it would get.
Collin and Brady walked into class together pretty early, and I couldn't help but to cower away.
I pretended to set some things up in the back room and kept myself busy. I couldn't look them in the eyes and I couldn't find words to talk to them. It was like everything was stuck in my throat.
When their class started, I gave them the simple directions to work on their projects. Everyone needed to start creating an outline of what they were going to do when and how they were going to do it.
"Don't think so much inside the box. This assignment is supposed to let you show your perspective on things. Think of the camera lens as your eye." I said to one of my students.
"Ms. Bella." A voice called. My heart accelerated and I knew what was going to happen next.
Collin was calling me.
"Ms. B!" Brady yelled.
"One second guys." I said. I turned back to the student and explained a little more.
When I knew it would be unfair to go further, I dragged myself over to Collin and Brady.
"Hey guys. What do you need?" I asked, standing between the tw of them.
Collin and Brady looked at each other, and then at me.
"Can you please just hear us out?" Brady asked.
"Boys…." I warned.
"We just want to explain ourselves. A lot has happened and…."
"Guys." I said sharply. I looked at them and softened.
"Not now ok? Its neither the place or time. So please…just….don't. Now did you both actually need something or just call me over to talk to me about my personal life?"
Brady sighed in his seat and I could tell Collin was disappointed too.
"Actually I did need some help" Collin cut in.
I looked at him kind of surprise and nodded.
"I want to do my focus on trees…or well the forest. But I don't understand how to make an outline for it."
Moving my personal life to the side, I went into full teach mode and helped him out.
When I was done I moved from Collin to Brady.
"Brady? What's your topic?" I asked.
He bit his lip. "I know this sounds really girly, but I was thinking about doing flowers. I mean, I find them quite interesting and I know its stupid but…"
I looked at him shocked. "No, that sounds amazing. Did you need any help?"
He looked back at me with the same reaction. "Yea, I mean, could you help me get started?"
I smiled and nodded. "Lets get to work."
By the end of the class period, the outlines were all turned in, including Brady and Collins.
"Thanks Ms. B." Brady said with a blush. I nodded and he made his way out the door.
Throughout the day, I check numerous amounts of outlines. And when I got to Brady and Collins I found my heart fluttering once again.
On Collins Paper a pink sticky note was attached on the top with my name on it.
Dear Ms. Bella,
I know you are hurt by the guys. I saw it in your eyes when we mentioned them. But when I go home, I also see the hurt and pain in the guys eyes too. Its everywhere I go and everything I see. So im asking you to please consider just…seeing them. I know it seems like im asking a lot, but these are my brothers and I care a lot for them. I may not know everything that happened or how it felt when you left, but I need you to know, they all still care and miss you a lot. So please, just consider it.
Thanks for all your time and help.
~C
I sighed and rubbed my face with my hand.
Were they really that hurt that I left?
I graded Collins paper and then went to Brady's. I found he had the same sticky note attached to the front of the paper.
Ms. B,
Just wanted to let you know that they are all still there. Not much has changed except for the mood (its pretty gloomy). Think about coming back to them? Just for my sanity. =) Hope you aren't too upset we did this.
-Brady.
P.S. I have the pink sticky notes, Collin wanted to set that straight.
I let out a laugh and shook away the unhappy thoughts.
Do I really go back?
I stood up from my desk and the papers. Classes were over a while ago, and by the looks of outside it was around dinner or maybe later.
I walked around the room, cleaning up some scraps and stuff when I saw 2 cameras on the counter.
I looked at both for names and gave a sigh and laugh.
The names were Collin and Brady. I only had one student with each of those names.
I debated with myself.
I could just give them to them tomorrow in class.
But…I know they didn't leave them here for that purpose.
But was I really ready?
I let out another frustrated sigh. They were really making life difficult.
I looked at the wall clock and saw it was only about 6:45. I could get to their house by 7.
I bit my lip and did what I never thought I would ever do.
Grabbing my coat off the back of my chair, I quickly stuffed all my papers in my bag and the 2 cameras, and was off to drop them off.
As I drove out of the school parking lot, I realized I didn't really know where they would be.
I memorized where Paul's house still was, and Jake's…even Sam's, but that doesn't really matter.
On a whim, I took a guess. It was during the week…and the closest house to the school would be….Jake's.
I took in a huge breath and began driving into that direction.
It wasn't long before I felt the gravel of the driveway against the tires. The car was now in park, and here I was sitting there frozen with butterflies in my stomach.
"Come on Bella, you can do this." I whispered confidently to myself. I was ready for this. I was ready to face this….and them.
I took in a huge breath and got out of the car with my bag.
Walking up to the front door was one of the most nerve-racking things I ever did.
It was like setting yourself up for something that you knew wasn't good.
Two knocks on the door. That's all it took for Billy to open the door and look up at me with shock.
I nervously smiled and reminded myself to breath.
For a few seconds, I stood there…not knowing what to do or say. He was just looking up at me with shock and amazement. As I waited, I could hear laughter and chattering towards the back of the house
They were all here, I knew it. When I looked back to Billy, he still seemed frozen.
Guess I have to break the ice.
"Hi Billy." I said with a squeakish voice.
I cleared my throat and the noise started to die down.
Shit shit shit shit! I cussed in my head.
"Bella." Billy said with a squeaky voice that was laced with question.
I nodded with confirmation. My heart still pounding furiously against my chest.
"Bella" he whispered again, taking me all in.
I tried to think of something else to say, but before I could, chairs squeaked across the hardwood floor and footsteps came racing.
"Bella?" Jake half yelled.
He stood in the hallway right behind Billy.
"Hey." I said letting out a breath.
Behind Jake was just about everyone. Paul, Sam, and Seth were all tightly behind Jake while Jared, Embry, Quil, Collin and Brady were more in the back. I didn't dare look at them. I couldn't. I didn't want to see if Collin and Brady were right, and I didn't want to feel the guilt or pain that I had been feeling for such a long time.
Gosh this is awkward. I thought to myself. Why did I do this?
As I felt their stare, I gave myself another little pep talk and got down to business.
I tried the best I could to make eye contact with Brady and Collin.
"I didn't know where you guys would be," I started.
"But I took a guess….and apparently I know you guys too well." I grumbled the last part.
"And you two left these behind." I scolded, opening my bag and taking out two cameras.
I held them out for someone to take, but they were all still looking at me.
Finally Brady and Collin pushed their way through the huddle of guys and took the cameras.
We all stood there awkwardly and so I broke the ice.
I stared up at Collin and Brady with sympathetic eyes.
"I know you guys meant well….but don't…don't do this again. I can't…." I took in a breath, looking away.
"Its not right…and its not…I'm your teacher." I stressed. "I can't go around making these house calls or playing along with your match making games."
I looked back up at them. "So thank you….for trying all of this. But this cant happen again."
With a new found strength I quickly glanced at all of them. My eyes got stuck onto Sam's a little longer, but I pushed the feelings and emotions away.
"See you tomorrow boys." I said nodding to Collin and Brady and turned to walk back to the car.
I made it down the porch before someone called my name.
"Bella. Wait!"
Closing my eyes, I kept in the tears. Don't let them see you cry; you can't let them see you cry I chanted to myself.
Slowly, I turned around and stared into the eyes of my brother.
"Stay Bella. Stay here and have dinner with us." He said hopefully.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head.
"This isn't your house Paul, you can't just invite people in." I scolded.
"No, but I can. And you aren't just any person Bella." Jake said, walking outside too.
I sighed; being double teamed on was not fun.
"Come on Bella, I bet you are hungry…"Paul said flatly.
I glared at him. "How would you know?"
"Because you came here around 7 o'clock, which past dinner time. And I highly doubt you went home, ate, and then came here to deliver the cameras. Knowing you, you would have thought it would be more logical to drop them off and then go home to eat." Seth said, leaning against a beam on the porch. He looked sad and worn, but staring into his chocolaty brown eyes, I knew it was the same old Seth.
"Look, as much as I would love to, I really have to go home and…." I thought for a second…what do I have to do?
"grade papers?" a voice added with a guess.
I looked up and found Sam leaning against the other beam.
I rolled my eyes.
"Ok seriously. Enough with this double team thing. It's getting ridiculous." I huffed.
The guys snickered and I gave a small smile. I felt oddly happy. Sighing, I looked down at the damp pavement.
"In all seriousness though, I can't."
The laughter died and everyone became serious again.
"Come on Bella, its just dinner." Paul said softly. He took a step closer to me, reaching a hand out, but I swiftly took a step back.
"Don't." I said sharply.
"Bella, please, stay for dinner. It would be lovely to have you." Billy said from the middle of the porch.
I rolled my eyes again. "You too Billy? Really?" I told him referring to the teaming up.
He let out a laugh and shook his head. "Come on, dinner is ready."
I sighed; all the guys were waiting for me.
Taking a tantrum inside my brain, I began walking back up the sidewalk and to the porch.
Paul followed right behind me, Jake next to me, and Seth and Sam somewhere in between.
When I walked into the kitchen, the rest of the guys looked up to me.
"Ms. Bella?" Collin and Brady said at the same time.
Smiles suddenly appeared on their faces and I rolled my eyes.
A hand was put on my lower back and I looked to find Sam beside me. Every time he touched me, it was like an electric jolt passed through my body.
He extended his arm to guide me to a seat next to Collin. Seth immediately grabbed the seat next to me. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, but all I received was a faint blush and a bowed head.
"Don't think too far into this. Got it?" I said to both Collin and Brady.
Their faces fell a little but still smiled none the less.
A plate was put in front of me and I looked at in surprise.
"Here…I didn't know what you liked, so I thought I would just get you a little bit of everything…" Sam said rambling.
"Thank you." I said smiling up at him.
He flashed me one of the biggest grins and I thought I saw a little blush.
"No problem."
At first, the dinner was awkward. I didn't know what to say or how to act. But as time passed the air got lighter and I actually felt a smile on my face.
I was talking to Collin about the school project I assigned, when out of the corner of my eye I found a fork on my plate.
"Hey!" I protested.
The fork quickly went into the mouth of Seth who looked proud and happy.
"That was mine." I whined.
He laughed and kissed my cheek. Rolling my eyes, I moved my plate away from him.
"Oh come on Bells, you weren't eating it. I was just…cleaning up." He smiled cheekily.
"Cleaning up….righhtt." I said skeptical.
I watched as he put an arm around me, fork in hand, trying to stab my last cooked carrot.
Knowing what he was trying to do, I grabbed the carrot from the plate and stuck it in my mouth, not letting him have it.
I laughed and smiled at him. His face was priceless.
He began smirking and then bumped his shoulder with mine.
Bumping his back, we both held grins on our faces.
"Alright. Well I am off to bed." Billy said interrupting us with a yawn.
Snapping out of the fantasy world, I backed out of my chair and gave Billy a quick hug.
"It was wonderful seeing you Bella, truly amazing." Billy said smiling and patting my hand.
"You too Billy. And thank you for dinner, it was wonderful."
Smiling at me one more time, he gave me a nod and then went off to bed.
I caught my eye on the time and was shocked. 10pm already?
Turning back around, I took my plate to the sink, rinsing it off and then sticking it in the dishwasher.
My hands leaned on the edge of the countertop, my body facing them. My head was still lowed, looking at my feet.
Everyone knew what I was going to say and what was going to happen.
"I should get going."
The whole room sighed and I was eloped into a hug.
"Seth." I sighed. He wasn't going to make this easy.
"Don't go Bella, come on. Its only 10 o'clock. We need to catch up some more and…-"
"…Tell you some things." Sam cut in.
I pulled away from Seth's bone crushing hug.
"As much as I would like to stay, I have papers to finish grading and things to do."
"Well…can we do this again?" Paul asked shyly.
Biting my lip, I didn't really know what to say.
Did I want to do this again? Should I?
Taking a huge leap of faith, I took in a breath and looked at him.
"Yea…sure."
Everyone looked at me shocked. "Seriously?" Seth asked happily.
"Yea, I guess."
I took one last look at everyone and began making my way out the door. All of their faces held happiness, and I knew it was because of me.
The guys walked me to the door and watched me go on my way.
Before I made my way down the steps, I turned around to look at them.
"Thank you. For all of this. It was fun…I had fun."
They all smiled at me. "It was our pleasure." Jake said with his boyish grin.
I looked at Collin and Brady.
"Don't do this again boys. No more house calls. And start working on your projects please? They are worth half of your grade."
They both nodded and then I turned back to head home.
Within minutes, I was back in the car and pulling out of the driveway.