Author's Note – This story is dedicated to my wonderful, amazing, and lovely friend, Cassandra. I hope you love it, my dear.
Warnings – I'll put these here, because I didn't have enough room in the summary. This chapter is mild, but does contain talk of drugs and blackmail. You have been made aware.
Chapter Two: Dying to Get Out
Exhaling a puff of smoke, Loki leaned against a graffiti-littered brick wall, his emerald green eyes moving from the left to the right as he searched for his drug-dealer. He felt as though he was going to lose his mind, his heart thundering almost painfully in his chest, and he wondered if it was due to the lack of drugs in his system or the anxiety. It was probably both.
He never went to sleep after his father … well, after what happened. How could he after something like that? Somehow he was able to pull himself from the bed and stumble to the bathroom where he expelled everything in his stomach before climbing into the shower-cabin. He proceeded to scrub every inch of his body, but that did nothing to make him feel the least bit clean, so he washed himself again.
The rest of the night consisted of snorting the rest of the heroin. The first few hours were manageable to handle, the high numbing and muddling the shock and panic. It wore off, though, and soon Loki found himself rocking back and forth by the window, waiting for morning. He had to forget.
Cursing quietly to himself, Loki pushed off the wall and gasped at the shooting pain that travelled down his body, the cigarette falling from his fingers. A hand braced the wall and he forced himself to breathe, blinking the tears away. "Shit," He mumbled to himself, feeling the pressure and the anxiety creeping up. His hands started to shake, his body falling against the brick wall again, and where the hell was Bruce?
As if on que – and Loki really felt like crying, because the relief alone was almost too much – Bruce Banner walked around the corner. Slowly this time, Loki pushed himself away from the wall and went to meet the man halfway, the pain not having subsided, causing him to limp. He watched as his drug-dealer furrowed his brow at the way he walked, but Loki ignored it. He was there to forget, not to be questioned and reminded.
"I need heroin. I don't have any more."
Letting out a sharp curse, Bruce's head swung around, brown eyes searching for eavesdroppers. A few people were walking around – it was still early morning – and it seemed as though they hadn't heard, but that wasn't good enough for Bruce. Glaring hard at Loki, his temper already at the max, he closed the distance between them and grabbed Loki's arm, yanking him down an alleyway. Shoving Loki against the side of the dumpster, Bruce slammed his fist against the metal beside Loki's head, causing him to press closer into the wall.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing, kid?" Bruce demanded through gritted teeth. His voice was a hiss, cold and uncaring.
Deep down, Loki knew that the man was angry. The thought and the spike of fear registered for only a moment until he remembered why he was there to begin with. Then the desperation came, hard and quick and so overwhelmingly strong.
"Please, Bruce, you gotta give me more. I need it!" Loki exclaimed, stepping away from the dumpster. He had no idea what he was going to do, but he grabbed Bruce's arm, fingers squeezing the tanned skin.
"Stop, kid, just fucking stop –" Bruce ripped his arm from Loki's hold and grabbed his instead. He wasn't trying to restrain him. All he did was grab Loki's arm and press him against the dumpster again. But a look of panic and a strangled "No!" fell from his lips. Bruce watched for a minute before letting go and stepping back, a curious look on his face. And then it dawned on him. "Ah, shit, you got yourself jumped for the drugs, didn't you?"
"I –" Loki stuttered out, his face paling all the more. "What?" He could feel a cold sweat break out over his body and he willed himself to calm down, because he couldn't freak out. He needed to get the drugs. "No, I … Bruce, I just need them all right? Please, I –"
But Bruce was already shaking his head. "Sorry, but our arrangement is solid. You lose it, that's it until the first of the month. You have two more weeks."
"Come on, man, I can pay you!"
"Fuck, kid –"
"Please!" Loki exclaimed, working to keep from outright panicking. He felt like it. He wanted to scream and beg and plead with Bruce, because he needed the damn drugs, needed to forget. Hands scrambled to his pocket, pulling out a small bundle of cash. "See, look – I have money right here!"
Snatching the money from his hands, Bruce sighed impatiently and looked up and down the alleyway before turning his gaze back to the money. He stared at the amount, counting through it before brown eyes landed and remained on emerald greens. He looked unimpressed.
"What?" Loki demanded when the silence stretched on for a long period of time. What was Bruce thinking? Why wasn't he saying anything? "That's a hundred bucks. That's what I normally pay –"
Bruce rolled his eyes. "All right, listen up, kid. You snort your shit and come to me before your allotted time and you think I'll charge you the same amount? Do you have any idea how many under-age kids I deal to? I risk my fucking ass!"
"Okay, okay," Loki's heart was pounding and he was sure his legs would give out on him with how wobbly they were. "Fine, just how much?"
"Double or nothing," Bruce replied immediately. He started to pocket the hundred dollars, but Loki's hand shot out, snagging it back.
"Are you insane? You're a drug-dealer and get paid on how much you sell! Well, I'm only getting the regular amount, so I'm going to pay the regular cost and you'll take it!" Loki had no idea where that came from. He'd never spoken like that before to Bruce, because he didn't know anything about him. The last thing he wanted was to piss off his dealer, but he wasn't thinking properly.
A look of absolute fury crossed over the man's face, and Loki gasped in shock when Bruce reached out and painfully grabbed his arms, slamming him against the side of the dumpster, pinning him there. For one terrifying second, Loki was sure that Bruce would hit him, but he couldn't. It would leave a mark and endanger the business. He was safe from injury, but that did nothing to quench the fear. He looked like he could do some serious harm.
"Listen to me, you piece of shit! It's double or nothing. If you don't have it then you better get the fuck out of my sight," To make his point, Bruce tightened the grip he had on Loki until he was squirming in place. He couldn't break the hold, though. Bruce wouldn't let him. "Do you understand what I'm saying, kid?"
"Yeah, yeah," Was the quick reply. Loki was still desperate about needing the drugs. He would have continued to argue, but Bruce's behaviour knocked it all out. He was acutely aware of the bruising hold, the close proximity. Loki could feel his heart hammering against his rib-cage.
Bruce glowered at him a moment before grabbing Loki's wrist, snatching the hundred dollars from him and pocketing it. "For wasting my time," He said as way of explanation. "Now get the hell out of here."
"What? No! I need that money!" Loki shrieked. He jumped at Bruce, his entire body shaking at the thought of his drug money being taken away.
But Bruce would have none of it. He easily slapped Loki's hands away before gripping his neck. He squeezed just slightly, just enough of a warning. He probably didn't even have to do that, because Loki fell still the second his neck was grabbed. "Piss. Off."
And when Bruce let him go, Loki did just that.
-x- -x- -x-
He got to Tony's mansion in a daze. He didn't even remember the trip, just the feel of a hand gripping his arm. His best friend's voice could be heard, though, and Loki anchored himself to it. He was pulled inside and led into the expansive living room where Tony gently pushed him into a seat. Despite how gentle Tony was, Loki still tensed as the pain spasmed through him.
"Tell me what the hell happened, Loki," Tony said, crouching down in front of Loki's seat, chocolate brown eyes full of worry. Loki didn't like it. Tony was carefree and he was light. Worry on his face meant that the situation he was in couldn't be avoided.
Shaking his head, Loki shifted in his seat while trying to keep his expression blank. Tony was perceptive, especially when it came to him. "I'm fine, Tony. I just … I had a bad night."
"Call me when shit like this happens!" Tony exclaimed, because he knew how screwed up Loki's home life was. He got to his feet and walked over to the credenza that was against the far wall and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. "Now come on – let's calm you down some."
And that was all that really needed to be said. Two beers were grabbed from the fridge and Loki spent the rest of the day with Tony on the roof. After they were settled, a comfortable silence surrounding them, Loki realised that Tony was covered in grease stains. His brow furrowed as he exhaled a cloud of smoke.
"Were you in the work-shop?" Loki asked, emerald green eyes flickering back to Tony's face. He was already beginning to calm down, but after realising that he'd probably interrupted Tony from his work, he could feel guilt slowly creeping in.
Tony merely shook his head, his eyes far away as he stared at the ocean. "I'm where I need to be."
-x- -x- -x-
Loki couldn't believe that the morning two days after hurt just as much – if not more – than the day before. Getting out of bed had been a challenge and, halfway through, Loki had tears in his eyes and was seconds away from quitting. His lower half was so unbelievably stiff, Loki had no idea how he had been able to get out of bed at all the past few days.
Gritting his teeth, Loki forced his body to keep going and finally, he planted both feet on the hardwood flooring. Now the task was walking. His movements were stiff and heavy, and right away he knew that he wouldn't be leaving the house any time soon. He tried not to think about that too much, though. What had happened was terrifying enough, but knowing that he'd be confined in the very room where it happened …
He limped into the bathroom after grabbing another pair of pyjamas and turned the shower on. Stepping under the hot spray, Loki revelled in the heat for only a moment before he set out scrubbing his body. He could never get clean enough, but he did what he could.
The water was turned off an hour later. Loki didn't feel any better. His heart had started to pound and his entire body started to shake. He had absolutely no idea why. Opening the bathroom door, Loki quickly decided that he would remain in bed all day. There was just no other way around it. And as disgusting as it was to stay in the same room where … it … happened, let along the same sheets … well, Loki's movements were very limited. There was no way he felt strong enough to pull them from the bed.
Loki walked out of the bathroom and knew exactly why his heart was suddenly pounding, why his entire body was shaking. Leaning against the door was his father, arms crossed. He looked calm, relaxed, as though what happened just two days ago didn't happen at all. His eye, though … he knew. He remembered. Loki's body stopped working. His mind was screaming for him to move, to put distance between himself and his father, but his body simply refused to acknowledge how desperate and how terrified he was. He didn't even move when Odin pushed himself from the wall and slowly started to approach him, though his chest started heaving all the more.
When he got close enough, Odin reached out and shoved Loki hard enough to have him sprawled out on the floor. He landed on his side, his right arm taking the brunt of the fall and, even though it hurt like hell, the cry of pain that ripped from Loki had to do with the spasm that radiated throughout Loki's lower half. The pain was enough to paralyse him for a moment.
"Where the hell were you?" Odin's angry hiss came, that one eye glowering down at Loki with so much fury. Loki gasped for breath as he slowly started to pull himself up into a sitting position, though he didn't get far. His strength sputtered out, his body throbbing too much for anything else. "I didn't see you all day yesterday, Loki. Do you have any idea how worried I was?"
Despite the pain, despite the utter terror, Loki paused for only a minute, confusion in his gaze before he laughed. It was short, not holding much gusto, but it was enough to have Odin's brows furrowing. "Are you kidding me?"
"You are my son, Loki. I am to know where you are at all times. Nothing has changed."
Loki snorted to mask the sob that tried to bubble over. "Everything has changed," He shook his head and took a shaky breath, willing control over his body. He hated feeling useless and, after what happened, Loki needed control more than ever. He forced himself to look up at his father, forced himself to keep that eye-contact. Looking away would mean weakness, and even though he was weaker than his father physically, he had to be stronger mentally. "You raped me."
"So?" Odin replied, looking more annoyed than he was just a few minutes ago.
His response confused Loki, whatever retort he had ready fading away as he stared at his father. He opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to come up with something to say. "You raped me!" He settled with, his chin trembling as he fought to keep from crying.
"Were you going to tell me about this?" Odin asked, completely re-directing the conversation.
Loki was jumbled, his head spinning, but after a moment he understood. Emerald green eyes snapped to the corner of his room where the loose floorboard was messily put back in place. Dread solidified deep in his gut as he turned his gaze back to his father, or – more specifically – what he had in his hand.
"How did you find that?" He asked his voice tight and strained. "This is my room! You have no right going through it!"
His head snapped to the side due to the force of Odin's slap. He could feel his cheek heating up and Loki closed his eyes, blinking away the tears, hating how a few escaped anyway. Odin was moving towards him now, Loki's heart immediately accelerating. Odin only crouched down in front of him, sighing deeply, as though disappointed. He looked at the empty pack in his hand for a minute before locking his gaze on Loki.
"This is what we're going to do …"
Author's Note – I hope you all enjoyed. Please review and tell me what you think so far.