Author's Note – This story is dedicated to my wonderful, amazing, and lovely friend, Cassandra. I hope you love it, my dear.

Warnings – I'll put these here, because I didn't have enough room in the summary. This chapter does contain mentions of drug-use, smoking, and drinking, but other than that, it is mild. You have been made aware.

Chapter Five: Trying to Save My Skin

Sometime during the night, Loki stumbled out of bed and pulled his mobile out, turning it on, checking the time since there was no clock anywhere in the spare bedroom that he was situated in. Without much thinking, he put it on the night-table before crawling back in bed, not at all concerned with the jeans and shirt he was still wearing. He fell back asleep quick, his muscles relaxing into the soft sheets, his mind lax and tranquil, because for once in over a week, he sensed no danger.

Of course, when he woke up several hours later and checked the time, he was bombarded with eight new voicemails and seventeen new text messages. His heart lurched in his chest and his blood ran cold, because there was no mistaking just who sent all of those texts, whose angry voice would be in his messages, demanding to know where he was, threatening him if he didn't return his calls and come home. Loki's body shook and he felt as though he was going to hyperventilate right then and there over the sheer anxiety alone of what was in those messages.

Are you done acting like a child?

When are you going to grow up and come home?

You're not making the situation any better by doing this. What do you think will happen?

Loki, you're starting to aggravate me. Come home now.

Loki. You have no idea how much trouble you're in right now. Call me.

Are you with that Stark boy?

Running a hand through his hair, Loki closed his eyes and counted back from ten before dropping his mobile on the bed and crawling out. Six texts and he already felt like he was going to break. But hadn't he broken already? Shaking his head, Loki winced and limped towards his backpack, pulling out another change of clothes. The pack of cigarettes that he hastily shoved inside fell out, and Loki paused, staring down at them. It hit him so suddenly, the desire for another fix, so much that he was contemplating calling Odin back and making a deal with him. He snapped out of that real quick, though. Undressing, Loki climbed into the shower-cabin and turned the water on, standing under for just a few minutes – just long enough to clear his thoughts – before he started washing.

It was only as he was getting ready to get out of the shower that he realised he was bleeding. It wasn't much, but it was enough to have Loki leaning against the wall of the shower-cabin, fighting back the urge to cry. He needed to see a doctor, but he couldn't, because that would mean telling, and that was something that Loki didn't want to even think about. He just had to wait long enough for Frigga to come back home. Odin wouldn't dare touch him with her so close.

When he felt calm enough to move, Loki dried himself and got dressed. Leaving his clothes in a pile on the bathroom floor, Loki grabbed the pack of cigarettes and – after a little digging – the lighter and made his way outside. It looked as though Thor was still sleeping, which was fine with Loki. It would give him enough time to smoke and allow the nicotine to calm his nerves down some. The last thing he wanted was Thor suspecting even more as to why he was so jumpy.

He lit the cigarette away from the house and walked around the yard for a little bit before standing on the deck, leaning his hip against the railing. The air was cool; enough to have Loki wrapping an arm around his body, but that was it. Loki enjoyed the cool air.

Coming to New Mexico, Loki had no idea what to expect. Sure, Thor was smart and would have been able to find a job the moment he arrived – his personality exuberate and charming – but Loki hadn't expected him to be … he didn't even know the word. A part of him was happy for his brother. He was able to get out, be independent. He was able to do what he wanted and had found someone he obviously cared about – even though Loki hadn't seen her since he arrived. The other part of Loki was envious and jealous and angry and bitter, because while Thor got what he wanted, Loki was once again left stranded. Thor ran and Loki was stuck between a set of parents who couldn't stand the sight of one another. While Thor fell in love, Loki resorted to drugs and alcohol and smoking to ease the anxiety that set roots deep inside of him. It wasn't fair and Loki hated Thor for leaving him. What kind of brother did something like that? Were they not supposed to look out for one another?

Before he could think any more, before he could come up with other reasons to hate his brother, the door opened and Thor walked out. Loki momentarily started, unsure of what he would think, seeing him smoke, but then cast the thought aside. He didn't care. Why should he?

"Good morning," Thor said as way of greeting. He walked to the other side of the small deck and leaned against the railing, crossing his arms over his chest. His hair looked slightly damp, as though he'd just gotten out of the shower.

Exhaling a puff of smoke, Loki looked at his brother from the corner of his eye, gaging his expression. He didn't look upset at the sight of him smoking; then again, there wasn't much of an expression on his face. "Morning," Loki said after a moment.

"Did you sleep well?" Thor asked after the silence between them became too much for him to bear. Thor was never one for silence, always talking or laughing about something. He knew it wouldn't take long before he engaged Loki in conversation.

"Better than I have in weeks," Loki replied, giving Thor a small grin before he put the cigarette to his lips and inhaled. His answer was completely honest for once. He was surprised that he was already up. He'd only gotten about nine hours but after such a comfortable sleep, perhaps that was all he really needed. "Thanks for letting me stay here."

"You're welcome to stay for as long as you like," Thor said flippantly, shrugging his shoulders as though he hadn't a care in the world, though his sparkling blue eyes always seemed to go back to the cigarette in Loki's hand. "Are there any other nasty habits I need to know about while you're here?"

Breaking eye-contact with Thor, Loki turned his gaze away, swallowing back the sudden lump that had formed in his throat. He didn't know why such a reaction came over him, why his eyes prickled with tears and his chest became overwhelmingly tight. Loki thought that maybe it had something to do with the fact that Thor actually saw him, that Thor was actually saying something about it. If he could smell the smoke on his clothes – faint as it may be – then his mother and father must have, as well, though they never said a word. They must have realised the smell of alcohol and his dilated eyes, but they never looked for too long and maybe that was the reason why he hadn't stopped. He'd been invisible to them. They were always too busy fighting and avoiding each other to remember that they had another son.

But after so long of being away, Thor was looking at him and talking to him and outright asking him. His eyes found his feet, bare on the cool wood. Furrowing his brow, Loki shook his head. "No."

Lie.

Nodding his head, Thor pushed himself away from the railing and took a few steps towards Loki, outstretching his hand and motioning towards the cigarette. "Can I have the pack and lighter?"

His head snapping up, emerald green eyes blazing, Loki's first reaction was anger. Why was Thor suddenly trying to look after him now? What gave him the right to still be the older brother, to have the responsibility to look after and protect him? Loki's jaw clenched and his free hand balled into a fight fist before he was able to calm down enough to re-evaluate the situation from a different perspective. Loki was the one to come to Thor. Loki was the one who needed Thor to be his escape, to keep him away from Odin and watch out for him. And Thor was only trying to protect him now by taking the cigarettes away. Thor was being what he needed – stability, control.

Hesitating, Loki went into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out the pack and lighter, gingerly handing them over, placing them in Thor's still outstretched hand. "I suspect you want me to put this out, too?"

"Keep it," Thor said, pocketing the cigarettes and the lighter. He went back to leaning against the railing, though he was closer to Loki now. "Enjoy your last one."

Huffing out a laugh, Loki nodded his head and tried not to feel as annoyed as he wanted to. What would be the point, really? Silence fell over the two of them once more. Loki took that time to walk up to the road and finish his cigarette off before dropping it and putting it out there. He had a feeling that Thor wouldn't take too kindly if he were to leave it in his yard. When he came back, he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and cleared his throat, not knowing what to say next, but knowing that he needed to say something.

He wanted Thor to know, and the fact that he felt so strongly about that made Loki realise how serious and desperate the situation was for him. It made him feel sick and disgusted with himself, made him want to go back into that spare room and stay in there until he didn't hate himself as much. Closing his eyes, Loki tried to keep himself from panicking, tried to keep himself from falling into that dark place again.

"Loki?" Thor's voice came, causing Loki's head to snap up.

"I'm on drugs," He blurted out, and the news caused Thor's eyes to widen, shocked by what he heard. Loki didn't blame him. He'd be shocked, too, if he was Thor. "There's a drug-dealer a few blocks from where we – I – live. I've been buying about twenty milligrams once a month. It's been going on for several months now …"

Thor didn't say anything for a few minutes, taking the time to digest what Loki had just told him. He crossed his arms over his chest, not in a defensive, closed off sort of way, but in a contemplative gesture. He didn't appear to know what to do with his hands, anyway, so crossing them seemed like the best bet. Loki, on the other hand, remained quiet; his body tense and stiff, waiting for what Thor would do next.

"I, um …" He shook his head before looking back at Loki. "Do mother and father know?"

Loki didn't answer right away. He tried to figure out how he could answer Thor. He wanted to tell him, wanted him to know what had happened since their mother went to England, but could he really? Would Thor even believe him? He and Odin might have had a falling out, but Loki very much doubted he'd believe that Odin was raping him and buying him drugs. Not only that, the more he thought about it, Loki wasn't sure he even wanted Thor to know, simply because it would reveal just how weak and broken he had become.

"They're the reason why I started to begin with," Loki said, shocking himself with how shaky his voice was. "Thor, you know how they are. I … I needed something and maybe smoking and drinking a-and the drugs weren't a good idea, but it was all I thought I had. And I know that sounds stupid, but –"

"No, it doesn't," Thor interrupted, pushing himself away from the railing and closing the distance between them. He wrapped his arms around Loki and pulled him close, and it took everything he had to not panic and fight his way out of his brother's strong grip, because Thor was not Odin. He was far away from that man. He was safe. "Why didn't you call me? I could have helped."

Loki pulled away slightly and gave Thor a small smile. "That's not your home any more. I didn't want to bring you back to that."

Lie.

"You are my family," Thor said firmly, putting his hands on Loki's shoulders, squeezing reassuringly. "If you called, I would have come as fast as I could."

Before Loki could say anything – and what he could possibly say to something like that, Loki didn't know – the land-phone rang from inside the house. Thor gave Loki a questionable look, silently asking if he wanted him to answer it or ignore it so they could talk more. Loki playfully punched Thor in the arm and pushed him towards the house. He needed a moment to breathe, a moment to collect his thoughts and figure out what he was going to do or say next. He had no doubt in his mind that Thor would want to talk more about what he just confessed.

While Thor went to answer the phone, Loki went back into the spare bedroom and flopped down on the bed, letting out a sigh. Running a hand along the bed, he found his mobile resting on the sheets. A new text was added to the already long list.

I'm tired of playing this game.

I am still your father, Loki. I told you before – nothing has changed.

Call me, message me. Let me know that you are at least alive and not dead somewhere in a ditch like some junky.

Loki flinched at those three messages. It was hard to believe that after everything Odin had done to him, he still believed that nothing had changed. It was that thinking that had Loki's heart pounding in his chest once more, hammering against his rib-cage, because his father was fucked up and trying to do the same to him.

Why are you hiding from me? Do you think I won't find you?

ANSWER ME.

I am going to tear you apart the second I get my hands on you, you little shit.

Have you gone to the police?

You're not foolish enough to go to the police, are you? What would you say? They wouldn't believe you.

You're a junky. You're nothing.

People like you deserve what you get. You're nothing without a fix.

You're more useful when you're letting me fuck you than when you are breathing.

He'd moved to the bathroom before he got through all of the text messages, his stomach churning, threatening to expel last night's meal. Leaning against the counter, Loki fought to keep his breathing under control now more than ever, because he had no idea what to do. He didn't believe Odin's words. His feelings aside, his self-deprecation, Loki knew that he hadn't completely fallen. He was still fighting – albeit weakly – still trying to keep his head above water. That was the reason for coming to Thor, was it not? Thor was meant to be that escape.

A knock on the already opened bedroom door had Loki dropping his mobile, the sound causing him to jump and bite back a curse at the sudden sharp pain that spasmed throughout his lower half. Gritting his teeth, Loki picked up his phone and walked out of the bathroom, seeing Thor standing in the doorway of the bedroom.

He waved the land-phone sheepishly in his hand. "That was my friend, Steve. I, uh … forgot that I was supposed to meet him in an hour or so. We were going to hang out, have some beers later on in the afternoon. I cancelled."

"Why?" Loki asked, furrowing his brow. "Thor, don't not go, because of me."

"Do you really think I want to go after the bombshell you just dropped?" Thor raised his eyebrows, shocked and only mildly amused.

"I'm not going to be very good company today anyway," Loki said. "You have no idea how exhausted I am, so I'm probably just going to crash for a couple more hours."

Thor pursed his lips. "Loki …"

"If you're worried I might use, don't be. I haven't got anything. I don't have any money to get anything," Loki huffed, shaking his head, because for once, he was being completely honest about that. Thor didn't look impressed, though. "Just go Thor. I'll be okay. I might even get to catch Jane or something while you're gone."

"You won't, because she's in New York right now with a friend of hers," Thor sighed, weighing his opinions. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Loki gave Thor a look, one that obviously meant I'm not a child, you know? Thor chuckled, shaking his head. "All right, I'll call him back. I'm going to write my mobile number down, as well as Steve's, in case you need me. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything."

Loki opened his mouth to speak, to reply in some sarcastic, witty way, but he stopped when he caught the seriousness of Thor's expression. Behind those sparkling blue eyes, behind the brotherly affection and the amusement, there lay worry and concern, and knowing that Thor still felt that way about him caused Loki's throat to constrict once more.

He nodded. "I will in a heartbeat."

An hour and a half later, Thor left and Loki was left alone. He took another shower, changed into loose-fitting pyjamas, and then crawled into bed, intent on taking a nap. His body was sore and he felt as though he could sleep for days. After all, he had a lot of catching up to do.

Before he shut his eyes, though, Loki's eyes found his mobile, which was perched on the night-table. Reaching over, he picked it up and pulled it close, the pounding of his heart starting up once more when he opened the final text message his father sent.

Whether you like it or not, you're coming home.

Author's Note – I hope you all enjoyed. Please review and tell me what you think so far.